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The Last of Us Part II - A sample out of my rewrite for feedback!

2020.09.26 21:46 CrystalBloodWolf The Last of Us Part II - A sample out of my rewrite for feedback!

Chapter 24 - Aquarium Tour
Date: 17th of May 2038
Location: Aquarium, Pier 59, Seattle

Ellie had sat down at one of the couches that had been laid out in the reception area of the aquarium. She's had some time to take in her environment now and she quite enjoeyed the serene atmosphere this place gave off.

With the ocean so close, the paintings on the walls gave her a sense of warmth and safety, like a long buried memory rising up to greet her and give her a hug, after what seemed like an eternity.

She had taken her guitar with her, pulling softly at the strings to fill the void that had settled over this place.

It was a calming melody, allowing her to lose herself for just a moment in this moment of peace and clarity.

After a little while, she heard small taps against the floor, eratic breathing and a tail swinging in the air, coming closer to her.

She opened the eyes she had closed to focus on the music, and looked up on the object that had pulled her out of her trance. And there it stood, innocently enough, the german shepard that belonged to none other than Owen's pregnant girlfriend, just starring back at her.

Ellie: Hi there, little fellow.

She had cought that her name was Allice. Ellie had to admit that it was quite a beautiful dog, looking fascinated with the stranger that had entered her home. The dog had sat down, slightly tilting her head to take in her apearance.

Ellie picked up the guitar from her lap and put it to the side, leaning forward, slowly outstretching her hand towards the shepard's head. She made sure not to startle her and slowly began to pet her.

Ellie: Oh, you like that, don'tcha? Yeah...you do...

It was clear Allice loved every bit of attention Ellie was giving her at that moment. She leaned into it, tongue sticking out of her mouth and a satisfied expression on her face.

Ellie: You're such a good girl, I bet you are.

Ellie had now abandoned her position on the couch and crouched down infront of the shepard to treat it in a better manner.

Now with both hands roaming over the dog's head and upper body, giving everything a good scratch and petting. The dog seemed to love it, and Ellie couldn't shake off that grin on her face that had started to build throughout this process.

She hadn't even noticed that Joel had come back inside and already stood a couple metres away from her.

Joel: Looks like you already made a new friend.

She looked over her shoulder at him, a bit surprised of his sudden apearance, but that smile never left her face.

Ellie: She's such a beautiful dog, isn't she?

Joel: Yeah, she's cute. And trained to kill.

Ellie: Come on, Joel! She's a sweetheart. Arren't you my little girl? Yes, you are!

Joel crossed his arms and stepped closer towards them, sizing the dog up and down a little bit.

Joel: Hmm...guess she's alright.

Ellie: You heard that, Allice? Sounds like ol' papa Joel is a little jealous over there.

Joel just shook his head, a small chuckle escaping him.

Joel: If you wanna put it like that. Just be careful, you never know what they've done with their attack dogs.

Ellie: I'll be fine, Joel. You see anything out there we have to worry about?

Joel: No. Area looks clear, as far as I could tell. Turns out the boy isn't as full of it as I had assumed.

Ellie: He's a good guy. You shouldn't be too hard on him.

Joel: Funny coming from someone who kept bossin' him around on our way here.

Ellie: Well, that's how I made sure he'd be trustworthy. Believe it or not, I'm actually getting better at judging people.

Joel didn't miss the look that had passed over her face. Her expression was somber, he could tell bad memories were giving her trouble. He looked off to the side and let out a breath, now giving the space he was in some attetntion.

Joel: I'd guess it'll be awhile before those three'll get back. What d'ya say, kiddo? Wanna give this place a little explorin'?

She snapped back into reality and put her head down in though.

Ellie: Why not? I mean it's not everyday that we have an aquarium all to ourselves.

Joel: That we ain't. Let's get goin't then.

A small smile had come back on her face and she turned back to face Allice, who had still been looking back and forth between Joel and her.

Ellie: How about you be our guide, girl. Huh, you wanna show Joel and me your home?

She stood up from her kneeling position and gave Allice a couple more strokes before she had stood up. With a couple of barks, the shepard had stood up as well and lead them towards a door, out of the reception.

Ellie: You see that? I think she really understands me.

Joel: Or she's just hungry, looking for her food bowl.

Ellie: Stop being such a downer. She's a smart girl, I can tell.

They started following her out of the room into a connector corridor leading to the first set of exhibition windows, that were sadly empty.

Joel: Oh really? And how exactly you'd reckon that?

Ellie: Just a feeling. And she hasn't attacked any of us yet, so that has to count for something.

Joel: Seems so. Then let's see where she leads us.

Allice had continued to walk forward and only came to a stop infront of a sign above another set of doors. They all looked up at it.

Ellie: "The Ocean Experience", Well that's...vague.

Joel: These things are always like that. Tryin' to catch your interest, so that you'd invest your time in it.

Ellie: Hard to believe that people back then had problems to decide what to do. Back in Boston, we had to constantly come up with things to do, when we weren't busy with school or getting ourselves in trouble, of course.

Joel: How come you've never told me anything about the life you had before we met?

Ellie: Dunno, never found the right moment, I guess. It's not like you're one that's big on sharing what's in the past.

Joel: Fair point. All right, how 'bout this? We take turns. I'll tell you somethin' from my past, and then you'll tell me somethin' about yours?

After a moment of consideration, she nodded her head in agreement.

Ellie: Sounds good. You wanna start, or should I?

Joel: Just ask me somethin' you wanna know. We'll go on from there.

He shoved open both of the doors and allowed them entry, Allice quickly heading infront of him, down the small set of stairs infront of them. The room was filled with the same kind of windows as the corridors before had.
All the windows had a small picture and the name of the sea creature they showcased, on a little billboard infront of each respective one, but the tanks were still left empty.

Ellie: Such a shame. There arren't even any traces left of them.

Joel: The bacteria in the water probably took care of that.

Ellie: Looks like your genius is showing again, old man.

Joel: I have my moments.

They went down the steps and inspected the billboards. All kinds of different fish, crabs and other sea organisms were depicted, in different shapes, sizes and colours.

They took their time to inspect it, even if it wasn't much.

Ellie: So let's see...Ah, I've got one! Back in Boston, you and Tess. Was there ever anything going on between you two, or were you just friends.

Joel: You really ain't pullin' any punches on this one, huh? Um...well, we were partners. We'd been doin' work for quite a while together, so I'd be lyin' if I said that there was nothin' that'd crossed my mind.

Ellie: Uh huh. I mean, I could tell that there was something between you two. Just couldn't put my finger on exactly what it was.

Joel: Trust me, kiddo. Neither could we.
Allice had stopped infront of one of the windows, the bilboard reading "Sea horses"

Ellie: Watcha looking at, girl? No cute little sea horses here, I'm afraid.

Joel: We already got land horses waitin' for us outside, so she can look at those if she wants.

Ellie: You heard that, Allice? I think he's warming up to you.

She had bend forward to give her a couple more caress her behind her ears. Joel just let a "tss" and entered the next room, with a similar display that had been setup, but the windows inside there were fewer, but larger. Ellie and Allice had followed him inside there shortly after.

Ellie: I think it's your turn now.

Joel: Sure...um...you always mentioned growing up in that military boarding school. Was it really that bad?

She needed a moment to collect her thoughts on this topic before she was able to answer.

Ellie: Looking back at it, sure it wasn't the best place to be, but also not the worst. I mean, I had trouble getting along with the teachers there and the other kids, plus getting up at the crack of dawn for military drills was a pain in the ass, but other than that, there wasn't much to complain about. I had food to eat and a bed to sleep in. And Riley was there.

Joel: The friend of yours that was there when you got bitt?

Ellie: Yeah, that's her. She was probably the only thing that kept me sane.

Joel: Oh...you and her, uhm...were you...?

Ellie: Together? Like in a relationship? Nah, never had the chance. At least I got to show her how I felt before she died.

Joel: I'm sorry, Ellie.

Ellie: Don't be. Getting to spend that day with her in that mall...that was one of the happiest moments in my life. I have to be thankful for that. Even if remembering it hurts.

They start to inspect the different windows again, until Joel came across one he recognized.

Joel: Huh, dolphins. Sarah loved those.

Ellie: Really? Why?

Joel: They looked cute and pulled off tricks during shows. Why'd you sound so shocked?

Ellie: Because they are brutal!

Joel: C'mon Ellie...

Ellie: I'm serious, Joel. They might look cute, but on the inside, they're truly diabolic creaturse.

Joel: How the hell'd you figure that?

Ellie: Because I read up on it. In Jackson during our time...apart, I spend a lot of my time in the library, reading all sorts of books. Just trying to keep me busy, you know. And I came across this magazine about sea-life and there were some not-so-nice facts about these fuckers.

Joel: Oh really? Like what?

Ellie: Like the fact, that the males gangrape the females once breeding season comes around.

Joel: What? You sure, it was a science magazine you were readin', and not some fantasy stuff.

Ellie: Do I look like an idiot to you?

Joel: You want my honest answer?

Ellie: Oh, just shut it, old man.

Joel: (chuckles) All right, all right. So go on. How exactly do dolphins "gangrape" their females?

Ellie: Well, according to the mag, groups of males would team up together into so called "Super-Alliances", which tended to be as large as 14 males. Together they would then set out to aggressively "herd" fertile females.

Joel: Aggressive as in...?

Ellie: Um you know, the usual. Chasing'em down, hitting them with their tail, biting, or even slamming into them.

Joel: Sweet Jesus. Never would've thought them capable of that.

Ellie: Looks can fool, Joel. Especially when they're hidden in the dephs of the ocean.

They stepped away from the billboard and kept inspecting the other exhibitions.

Ellie: Anyway, I think it's my turn again. Since I was a little harsh the first time around, I'm gonna go a little easy on you. What was your job before the outbreak hit?

Joel: I was just a simple carpenter, working from contract to contract.

Ellie: And what would you do?

Joel: Y'know, I had to take measurements and calculate the size and amount of the material we'd need, according to the blueprints I was given.

Ellie: That sounds...like a lot of math.

Joel: I'd also have to cut, shape and smooth out the material, we'd be workin' with. It was a fine job, not the easiest, but a fine one none the lsee.

Ellie: Were you happy with it?

Joel: It wasn't my dream job by any means, but it was enough to get by.

Ellie: You were living together with Sarah back then, right?

Joel: That's right.

Ellie: Okay.

Allice barked and turned towards them, gesturing she wanted to move through the still closed door infront of them.

Joel: Looks like our guide wants to continue our tour.

Ellie: Then let's not keep her waiting.

Ellie went over to the door Allice was motioning towards, and opened it for her, letting the dog pass through. She gestured for Joel to go through as well.

Joel: How very thoughtful of you. Thanks.

Ellie: What was it you said? Age before beauty?

Joel: Would you drop it already? My bones are enough of a reminder. They ain't in need of your help.

Ellie: All right, fine. No more remarks concerning your age.

Joel: Good. Thank you.

Ellie: At least for today.

Joel: (Sigh).

This door had lead them to a new area, being anounced by another sign that had been hung up along the ceiling, with the title being written in shining colours to catch the eye.

Joel: "The Stunning Hunters of the Sea". Wonder what that entails.

Ellie: I hope they actually have some sharks in here. That would be fucking awesome compared to the boring fish-pictures we've seen 'till now.

The corridor was formed in a spiral, slowly leading them up to the second floor, but the floor remained as a smooth surface, not turning into a set of stairs like most would expect. The exhibitions were inbedded into a giant pillar structure on their left, that the walkway was build around.

Like before, they sadly remained empty.

Joel: Is there any chance you read up on some fun facts about sharks, too?

Ellie: Actually, I have. You wanna hear some?

Joel: Hit me with it.

Ellie: Okay, let me think...Did you know there are over 500 different species of sharks?

Joel: That many? Whoa.

Ellie: Yeah, they can also vary dramatically in size and also live in most ocean habitats.

Joel: What's the biggest and smallest shark?

Ellie: If I remember correctly, the smallest shark is the dwarf lantern shark, which is about as big as a human hand.

Joel: Wow. That's...really samll.

Ellie: Yep. And the biggest one was...uhm..oh yeah!. The whale shark! It could grow up to almost 40 feet.

Joel: Jesus! I wouldn't wanna come across that fella.

Ellie: They've also been around for quite a long time. Scientists estimated that they have existed for over 400 million years, even predating the dinosaurs!

Joel: Oh boy. That's definetely somethin' I didn't know.

Ellie: Looks like you're finally not the oldest thing around anymore.

Joel: Didn't we just agree to stop commenting on that?

Ellie: Sorry, couldn't hold back on that opportunity.

When they reached the top, they found themselves on a balcony overlooking the reception area they had been in before. Allice had already run off to the end of the walkway, scratching against a set of double doors leading into another small area of the Aquarium.

On their way over, Joel decided to speak up again, as their eyes roamed over the hung up skeletons of whales and other giant remnants of sea life.

Joel: I think the ball's in my court again to throw you a question.

Ellie: All right. Shoot.

Joel: When I spoke to Marlene in the hospital, I got the notion that she and your mother were close friends. Has she told you anythin' about her, or your parents in general?

Ellie's steps gradually slowed down before coming to a complete halt. She rubbed over one of her arms, turning her head away from Joel, who had stopped to advance towards the doors as well ,at that point, and turned his whole body over to face Ellie.

Ellie: Um...not really, no. To be frank...she hasn't told me anything about them.

Her voice was low and her tone soft. Joel took careful steps towards her and put his hand on her shoulder. She turned her head towards him, a somber expression on her face. Joel gave her a weak smile, giving her shoulder a light squeeze.

Joel: If I go too far, just say the word and we can stop discussin' it. I don't mean to reopen old wounds.

She cleared her throat and recovered from the sudden wave of sadness that had come over her, slowly nodding her head, after reaverting her gaze to the side. She reafirmed eye contact a moment after.

Ellie: It's okay. Just been a while since I even thought about her. She's never been a real part of my life. But I can still feel her missing from it. Isn't that crazy?

Joel: It's more normal than I'd like it to be. When Sarah kept askin' questions about her mother, while she was young...I struggled to find the right answers. Marlene probably didn't speak about her because it must've been just as painful for her.

Ellie: Yeah. Maybe.

A set of barks pulled them out of their moment, their heads snapping to the door still waiting agaist the same double doors she's been scatching against for some time now.

Joel: Looks like someone's gettin impatient.

He gave her shoulder one last squeeze, before retracting his hand and motioning with his head towards Allice. He continued his walk over, Ellie falling in line behind him a split second later.

Joel: We better not keep her waitin' for much longer.

The two of them came up beside her and looked at the entrance sign to the next area. It read "Stingray Bay Café". Joel opened the doors for them, Allice once again rushing through.

Inside, they found a small counter area to their right, where the drinks probably had been served and sold. The room was still filled with a couple tables and a set of chairs, but they'd all been pushed off to the side and neatly stacked up.

They figured it had probably been Owen, who had cleaned up this place. The light was coming in from the giant windows at the end of the room infront of them. The siting areas had been split into two parts, the bigger one being right infront of them, with a lot of now free space to walk around in, and a smaller one, that was reachable through a small set of stairs to their left.

It was on an elevated platfort, enough for about two tables or so. Allice had gone off towards the right side of the room, past the counter, where a set of T-shirts, with all kinds of different ocean motives on them, and other souvenirs had been hung up on.

Joel and Ellie inspected the room on their own leasure, him stepping further inside of it first, his eyes scanning his surroundings. Ellie followed suit and turned her whole body, taking everything in it had to offer. She found that some plushies of various sea creatures had been hung up on the ceiling, dangling around on the thick ropes that had been bound around them, keeping them in a tight hold.

Joel: (Whistle) Not bad. This place surely isn't too shabby.

Ellie: You can say that again.

Joel took the steps to his left and walked onto the elevated platform, walking up towards one of the giant windows. The view was breathtaking, giving them an outlook of the ocean, together with the other piers in the distance, the great Seattle Wheel being one of the elements that made it fantastic.

Joel leant against the wall beside of it and remained in that position, letting the vista leave it's mark on him. Ellie joined his side a moment after, letting her eyes linger on the smoothly moving waves, crashing into the shore closely infront of them.

Ellie: And? Is this everything you hoped for?

Their gazes met, both now wearing warm smiles as they shared this moment of tranquility together.

Joel: Well, I think the jury's still out on that. But you certainly can't deny that view though.

Ellie: Hm, yeah.

They remained like this for the next minute or so, simply bathing in the silence as the world kept breathing around them. It was only until they heard a high pitched squeezing sound from behind them, that they were able to pull their eyes off of the sprawling vista.

They turned around to see that Allice had returned to them, but she had a chew toy in her mouth, that squeeked when pressure was applied onto it. It was in the form of a purple squid.

She put it down infront of them and begged with her eyes for someone of them to throw it. Ellie couldn't rsist that invitation and quickly stepped up to pick it off the ground.

Ellie: You wanna play fetch, girl? All right. Here we...go!

On her last word, she threw the toy out, onto the other side of the room. Allice quickly chased after it, running towards it with high speed, jumping over the small railing, onto the lower floor before them.

Ellie: Oh man! Look at her go!

Joel: Damn. She really seems to like that toy.

When she reached it, Allice picked the squid up into her mouth and hurriedly brough it back over to Ellie, putting it right back infront of her. The woman in question proceeded to pick it up again and threw it over to the other side of the room this time. Allice practically flew off towards it once again.

Ellie: You're so fast. At it girl!

She once again retrieved the toy and made her way back, but this time, she put the squid infront of Joel. He turned towards hie head over to Ellie giving her an amused look, before bending down to pick it up.

Joel: Woho. My turn now, it seems.

Ellie: Give it a good throw. She seems to love it, when you throw them far.

Joel: Here goes nothin'. Fetch!

He swung his arm wide and threw the toy across the room, Allice running after it again. This whole process was repeated a number of times more, with both Ellie and Joel having to keep throwing the toy around the café over and over again. But like all things, they started to grow tired of it after a while, even though the german shepard looked like she could still go on for days, just bringing the toy back to her momentary handlers.

Joel: I don't know 'bout you, but I've had my fair share of this. How 'bout we finish up our tour. Figure there's not much left to this place anyway.

Ellie: Yeah, I was starting to get bored of this too.

She left the purple toy down at the ground and proceeded to walk towards the exit on the other side of the room, past the mentioned souvenirs, where Joel had already positioned himsels moments before.

Ellie: Come on, girl. We can play some more later, all right?

After a second, Allice came strutting over to them, leaving the toy on the ground behind her. They opened the next set of double doors, Joel taking the lead as they stepped over onto the next balcony, the other two stepping in line behind him.

The balcony lead them to a set of stairs back down into a a round side room. It looked like a playing area for kids, with paintings of different animals littered across the walls, playground structures like a small tower and slide half hazardly still set up on both sides of the room.

What appeared to be a little out of place though, were paper targets that had been set up all across the room, sitting on a couple of the structures, others hanging onto thin rope from the ceiling.

It only made sense to them, when they noticed two light pink toy bows, sitting off on the side of the room, leaning against a wall. Above them was a small whiteboard, with the names "Mel" and "Owen" spelled on them, the numbers "9" and "11" standing beside them respectively.

Joel: Looks like he set up this course. Probably as a little game for them.

Ellie: Seems so.

He turend over to her, a playful grin stretched across his face.

Joel: What d'ya say, kiddo? You up for a little challenge?

Ellie: I don't know. I mean, this is their little love cave. We probably shouldn't intrude more than we already have.

He went ahead to put both bows up, giving them a closer look. They looked to be in good condition, and he turned back to Ellie, same smirk still plastered on his lips.

Joel: That is very considerate of you. Even though I can tell it's just an excuse you're usin' to avoid havin' to face me.

Ellie: What? Pff, I'd shoot you to the moon and back if I wanted too. I'm just trying to be a respectful guest.

Joel: Oh don't worry, I don't blame ya for it. I mean, if I were you, I'd be shakin' in my boots too.

Ellie crossed her arms, looking incrediously around the room, seeing that Allice was just wandering around and starring at some of the paintings that were littering the walls around them. After a moment of consideration, she uncrossed her arms, and walked over to Joel.

Ellie: All right, old mna. If you want an ass beating, I'll give it to ya. But how about we raise the stakes by a little. Winner gets to ask the last question to the loser. You in?

He stretched out one of bows over to her, she took it into her hands, seeing that a whole bunch of plastic arrows were attached to the lower base of it, same with Joel's identical one.

Joel: You're on, kiddo. Far as I can tell, there are 15 targets set up. Means first one to eight wins.

Ellie: You better not hold back, Joel. I'm a pretty good shot with this thing.

Joel: Please. I've been doin' this longer, than you've been alive.

Ellie: Oh yeah? Okay, get ready to be destroyed by the bow-master!

They got into position beside each other. Allice had noticed instinctively noticed what they were doing, and got beside Ellie, sitting down beside her, her tail wiggling from side to side on the floor. She shot the dog a smile while she tried to focus on the upcoming competition. She knew Joel was experienced, like he had mentioned, but she had always been a great shot with bows. She hoped that would help her to edge him out.

Joel: All right. I'd say we start on three. You got that, Ellie?

Ellie: Do your worst, old man.

Joel: (Chuckles) Fine. On three then. One. Two. Three!

Their competition was kicked off, Joel imediately sending out an arrow with his call. It hit one of the targets, toppling it over.

Joel: Ha! Got one.

Ellie: Hey! You're playing dirty, Joel!

Joel: Just try to keep up, kiddo.

Ellie shot out her first arrow, it found it's mark as well. She didn't celebrate it though, quickly changing over to the next one and smashing it down to.

Ellie: How do you like that? Got two in a row.

Joel: Now don't get cocky. We're far from done.

They both tried to focus, shooting down more targets as they went on, keeping it close between them. After a while, it was clear that it would be coming down to the last target, which had been placed furthest away, at the top of a plastic tower, at the other end of the room.

When both of them had seven taken down, it was Joel who shot out his arrow first, it fell short and hit the lower end of the tower.

Joel: Shit!

Ellie put all the focus she could muster in that moment into her next shot, pulling back the arrow and putting just the right amount of strain onto it with the string. Releasing it simultaniously with the breath she was holding, it bolted out and flew across the air.

With a satisfying sound, the plastic tip collided with the paper target, knocking it off the tower and securing victory Ellie. A victorious smile graced her features while she held up one of her arms in celebration.

Ellie: And that's that! Bow-fucking-master!

Joel: (Exasperated sigh) Oh well...

She bend down to one knee, put the bow down and grabbed a hold of Allice, softly scratching across her back neck.

Ellie: Did you see that, girl? Papa Joel just got his ass handed to him!

She reacted with a bark, tongue sticking out as she enjoyed the attention that was given to her by Ellie.

Joel: All right all right, you did it. You beat me. Couldn't have you cryin' over a crushin' defeat, now could I?

She turend her attention back over to Joel, looking at him with a playful smile, joy clearly visible in her eyes.

Ellie: Uh uh, don't give me that front. I saw the sweat running down your brow during that last shot. Looks like we got a sore loser on our hands here, Allice.

Joel: (chuckles) Guess you caught me there. Good job, kiddo.

Ellie: (laughs) Thanks, Joel.

She stood up, both still holding eye contact, Joel with his arms crossed, a sense of pride filling him. He only noticed then, how long it had been since the last time he had seen her just having fun and enjoy life for what it was.

Joel: A deal's a deal. You won, you get to ask me what'cha want.

Ellie: Okay, uh...let me think. Hmm...

She thougthfully rubbed her chin as she tried to come up with a good question she had always wondered about. After another moment of thought, she snapped her fingers together and posed her question.

Ellie: Ah! I got one. You ready?

Joel: Shoot.

Ellie: Esther. Is she just a fling, or do you actually like her.

Joel: That's a loaded gun and a half.

Ellie: Joel...

Joel: Uh, well, I...She's certainly an attractive lady and has a good sense of humor. Plus she seems to show genuine interest when we get to talk. So yeah, to get 'round to it, I do very much like her.

Ellie: Oh. Wow.

Joel: What?

He tilted his head to the side, slightly narrowing his eyes while running a hand through his beard.

Ellie: Nothin'. It's just...I guess I never saw you get close to anyone else in that sense. The thought of you finding comfort in someone else so far along your life...it kinda gives me hope.

Joel: You thought I was to remain a lonely old man 'till I eventually kick the bucket?

Ellie: No, no, no! That's not what I meant.

Joel: I know, kiddo. I'm just pulling your leg. But thanks for the kind words.

He gave her a genuine smile, which she promply returned. They stood there for another moment in that comfortable silence between them. Only Allice's steps filled the room, as she headed for the door, leading them back to the main area.

Joel: We should head back. They should be back by now.

Ellie: Guess you're right.

Joel: Okay. C'mon.

Together, the three of them walked through the next set of doors and entered the main area again, but there was still no sight of the others. Ellie was trying to hold down the worry that had started coming up.

They'd said it would take them a couple hours, but it had been at least four by now since they were gone. Before she could voice her concerns to Joel, the front door jolted open, with Owen and Mel rushing in.

Mel: That's her fault, not yours. She made her choice.

He stopped in his tracks and turned around towards her, a number of blueprints clutched in his hand, deep concern inbedded in his features.

Owen: It was me that convinced her she should come back. If anyone is at fault here, it's me. I need to get her out of there Mel. She'd do the same for me.

A look of disbelief formed on Mel's face as she put her hands on her hips stretching out her neck towards her lover.

Mel: Yeah, right. The woman who left us for her stupid, selfish revenge quest would just do everything in her power to save you. Next thing you tell me is, that she rescues a group of scars who are stuck in a burning building.

Owen: Listen Mel, I--

Before he could go on, the other two had aproached them, concern all over Ellie's face while Joel triede to keep his expression neutral.

Ellie: What's going on with you two? Where's Abby?

Owen focused his eyes on her's, his features still displaying discomfort, his eyes tense.

Owen: We, uh, had some trouble while we were at base.

Joel: What kind of trouble?

Owen: You know, the kind you'd expect. Isaac wasn't particularly thrilled with how Abby just got up and vanished. So, he...um..

Ellie took a couple steps closer to him, her expression serious and fierce, wanting a straight answer out of Owen.

Ellie: Owen,. What has he done to her?

Before Owen could answer her, Mel did it for him, crossing her arms while she spoke apathetically.

Mel: He locked her up. She's supposed to rot away in there for the coming two days.

Owen: Mel!

Ellie: What the fuck? And you just let that happen? Why didn't you say anything to protect her from him?

Her gaze shifted from one to the other, starring them both down to get some answers, the fire starting to build in her eyes.

Owen: Hey, I tried, okay? But Isaac's not really known for his understanding and kindsness. Plus he seems to be extra on edge from the way he was acting.

Ellie: And what are we supposed to do now? Just wait it out and let her rot away in there? Or worse?!

Joel had stepped up behind her and tried wrapping one of his arms around her.

Joel: Ellie, calm down.

She turned her head towards him, the deep worry clear in her green eyes as she stared into his.

Ellie: Joel! What if they hurt her while she's in there! We gotta get her out!

Joel: We'll figure it out. I promise.

Owen: And I got the tools we'll need to do it.

He waved around the pieces of paper he still held in his hand, a satisfied smile on his face and mischief visible in his eyes. The same couldn't be said about Mel though, who still looked quite upset with the prospect of what her boyfriend was proposing.

Mel: Owen, no! You don't get to risk your life for a stupid mistake she made!

Owen: She needs me, Mel.

Mel: You got a family that needs you! And I swear to god, I'm not bringing this kid up alone, you hear me?

She stood infront of him, the worry and concern buried under her anger now shining through her eyes as he stared back into them.

Owen: I hear you. But I made her dad a promise. I broke it once. I'm not doing it again.

The resolve in his gaze was enough for Mel to notice that there was point in further argueing with him. His mind was made up. Her posture slumped, as she let her head hang low, closing her eyes. After a second, she snapped her head towards the other two in the room, starring both of them donw.

Joel decided to step forward, taking careful steps towards Mel.

Joel: We'll keep him safe and bring him back in one piece. You can trust us.

Her stare was still harsh, hiding the pain that residing beneath. Her gaze shifted between him and Ellie, but resting inside of his eyes at tje emd.

Mel: If you let anything happen to him...god forbid what I'll do to you.

With that she turned away from them and dtomped off towards the nearby kitchen space.

Mel: Allice! Come here! I need at least one that has my back...

The dog followed her without hesitation, only shortly turning around and sparring a fleeted look for the three, before heading after her master.

Owen let out a deep sigh after Mel had slammed the door shut behind Allice. A nerrvous hand ran through her hair.

Owen: Please excuse her. The pregnancy has really taken a toll on her mood. And, um...It's been a while since she and Abby really got along.

Joel: It's all right. This ain't the first time I was under the scrutiny of a concerned wife.

Owen: We're not married.

Joel: She sure acts like it.

Ellie raised her voice to while crossing her arms, fixing her intense gaze onto Owen.

Ellie: So what's the plan?

He pointed his papers towards the desk in the middle of the room, motioning for them to move there and speak through what he had in mind.
submitted by CrystalBloodWolf to TheLastOfUs2 [link] [comments]

2020.07.10 01:00 TopOfTheBot Top Posts and Comments of the Day

Top of the Day for 10/07/2020

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Most Upvoted Posts of the Day

First Place
\"Don't mind me guys, keep going\"
posted by George2110 on /memes
Click here to view the post. ● 133,800 Upvotes ● Posted: 09/07/2020 at 14:20:08 UTC
Second Place
At night you can see the moon, during the day you get to see moon moon.
posted by Fresh_Front on /aww
Click here to view the post. ● 122,162 Upvotes ● Posted: 09/07/2020 at 13:07:14 UTC
Third Place
Kansas City Beatdown
posted by Germanic_Youth on /PublicFreakout
Click here to view the post. ● 107,256 Upvotes ● Posted: 09/07/2020 at 00:39:49 UTC
Fourth Place
What 90's gaming actually looked like
posted by seenthezoo on /gaming
Click here to view the post. ● 104,607 Upvotes ● Posted: 09/07/2020 at 02:54:48 UTC
Fifth Place
Beautiful grey wolf becomes a good boy when visited by woman who helped raise his pack
posted by asdfpartyy on /aww
Click here to view the post. ● 104,159 Upvotes ● Posted: 09/07/2020 at 09:47:01 UTC

Most Downvoted Posts of the Day

This section is currently being worked on.

Most Upvoted Comments of the Day

IMPORTANT NOTE: This section may be not be accurate as it is under development. Currently this only gets the most upvoted top-level comments from the most upvoted posts today.
First Place
Love the tap on the shoulder before the blow to face.
posted by Turd-Stink on /PublicFreakout
Click here to view the post. ● 12,978 Upvotes ● Posted: 09/07/2020 at 01:20:16 UTC
Second Place
Dude was recognized from the past, my boss says he got caught trying to boost stuff in the past. My boss was bird-dogging him and noticed some stuff he was carrying he was suddenly not carrying. We ask him where he put it and he tells us he left it in another part of the store. Boss says alright get out of here I remember you, dude freaks out saying fuck us. Then he pulls out a box cutter knife and starts waving it around so our clerk called the law. Dude storms out, walks back in and says I didn't steal shit and pulls his pants down and shows us his wiener and balloon knot. A guy outside said he noticed the guy flash everyone and saw the knife so he laid him out. Hit him one time and the dude took off. Police got moderately involved but I hope that guy learns from this and doesn't pull his pants down in front of a bunch of people again.
posted by Germanic_Youth on /PublicFreakout
Click here to view the post. ● 12,092 Upvotes ● Posted: 09/07/2020 at 01:02:01 UTC
Third Place
I love how he turns over and lets her run his belly like a puppy dog. That wolf must have mad respect for this woman. I'd love to know the story of how she helped raise his pack..
posted by thefaith1029 on /aww
Click here to view the post. ● 9,446 Upvotes ● Posted: 09/07/2020 at 10:35:47 UTC
Fourth Place
\"Moon Moon, where are you?\" ` \"Roof!\"`
posted by TooShiftyForYou on /aww
Click here to view the post. ● 8,644 Upvotes ● Posted: 09/07/2020 at 14:31:40 UTC
Fifth Place
Reminds me of this other video of the dude coming home from work and freaking out cause he saw his husky chilling on the roof
posted by temporarycows on /aww
Click here to view the post. ● 6,368 Upvotes ● Posted: 09/07/2020 at 14:21:43 UTC

Most Downvoted Comments of the Day

This section is currently being worked on.

Most Gilded Posts of the Day

IMPORTANT NOTE: This section may be not be accurate as it is under development.
First Place
It’s the little things
posted by bella3774 on /MadeMeSmile
Click here to view the post. ● 129,481 Upvotes ● 3 reward(s). ● 1 silver reward(s), 1 gold reward(s) and 1 platinum reward(s) ● Posted: 09/07/2020 at 15:06:34 UTC
Second Place
Karen calls police on man sitting in his car outside his own house
posted by tefunka on /PublicFreakout
Click here to view the post. ● 66,508 Upvotes ● 3 reward(s). ● 1 silver reward(s), 1 gold reward(s) and 1 platinum reward(s) ● Posted: 09/07/2020 at 13:19:10 UTC
Third Place
🐱 kittens!
posted by Fishbowl007 on /AnimalsOnReddit
Click here to view the post. ● 1,261 Upvotes ● 3 reward(s). ● 1 silver reward(s), 1 gold reward(s) and 1 platinum reward(s) ● Posted: 09/07/2020 at 21:43:40 UTC
Fourth Place
We don't need Harvest going core, we need improvements and consolidation of existing crafting options.
posted by Enartloc on /pathofexile
Click here to view the post. ● 3,185 Upvotes ● 2 reward(s). ● 1 silver reward(s), 1 gold reward(s) and 0 platinum reward(s) ● Posted: 09/07/2020 at 13:00:56 UTC
Fifth Place
5 day old foster kittens!
posted by sazzajelly on /AnimalsOnReddit
Click here to view the post. ● 1,344 Upvotes ● 2 reward(s). ● 0 silver reward(s), 1 gold reward(s) and 1 platinum reward(s) ● Posted: 09/07/2020 at 22:07:44 UTC

Most Gilded Comments of the Day

IMPORTANT NOTE: This section may be not be accurate as it is under development.
First Place
During this lockdown I have been tasked with raising my nephews in the absence of my bil and sister as they are both doctors and we are following strict guidelines to remain separate. `My eldest nephew had been bullying his younger brother and some kids over the internet. He was generally being a dick. I immediately realised that he was a bully but also hurting but I didn’t give him any excuses for his bad behaviour. I made sure to be vocal and reprimand him every time he was crossing the line or being even vaguely inappropriate towards his brother. We started to have regular conversations on where his sour attitude was coming from and at first it just seemed like he was born to be an asshole but I persisted. ` After awhile he opened up to me and he started to feel like he was being heard and was then able to explain to me that he felt like he was a disappointment to our family as we are all fairly academic and successful in our professional lives and he was worried since he isn’t so academically inclined. He was also insecure about his sexuality (because his voice was still child like and not like his friends/little brother, so he thought that made him gay) and was therefore being overly aggressive and macho. He felt like he was the ugly, dumb older brother who could never do right compared to his younger brother, he also felt insecure about his lack of hair growth both facially and down below. I can honestly say that in the past few months he has been with me he has drastically changed because I took the time to listen and give him all the love I had for him. I apologised for not making him feel more loved/not showing him how much I loved him and how important he was to me and his parents. `We had a family zoom chat with his parents and discussed all his frustrations and upsets with his parents,siblings and even me. We all agreed to praise him more and to view his achievements with enthusiasm and pride it deserved. We assured him that he will never ever be compared to anyone else again. ` Honestly in a few months he went from being this annoying always bad ass kid to the kid I always knew he was deep down. He now is helpful, kind and very fun to be around. He has stopped bullying his brother, they not only get along but have started to be like friends and we issued letters of apologies to the kids he was bullying(initially he wanted to text them but I persuaded him to reconsider),all the kids were gracious enough to accept his apologies. ` Sometimes kids need to be reminded loudly and often how loved and wanted they are.`
posted by dat_woman_over_there on /AskReddit
Click here to view the post. ● 3,084 Upvotes ● 2 reward(s). ● 1 silver reward(s), 1 gold reward(s) and 0 platinum reward(s) ● Posted: 09/07/2020 at 21:09:16 UTC
Second Place
Did she ever ask you while you were doing it: ` Remember when I could fit all of you inside me?`
posted by CraptainAmerica on /IAmA
Click here to view the post. ● 6,285 Upvotes ● 2 reward(s). ● 1 silver reward(s), 0 gold reward(s) and 1 platinum reward(s) ● Posted: 22/12/2011 at 17:18:17 UTC
Third Place
Trump was over a billion in debt and the Russians [bailed him out.](https://foreignpolicy.com/2018/12/21/how-russian-money-helped-save-trumps-business/) `► Trump was first compromised by the Russians in the 80s. In 1984, the Russian Mafia began to use[ Trump real estate to launder money.](https://www.washingtonpost.com/outlook/is-there-a-case-for-trump-putin-collaboration-years-before-the-campaign/2018/08/16/00578f1e-9440-11e8-80e1-00e80e1fdf43_story.html) In 1987, the Soviet ambassador to the United Nations, Yuri Dubinin, arranged for Trump and his then-wife, Ivana, to enjoy an all-expense-paid trip to Moscow to consider possible business prospects. Only seven weeks after his trip, Trump ran full-page ads in the Boston Globe, the NYT and WaPO calling for, in effect, the dismantling of the postwar Western foreign policy alliance. The whole Trump/Russian connection started out as laundering money for the Russian mob through Trump's real estate, but evolved into something far bigger.` ► In 1984, David Bogatin — a convicted Russian mobster and close ally of Semion Mogilevich, a major Russian mob boss — met with Trump in Trump Tower right after it opened. Bogatin bought five condos from Trump at that meeting. Those condos were later seized by the government, which claimed they were used to launder money for the Russian mob. ([NY Times](https://www.nytimes.com/1992/04/30/nyregion/entrepreneur-who-left-us-is-back-awaiting-sentence.html), Apr 30, 1992) `► Felix Sater is a Russian-born former mobster, and former managing director of NY real estate conglomerate Bayrock Group LLC located on the 24th floor of Trump Tower. He is a convict who became a govt cooperator for the FBI and other agencies. He grew up with Michael Cohen--Trump's former \"fixer\" attorney. Cohen's family owned El Caribe, which was a mob hangout for the Russian Mafia in Brooklyn. Cohen had ties to Ukrainian oligarchs through his in-laws and his brother's in-laws. Felix Sater's father had ties to the Russian mob. This goes back more than 30 years.` ► Trump was $4 billion in debt after his Atlantic City casinos went bankrupt. No U.S. bank would touch him. Then foreign money began flowing in through Bayrock (mentioned above). Bayrock was run by two investors: Tevfik Arif, a Kazakhstan-born former Soviet official who drew on bottomless sources of money from the former Soviet republic; and Felix Sater, a Russian-born businessman who had pleaded guilty in the 1990s to a huge stock-fraud scheme involving the Russian mafia. Bayrock partnered with Trump in 2005 and poured money into the Trump organization under the legal guise of licensing his name and property management. `► In July 2008, the height of the housing bust, Trump sold a mansion in Palm Beach for $95 million to Dmitry Rybolovlev, a Russian oligarch. Trump had purchased it four years earlier for $41.35 million. The sale price was nearly $54 million more than Trump had paid for the property. Again, this was the height of the recession when all other property had plummeted in value.` ► Semion Mogilevich was the brains behind the Russian Mafia. Mogilevich operatives have been using Trump real estate for decades to launder money. That means Russian Mafia operatives have been part of his fortune for years. Many of them owned condos in Trump Towers and other properties. They were running operations out of Trump's crown jewel. `► From Craig Unger's AMA: \"Early on, a source told me that all this was tied to Semion Mogilevich, the powerful Russian mobster. I had never even heard of him, but I immediately went to a database that listed the owners of all properties in NY state and looked up all the Trump properties. Every time I found a Russian sounding name, I would Google, and add Mogilevich. When you do investigative reporting, you anticipate drilling a number of dry holes, but almost everyone I googled turned out to be a Russian mobster. Again and again. If you know New York you don't expect Trump Tower to be a high crime neighborhood, but there were far too many Russian mobsters in Trump properties for it to be a coincidence.\"` ► So many Russians bought Trump apartments at his developments in Florida that the area became known as Little Moscow. The developers of two of his hotels were Russians with significant links to the Russian mob. The late leader of that mob in the United States, Vyacheslav Kirillovich Ivankov, was [living at Trump Tower](https://newrepublic.com/article/143586/trumps-russian-laundromat-trump-tower-luxury-high-rises-dirty-money-international-crime-syndicate) `► According to a Bloomberg investigation (3/16/2017) into Trump World Tower, “a third of units sold on floors 76 through 83 by 2004 involved people or limited liability companies connected to Russia and neighboring states.”` ► In 2013, Federal agents busted an “ultraexclusive, high-stakes, illegal poker ring” run by Russian gangsters out of Trump Tower. They operated card games, illegal gambling websites, and a global sports book and laundered more than $100 million. A condo directly below one owned by Trump reportedly served as HQ for a “sophisticated money-laundering scheme” connected to Semion Mogilevich. `► The Russia Mafia is part and parcel of Russian intelligence. Russia is a mafia state. that is not a metaphor. Putin is head of the Mafia. So the fact that they have been operating out of the home of the president of the United States is deeply disturbing.` ► Rudy Giuliani famously prosecuted the Italian mob while he was a federal prosecutor, yet the Russian mob was allowed to thrive. Now he's deeply entwined in the business of Trump and Russian oligarchs. Giuiani appointed Semyon Kislin to the NYC Economic Development Council in 1990, and the FBI described Kislin as having ties tot he Russian mob. Of course, it made good political sense for Giuliani to get headlines for smashing the Italian mob. `► A lot of Republicans in Washington are implicated. Boatloads of Russian money went to the GOP--often in legal ways. The NRA got as much as $70M from Russia, then funneled it to the GOP. The Republican Senatorial Campaign Committee lead by McConnel got millions from Leonard Blavatnik. In the 90s, the Russians began sending money to top GOP leaders, like Speaker of the House Tom Delay. Unger's book alleges that most of the GOP leadership has been compromised by RU money.` ► At the Cityscape USA’s Bridging US and the Emerging Real Estate Markets Conference held in Manhattan, on September 9, 10, and 11, 2008, Trump Jr. was frank about the tide of Russian money supporting the family business, saying \"...And in terms of high-end product influx into the US, Russians make up a pretty disproportionate cross-section of a lot of our assets.\" `► Eric Trump told golf reporter James Dodson in 2014 that the Trump Organization was able to expand during the financial crisis because “We don’t rely on American banks. We have all the funding we need out of Russia.”` ► Russian oligarchs [co-signed Trump’s Deutsche bank loans.](https://www.washingtonexaminer.com/news/lawrence-odonnell-source-says-russian-oligarchs-co-signed-trumps-deutsche-bank-loans) `Trump now gleefully takes cues from Putin:` ► At the end of 2018, Putin and his allies started making a strong push for a resolution that would justify their country’s 1979 invasion of Afghanistan and reverse an 1989 vote backed by Mikhail Gorbachev that condemned it. The Putinists’ goal was to pass the resolution by Feb. There is no one on this side of the Atlantic who thinks the USSR was justified in invading Afghanistan. And out of nowhere, on January 2nd, Trump came out strongly supporting Russia's 1979 invasion of Afghanistan. `► Trump went against American intelligence on North Korean missiles. He told the FBI he didn't believe their intelligence because Putin told him otherwise. \"I don't care, I believe Putin\"` ► Trump met in secret with Putin the G20 summit in November 2018, without note takers. 19 days later, he announced a withdrawal from Syria. As a note, Trump conducted FIVE completely private meetings and conferences with Putin, and has gone to great lengths to prevent literally anyone, even people in his administration, from learning what was discussed. `► Trump refused to enforce sanctions legally codified into law - and in some cases reversed standing sanctions on Russian companies.` ► He has denounced his own intelligence agencies in a press conference with Putin on election meddling - and publicly endorsed Putin's version of events. `► Trump pulled out of the INF treaty with no explanation, which allows Putin to create long-range hypersonic missiles that threaten Europe with impunity. The US already has all the weaponry that the INF would ban the development of, so this offers us literally nothing, while allowing Russia to develop powerful new weapons to challenge our allies.` ► Demanded Russia get invited back into G7 `► Pushed the CIA to [give American intelligence to the Kremlin.](https://www.justsecurity.org/71279/trump-pushed-cia-to-give-intelligence-to-kremlin-while-taking-no-action-against-russia-arming-taliban/)` ► Withdrew from the Open Skies treaty `► Received intelligence in 2019 that Russia was paying bounties for dead American soldiers, and hasn't done anything about it by the time of this writing.` ► Announced troop withdrawal from Germany (America's missile defense from Russia and forward operating base against Russian aggression) ` ► And of course, Trump continues to threaten to pull out of NATO, a move so catastrophically stupid, so inconceivably cosmically myopic, I truly can't express the profundity of the idiocy. Suffice to say, pulling out of NATO would be like the only guy in a prison yard with a shotgun just throwing it over the fence for absolutely no reason, suddenly giving the people with crude homemade shivs complete power.`
posted by Tobert420 on /Impeach_Trump
Click here to view the post. ● 1 Upvotes ● 2 reward(s). ● 0 silver reward(s), 1 gold reward(s) and 1 platinum reward(s) ● Posted: 08/07/2020 at 23:05:34 UTC
Fourth Place
The girl accusing Waffle of this shit had already admitted to cheating on her boyfriend during the convention 6 years ago, 100s of eye witnesses saw her kissing multiple guys and even giving hand jobs to every speed runner in the scene. `Her husband ditched her at the convention and she wanted pay back. Now she wants to stream again, her husband advises against it so she jumps on the MeToo train to save her Mormon life and keep her marriage intact.` Just because you do something you regret doesnt give you the right to call it rape. `She claims she was blackout drunk but somehow recalls ever detail of what happened crystal clear. **Red Flag.**` She claims she has been silenced but the real truth came out 6 years ago and was buried because multiple people refuted her claims. **Red Flag.** `She is a Mormon and married when she was just 18 years old, her husband has talked to the person she cheated with multiple times and he claimed they were in love and he shouldnt have engaged in the CONSENSUAL ACT at the time. **Red Flag.**` She expresses her desire to stream again but knows she wouldnt be accepted in the community because of her actions and what she said 6 years ago. **Red Flag.** `A girl approached her about her behavior during the event calling her a slut/whore which made her cry, the girl then left the group of super speed run nerds and was in full control of her own judgement yet our accuser was somehow voodoo tricked into hanging out with a pack of Mario Nerds. **Red Flag.**` Im sorry, all the other cases that have been made about content creators have REAL stories behind them, they have real victims and have been dealt with accordingly. **Red Flag.** `I have no horse in this race, I dont like or dislike Waffle, but I wont see someone falsely accused for something that was already buried years ago, this person obviously has mental problems and is seeking to further herself by jumping on the bandwagon.` If you dislike Waffle thats fine, but dont jump to conclusions about something that is so obviously contrived. `Edit: looks like the battle is already partly lost. These allegations have lead loaded.gg to cover their ass, Waffle has been removed from their roster.` Edit2: Thanks for silver, at least someone can sees through the bias.
posted by Plasticious on /LivestreamFail
Click here to view the post. ● 137 Upvotes ● 2 reward(s). ● 1 silver reward(s), 0 gold reward(s) and 1 platinum reward(s) ● Posted: 09/07/2020 at 17:06:15 UTC
Fifth Place
So. `I game. My husband games. We are both avid gamers - him moreso than I - and he lives and breathes his computer. When I read this post out loud and he heard the amount that your (hopefully ex) fiancé blew on his computer, he asked “Does the computer suck his dick while he games? Does he shit into the chair and it power the computer for him? Even as a hardcore computer gaming enthusiast, I would be hard pressed and have to make a considerable effort to spend even HALF of what he did. I don’t know how that’s physically possible even with top-of-the-line hardware. He either grossly overpaid, or he’s telling her that’s what was spent on the computer, but he’s lying and blew it elsewhere because of the amount of unnecessary shit that he had to buy in order to get to that number in the first place. That’s fucking insanity.”` It’s been 15 minutes and he’s still ranting about how unbelievable that amount is to spend on a computer. `If I were you, and my fiancé pulled that stunt, I would tell him to marry the computer since he’s so dedicated to it that it requires all his time and our joint wedding fund.` I’m just going to leave it at that.
posted by Lharka on /relationship_advice
Click here to view the post. ● 10,475 Upvotes ● 2 reward(s). ● 1 silver reward(s), 1 gold reward(s) and 0 platinum reward(s) ● Posted: 09/07/2020 at 12:17:37 UTC
submitted by TopOfTheBot to TopOfThe [link] [comments]

2020.06.27 02:06 baby_meatus Would anyone want to read the rest of this story? Should I turn this in to a book?

How would I expand this? I want to write a book.

Junior year of University, I was approached by M(atty)M(oe) he was goading me to apply to a community service organization, the Bonner program, which rewards students accepted with a $5,000 check. Reluctantly, I applied and shockingly I was accepted into the program, which also included the aforementioned scholarship. Upon receipt of the scholarship check I stood at my mailbox for about 10 minutes $5000 seemed like a small fortune to me, a check of $5000 was almost license to drink myself into oblivion, or throw my fraternity a party completely funded by yours truly.
Nervously, I walked over to the registrars office of Stetson University and said; "Ummm I believe you’ve made a mistake, this check does not belong to me…" They tell me in return, "No that’s your award for being accepted into Bonner."
My head was spinning from the absolute good fortune of doggedly pursuing the philanthropic streak in me, and heeding MMs advice. I was trying to decide what to do with the money; "I could throw my fraternity a party…I could invest it, but any investment right now is suicide…I could buy a motorcycle…" I decided to go with motorcycle, not immediate suicide, I would at least get an dopamine rush on a daily basis. I might even attract a few girls!
Side note: the 'investment option" would have been the best option, I was presenting the equity: SNA, to the board of trustees for purchase into the school endowment portfolio, at time of check receipt, SNA (Snap-On), the equity I was presenting, was trading around $30-35/share (it touched $29/share on the day I made my presentation). At time of writing SNA was trading at $183.59/share. Upon receipt of the scholarship money that was gifted to me, for my good deeds towards humanity, I could have bought 5000/35 = 142 shares of SNA, 142*183=~$30,000. Though no (not) sane 20 year old kid would want to lock their money up for eternity and buy stocks and bonds, that is for old people… like 25 year olds.
I went down to Deland Motorsports with my best friend to browse a few insane 'crotch rockets,' Id learnt that an I-4, or inline 4 cylinder, motorcycle would be vastly overpowered for a 'squid*. Accepting this, I decided on a , very powerful Suzuki SV650s, a sane choice for a "noob."
*squirrely kid
With the final signature of some loan document (stupidly I wasnt not paying very close attention to the verbiage, or amounts - pretty incredible for a finance major) a sudden Dopamine wave went through my body. Holy shit, I thought, do I own another motor vehicle? Im going to get so many girls(!) but I am dating JL… Perhaps her friends will badger her incessantly, and she'll cave and bring another girl into the mix.
None of that happened. Though I did hook up with one if the 'hottest' girls at Stetson, MC, and she specifically said: "you look so 'hawt' riding your motorcycle back from intramural Soccer games, shirtless." Which I interpreted as a flirtatious vote lauding the purchase of that death machine, exactly the type of thing I had in mind when making the purchase. Then there was CZ, Im fairly certain she didn’t have a sexual motivation activated by the motorcycle, this was just a girl who was 'thirsty.' The summer between Junior and Senior year I was selected (incredibly) for an internship with Morgan Stanley, I remember getting the call, in April 2007:
"Hello, could we speak with Nicolas Uppal?"
ohhhh shit what did I do now? "Speaking" I said
"Congratulations Nicolas! You’ve been selected to be a Junior Financial analyst with the GWMG group at Morgan Stanley! You have two options: Beverly Hills or Downtown LA"
All my friends and family can tell you how I was constantly professing to 'adore city life,' and how 'I felt empty if I did not see anything in the sky.' However, the option laid out in front of me required some deliberation, time I did not have. "Uh uh uh Beverly Hills" I blurted out.
"Excellent choice we will send you a confirmation email with the next steps included. Welcome aboard."
Holy sh!t, I thought, im a rising Senior and I already have employment plans.
I immediately called my mother, and let her know the great news.
"I hope you & BPJ approve of this." Quickly explain the Morgan Stanley tale.
"Bien sur que il va etre excite, et mois aussi!"
"Awesome, I have class, talk to you soon, love you."
And with that I thought my future was coming together. I putted around campus for the remainder of my Junior and Senior years, occasionally riding out to Daytona beach, thinking: "this is so cool thank god for this helmet though, I didn’t have the cash to buy one there! Im glad the dealer included one with the sale." That call came at the perfect time to fully let loose over spring break.
For Spring Break; I went to Key West with GA, EM, CF, and DS - we had a blast. I don’t think there was a 5-minute space when all 5 of us were not drunk or high. Then, GA and I had the brilliant idea of renting 49cc scooters and terrorizing Duvall St. We were wrong, Duvall St. terrorized us, EM got into a fight with a bouncer at some popular bar on the strip on Duvall St. EM destroyed him, he just sat on the entrance steps as all 5 of us stumbled in, then 10 minutes and 5 drinks later, we stumbled out, mounted our scooters and safely made it back to our motel, this episode only reinforced my feeling of being invincible.
The next day GA and I were racing on the mopeds around Key West, seeing some traffic up ahead I decided to ramp on to the sidewalk and ride on the sidewalk and 'bunnyhop' down off the sidewalk, thus ensuring my victory. GA pulled up next to me laughing his ass off, from that point forward it didn’t matter if we were drunk, high, or both - we were jumping off sidewalks. Amazingly, none of us went down, except for CF who gave the scooter too much throttle on the sand, lost the rear end and the scooter fishtailed out from underneath him in some sand. Schadenfreude, I thought. Good thing im (slightly) more skilled at riding scooters.
We then had our final night out, just got really drunk didn’t do anything to prepare for the ride back up to Dea(d)land, and await the final 2 months of school.
In the final 2 months of Senior year I attended Ultra Music Festival, I was so in to progressive house and was known around campus for my love affair with House music. In fact DS and I hosted a radio show called "Techno story time," where we would 'drop' the sickest track we had heard during the previous week, and between tracks I would tell an 'R'/'X' rated story of the debauchery. Looking back on this, I must've seemed like such a douchebag, literally kissing and telling whoever had the misfortune of tuning in. Ultra (UMF) was in Miami a 7 hour drive, too pusillanimous to take 'Brutus,' (I wanted to keep him in excellent condition, keep the mileage low) I decided to take the motorcycle.
I recall that going to Miami on a motorcycle was so draining, but as always I was able to overcome that challenge and arrive in Miami with time to spare. I crashed on JLs brothers couch at UM, what an awesome guy for putting up with a smelly, dirty guy who was banging his sister. Damn, in retrospect, I cant really forgive myself for breaking up with JL a year later
At Ultra Music Fest had an awesome time, I didn’t do any drugs, get drunk, or makeout/flirt/hookup with anyone else or smoke Cannabis (although you could smell the cannabis smoke 2-3 miles away). On the drive back, I decided to go as fast as I could (actually I just really really missed JL and wanted to get to Stetson sooner) I remember having the bike at 135 MPH (engine speed limit, were it not for that or I wouldve gone much faster - so that speed limiter was a good thing) for ~30 minutes on the long and boring interior highway FL91. 91 to I-4 to US 17 to JLs arms!
The final 2 months until graduation were essentially a self-imposed retirement; I had no projects due, no finals and before leaving to Ultra Fest '09 I had just given my bond presentation. I was a free man - with no employment lined up. The drawbacks of going to a small, unknown and not-well-connected-outside-of-Florida school were beginning to become apparent
During graduation, I don’t know why I was so somber, I stuck around after graduating for a few nights to party with the boys and be with JL before I departed towards the unknown of adulthood. Upon returning to Atlanta I just assumed that I would be able to 'crash' in my old room, without having a job. Luckily, about 4 months in to my joblessness my great friend from school KD was able to hook up an interview for me with his company, AT&T. I interviewed well, but I really think KD had it already arranged to have me hired, they just wanted to vet me. I interviewed and was subsequently hired to do some business analytics/data cleaning. While working at AT&T I did great work making fun of my superior AM, however, I was not entirely clear on my task. I know I was supposed to measure the times from product purchase to online implementation. Beyond that, However the work was a sinecure until I was hired by MS. We moved buildings, 1 block to a massive, wide open cubicle farm, there may have been ~1000 cubicles in that room - and my cubicle was positioned so that the screen of my computer was visible to everyone who walked in.
Despite being assigned to a less than desirable spot. I worked, not hard but I made sure I completed all my tasks. About 2 months into my 'shafting' I decided to fly to FLL, Ft. Lauderdale, to visit JL, I missed her so badly. I didn’t just miss the sex, I missed the affection, I missed the unconditional love. I had no idea what it was that drew me so close to JL, but I kept going to her. While I was visiting JL she suggested that we go to a dog racing track, having only been to one before, I went to a dog racing track in Daytona Beach with AGs dad and my BFF NB, I agreed the event was not too memorable. However, on the drive back from the track I received a call from the connection I made during my internship with MS, the Managing Director of HR, CNG.
CNG informed me of a position in Coral Gables, Miami FL working with one of her friends JFG. Since I was already in Naples, 90 miles from Miami, I replied with: "I can be there to interview in two days…" With that I experienced another endorphin rush, I ffelt like my future was being laid out in front of me, I just had to secure this job, work my ass off, endure a few years of menial pay until I am promoted to 'Associate' and pay for JL to move in with me. This was especially alluring to me because it seemed like my best friends were getting amazing jobs; RL (my best friend) was working at a PE shop in ATL, and my good friend MS was consulting with McKinsey in Dubai, then again they went to awesome schools Emory and Wharton, respectively.
After my interview with JFG I drove back to Naples for a night before flying back to Atlanta,. It finally felt like I was entering adulthood. I got the position in Miami, I then attempted to put in my two weeks at AT&T when I tried to put in my two weeks my supervisor, AM, said: "No need, you don’t need to come back tomorrow." So with that I was a free man for 2 months, it felt eerily similar to finishing Stetson. I set about organising my departure and move to Miami.
I quickly realised that I was too poor to remotely make a down payment on a condo sight-unseen, so I meekly implored JL to ask her brother, RL, to allow me to crash on his couch for '1 week at most.' I felt like such a bum, living in the UM dorms, working for MS but not having a place to call my own. I had to make a change, so I went around my office asking if anyone needed or knew of anyone who needed a roommate. Luckily, a friend of my then boss, JFG, also had an analyst on his team, RM. We met and quickly agreed to cohabitate an apartment.
Living with RM was fairly easy, he was a very agreeable roommate, I think I pulled the best hand out of the deal,I made sure I got the master suite of the apartment while paying 10% less than RM, I feel like an asshole thinking back on it - but capitalism makes you do things against your human nature. We got into an ok apartment if it were not for the recession of 08-09 we would have never been able to afford it.
About 2 months after I finalized living with RM, Ultra '11 was gearing up, knowing that I was not earning enough to afford a $230 ticket, I begged JL to buy the ticket for our 2 year anniversary. She did! I thought; oh man I love this girl so much, I cant wait to spend the rest o my life with her. My friends GA and DS also were at UMF '11, we had a blast. None of us got too high, drunk or messed up, and strangely I never got GA or EM back to my apartment even though it was 2 blocks from Bayfront park.
I recouped for 12 hours, slept off the alcohol and cannabis, and showed up for work that Monday, probably looking like shit. A few months later, I decided to look up my Boss during my internship, GD. When we connected he was so glad to hear from me, he was unsure if I had been hired. Two calls later he gave me two things: a task to test a Mercedes E55 AMG(we were both gearheads), a job offer in Beverly Hills. Having just the task to test drive the car wouldve been enough, but a job offer in LA? My mind began racing, I had a flexible start date so I was able to gradually close things out and speak with my portfolio manager. Although a favor was called in to get me hired, JFG had no qualms about letting me go.
A month later I went out for my birthday with KG, we werent dating but she had an enormous crush on me, infact she came to Stetson to visut me, much to the chagrin of Jenny. We went to a few small bars, and ended up at club LIV, it was there I met the most beautiful girl I ever laid eyes on, Viviane G. from Rio, much to my amazement she was in to me as well (probably because at the time I had a head of black hair, this made me look like a Brazilian model). Vivi (as I called her) and I hit it off we spent the rest of my time in Miami together, we never kissed, this is why I felt ok staying with Jenny.
Then, a car and yacht show, 1 block from my apartment spurred the motivation to call and break up with Jenny, strangely. I thought Vivi was the woman of my dreams, I didn’t take in to consideration everything Jenny, and her family, had done for me
I took 2 months to finish up in Miami, going out every night to get the last feel of Miami nightlife before I ventured out to the great unknown west. Once again, like in Miami, I arrived in LA and had to 'crash' on my moms good friend LDs guest bedroom, until I got my situation squared away. I was able to quickly secure an apartment 2 blocks from Hollywood Ave., with a view of the Hollywood sign. "Oh man," I thought "I must be the flossiest Stetson graduate right now." I soon came to learn that DS was in LA too, we linked up and I found my smoking/drinking partner while I was in LA.
Work in the Beverly Hills branch of Morgan Stanley was not overly intense, I was just working with a few extra figures. This increase in amount magnified any mistake I made, and I made quite a few mistakes, luckily these were only mistakes on internal reporting documents my managers (one in Beverly Hills and the other in Boston) were pretty cool with it, but still pointed these mistakes out. I remember the team assistant, AT, being so gorgeous, she was taken, or I wouldve been all over that, I wanted to marry her. There were three women that I wanted to marry: 1 - Vivi, 2 - Jenny, 3 - AT
About 2 months in to living in Los Angeles AT, told me about the website Thrillist. I thought "wow Thrillist is so cool, all these awesome events…wait whats thus 'Rental Car Rally?'" The more I read about it, the more I became supremely interested and thought, oh man my friend GA would be PERFECT as my co pilot. I kept thinking about all the hijinks we would get in to, and the speeding, and the (name your debaucherous activity here). GA flew out to LA, we secured a rental Camaro SS coupe and headed for the rally.
We get to the staging area and we see a flood of other cars, buses, and people dressed in ridiculous outfits "this is going to be too much fun!" we said to each other. As the staging process moves on we see some incredible car decorations, and at the end of the pre-rally warm up we are given the option to race on a circle track, being the speed demons that GA & I were, we A B S O L U T E L Y took full advantage of that option. There was no passing allowed, and a quarter track length between each racer. We stage in line - our turn comes up and I bury the throttle, the rear tires barely having grip as we rocket onto the track, I didn’t dare to go above 125 MPH sine I was unsure about the condition of the tires. As we finished what was essentially a penis-size competition, I decided to do an enormous burnout in the middle of the track. After that burnout we were off to the races.
The rally was set up as a series of checkpoints, you have to take a photo at each checkpoint for proof you were there. First checkpoint: LA Zoo. Going to a zoo during the day is interesting, and smelly. At night however, its frightening different sounds and screams from other ralliers in the distance, we took a photo and drove, withi the speed limits, o course, to the next check point. This checkpoint was an abandoned ski lodge, perfect for messing around on abandoned ski lifts. After the ski lodge, we vebtured out into the desert, we only had 1 checkpoint between the LA Zoo and Vegas, and that checkpoint was on the very western edge of Nevada, a brothel - GA said he had no interest in buyin their "product," I remarked to GA how sad I as that I didnt "dip my pen in Dutch ink" while I was in Amsterdam with KD, yet I too was leery of getting some western Nevada 'strange.' We terorized a few trailer parks, doing insane burnouts and leaving the trailer parkhood in dust.
GA and I get to the strip, our rental Camaro SS was filthy, but we gave no fuc*s. We pull up the crappy little off-strip motel, a motel that was likely used by the hookers around Las Vegas, toss our bags on the floor and crashed for about 4 hours. Our room was right be the Lima Bean shaped pool so we could hear the fellow ralliers horsing around by the pool. Greg gets up, looks out the window, tosses me a Natural Light and says; "the only way to detox is to retox muthaf*****!"
To which I replied :"that’s excellent, but first pack a bowl beforeI shower to get this wester Nevada hooker scent off me…"
We both get out to the pool and EVERYONE rom the starting line is there, they were all really really drunk. Since I was a little tired, and wanted to be on my game for gambling that night, I didn’t drink or smoke. The night rolled around and we rustled up some grub on the strip, then we went to MGM to gamble: "Im not putting more than $50 down for chips…"
"Cool, imma do $100, you broke bitch" GA said.
We decide to play some slots (yawn), some Roulette (yawn), then I said I wanted to play some BlackJack. We walked up to the black jack table, waited for the dealer to reshuffle, and jumped in. I felt really smart so I thought I could count cards, after a few hands I started to turn a $5 to $10 to $20 profit, leaving me with $50, the exact same as I started with I thought: "ok, I can quit now, or go for glory, and put 80% down…" Me being the dumb kid I was, I decided to put $40 down and risk it all.
"ohhhh the little piker thinks hes got game!?" The dealer said
"Ehhhh" I replied
The cards come out and I get a 9 and a King.
"I bet you want a hit…"
"Nah, the only hit im taking will be the hit of Cannabis I take after I win this hand"
"Ok kid"
The dealer got a 5, Queen. "I bet you want a hit…" I said in a snarky tone
He took a card, a 7.
I said: "Id like to close out, please"
"Awwww poor kid cant play!?"
"Id like to close out, please"
"Ok tough guy"
I take my chips, get them cashed, and wound up with $95. I turned to GA: "I see how this can get addictive, I turned a 90% ROI!"
"We both laughed, piled into the Camaro, and GA drove us back to LA. GA hung out with DS for an extra day in LA while I was at work - about a month went by before my portfolio manager GD told me I needed to get to Boston to meet the other half of the team, I had only spoken to AS & SG on the phone, trying to explain how to use my messed up spreadsheets. Upon the meeting I figured: "Im already in the North East, I will swing down to NYC to visit RL, RN & MS.
The first night we were itogether, we just went out, got drunk, went to MS' friends apartment, but she wasn’t home yet. So MS and I decided to sleep, on the loor, in front of her door in a fairly swanky Upper East Side apartment. Early that morning MS and I were both awoken by a securoty guard kicking our feet: "uhhhh whats goin on here?"
"oh, sorry we got locked out by our friend she didn’t come home last night, do you all have a lounge?"
"yep, to the right of the front desk"
"Awesome, thank you"
MS and I slept on couches (what a luxury until JP came home. We got cleaned up and I grabbed my bag and went to MS, RN, and RLs apartment. Except it was a 2-bedroom. RL has converted a narrow, but very tall closet into a bedroom/loft. RL and I had been friends since high school, so I felt ok asking him if I could toss my stuff in his room. It was Saturday night, so we all got cleaned up, grabbed a pizza ate in, and got hyped for Saturday night.
"Where should we go?" asked RN.
Me:"I really wanna go to Pacha near westside highway! I get a podcast every week by them, and they have awesome music!"
RN asks:"Ok, everybody cool with Pacha?"
MS:"I wanna hit a college bar, maybe we go there to pregame, then Pacha?"
Me: "yeah that sounds splendifferous"
We set out, at the college bar, I ended up taking 3 shots and I was done for, I cant remember a thing. I stumble up to the bar and ask or a Heineken. "Ohhh is that for me?" An unseen girl asked
"Sure, if we go home tonight."
Not being able to believe my ears, I turned around and I see this really cuteAsian girl with her hand out.
"hmm youre pretty thirsty huh?"
"Like you wouldn’t believe" as she snatched the beer out of my hand
"Well maybe you can give me some private tutoring, so I do believe."
"Im a great teacher"
"Well, I kinda suck at school, anything you can do?"
"Well as far as sucking, I think we can work something out"
"well, Ill be sure to get you an extra juicy Apple"
"Sounds delicious"
We danced, occasionally kissing, and made our way back to RL, RN & MS' apartment. When we got there I realized I had no bed to sleep on, only a couch, but RL being the good friend he is said: "Y'all can sleep (wink) in my bed."
"The dungeon!? Yesssss. Thanks man."
So, this girl (didn’t and still don’t know her name) amble up the ladder, she was wearing a skirt and wanted to go first. "Ok I know where this is going…to the bed!"
"Aww cant we play teachestudent first?"
"Only if I get a taste of that Apple I brought you..."
The next morning was my flight out to LA at 4:56 PM, so I had time to grab brunch with the guys before I left. We ate on Chelsea Pier, I felt obliged to 'kiss and tell,' and extol them with my heroics. In retrospect, they probably didn’t want to hear it, I banged some random, probabky nasty girl on RLs bed. We finished lunch had some fun on Chelsea pier, and I flew back to LA. While back in Beverly Hills I was incredibly tire, but I took pride in recounting every detail to DV, knowing AT could hear. I stupidly thought: "if she hears how much fun im having, she might get jealous and want to hangout with me." I was such a devious little shit.
I finish telling DV just as GD walks in to hear the punchline; "…so I brought her back and got her on my friends bed!" GD walks to his station, with four screens (I used to think the ore screens you have the more of a boss you are, now I think the less you have to involve yourself with day-to-day, and intraday moves the more of a 'boss' you are) I can feel him staring at me smiling my ass of, he says "I WANT TO FU*KING HEAR!" So I launch into my tale (or should I say tail).
Later that week I called my father while biking to the gym. I called him because I made an error In the execution of a large fixed income trade, the price of the underlying security moved away from the price quoted, normally this would not matter since we had discretion over trading - meaning we would not need client approval. However, this was a trade for our largest client making a large fixed income purchase, so $.01 makes a big difference when the quantity purchased is in the millions. My father recounts this story to me as an almost emblematic admission of previous of apprehension towards him, and my subsequent of rectification.
As theNYC buzz began to wear off, I started going to bars around LA; SkyBar, and Viper Room one night my two buddies DS & DS, and I all agreed that we should go to Club Avalon, I was a huge electronic progressive house music aficionado so going to world famous club Avalon was *almost* as sweet as NYC with my bros. DS and I cohosted 'Techno Storytime' on the school radio, so we were super pumped to hear some much in the 110 - 130 BPM range.
Still feeling the nightlife buzz from NYC, I found myself able to easily to talk to girls. Doug and I were kinda wall flowers/club explorers, neither one of us has been to Avalon, but upon exploring it we both agreed, DS would love it too, we should start meeting there monthly. The night wore on, I found myself uninterested in paying $12.00 for a bottle if Heineken, so I started to hit on some women, DS and I had explored too much and I only had 30 minutes to seal the deal. So I got to work, quickly scored the number, but we got sidetracked talking about a subject I really, really enjoy; political analysis.
We talked political analysis I wish I could remember what she was saying, she was so on the ball, that awareness only increased my attraction to her. We talked for a bit, we went to the outside portion of the club, seeing her in the moonlight I thought; "shit, she is magnificent, screw AT if I land her. Her looks combined with her intellect make her a superwoman, exactly the type of woman I want carrying my seed. By this point 20 minutes had elapsed, and the club began emptying, "oh shit better seal th-"
"It was amazing talking to you, but I have to find my friends."
"Wait, maybe we…"
She was gone from my life, at least I had her number…
I moped back to DS, he asked me: "Howd it go man!?"
I started yelling that 'I couldn’t seal the f$%^ing deal!"
"Its cool man, this is a big city, im sure youll have other shots, lets catch a cab back to my crib, smoke a bowl watch a movie and forget about all this."
"Aight dude that sounds awesome."
So, we go out to the taxi area, DS and I just bullshitting, and he stop talking: "…so DS has this sick fader on his turn tab…. Wait, what was the name of the girl you were talking to?"
"Why? K(atie)A(ltman…)
"D what the…."
"Oh Shit that’s Katie!"
He yells -"KATIE!!!!!!"
She turns around as she is getting in to her cab, with her buddies. I sprint over to her cab wrench the cab door open, and ride with the back to their apartment in Laurel Canyon. From here, I don’t have a clear memory of what happened but I woke up in my bed the next morning. "Shit" I thought, did I walk back to Franklin from Laurel Canyon? Guess I don’t need to work out today! So I rolled back over and dozed for another 45minutes until I get a text from the girl who was sweating me at the gym, CS.
A little back story on CR; I was always checking her out, so was always pushing her massive chest out when I would walk by and she was on a machine. Then one day she walked up behind me while I was doing pushups, waited for me to finish me set… "ninety eight…ninety nine…one hundered, I don’t know I you were listening there I did 100 pushups, ha ha ha
"Is that rom a movie???"
"Ohhhh, well lets see how you do with me riding yourback!"
"Wait what?"
CR straddled my back and plopped down. I pretended to not be able do any with her on my back. "Come on muscle man, make me ride you!"
"Um, im not sure I feel comfortable announcing to the gym that you want to fuck me"
"Who said that, that wishful thinking man…"
"How about we compare our wishes, what is a good night next week to take you to dinner?"
"Sunday night"
"I am a nurse so I work weird hours, but next Sunday night, lets get take out, a bottle of wine and some…youre from India right?"
"Ok, some Hindu Kush, sit on the beach in Santa Monica and share dinner."
"Whoa, yes ma'am!"
"Southern thing, I tell you about on Sunday night."
"Can't wait" She said with a smile
I left the LA Fitness on Hollywood BLVD. next to the Chinese Theater in a dream state. Then I realized that Sunday night was 2 nights away! Shit I need to get wine and a ton of Hindu Kush! I secured the Hindu Kush (too much), but not the wine, I wanted to get Red, and White to give her the option. Since I has just moved into my new apartment, I didn’t have time to set everything up, so I didn’t have time to buy a cooler to chill the white wine; "I will have to buy it the night of."
I searched my room and couldn’t find any more bud, so I decided to Meet DS and DS for dinner, we wound up going to a bar too - oops! Needless to say I didn’t get to pick up the wine, or the Kush, id have to pick it up before the date, tomorrow. "Hey do you guys know I any dispensaries are open on Sunday??
"They arent, but our friend owns one, he'll sell to you."
So, I contact DS and DS' buddy; I meet him and buy absolutely too much bud, and buy some gummies too, I swing back by my apartment on Franklin, drop off the dry bud" CR and I wont need that much, and get a call from DS, Ds and crew: "Yooo nuppal, were gonna go catch a movie, you down?"
"Yeah man lets do it!"
I quickly grab my backpack, remembering that I needed to pick up the wine, and knowing I needed to bring some bud. I hopped on my bike and roade over to East Hollywood to catch a flick with them. I pull up, get off the bike as theyre rolling up, I swing my backpack across, thinking im going to light up. I open the back pack… "Hey guys lets do this before…" Open the back pack a but more and reach in feeling for my bowl and the tupperware with the dry kush, and realizing that I hadnt unpacked the edibles that id bought. So, I skipped the dry bud and said: "hey guys I just bought these edibles, lets each grab some gummies and watch the movie…"
"Alright dude, but Edibles will hit when the movie is ending, but yeah man!"
So we take some gummies, and watch the movie. DS was right, the gummies did begin to take effect as the movie ended: "shit" I thought "Im gonna have to ride to Santa Monica while pretty high…no big deal, I hate riding high though." As Im riding down Sunset BLVD, heading west towards Santa Monica I happen to look up at the sky during a red light. The magnificence of a South-Western Southern California sunset is something everyone must enjoy, similar to the colors a Monet painting. I stared up at the sky for longer than the light was red, so people behind me became agitated. I quickly moved down Sunset blvd. at the famous (or infamous) intersection of Sunset Blvd. & Larrabee St. in West Hollywood.
Still mesmerized by the sunset, yet trying to focus, I see a clapped out For Expedition come from Larrabee, turning left onto Sunset the intended turn was in my path. I took a second to process "this is my path what the fuohhhh," going from euphoric joy to life saving maneuvers is not something they teach in MSF school, good thing I never went. After processing his intended trajectory I slammed on the brakes,
A part-time bartender at the Viper Room "didn’t see his red light due to sun" and was under assume every light is 'Green' for him. So he decided that even though there is traffic on Sunset, he would rather turn o make sure there was no traffic going in his intended direction on Sunset. I knew that grabbing too much front brake would send me headfirst into the pavement and his car, and into my coffin. So, I decided to overapply the rear brake, lay the bike down and hope for the best, I guess 'the best' of an inherently shitty situation did occur, I lived! However, while sliding through the Sunset & Larrabee intersection my back connected with the end of his passenger-side running board, my brand new Scorpion Exo-1000 hit the running board as well. Instantly knocked out. According to the report filed by the ambulance driver I was 'unresponsive' at the scene, but no external blood, save a bit of road rash were my jacket bunched up underneath my left arm, I suffered a 'severe' DAI brain injury (Diffuse Axonal Injury) and 26 brain bleeds.
Luckily, the ambulance ride was at most 8 minutes to Cedars-Siani Beverly Hills, this hospital was on my commute path to and from work, on Maple Dr. I always wondered what the building was, so much property in the heart of Beverly Hills however, this was NOT the method I intended to find out about this building. Must have been a funny scene in the office the next Monday. "Looks like Nick is late again" said AT
My dad gave me my first laugh post injury, we agree that laughter is the vanguard of healing mental and physical ailments.
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2020.06.10 08:17 youto2 House Party 06/08/2020 - Part Three

Baker looks shocked for a moment, but immediately shoves Harrison out of the ring and lifts West up for a powerbomb instead! West manages to shift his weight, though, and catches Baker with the Billy Kidman Special! Baker hits the mat face-first, and West scrambles for the tag! He’s inches away from it -
Paisner: West looking for the tag! He’s almost there! Ironblood is HYPED to come into this match!
-when Harrison comes out of nowhere and scythes the feet out from under Ironblood, leaving West to fend for himself! West desperately gets back to vertical, but is obviously feeling the effects of the slams from earlier! Baker looks to take advantage of this with a corner clothesline, but West stops him with a corner-assisted big boot! Baker staggers back, and West pushes himself out of the corner, and follows up with some strong-style chops that send Baker to the mat!
On the outside of the ring, it’s big boy central as Harrison and Ironblood just fucking punch each other in the mouth repeatedly! Harrison isn’t damaged, per-se, but he’s definitely more tired from throwing 180 pounds of Cam’Ron around, and Ironblood lays him out with a running shoulder tackle! Cam’Ron sees this, and he goes to Ironblood for the tag! Ironblood comes into the ring right as Baker starts to get up!
Paisner: If I was Jim Baker, I wouldn’t get up right now, but I don’t think he’s aware of the trouble he’s in!
Woodbridge: Ironblood is directing traffic, and it looks like Baker is about to have a really bad time!
West gets a running start and hits the ropes right as Baker stands up. Baker’s eyes widen as he sees a Ironblood train chugging at him, but he doesn’t have time to react before both West and Ironblood turn him inside out with DUAL burning lariats! Baker is absolutely nonexistent after the crash, and West charges forward, catching the rising Hank with a baseball slide through the ropes as Hugo goes for the cover!
Javier: And your winner, at a time of 9:56.... The team of Cam’Ron West and Hugo Ironblood!
Paisner: Ironblood came in like a freight train, and perhaps shaved a few years off Baker’s life with that dual lariat, but we already knew Ironblood was dangerous.
Woodbridge: Yeah, what we didn’t know was how much of an unbridled beating Cam’Ron West could take and still keep on fighting!
Hugo and Cam’Ron raise each others’ arms in celebration, before walking to the back, leaving an absolutely unconscious Baker and a frustrated Harrison behind them!
We open to a new scene, as we see Stephen Romero and backstage hands continuing to set up the pride party. We now see 4 boxes of rainbow cookies set up on a table, the cookies being in the style of those very sweet lofthouse frosted cookies. With both the base cookies and the frosting being rainbow designed. We see Romero and backstage hands painting the table set ups rainbow. Romero just completing the center table where the cake will later be set. He takes off the painters apron he was wearing for the purpose, putting it into a basket to be took away later. As he then begins to speak.
Romero: Alright, that’ll set by the time we open up. I swear man, pride month actually does make me gayer. Since like, I wanna say february, i’ve been having a noticeable preference for feminine people. I tend to have preferences, but it’s not consistent, it operates in cycles. A bi-cycle if you will. And this preference for feminine people lasted quite a lot longer than my preferences usually last. But you know what happens as soon as it turns June? I start really liking masculine people again. I re-downloaded grindr for god sakes! I don’t even do that everytime I have a preference for men, so you know i’m fuckin’ desperate right now! Now, I haven’t actually checked my notifications in a moment, lets see what I have…
Romero then brings out his phone, checking through his grindr messages.
Romero: Alright, I got like 12 messages in just like, an hour or so. When you’re tall and you work out I swear it’s so fuckin’ easy. I never have to be the one to make the first move when it comes to dating other men. Alright, lets see what these say…...we got one message fetishizing my penis because i’m black……..we got a second message fetishizing my penis because i’m black………..a third message fetishizing my penis because i’m black………..a fourth message fetishizing my penis because i’m black…...Oh hey! We actually just got a normal message saying hi! I’ll actually respond to this one, alrigh-oh nevermind, followed it with an unsolicited dick pic, nevermind. Blocked. Alright, lets see the next message……………..a fifth message fetishizing my penis because i’m black. Jesus christ, do white dudes think i’ll like that? Hell, why are they even messaging me about my penis? It clearly states in my bio i’m a bo-
We come back from the brief interruption, where we see Romero now decorating the cupcakes with frosting, we see that he had already frosted two cupcakes with the pink, purple, and blue design of the bisexual flag, and one cupcake with the orange stripe lesbian flag, as he seems to be working on frosting the other two lesbian cupcakes.
Romero: Got these out not too long ago, frost ‘em while they won’t burn me when I work with them, but still warm enough for the frosting to adhere…
Romero continues to apply the frosting to the cupcakes, as we see backstage hands bring in extra refreshments. Two different two-liters of generic brand cola, three bottles of vodka, and of course, two gallons of milk. Romero finishes making the lesbian cupcakes, as he moves on to making a pansexual cupcake, as we hear the cameraman converse with him.
Cameraman: Now, sorry if this is rude, but I was kinda wondering, with your previous history of being in a tag team with Robert Warlock-
Romero: Hey! I know what you’re gonna ask you know, just because i’m a man who can be attracted to other men does not mean I cannot have strong relationships with other men that are simply platonic! To answer, he did know, he was one of the first people I told, and he was very supportive……..and true he was very kind…..and I did find him very handsome…….but he was straight as hell! Even if that’s what I wanted, it couldn’t have happened.
Cameraman: Did you ever ask him? Or was that just an assumption?
Romero: …..uh…….um…….well it’s been years okay! I kept in contact for a bit after he retired, but it fizzled out, he was just very solidly done with the wrestler’s life. He got very busy with his new professions, I was struggling with how to adapt to being a singles wrestler and all the mental health shit that came with it. Then we never got back in touch following that. Even if i’m wrong, it’s bygones by now. I like….open up our text convos and begin to type sometimes, I always end up erasing it though, it’s just at this point-
We then hear Romero’s phone buzzing again to interrupt this. Which he quickly whips out of his pocket, a quick mood shift coming alongside it, as he answers.
Romero: Hello?.....Oh shit the cake’s here?! Wonderful! I’ll be out there to get it in a moment! Thank you so much!
Romero then turns to three idling backstage hands, conversing amongst themselves as most of the prep work is done, leaving them with little to do.
Romero: Hey lads, you able to help me with somethin’?
The backstage crew all nod, as Romero motions them to come over.
Romero: Well, we got a big ass cake being delivered, I could probably lift the weight myself, but not way i’d be able to balance it, y’all mind helping me with that?
The crew all respond saying they wouldn’t mind, as Romero and the crew head out to retrieve the cake.
We then return to the ring, where we yet again see Jaiver standing in the middle, ready to make some more announcements.
Babaganoush: The following contest is scheduled for ONE FALL, with a 30-minute time limit! Refereeing is Harry Undersach!
Babaganoush: Introducing first…
“Prisoner of Society” plays and Dick Dover walks out as the music begins to intensify, laughing off the boos and gives Fat Fan with Beer an earful when he notices he’s in the audience! When he hits the ring, he stands in the center and pulls on his wrist tape, and pretends it’s a winch that is lifting his middle finger into the bird. Naturally, everyone boos much harder at this.
Babaganoush: From Toronto, Ontario, weighing in at 220 pounds - DICK! DOVER!
Paisner: Dick Dover has all but threatened to use his patented, metal detector-proof ceramic knuckles tonight. Let’s see if Undersach finds anything suspicious on him during the pre-match.
Babaganoush: And his opponent…
Rain’s cover of “Enter Sandman” plays, already causing a reflexive reaction of cheers from the WiR crowd, and Tony Stevens, The Son of the Milkman, comes out accompanied by two dirndl-clad and rather male Bavarian milkmaids. They show him off like he’s the prize on The Price is Right as he stomps to the ring, pounding a bottle of milk as he does so and spilling the remainder all over himself, then stripping off his tearaway pants and suspendies to reveal milk-white tights. And now he is ready for battle.
Babaganoush: ...from Aberdeen, Scotland, weighing in at 12 stone and 13… TONY… EL HIJO DEL MILKMAN… STEVENS!
Woodbridge: Well, you can say one thing - ain’t nobody quite like El Hijo del Milkman.
Paisner: You mean except for when Ty--
Woodbridge: Shut it, Pais, all due respect.
Dick Dover does not look impressed with the Milkman and snickers and points as if to say “would you fuckin’ look at THIS goof,” but Stevens stares death at him. Harry Undersach pats down both men for weapons and finds… something on Dover! He reluctantly takes out the knucks and gives them up to the timekeeper, who pockets them.
Paisner: And nothing slipping past Harry Undersach! Now that the weapon is out of play, we should be getting a solid technical bout from these two workhorses.
Woodbridge: You don’t think Dover will find SOME bullshit to pull? Bit naive of you, Big Al.
The match begins with the two men circling and eyeing each other up, and they go in for a pretty intense lockup, practically clawing at each other as they get into the folkstyle collar-and-elbow clinch! It’s Milkman who gets the advantage first and puts on a front facelock, looking perhaps for an early vertical suplex, but Dover counters out by kicking Stevens’s legs out from under him! Stevens kips up right away and retorts by whipping Dover into the corner - he charges in with an uppercut, but Dover ducks and gets to the side. As Stevens steps back out of the corner the crouching Dover reaches up between his legs and rolls him backwards into a schoolboy clutch
Woodbridge: Dover wanting to make this a fast one…
Paisner: Stevens too fast for that to happen, though.
Stevens kicks out but Dover immediately slaps on a side headlock and raises Stevens’s neck, intending to turn this into some kind of neckbreaker - Stevens shakes out and gives Dover a big forehand slap to the chest just to let him know what he thinks of that! Dover puts up his dukes and the two get to punching! Both men are throwing wild jabs until Dover sneaks a body hook that winds Stevens and pounds him into the corner!
Dover won’t let up on Stevens and Harry goes to count…
At the last moment Dover steps away and physically pulls Stevens out of the corner. “I BROKE ON FIVE, YOU SAW IT!” he loudly says to Harry, who isn’t amused, but has to concede that. Stevens staggers but shakes himself out, rubbing his chest and neck as Dover has his moment with the ref. Stevens moves to grab Dover, who responds with another flurry of punches!
Woodbridge: Dover’s strategy right now - and I’m not saying it ain’t a tried and true, working one - is to turn Stevens into chicken scallopini.
Indeed, Dover grabs Stevens by the back of the head and pulls him in and down, aiming short knee strikes into the smaller man’s forehead - in trying to have a clear path for his strikes, though, Dover isn’t holding Stevens very strongly, who ducks in and gives Dover a single-leg takedown! It’s enough to grab onto Dover for a cross press!
Paisner: A really crisp double leg by Stevens there, fighting through those short-range but VERY high knees!
Woodbridge: I think both of these men may have to be worried about surprise pins this whole match.
Dover pops out of the pin and scrambles to his feet just as Stevens does the same - a knee to the gut from Dover forces Stevens to hunch over for just a second, and Dover then gutwrenches Stevens! He flips him over for a suplex and holds on for the pin!
Paisner: Oh, and there’s a more FORCEFUL one!
Paisner: Stevens out of Dover’s snap gutwrench suplex at 2.5, and the crowd are trying to get Hijo del Milkman to rally!
Tony Stevens struggles to his feet and dares Dover to come at him again! The grinning Dover lunges for him once again - Stevens sidesteps and puts on a headlock! Quick as a flash he repositions Dover and gives him an Irish whip, and as Dover runs back off the ropes Stevens knocks him over with a shoulder tackle! It merely knocks Dover off his feet, not really damaging him, but that’s all Stevens needs - He gets down, wincing as he strains his somewhat damaged neck, and tries his best to turn Dover onto his belly!
Dover, however, is not having it - but before Dover can get back to his feet Stevens catches one of his legs in the crook of his arm and pulls it to his chest, then secures it near the ankle with the other arm as he moves his first arm further up the trapped leg, settling for a kneeling kneebar of sorts as he shuffles into the position that’ll let him pull the joint into full hyperextension.
Woodbridge: Oh, he ain’t getting it, but look at Stevens improvise!
Dover struggles mightily in the hold and eventually his flailing takes Stevens off-balance and Dover can rock himself towards the ropes, enough so that he can get his hand on the bottom rope. Stevens obligingly releases him from the hold.
Paisner: Dick Dover should be thanking his lucky stars he got the ropes when he did.
Woodbridge: Too damn right. Just a little bit longer and he would have either had to tap, or have something real important get torn in half.
Dick Dover gets back up with the aid of the ropes and Stevens nods at him and gives him the come-at-me again, waiting for him to be back in a legal part of the ring - Dover nods back but then suddenly leaps out and elbows Stevens in the neck! Stevens stumbles backwards into the opposite ropes and when he comes running back Dover catches and lifts him, looking for his jawbreaker - Stevens blocks by getting his feet under him in time! They begin to trade blows once again, Dover favoring one leg, but this time Stevens has the advantage, and he tries a wild haymaker to Dover’s head - Dover ducks under it and suddenly lifts Stevens straight upwards parallel to his own body! He slams him down into a sitout spinebuster!
Paisner: And it could be over! The sitout pin is in, even if Dover looks like he wants to collapse!
3 - NO!
Tony Stevens lifts his shoulder up just in time, and is still in it - but Dick Dover falls onto his back, clearly not able to sit up yet! Stevens himself remains somewhat limp on the mat, and Harry Undersach begins the standing 10-count - Dover beats it, although he falls to one knee after putting weight on his damaged leg, and then soon afterwards Stevens does as well, although he falls back onto his ass again and has to will himself back to his feet a second time!
Paisner: Just listen to the people chant for El Hijo del Milkman!
Woodbridge: He has calcium in his bones but more importantly, their love in his heart!
Dover makes another lunge to strike hard at Stevens’s neck, but it’s Stevens who dodges just in time, and he gets down to the ground to try to sweep up Dover in a schoolboy of his own, but instead of pinning he gets into a side grapevine leglock, hoping to make Dick submit!
Harry Undersach hits the deck to look for a submission and a panicking, practically screaming Dick Dover reaches for the ropes as best he can as he flails, and does eventually get them! Dover now counts the DQ as Stevens keeps holding on…
Stevens lets go right away before he can be disqualified and Dover gasps from pain, but immediately begins berating the ref as he pulls himself back to his feet!
As Dover rants at Harry, the referee yells at him back, but unintentionally physically separates the two wrestlers!
Woodbridge: Lookit Dover buying recovery time with the ref in the way, that snake!
Feeling more confident and getting the adrenaline from arguing to ignore the pain in his leg, Dover leaps at Stevens and positions his jaw over Dover’s shoulder… Stevens falls on him as if in a crossbody! He puts enough weight on Dover’s legs to make Dover collapse onto his back - and then he turns him over!
Indeed, Stevens hooks one of Dover’s legs while he’s face-down and puts the ankle into his armpit, grabbing the calf and cranking the hip joint up, down, and around as he rotates the knee!
An agonized Dover has absolutely no choice but to tap!
Babaganoush: Here is your winner, by submission, at a time of 9 minutes 12 seconds… TONY! STEVENS!
Woodbridge: Milk DOES do a body good!
Paisner: Dover pulling out all sorts of technically legal chicanery, but it was Stevens’s heart and devastating hold that prevailed today. Still… it’s just a matter of time before Dick screws someone like he’s used to doing.
“Enter SandMilkman” plays yet again and Stevens smiles broadly after dropping Dover’s leg; he now knows he’ll be on the road to better opportunities in WiR! He takes a celebratory milk drink and slaps hands as he leaves; Dover, meanwhile, has an obvious and very painful limp as he sourly recovers his knux from the timekeeper and heads sullenly to the back.
We fade to the scene of Big Money Maverick, finishing up a phone call, sitting in a private room in the arena. It looks as if it's a storage room, as there are many event tables and chair racks in the room, as well as different event posters and other miscellaneous items.
Big Money Mav(on the phone): Yes sir….pleasure doing business with you…….take care.
Mav hangs up the phone, as we hear a knock on the door of the room.
Big Money Mav: What in the goddamn?
Suddenly none other than Chad Hammocks steps in through the door, as Maverick looks flabbergasted, popping up out of his seat.
Big Money Mav: What the- How the- I should kick your fuckin ass, how did you find me?!
Chad Hammocks: Well, I checked every other room in the place before I found you in this one.
Big Money Mav: Yeah, the whole point of me being in the last place you'd look was that you WOULDN'T find me. I guess I shouldn't have underestimated how long you'd look for me….
Chad Hammocks: Well, I like my job, and I was told to keep following you to try and get some info from you.
Mav throws his hands up in an act of frustration.
Big Money Mav: Well, a guy just can't get any privacy it seems….just like how staying private and safe online is an ever growing difficulty. At any moment you could be exploited by hackers. NordVPN allows you to change your IP address, making you harder to track, securing your privacy.
Chad facepalms and sighs.
Hammocks:...Just get it out of your system…..
Mav smiles as he turns to the camera.
Big Money Maverick: Millions of people get hacked from using a public network. You don't have to be part of it. NordVPN offers you the fastest VPN experience with more than 5200 servers in 59 countries. On a personal level, I have used NordVPN and have found it extremely useful through my endeavors. Don't be exploited by hackers, get a 77% discount for a 3 year plan by visiting nordvpn.com/BIGMONEYMAV.
Mav turns to Hammocks, who waits more patiently than he probably should at this point.
Chad Hammocks: Are you done now?.....
Mav walks over to Chad, and puts his arm around him.
Big Money Maverick: You know, Chad. You may be a cretin, and a nincompoop, and a slapnut, but you're not too bad.
Hammock stands there not knowing whether that was a compliment or an insult.
Big Money Maverick: The world's been waiting, and I know you've been waiting, so here it is. My Announcement…….is that I've officially been signed on for in-ring action next week!
Hammock's eyes widen as he listens.
Big Money Mav:......
Hammocks:.....go on……
Big Money Mav:.....come again?....
Hammocks:....so…..who are you in action against?
Big Money Mav: Slow down, partner, one big announcement at a time! All I know is that it's gonna be teaming with 2 others, and we're gonna beat the crap out of 3 other pissants in a 6-Man Tag.
Mav pats Hammocks on the shoulder.
Big Money Mav: There you go Hammocks, you got what you wanted. Now, if you'd like to stick around I'd love to talk to you about how easy it is to listen to Audiobooks with Audible.
Hammocks quickly yells.
Big Money Mav: Audible.com is a great, easy to-
Right in the middle of Mav's speech, we cut directly to Paisner and Woodbridge at the broadcast booth.
Woodbridge: Thank god we cut him off there.
Paisner: So Mav has declared that next week he's in a 6 man tag team bout! We don't know his allies, we don't know his enemies, but Big Money Mav will be there, and if he's to be believed, it'll be must-see!
We cut to ringside, as Javier now enters the ring, microphone in hand as he prepares to announce the match-up.
Javier: The following matchup is to one fall, and has a 30 minute time limit, refereed by Ivan Itchicock.
GFY by Amyl and the Sniffers plays and the blunt vocals kick in as Kaitlyn Casey Jones saunters out to the ring, and raises one arm to the sky, showing off a Black Lives Matter armband.
Paisner: A show of solidarity by KCJ for BLM.
Javier: Making her way to the ring, from Cardiff, Wales, weighing 200 pounds, Kaaaitlyn Caasey Jones!!!
Crowd: WOOOOOO! K-C-J! K-C-J!
Before entering the ring, Jones takes a knee next to the apron, then gets to her feet and hops on the apron and slides into the ring.
Paisner: She does seem to be less lethargic, I guess KCJ is feeling motivated today by recent events!
Woodbridge: She better be ready for her opponent, because he hasn’t been slowed down by a streak of indifference at any point in his career.
Death to the Hypocrite plays now as Alex Perilmorde now makes his way towards the ring with his eyes set on the ring and on Kaitlyn.
Javier: Now making his way to the ring, from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, weighing 213 pounds, Alllexx Perrilllmorde!!
Crowd: WOOO!!!
Peril slides into the ring and is face to face with an unflinching Kaitlyn, and the two don’t budge an inch before Ivan the referee gets in between them and moves them to their respective corners. Now that both competitors have entered the ring and are ready to compete, Javier exits the ring and the ref calls for the bell.
Perilmorde and Kaitlyn approach each other, Perilmorde with caution, and Kaitlyn without caution as she calmly walks up and the two engage in a lockup that Peril quickly transitions into a wristlock, but Kaitlyn twists the arm and goes behind Peril, now gaining control by wrenching Peril’s arm behind his back. Kaitlyn maintains a grip on Peril’s arm and turns him around while pushing him away, and before pulling him back and throwing him into the air for a Pop Up Spinebuster but Peril manages to leapfrog Kaitlyn and he retreats to the corner stunned!
Paisner: Kaitlyn almost got him with the G.I.A Spinebuster! That would have PLANTED Peril with the sudden elevation he got but somehow he was able to avoid a sudden end by landing behind Kait.
Woodbridge: Peril looks stunned that she pulled that out of nowhere, I’m sure a 10 second victory is what the recently underachieving Kaitlyn was hoping to get but she has a lot to go before she can put down her dangerous opponent.
Perilmorde has regained focus after a moment of recollection against the ropes, and now approaches Kait again as Kait now follows suit with her nonchalant approach before Peril now aggressively lunges and wraps his arms from behind Kait and is able to throw her with a German Suplex that folds her in half!
Crowd: OHHH!!!
Kait now tries to back up into the opposite corner to recollect herself but Perilmorde doesn’t let up and charges with a shoulder block to the gut into the corner! Peril launches a LOUD chop to the chest of Kaitlyn!
Crowd: WOO!!
And another!
Crowd: WOOOO!!
But Kaitlyn blocks the next chop, grabs the arm, and pulls in Perilmorde with a Short-Arm Lariat! The crowd winces but then begins to stir and get loud as Kaitlyn climbs up to the top rope! She puts up a metal salute, and the crowd gets loud as she now balances herself, focuses on the grounded Perilmorde, and leaps forward but launches the rest of her body backwards into a Shooting Star Press! BUT PERIL GOT HIS KNEES UP!
Crowd: OOOHHHHH!!!
Peril now is up and grabs the legs of Kaitlyn but not to pin, as instead he flips Kaitlyn over and puts her in a Boston crab! Kaitlyn yells out in immediate pain from the submission being wrenched in! But she notices the nearby ropes and attempts to reach out, just within fingertips reach, and can’t quite extend her arm enough! Peril quickly tries to drag Kaitlyn to the middle of the ring while holding onto the legs, but Kaitlyn is able to power her legs and tuck her head under her body and reverse the hold so Perilmorde falls back onto his back and is now pinned by Kait’s legs! The ref drops down!
NO! Kickout!
Peril and Kaitlyn both roll away from each other and then are up to their feet, and Kaitlyn now dashes towards Perilmorde and swings with a wild lariat, but Perilmorde ducks it and is able to, in a one swift motion, hook Kaitlyn’s arm around his shoulders, and lift her legs attempting to drop her back into a suplex but when she is lifted she flips back and lands on her feet! Kaitlyn now backs up into the ropes and picks up speed, now coming off the ropes and Peril leapfrogs the charging Kait, who comes off the opposite ropes now and is almost met with a lifting knee, but Kait slides under the lifted leg of Peril, and speedily jumps up on the shoulders of Peril with a reverse hurricanrana position, but Peril grabs Kait’s legs and swings her around into a powerbomb position!
Perilmorde: KYRIE!...
Paisner: Alex Perilmorde has Kaitlyn in the position for a Kyrie Bomb! Dangerous place to be for Kaitlyn!
Perilmorde gets a running start, but Kait punches Perilmorde and pushes off the shoulders of Peril, lands on her feet, and as Peril turns around he is nailed with a spear!!!
Crowd: OHHHHHH!!!
Woodbridge: OUTTA NOWHERE!
Paisner: Kaitlyn charged with so much quickness but it took a lot out of her to muster that strength, as she now is on the ground next to Peril instead of going for the cover!
Kaitlyn is slowly making it to her feet, and she now sees the grounded Perilmorde and scrambles for the top of the rope again! She declines any theatrics as she comes off the ropes with a shooting star press through the air, but lands on her feet correctly anticipating the knees up again from Perilmorde and now kicks the side of Perilmorde repeatedly! Perilmorde is reeling on the canvass and eventually is against the ropes as Kaitlyn now picks him up by the head and picks him up to his feet! Kaitlyn kicks the midsection again of Perilmorde, but one more kick without her guard up and Peril grabs the leg and dragon whips Kaitlyn through the ropes and out of the ring!
Crowd: OHHH!
Woodbridge Kaitlyn landing on the ground on the outside with a thump! Perilmorde takes a moment to recover in the ring as the referee begins the count. Kaitlyn is also recovering on the outside from the sudden bump and is pulling herself up on the outside of the ring as the count reaches 8. By the time she has lifted herself up to the apron the count is 12 and Perilmorde now attempts to get out of the ring and grab her to bring her back in the ring. But Kaitlyn throws a right hand at Perilmorde! And another, before Peril launches a palm to the face of Kaitlyn! Kaitlyn launches a chop now to Perilmorde, and Perilmorde replies with a chop right back! Kaitlyn chops him back as the ref’s reset count reaches 6 and Peril spins and goes for a discus chop but Kaitlyn ducks and pushes Perilmorde up into the air and delivers a BRUTAL spinebuster on the outside of the ring!
Kaitlyn looks exhausted leaning against the ring, but Perilmorde is motionless in the ring as now the count of the referee reaches 11! Kait musters all shes got to roll under the ropes and get in the ring, and a count now reaches 13. It escalates to 14, 15, 16 and Perilmorde is still on the ground, but at 17 he finally moves a muscle but only in his right arm as he clutches at his head.The count reaches 18 now, and the crowd is getting louder and yelling at Perilmorde to get up to his feet but Perilmorde only is able to turn onto his stomach!
Woodbridge: He doesn’t have a clue where he is right now! Give It All from Kaitlyn left him absolutely flattened on the outside!
Perilmorde isn’t able to even get to his hands and knees by the count of 19 and the count reaches 20 as the ref rings for the bell.
Javier: Your winner, at a time of 6:45, Kaitlyn Casey Jones!
The crowd cheers for Kaitlyn but is disappointed in the ending of the match, but Kaitlyn raises one arm into the air and the crowd cheers for her victory more decisively now.
Woodbridge: It wasn’t the longest match, but it was a swift display from two dangerous individuals of how strong and how capable of punishment the competitors of WiR are.
Paisner: Kaitlyn came fast and hard, and her desire to end the match paid off as she was able to incapacitate Perilmorde for the 20 count on the outside.
Perilmorde has finally came to but is visibly shaken from the impact of the spinebuster. He looks on at Kaitlyn, arm raised in victory, and runs his hands through his hair as he leans against the apron and catches his breath.
Paisner: Kaitlyn ends a recent streak of underachievement here, and Perilmorde unfortunately suffers another loss after his coming up short at Pyramid of Blood against Eddie Skelter. It has yet to be seen how the recently turned good Perilmorde will bounce back.
Woodbridge: There’s no doubt he will, but Kaitlyn came out tonight more determined and headstrong than we’ve seen in a minute. We’ll be back soon, folks.
We return from break, as “Young Cardinals” by Alexisonfire loudly echoes throughout the McMorran Place and boos immediately follow in even louder volume.
Paisner: And there’s the sounds that signal the arrival of some of the most notorious troublemakers in the business. They failed to bring home any gold as a group at Pyramid of Blood, Joey failing his triple threat match for the Independent Championship and Alpha and Nova failing their tag team championship match.
Woodbridge: They definitely did not leave the night without making an impact however, as the WiR Championship Match was heavily interfered with near the end by damn near the entire roster it seemed, including The Young Cards.
Miles Alpha bursts out into the venue with vigor as he hand motions for the crowd to bring on the boos and the crowd obliges and boos them even louder. Alpha turns around only to notice Nova isn’t behind him, and a few seconds pass by before Dalidus Nova walks into the venue holding a half-empty box of local pizza in his hands as he nonchalantly saunters past Miles, looking around at the raucously booing crowd as if it were just another Monday. He begins walking to the ring, followed by Alpha.
Woodbridge: Well, he just doesn’t really seem to give a shit, huh?
Paisner: Not at all.
Alpha eventually outspeeds Nova’s walking pace and Miles jumps to the apron and jumps over the ropes, and he reaches over the opposite ropes and tells a ringside crew to give him 2 mics. Nova now reaches the apron and slowly rolls under, taking great care to keep the box of pizza off the ground as he now rises to his feet. Miles hands Nova a Mic in his free hand and Miles brings his own mic up to his mouth.
Miles: First of all, Joey is banged up right now, so unfortunately, we cannot bless you with his presence in this moment.
Miles: I know, I know, you hate the card this week because there’s no Miles or Nova in action. I do too, guys.
Crowd: BOOOOOO!!!!!
Miles: But I figured we owe y’all an explanation as to why The Young Cardinals would interfere in the world title match and come to the aid of Kyle and The Red Army.
Nova now speaks up on the microphone, a mouthful of pizza obstructing his speech.
Miles: Here’s the deal. As you can clearly tell, we weren’t the only group to form after our previous shows… incident. But what I can tell you is that we are the only group formed who stands for something true, something righteous and worthy.
Miles: The Working Class is damn right. We, perhaps better than anyone else in this company, understand the plight of the average man-
Miles: And maybe the people would be more sympathetic if they understood what exactly we were able to get done at Pyramid of Blood. Thanks to us, us Working People have a champion that truly represents our struggle, our pain, and our hard hard work!
Nova: swallowing another bite of pizza Yea, Our Hard Work!!!
Crowd: BOOOOO!
Miles: Well, leave it up to Michigan to boo hard work.
Dalidus hands the box over to Miles, who looks at the overly-greasy pizza with a hint of disgust. Nova finishes chewing, before raising the microphone.
Nova: Listen up, fucksticks, and look around you! Everywhere in this company, the authorities go out of their way to make life harder for people like Miles and I!
Nova: It’s true! It’s true! We deserved a championship rematch against The Stargazers. Team against team, plain and simple. Y’know what we got?
Crowd: WHAT?
Nova: We got SCREWED! Paisner, this disgusting little freak who sees himself as the almighty god of pro wrestling, decided to put Fat Boy and Mason Suckers in our match! And you know what happened?
Crowd: WHAT?
Paisner: Jesus Christ…
Nova: THEY GOT PINNED! We lost our rightful chance at the titles because they lost! We would be the tag team champions right now if it weren’t for Paisner at the rest of the shitty shareholders in this equally shitty company!
Dalidus takes his pizza box back from Miles, as his compatriot begins to speak.
Miles: But it’s not just us! Kyle almost got screwed the exact same way! Why do you think Tyler Dylan, that insufferable little prick, got a shot at the world title? Because Paisner realized that Kyle is a threat to his authority, and decided that anyone, anyone would be a better little lapdog! He’s scared of us, plain and simple. And he SHOULD be, because he knows that we’re going to -
However, before Miles can finish his emphatic statement, Freaky Black Greetings hits the soundsystem!
Woodbridge: Is that…?
Paisner: It is. And for once, I couldn’t be happier.
Buster Braggadocio has arrived in a white suit with red accents, a pick in his hair and a microphone in hand, and a marker tucked behind his ear.
Buster: Would you Young Caucasians shut the HELL up?
Crowd: YEAAAA!!!!
Buster: Oh, you whiteys aren’t off the hook either, believe me. But let’s keep our eye on the prize.
Buster is now making his way towards the ring.
Buster: This company was ROBBED of a non-white champion at Pyramid of Blood! Robbed of our first Brown world champion in this White Supremacist company, because yet again, the fucking hWhite man had to colonialize, pillage, and SCREW over a BoC! That’s a Brotha of Colour, for those clueless white folx at home.
Buster now reaches the apron and hops onto it, turns to the crowd and puts up a black power fist, before turning back to the ring and entering through the second and third rope.
Nova: Woah, woah woah, maybe you didn’t understand what I just said, maybe you’re being an obtuse dickwad on purpose, but the Young Cardinals are the ones being screw-
Buster slaps the pizza box out of Nova’s hand and sends it flying into the crowd!
Crowd: OHHHH!!
submitted by youto2 to wrestlingisreddit [link] [comments]

2020.04.12 02:37 Iskander_Khan I found some unaired footage from the TV show 'COPS!'

Saturday morning.
Iron-grey clouds blanket the sodden city, another washout New England summer. I pull the hood of my black jacket over my head a little more to keep the rain at bay, dodging grim faced pedestrians as I trudge down Shawmut Avenue. I’m headed towards a little thrift store that supports AIDs treatment and prevention, a weekly ritual of mine, I pick up odds and ends, things people need; it feels good spending money there.
I pick through the garment racks and the tables loaded with pairs of shoes, seeing little of interest. I peruse cabinets full of knickknacks and curio, a ragged old clown doll stares back at me through rows of dusty porcelain children. I don’t like its smile.
Just when I think I’m about to leave empty handed, I spy an old cardboard box near the back of the store. It is full of old VHS tapes. I ask the kindly old lady behind the counter if any of them are for sale. She smiles and nods.
“Fifty cents a tape”, she replies. I like her; she knows me, she’s kind to me.
I proceed to rifle through the video tapes. There are a few old Disney movies, a copy of The Shawshank Redemption, and numerous unlabeled tapes that I assume are just blank. But three have hand written labels stuck to them, labels which pique my curiosity upon reading.
Cops TV Show – Unaired Footage – 1992
Another is dated 1993, the other ’94. I’ve never heard of the show having any kind of blooper reel, it certainly would make for interesting watching. It’d also give me an excuse to dust off the old VCR in the closet of my Beacon Hill apartment; I wouldn’t be leaving it much this weekend anyway. WBZ has forecast rain from Friday to Sunday.
I take the tapes to the counter, telling the nice lady to keep the change of a five, then begin the walk back home.
The VCR takes a while to set up. I can’t find a way to hook it up to my newer, digital TV, so I have to pull out an old box TV from the basement of my apartment building. I’m not convinced it’ll work, but it does. Soon the satisfying sound of old mechanisms whirring to life fills the room as I load the tape labeled 1992 into the receiver.
I hit pause, grab my smokes and a beer, turn off the lights, and then sit back down to watch.

The screen flickers, a static buzzing sound vibrating through the old TV set, but then there’s life. There’s no intro music, no title sequence, the footage just – starts. But it’s instantly recognizable, a Cop in the driver’s seat of his squad car, a camera man recording him from the passenger seat. The audio and video quality is much better than I expected, so much so that I can make out the Cop’s distinct New England twang. Lone behold, the caption says ‘Lynn, MA’, that’s just a few miles up the road.
The footage skips. The next scene is of a traffic accident. A car is crumpled and smoking, having smashed into a tree by the side of the road. The driver is dead in the passenger seat, another body lies in the middle of the road, covered by a cop’s winter jacket.
“…two deceased out here, perp’s still in her car, victim is laid out on the road”, a cop is talking into his radio, walking over towards the covered cadaver, “perp is in her thirties, brunette, Rhode Island plates, wait one for a description of the victim”.
The cop kneels by the body in the road and lifts the jacket, a hand still on his radio. His partner joins him.
“Jesus Christ. Victim is a mess. Heavy scarring on the torso and head, looks like previous injuries, pieces of vehicle wreckage embedded in his limbs”, the Cop’s voice sounded shaky as he describes the state of the body. His partner stoops to see for himself, bringing a hand to his mouth when he does.
“We’re gunna need the Coroner and a tow truck out here”, the cop says into his radio.
“Did he get all that metal in him from the accident?” his partner asks.
“I dunno, I think – I think so, but, Jesus Christ it’s deep”

The Cop’s partner rises to his feet and turns away from the body, the grizzly image too much for him. The Cop stays at the body for a few more moments, before rising and returning to his squad car.
The tape jumps a little, a momentary static buzz from the old TV set, but soon the picture returns to normal. The two cops are stood by the side of the road, talking into the camera about the important of road safety after dark. Just at the edge of the shot, the jacket covered corpse is visible.
As one of the Cops talks, droning on with obvious exhaustion in his voice, something stirs in the background. The jacket covering the fresh roadkill shifts a little. I watch, in utter disbelief, as corpse rises slowly into a sitting position, the Cop’s jacket falling away from its head and shoulders.
No one notices, not the Cops, not the cameraman, as the thing slowly rises to its feet and casts a look over at the rolling camera. It watches for a moment, cocking it’s head as it listens to the two State Troopers drone on and on about the pitfalls of driving at night, before turning and simply walking out of shot.
I can’t believe my eyes. I pause the tape, rewinding it so that the walking corpse makes a macabre backwards journey to once again being covered by the jacket. Only with a second viewing did it really register. I’d heard what the Cop said, the thing was dead, really dead. It was a mess of meat, metal, bone and scar tissue, but the tape didn’t lie, it did get up and walk off the road.

I continue watching, unable to tear my eyes from the screen.
The Cops continue talking for a minute or so, relating stories of previous traffic accidents, when suddenly, the pair are interrupted by the sound of shattering glass behind them.
“- the hell?” one of them murmurs.
The Cops look at each other, then rush out into the road towards the sound. The cameraman follows. He catches up with the Cops just in time to film the vehicle wreckage, the driver’s window has been smashed, the woman’s body is missing from the seat.
“Jesus fucking Christ, someone took the perp’s body!”
“Get after him, I’ll hold down the scene!” the Cop shouts at his partner before turning to the camera, “you, stay here”.
The Cop’s partner rushes off into the trees with his flashlight, furiously shouting after the body snatcher. The first starts to walk back his squad car, cameraman in tow.
He freezes, looking down at his jacket lying in the road.
“What the fuck” the shock is thick in his voice, “where’s the fucking victim?”
“I don’t know, man, I didn’t see shit”, the cameraman’s voice is fainter than the others, but he sounds just as terrified. The Cop takes out his own flash light now, shining it around the area, searching for something that isn’t there.
“What the fuck is going on here”, he hisses to himself, taking out his sidearm. He sees something at the side of the road and shines his flashlight at it, “Tom, that you, man? What did you see?”
“Turn the fucking camera off”, his partner looks like he’s seen a ghost.
“Did you find anyth-”
“Turn it off”
The picture cuts to black, there’s a little more of that hideous static buzz, then silence.

I stopped the tape.
This could not be real. It had to be someone’s attempt at a low budget found footage movie, some sort of deep fake that, to be honest, was pretty damned convincing.
But it wasn’t just convincing. It was perfect. Everything from the car models to the hair styles was perfectly early nineties, and the fear, the raw panic in that Cop’s eyes as he came bursting out of the woods, that wasn’t acting.
Thunder rumbled outside my apartment, the tapping of raindrops against the windows growing ever intense. I paced around my apartment, fingers threaded at the base of my skull as I built up the will to continue watching.

The next clip buzzes into life, a similar set up to the first. It catches a Sherriff’s deputy mid-sentence.
“ – Hernandez, I’ve been with the department ten years this July, right now we’re just investigating a few missing persons cases out here. Got some pictures of our missing persons, just going to show ‘em around, ask some questions”.
The Cop drives around a concrete jungle of overpasses and railway bridges, pointing over out the driver’s side window.
“We’re in the Overtown area of Miami right now, an area of the city that has a considerable homeless population. It’s also where some of the last known sightings of our missing persons are at, so we’re going to pull over and see if some of these poor folk can help us”.
The Cop pulls his vehicle over to the side of the road and gets out, followed by the cameraman. The bright lights of the camera rig and the ‘Police’ decal on the side of the squad car seem to be making the homeless people nervous. The Cop calms them down with a friendly introduction.
He shows them a few photographs, a smiling Cubano’s high school yearbook picture, another of a woman from a family portrait. The homeless shake their heads at each of them, the occasional humble apology spilling from dry, cracked lips.
The Cop thanks them and begins to walk back to his squad car.
“Sir?” a woman’s meek voice calls after him. She is shushed by the ragged huddle around her, silencing her before she can finish.
“What’s that, Miss?” the Cop turns, “What were you going to say?”
His question is met with silence. The homeless just stare back at him, silhouetted by the flames of trashcan fires, no one moves, no one talks.
“You know, if it turns out you guys know something, that’s obstruction, you could go to jail for it”, the threat seems to fall on deaf ears, each of them remains tight lipped.
“Well”, the Cop sighs, “thanks anyway, stay safe now”.
He and the cameraman get back into his patrol car, then cruise off into the night.

“Lotta narcotics activity in this area, that’s half the reason those homeless folks don’t talk to Police, their dealers find out and well, they’re in trouble”, the Cop explains flatly. He cruises along a commercial strip, eyeing the street corner thugs and tired looking girls who flit their skirts to passing cars.
He stops and rolls his window down. At first, the girls look nervous, shifting their eyes before the Cop explains he’s only looking for a missing person. He shows them the picture of the girl he’s searching for, they each take a look at the photograph, shaking their heads or shrugging as they do so.
“Some sad stories around here”, the Cop says as he drives away, “that kinda life, it’s easy to get lost”.

After a few minutes of driving, the Cop finds himself driving around a dark industrial area, huge factories and warehouses surrounded by steel fencing. Aside from a few security lights that come on every now and then, his patrol vehicle’s headlights are the only illumination.
The area appears deserted, but as the Cop turns a sharp corner, one of the security lights switches on, revealing a single figure, stood stone-still in the centre of a dusty, open space.
“Hold up”, the Cop says, braking suddenly as the person seemingly appears from nowhere, “the hell did they come from?”
The Cop takes a look at the figure for a few seconds, leans over to look at the photo of the missing girl, then looks back at the figure.
“I think he found her”, he says softly. Just as the words leave his mouth, the security light illuminating the figure suddenly switches off. Once again, the area is bathed in darkness. The Cop opens the driver’s side door, walking towards the area the figure was standing until once again, the security light flicks on.
This time, there’s no one. No figure standing statue-still; just the cop, alone in that dusty patch of land.
Even though he’s fifty feet away with his back to the camera, you can feel his confusion. The Cops looks around, shining his flashlight into the few dark corners of the dusty lot, but there’s nothing, no one. The Cop turns off his flashlight, slowly slotting it back into his belt, and for a few moments, he just stands there, dumbfounded.
Suddenly, the security light flicks off.
It’s at this point I realize I can hear the heavy, anxious breaths of the cameraman as he waits for the Cop to return. He’s scared. He should be.
When the security light flicks back on, the Cop is casually walking back towards the patrol car. He can’t see what’s behind him. But the cameraman can, and he lets out a terrified, mewling whimper when he does.
What the Cop can’t see is that there are now hundreds of stone-still figures in the lot behind him, quiet as death. They all stare as he walks away, their gaunt faces and ashen eyes burning into his back. Their flesh is grey, their clothes covered in a film of fine, grey dust.
Out of the masses of skeletal figures, one steps forward, a young woman, her hand stretched out towards the oblivious officer. Yet just as he finally reaches the driver’s side door of his vehicle, the security light flickers off again. Light disappears from the dusty lot, and with it, so do the Missing.
“You okay, bro?” the Cop asks the Cameraman, a concerned look on his face as the shot begins to pan down.
“I – I can’t -”, but the camera man can’t find the words. There are none to describe what he managed to catch on film. I can tell you that first hand.
The footage cuts off again with more of that static buzz before the room returns to silence. A dead silence.
Again, I stop the tape, trying to make sense of what I’d seen.

But it was impossible.
The more I tried to wrap my head around the images, the more I felt like I was going insane. There was a perfectly rational explanation for each event, but at the same time, each defied possibility. Dead men don’t just get up and walk, people don’t just disappear.
I decided to call a friend for a dose of reality. I wasted no time on small talk.
“I got something you need to see, it’s – it’s a video tape, some old episodes of ‘Cops!’ that never got aired”
“Uh – okay, cool”, he said calmly, “what is it, like a blooper reel or something?”
“No, no, it’s – it’s something else, like, like there’s something really weird about this footage, man”
“Weird like how?”
“I think -”, I take a breath, knowing what I’m about to say sounds insane, “I think a dead guy gets up and walks, like on camera”. There’s a pause on the other end, my friend isn’t buying it.
“Dude, you’re being serious right now?”
“Deadly serious”, but I can feel my frustration builds as he starts to laugh.
“You want me to come over because you’re scared of some nineties horror movie, this is priceless”
“No, I -” but it’s no good, he refuses to entertain the idea.
I hang up in frustration, cursing as I walk into the small kitchen area of my apartment. I grab a beer from the fridge, popping it as I take comfort in the idea of seeing his goddamn face when he actually does see this thing. He won’t be laughing then.
On the way back to the VCR, the thought occurs to me that I should not continue to watch the tapes. I’m fueled by morbid curiosity, but I wonder if there are things on those tapes far worse than what I’d seen already, things I’d wish I’d never seen.
But it was too late now.
I leaned forward, and pressed ‘play’.

Two Washington State Troopers are in the middle of a DUI check on a long stretch of tree-lined road. Their subject is cooperative, calm but a little impatient. She blows a clean breathalyzer and is allowed to continue on her way.
The sun begins to dip toward the horizon as the two Cops cruise around their section of rural Washington, explaining the perks and perils of small town law enforcement. They had their fair share of drug use and petty crime, only arrests were often made on first name terms.
“Sometimes you know these kids parents”, one said, “let’s just say, most of the time, the apple don’t fall too far from the tree”.
“Law enforcement out here requires something of a personal touch”, the other remarks with a smirk.
“Like right now, we’re headed out to Blackwater Lake, a hangout spot for the town’s more rebellious teenagers. We make sure they’re not drinking and going swimming out there, the water is real deep”
“That’s how it gets its name”, the other Cop explains, “water is so deep it looks almost black at times, real good fishin’ in the spring, lemme tell ya.
The drive up to the lake is spectacular. The road is lined with lush, verdant greenery that practically glows orange in the dying light of the setting sun. Snowcapped mountains in the distance give the place and even deeper sense of isolation.
I dread where this segment is going to lead.

The Cops take a turn off of the main road, down a long dirt path, deeper into the woods. Trees seem to encroach on either side, dwarfing the patrol car in an almost impenetrable palisade.
Suddenly, the forest opens up into a vast open space. Blackwater Lake stretches out before the patrol vehicle as far as the eye can see, a small island of greenery in its centre. The dirt path runs along the lake’s edge for a stretch before being eaten up by the greenery, the Cops drive along it, stop, then climb out of their patrol vehicle.
“Look, smoke”, one of the Cops points towards top of a nearby tree line, grey smoke drifting skyward as the twilight sets in, “they’re here alright, c’mon”.
All three men, both Cops and the cameraman, begin to advance towards the tree line, weaving through the dense pines towards the source of the smoke. They soon break into a small clearing, a small, well made fire in the centre. It’s still smoking, a few half empty beer cans littering the otherwise deserted scene.
“They was just here”, one of the Cops says.
“Listen up!” the other calls out into the forest, “Y’all aren’t in trouble or anything, but y’all can’t be out here after dark, you know that! So just come out, and me and my colleague here will give y’all a lift back into town”
Nothing, no one calls back, no one stirs among the trees. A dead, eerie silence hangs over the woods.
“Don’t make us come out there lookin’ for y’all” the cop Continues, his voice a little sterner, yet still parental. But still there comes no reply, just the cawing of a distant raven that echoes weakly through the trees.
“Looks like we’re doin’ this, huh”, his partner sighs. The two head off into the trees to search for the teenagers.

After a brief and fruitless search, the Cops find themselves on the edge of the huge, tranquil lake. The scene is a quiet one, the gentle lapping of water and hum of crickets interrupting what would otherwise be a dead silence. The sun is setting, but it’s not completely dark yet,
“Is that-”, one of the Cops murmurs to himself, stepping over to patch of foliage; he reaches inside and begins to drag out the painted metal frame of a bicycle.
“One of them tried to hide their bike, huh?” the other remarks, watching as his partner struggle to drag the thing from the bushes.
“Looks like i- what the hell?!” as the Cop finishes pulling the bike from the patch of thick brush, he recoils, wiping one of his hands on the fallen leaves in disgust. The bike falls into the dirt as the camera zooms in on the viscous, black slime that coats the Cop’s hand, the front end of the abandoned bike is covered in it.
“-the hell is that stuff?”
“Urggh, I have no idea, goddamn kids, disgusting”, the Cop walks over to the lake’s edge, washing his hand in the water as his partner begins to study the bike. Along with being covered in that same, dark slime the other Cop is cleaning from his hand, the front wheel of the bike is bent at a right angle, some of the metal spokes torn in two.
“Last time I saw this kinda damage to a bicycle it was after a car accident”, he says, “come on, one of these kids might be hurt, let’s keep looking”. The pair continues to slowly trace their way through the trees, keeping their eyes on the dirt below them for any tracks or signs of movement.
“This ain’t lookin’ good” one of the Cops remarks as he suddenly stops in his tracks, he kneels, directing his partner and the cameraman to a torn, bloody sneaker lying among the fallen leaves. His partner immediately grabs a hold of his personal radio unit, telling a nearby dispatcher to get an ambulance on stand-by.
The Cops continue their search with considerably more urgency, working their way along the lake’s edge as they follow the blood trail that leads from the discarded sneaker. It’s not long before the trail ends.
“Jesus Christ”, one of the Cops brings a hand to face, covering his mouth and nose as the camera’s mic begins to pick up the buzzing of flies, “it’s a body”
“It’s a goddamn mess too”, the other states, peering ahead into a small clearing. The camera catches a brief shot of a butchered corpse, the limbs are intact, but the torso and head are smashed open and missing huge chunks of meat.
“Animal attack, you reckon?”
“I don’t think so, animals don’t do that”, the other Cop points away from the scene, the camera swings around to record what he is referring to.
In a nearby tree, a body is strung up by the arms, like some sick imitation of Christ upon the cross. It has been similarly defiled, organs torn from the torso with its skull hollowed out.
“Get homicide up here, now”, one of the Cops growls, taking out his sidearm and racking a round into the chamber, the other gets on his radio, rattling off coded numbers with an anxious tone. They soon begin to circle the perimeter, ensuring there are no other bodies concealed among the trees.
Suddenly, there’s a shout.
“HEY! HEY, YOU THERE, OUT OF THE WATER, RIGHT NOW, HANDS IN THE AIR!” the Cop with his sidearm out is pointing it out into the water, screaming commands as the camera tries to focus on what he’s calling out to. About fifty feet offshore, the camera catches something small breaking the water’s surface, a brief fumbling is heard as the cameraman turns on the spotlight attached to his equipment. It’s only then that a brief, but clear image can be seen.
It’s a head, protruding from the water just above eye level, the light reflects on glassy, black eyes before the thing submerges and disappears from view.
“What the fuck was that!?” one of the Cops exclaims.
“That’s our goddamn perp headed for that island over there, radio for some boats out here so we can get this son of a bitch!”

It’s not long before the shoreline is packed with the vehicles of various emergency services. Medical units carry black plastic body bags full of gory remains into the back of waiting Coroner’s wagons; Police Officers unload motorboats from the back of trucks, carrying them to the water as they prepare to hunt for their suspect.
“I need Cops with long guns loaded into boats, quickly as possible!” a gruff voice bellows out, his seniority is obvious; this could be the County Sherriff. “Get ‘em loaded up, boys, let’s move out!”
The cameraman nervously climbs into one of the boats, the footage growing shaky for a moment before he sits down and gains a stable position. Three boatloads of armed men stand ready to go as outboard engines begin to rev, one by one, the boats begin to depart the shoreline, heading towards the lake’s centre island.
Halfway into the journey, the boat at the rear of the party begins to slow.
“Y’alright back there!?” someone shouts from another boat.
“Goddamn – thing – I think the propeller is stuck, something’s jamm-”, his words are interrupted by something slamming into the boat. It rocks violently in the water, its occupants yelping in terror as they try to hang on.
There’s a rush of water, something barely visible is charging though the lake towards the already unstable craft. The impact is breathtaking. The boat is broken in two as it capsizes, wood splinters and men flying through the twilight air before splashing back into the water.
“Woah, woah, woah!” a man cries, “we gotta go back and get those guys, turn this this around!”
But the Cop manning the boat’s engine doesn’t turn back, he watches in horror as the men thrown overboard, bobbing in the water with their life jackets, begin to thrash and kick in the water.
“-the fuck is that thing?” one of them cries, peering down beneath the surface as something swims around them at terrifying speeds. One by one they begin to scream, as each of them is dragged beneath the water by some unseen creature.
“Hey, hey! What the hell is going on over there!?” one of the Cops shouts. He panics, aiming his rifle at the water’s surface and firing wildly in the hops of killing the hidden assailant.
“Cease-fucking-fire, Trooper, you’re gunna hit friendlies!”
But it’s not good, the trigger happy Cop caught a glimpse of what’s hunting them. Fear is in control now.
“Jesus Christ, make a break for the island, move it!” someone screams, engines rev again, furious and loud, and soon the capsized boat is just a speck in the distance.

The Cops land on the small island in the middle of the lake in pitched darkness, only the camera and the Cop’s flashlights illuminate the area. They disembark their boats, shell-shocked looks among them as they wade through the shallow water onto dry land.
There is chaos, confusion, anger and loss. The camera man catches their arguments via his microphone, but the shot focuses squarely on the water, his light scanning back and forth for any signs of their amphibious assailant.
A Bear, a Gator, some kind of huge Fish. Each idea is shouted down for other Officers as being ridiculous. They can only agree on one single thing, that they are in dire need of help. Then, out of nowhere, a terrified cry is heard.
“THERE IT IS!” one of the Cops screams.
There’s a rushing of footsteps, the camera spins around just in time to catch the ripples on the surface of the water, something is moving beneath the lake. Then it groans. A deep, rumbling sound that seems to shake the leaves of the trees around them. It silences the panicked officers. The thing is huge.
“What the hell are we gunna do, man!?”
“Only thing we can do, radio for backup”, an authoritative voice cuts above the others, the cadence becomes slow and steady and it talks into a radio.
“Dispatch, we’re out on Blackwater Lake and we have Officers down. There’s been some kind of animal attack. We need more boats and helicopter support, tell one of those Sniper teams down in Tacoma to bring a goddamn Elephant Rifle or something, this thing is gigantic”.
“Dispatch, this is County Sherriff Watson, do you copy?”
Still silence.
“You guys radios workin’?” he asks. Men key their radio handsets, testing them for static, none of them make a sound.
“-the hell?”
But just as it dawns on the men that they’re stranded, without working radios, at the mercy of some huge, aquatic monster, the sound of rotor blades can be heard in the distance.
“Oh thank God”
“Not a moment too fucking soon either”
A Helicopter shining an impossibly bright spot light begins to fly over the area, the chopping of blades becoming louder and louder until the aircraft hovers over the small island. But it’s no Police Chopper. It’s way too big, looking almost like a military Blackhawk, only this one has no markings on it, it’s painted entirely black.
“Attention Law Enforcement Officers”, a dull, robotic voice drones from a loud speaker above the men, “we are representatives of the United States Government and are now in full control of the situation. Put down your weapons and turn off any recording equipment, I say again, lay down your weapons and turn off the camera”.
The Cops are stunned for a moment, like deer frozen in a pair of pickup truck headlights. Only when the commands are repeated do they comply, taking out their side-arms and laying them in the dirt along with the shotguns and rifles they were carrying.
The camera can barely see a thing, the bright spotlight partially obscuring the picture. The shot lowers until all I can see is mud and fallen leaves, then the picture goes dark.

My VCR clicks and whirrs as the tape comes to an end, ejecting the finished cassette as it pops out of the receiver and into view. My palms are sweating, every muscle in my body is tense, in the silence of my dark, damp apartment, I can hear my heart beating in my chest.
I turn my head towards the coffee table, the two other Cops video tapes sitting idly on the mahogany surface. I can’t bring myself to grab another, but at the same time, I need to watch them, I need to know just how far this whole thing goes.
I get up from my seat, opening a window to the rainy, Beacon Hill night. I think the fresh air might do me good. But it doesn’t, my head still spins with images from the tape; it’s like my brain can’t make sense of them, and the fear that comes from that is like nothing I’ve ever known. It’s true fear, the truest fear there is…
…fear of the unknown.
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2020.03.30 08:20 faizrashid The Age of Big Data

GOOD with numbers? Fascinated by data? The sound you hear is opportunity knocking.
Mo Zhou was snapped up by I.B.M. last summer, as a freshly minted Yale M.B.A., to join the technology company’s fast-growing ranks of data consultants. They help businesses make sense of an explosion of data — Web traffic and social network comments, as well as software and sensors that monitor shipments, suppliers and customers — to guide decisions, trim costs and lift sales. “I’ve always had a love of numbers,” says Ms. Zhou, whose job as a data analyst suits her skills.
To exploit the data flood, America will need many more like her. A report last year by the McKinsey Global Institute, the research arm of the consulting firm, projected that the United States needs 140,000 to 190,000 more workers with “deep analytical” expertise and 1.5 million more data-literate managers, whether retrained or hired.
The impact of data abundance extends well beyond business. Justin Grimmer, for example, is one of the new breed of political scientists. A 28-year-old assistant professor at Stanford, he combined math with political science in his undergraduate and graduate studies, seeing “an opportunity because the discipline is becoming increasingly data-intensive.” His research involves the computer-automated analysis of blog postings, Congressional speeches and press releases, and news articles, looking for insights into how political ideas spread.
The story is similar in fields as varied as science and sports, advertising and public health — a drift toward data-driven discovery and decision-making. “It’s a revolution,” says Gary King, director of Harvard’s Institute for Quantitative Social Science. “We’re really just getting under way. But the march of quantification, made possible by enormous new sources of data, will sweep through academia, business and government. There is no area that is going to be untouched.”
Welcome to the Age of Big Data. The new megarich of Silicon Valley, first at Google and now Facebook, are masters at harnessing the data of the Web — online searches, posts and messages — with Internet advertising. At the World Economic Forum last month in Davos, Switzerland, Big Data was a marquee topic. A report by the forum, “Big Data, Big Impact,” declared data a new class of economic asset, like currency or gold.
Rick Smolan, creator of the “Day in the Life” photography series, is planning a project later this year, “The Human Face of Big Data,” documenting the collection and uses of data. Mr. Smolan is an enthusiast, saying that Big Data has the potential to be “humanity’s dashboard,” an intelligent tool that can help combat poverty, crime and pollution. Privacy advocates take a dim view, warning that Big Data is Big Brother, in corporate clothing.
What is Big Data? A meme and a marketing term, for sure, but also shorthand for advancing trends in technology that open the door to a new approach to understanding the world and making decisions. There is a lot more data, all the time, growing at 50 percent a year, or more than doubling every two years, estimates IDC, a technology research firm. It’s not just more streams of data, but entirely new ones. For example, there are now countless digital sensors worldwide in industrial equipment, automobiles, electrical meters and shipping crates. They can measure and communicate location, movement, vibration, temperature, humidity, even chemical changes in the air.
Link these communicating sensors to computing intelligence and you see the rise of what is called the Internet of Things or the Industrial Internet. Improved access to information is also fueling the Big Data trend. For example, government data — employment figures and other information — has been steadily migrating onto the Web. In 2009, Washington opened the data doors further by starting Data.gov, a Web site that makes all kinds of government data accessible to the public.
Data is not only becoming more available but also more understandable to computers. Most of the Big Data surge is data in the wild — unruly stuff like words, images and video on the Web and those streams of sensor data. It is called unstructured data and is not typically grist for traditional databases.
When the World Stops, Traveling in John Keats’s ‘Realms of Gold’
But the computer tools for gleaning knowledge and insights from the Internet era’s vast trove of unstructured data are fast gaining ground. At the forefront are the rapidly advancing techniques of artificial intelligence like natural-language processing, pattern recognition and machine learning.
Those artificial-intelligence technologies can be applied in many fields. For example, Google’s search and ad business and its experimental robot cars, which have navigated thousands of miles of California roads, both use a bundle of artificial-intelligence tricks. Both are daunting Big Data challenges, parsing vast quantities of data and making decisions instantaneously.
The wealth of new data, in turn, accelerates advances in computing — a virtuous circle of Big Data. Machine-learning algorithms, for example, learn on data, and the more data, the more the machines learn. Take Siri, the talking, question-answering application in iPhones, which Apple introduced last fall. Its origins go back to a Pentagon research project that was then spun off as a Silicon Valley start-up. Apple bought Siri in 2010, and kept feeding it more data. Now, with people supplying millions of questions, Siri is becoming an increasingly adept personal assistant, offering reminders, weather reports, restaurant suggestions and answers to an expanding universe of questions.
To grasp the potential impact of Big Data, look to the microscope, says Erik Brynjolfsson, an economist at Massachusetts Institute of Technology’s Sloan School of Management. The microscope, invented four centuries ago, allowed people to see and measure things as never before — at the cellular level. It was a revolution in measurement.
Data measurement, Professor Brynjolfsson explains, is the modern equivalent of the microscope. Google searches, Facebook posts and Twitter messages, for example, make it possible to measure behavior and sentiment in fine detail and as it happens.
Credit...Chad Hagen
In business, economics and other fields, Professor Brynjolfsson says, decisions will increasingly be based on data and analysis rather than on experience and intuition. “We can start being a lot more scientific,” he observes.
There is plenty of anecdotal evidence of the payoff from data-first thinking. The best-known is still “Moneyball,” the 2003 book by Michael Lewis, chronicling how the low-budget Oakland A’s massaged data and arcane baseball statistics to spot undervalued players. Heavy data analysis had become standard not only in baseball but also in other sports, including English soccer, well before last year’s movie version of “Moneyball,” starring Brad Pitt.
Retailers, like Walmart and Kohl’s, analyze sales, pricing and economic, demographic and weather data to tailor product selections at particular stores and determine the timing of price markdowns. Shipping companies, like U.P.S., mine data on truck delivery times and traffic patterns to fine-tune routing.
Online dating services, like Match.com, constantly sift through their Web listings of personal characteristics, reactions and communications to improve the algorithms for matching men and women on dates. Police departments across the country, led by New York’s, use computerized mapping and analysis of variables like historical arrest patterns, paydays, sporting events, rainfall and holidays to try to predict likely crime “hot spots” and deploy officers there in advance.
Research by Professor Brynjolfsson and two other colleagues, published last year, suggests that data-guided management is spreading across corporate America and starting to pay off. They studied 179 large companies and found that those adopting “data-driven decision making” achieved productivity gains that were 5 percent to 6 percent higher than other factors could explain.
The predictive power of Big Data is being explored — and shows promise — in fields like public health, economic development and economic forecasting. Researchers have found a spike in Google search requests for terms like “flu symptoms” and “flu treatments” a couple of weeks before there is an increase in flu patients coming to hospital emergency rooms in a region (and emergency room reports usually lag behind visits by two weeks or so).
Global Pulse, a new initiative by the United Nations, wants to leverage Big Data for global development. The group will conduct so-called sentiment analysis of messages in social networks and text messages — using natural-language deciphering software — to help predict job losses, spending reductions or disease outbreaks in a given region. The goal is to use digital early-warning signals to guide assistance programs in advance to, for example, prevent a region from slipping back into poverty.
In economic forecasting, research has shown that trends in increasing or decreasing volumes of housing-related search queries in Google are a more accurate predictor of house sales in the next quarter than the forecasts of real estate economists. The Federal Reserve, among others, has taken notice. In July, the National Bureau of Economic Research is holding a workshop on “Opportunities in Big Data” and its implications for the economics profession.
Big Data is already transforming the study of how social networks function. In the 1960s, Stanley Milgram of Harvard used packages as his research medium in a famous experiment in social connections. He sent packages to volunteers in the Midwest, instructing them to get the packages to strangers in Boston, but not directly; participants could mail a package only to someone they knew. The average number of times a package changed hands was remarkably few, about six. It was a classic demonstration of the “small-world phenomenon,” captured in the popular phrase “six degrees of separation.”
Today, social-network research involves mining huge digital data sets of collective behavior online. Among the findings: people whom you know but don’t communicate with often — “weak ties,” in sociology — are the best sources of tips about job openings. They travel in slightly different social worlds than close friends, so they see opportunities you and your best friends do not.
Researchers can see patterns of influence and peaks in communication on a subject — by following trending hashtags on Twitter, for example. The online fishbowl is a window into the real-time behavior of huge numbers of people. “I look for hot spots in the data, an outbreak of activity that I need to understand,” says Jon Kleinberg, a professor at Cornell. “It’s something you can only do with Big Data.”
Big Data has its perils, to be sure. With huge data sets and fine-grained measurement, statisticians and computer scientists note, there is increased risk of “false discoveries.” The trouble with seeking a meaningful needle in massive haystacks of data, says Trevor Hastie, a statistics professor at Stanford, is that “many bits of straw look like needles.”
Big Data also supplies more raw material for statistical shenanigans and biased fact-finding excursions. It offers a high-tech twist on an old trick: I know the facts, now let’s find ’em. That is, says Rebecca Goldin, a mathematician at George Mason University, “one of the most pernicious uses of data.”
Data is tamed and understood using computer and mathematical models. These models, like metaphors in literature, are explanatory simplifications. They are useful for understanding, but they have their limits. A model might spot a correlation and draw a statistical inference that is unfair or discriminatory, based on online searches, affecting the products, bank loans and health insurance a person is offered, privacy advocates warn.
Despite the caveats, there seems to be no turning back. Data is in the driver’s seat. It’s there, it’s useful and it’s valuable, even hip.
Veteran data analysts tell of friends who were long bored by discussions of their work but now are suddenly curious. “Moneyball” helped, they say, but things have gone way beyond that. “The culture has changed,” says Andrew Gelman, a statistician and political scientist at Columbia University. “There is this idea that numbers and statistics are interesting and fun. It’s cool now.”[Source]-https://www.nytimes.com/2012/02/12/sunday-review/big-datas-impact-in-the-world.html
Asterix Solution’s big data course is designed to help applications scale up from single servers to thousands of machines. With the rate at which memory cost decreased the processing speed of data never increased and hence loading the large set of data is still a big headache and here comes Hadoop as the solution for it.
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2019.12.23 14:46 HockeyPowerRanker r/hockey NHL Power Rankings Week 12: Hibernation Edition

/Hockey NHL Power Rankings Week Dec 16, 2019 - Dec 22, 2019

Thank You

Thank you to all of the volunteers doing the power rankings. Each ranker has their own system and have their own reasonings and analyis. It truly is a lot of work.






The visualization contains historical data, so you can see how your team has done over time. Hopefully, we can run this for many years in hopes that we can see the rise and fall of teams by /hockey opinion.
It automatically updates so feel free to bookmark. You can find it here


How does this work? Throughout the course of the week rankers are able to access an app that will allow them to rank teams. At the end of the period we calculate the average ranking for every team and collate all of the analysis provided by rankers.
The app then generates a post that is first proofread and then posted to /hockey!

Rankings (29/31 Rankers Reporting)

Ranking (avg) Team Delta Overall Record Record This Week Comments
1 (1.36) Washington Capitals - 26-6-5 2-1-0 We can't beat the Jackets and I don't know why. We can beat the Devils and the Bolts though, the latter of which marked the season sweep against the sleeping giants. Literally the only gripe I have with the team is with Panik, who objectively sucks. The fans seem to have turned on Jensen as well but they're wrong. Backstrom will sign his new 3-5 year deal soon, then Ovi will sign his new 2-4 year deal over the summer, then Holtby will go be pretty good for Edmonton or something. This is the way. In the meantime we've got a Christmas Eve Eve date against a Boston team that's struggling so hard recently that it's almost a trap game. Go Caps.
2 (2.97) St. Louis Blues 3 23-8-6 3-0-0 Best in the West, 5 game win streak, great game against our biggest challenger in the division. All this without our elite #1 RW and our cup-winning goalie = cool.
3 (4.81) New York Islanders - 23-8-3 1-1-1 They finally beat the Bruins, and they did it on national TV, in Boston, playing Trotz brand hockey. Aside from that, they let in an albatross of goals. Trotz doesn't let this kind of play linger so they should rebound next week. Clutterbuck had a scary injury and is out for a while, but expected to return this year. Ladd is back on the roster, but most important, HO SANGS BACK IN BPORT BABY.
4 (5.47) Colorado Avalanche -2 22-11-3 1-3-0 It is amazing how one player can become so essential to a team in a short time. Without Makar two major issues are becoming obvious. 1 our Powerplay is reliant on skill way too much and doesn't really have a system, also no one else can QB a PP that well. 2nd our giveaways and poor passing have dramatically increased. I don't know how one guy can change that much but passes have gotten bad. The other major issue is the Top line while all back doesn't seem to be clicking. Mackinnon looked more dangerous when Rantanen and Landeskog were not playing. On the positive side, Zadorov is earning his way to a long extension and when he gets assigned to a player on the other team he plays his role well. With the Christmas break upon us let's hope the team can get rejuvenated and bring more energy this week. Just another hard week in the Central we have Vegas right before the holiday then a back to back with the Wild and Stars. One more positive note Makar should be back by next weekend.
5 (6.08) Carolina Hurricanes 1 22-12-2 2-1-0 After 6 consecutive great starts from James Reimer it seems that a bit of goalie controversy has entered the chat. Honestly didn’t think that Reimer would be this good to start the season.
6 (6.86) Pittsburgh Penguins 3 21-11-4 2-1-0 7th overall in the league but still in a wildcard spot. The metrodome is nuts this year.
7 (7) Boston Bruins -3 21-7-9 0-0-3 Well, at least the Bruins are on a 4-game point-streak. Winning only 1 game in their last 7 is continuing the slump and the bears stay in hibernation. At least this week, they were competitive in each game but the Bruins haven't played a full 60-minute game in about a month. 0-5 record in shootout this season so far is a joke. With the Caps on Monday, I expect another L there and here's hoping the short Christmas break gives them some rest. At least Pasta is the Atlantic captain and Cassidy will likely be named to the All Star Game as well.
8 (9.17) Philadelphia Flyers 4 20-11-5 3-0-0
9 (9.81) Winnipeg Jets -1 21-13-2 1-2-0 This week of low points and the inability to stop exactly 1 player on every team, comes with 3 upsides: Wheeler becomes the franchise points leader, Hellebuyck ties Pavelec for franchise shutouts leader, and the rest of the central decided to shit the bed this week too (except the Blues). Look, let's just pretend the 1st two games didn't happen; Aho? Kane? Never heard of 'em. That Minnesota game though? That was a good time.
10 (10.53) Arizona Coyotes - 20-13-5 2-1-0 An up and down week for the coyotes who will maintain the pacific division lead. All eyes are on new acquisition Taylor Hall who has a goal and two assists through three games in the Sedona Red. Clayton Keller continues to roll with 12 points in his last ten games. Another injury will test the will of the team as Kuemper goes down week to week, leaving Raanta to lead the way in goal. The team may finally be finding its offense, but will need to push to keep its stingy defensive game together with key injuries to Hjalmarrson and Demers alongside the Vezina candidate goalie.
11 (10.58) Dallas Stars -4 20-14-4 1-3-0 No idea whats going on with the team. Maybe losing Monty is catching up to us? 2 Terrible loses in a week is pretty demoralizing.
12 (13.33) Vegas Golden Knights 1 20-13-6 2-0-1 Malcolm Subban is the best Subban.
13 (14.03) Toronto Maple Leafs 4 19-14-4 3-0-0 Our backup won a game!!!! Oh, it was against an AHL team. It still counts though. Big win against Buffalo, surpassing them in the standings even after the refs were blind with a bad Okposo hit on Dermott which lead to a BUF goal. High scoring game in New York, with Marner and Nylander each scoring a pair. On Saturday night, it was 0-0 for what felt like too long, until the Leafs broke it open, and things got dirty with some dangerous plays, probably with no repercussions. The Leafs are now 10-4 with new head coach Sheldon Keefe, and Morgan Rielly is finally looking healthy and back up to speed. He hasn't missed any games this season, but he was missing a lot of practice and did admit something wasn't right.
14 (14.19) Edmonton Oilers -3 20-15-4 2-2-0 This has been the week of met expectations. Beat the Stars and Habs, teams we've historically had good records against. Lost to the Blues and Penguins, teams we usually lose against. A 2-2-0 would be considered a bad week, but after the weeks leading up to this one, this has been a welcome. Mike Smith hasn't looked great, Ethan Bear is not having a good time and neither is Draisaitl. McDavid is still spectacular. The best positive for the last month or so is how good some players in our bottom 6 have been, especially our 4th line that is doing a respectable job creating offensive pressure. Two very important games coming up against the Canucks and the Flames.
15 (15.33) Florida Panthers 4 18-12-5 3-0-0 What happened when you place together; a dog detective, a one-legged DJ, and a guy that loves the number 52? A Noël miracle!!
16 (15.69) Calgary Flames -2 19-14-5 1-1-1 The Flames stopped a 3 game losing skid with a dominant win over Dallas. The powerplay is starting to click and the team continues to work hard... most of the time.
17 (17.06) Nashville Predators 5 17-12-6 3-0-1 My reaction when the Preds take 7/8 points on a 4 game road trip. Seriously though, if you told me last week the Preds would not only beat the Rangers in a close game, but then turn around and put up 8 goals against the Isles? And then beat the Bruins? I probably would have laughed. For a team that's looked as flat as it has the past month and a half, this week was a welcome breath of fresh air for Preds fans. Hopefully (there's that word again) with whatever sparked this week and the return of Arvy, the Preds can keep momentum going into the New Year. There's 3 games this week, including a back-to-back home and home with the Pens, and then it's off to the Winter Classic. Please don't Perd it up.
18 (17.14) Tampa Bay Lightning -3 17-13-4 1-1-1 This team just is not fun to watch. Vasy looks like some hot ass, dude REALLY needs a reset. Maybe change pads, or maybe the all star break will fix it. There's been some forwards who have looked like shit too. Tyjo hasn't played great. Joseph literally got sent down. Kuch got benched for the 3rd period and OT for a game. Only things I've been excited by are the massive strides we've seen Sergachev and Cirelli take. Sergachev has looked really good, definitely huge improvements from last year. Cirelli plays hard every single shift and I really love seeing him with Stamkos. I really do think that Cooper has to go.
19 (18.33) Vancouver Canucks -1 18-15-4 2-1-0 A week out from fire-Green fever, the Canucks post their first positive stretch in what seems like ages. And the memes overflow in response. Pettersson is producing again, and Virtanen continues to excel in a limited offensive role. Hughes' powerplay wizardy has cooled slightly, but will return soon. Markstrom is incredible. Since the Pacific is insanely tight, the Canucks remain right there in the playoff bubble. And despite this team performing roughly how everyone claimed to expect they would, the bipolar fanbase continues to erupt with each win and loss. It's great fun - at least half the time. Happy Holidays!
20 (19.19) Montreal Canadiens 3 17-13-6 2-1-0 The Habs paid warm holiday greetings to their fans throughout western Canada, treating our foreign legion to thrilling victories in Vancouver and Calgary. You can have your arenas back now. Edmonton wasn't quite as accommodating, but otherwise it was a great show too. Julien had Suzuki out there against McDavid-- that's something to discuss with family over turkey stuffing. The Canadiens continue to play much better on the road than at the Bell Centre, which is fine for now because the Habs are 3 games into a 7 game road trip. I hope Suzuki, Fleury, and Poehling get cash for xmas because if a rookie dinner gets called in South Beach they're dead.
21 (19.69) Buffalo Sabres -5 17-13-7 1-2-0 We played alright with Jack in the lineup and got stomped without him. It's been said before but the skill gap between Jack and the next best player on the squad is enormous. Dahlin will close that gap eventually, but its very obvious that we lack scoring punch outside the top line. Skinner and Johansson are cold right now on the second line, Mittelstadt got demoted to the Amerks, Sheary has been invisible, etc. At least Ullmark and Olofsson are playing out of their minds.
22 (21.42) Minnesota Wild -2 17-15-5 1-2-0 Wish we would have save some goals from the Arizona game for the Winnipeg game. What an embarrassment.
23 (22.19) New York Rangers -2 17-14-4 1-2-0 Not the best of weeks, but no team is perfect. We opened with a brutal game against the Preds in which the officiating was some of the worst I've seen in years. I think of that game as a throwaway and we can just move past it now (mostly because just thinking about it makes me angry). Next up our game against the Leafs. We seemed to at least be able to hang with Toronto up until the third period. While we never had the lead, we at least were able to respond to what the opposition had, until the final period came around. The final game of the week was against the Ducks, in which we finally won a game this week. Our offense did it's thing and Lemieux gave us a show. Hopefully Chytil's injury isn't serious because he's been fantastic lately. Let's see what next week holds. LGR
24 (22.33) Columbus Blue Jackets 4 16-14-6 4-0-0 Since December 7th, the Jackets have played 8 games. They have lost Bemstom (Ribs), Milanio (UBI), Anderson (Shoulder), Murray (paper skin and glass bones), Peeke (puck to mouth in one game and broken finger in the next), Savard (illness), Atkinson (LBI), and Bjorkstrand (Rips/Oblique strain). The Jackets are also 6-0-2 over the same span. Obviously we have figured out the recipe to success -- sacrificing one player per game to the hockey gods. Luckily, the positions the Jackets have the most depth in are the ones getting hit -- defense and RW. Every single one of our opening night RWs are injured now.
25 (25.08) San Jose Sharks -1 16-20-2 0-3-0 Another bad week, I'm starting to accept that our window might have actually closed this year. The Sharks look different under Boughner, but it hasn't done anything for us so far. We still look lethargic, and the team is gonna need some major changes if we want to make the playoffs. The Sharks have a talented roster, and I still have hope that the team will get better, but at this point it's pretty unlikely that it'll be in time to make the playoffs.
26 (25.53) Anaheim Ducks -1 16-18-3 1-3-0 We got multiple power play goals in a game for the first time this season. This is not a drill. Looking ahead: Lukas Dostal should be the starting netminder for the Czech team. Zegras should be a key contributor for the US team and it looks like BOGroulx should make the Canadian team. PS: Groulx’s father might be on some nhl head coach watchlists by the end of the season.
27 (25.81) Chicago Blackhawks 2 15-16-6 2-1-0 Keith returned on Wed after missing 3 weeks (groin injury). He remains the our best dman. The Hawks lost Saad (right ankle) for a couple weeks. He's been one of our best and most reliable forwards. Seabrook was held out due to nagging issues. After starting with 1G, 1A in the first 11 games, Toews has 7G, 18A in the last 26. Toews, Kane, Dach, and Kubalik led the Hawks to their first win when trailing after 2, over Colorado (Sat). Kane has 20G, 9 more than Saad (2nd most on the team); and 46P, 19 more than Toews. Kubalik has 10G as a rookie. Marc Crawford will return from a month suspension on Jan 2. My power ranking of Lehner panda tweets: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5.
28 (26.97) Ottawa Senators -2 15-18-4 1-1-2 The Sens finally managed to get Hogberg his first NHL win this week. Unfortunately they also pissed away 2 other great performances he had, and managed to get OTL points in the process which seriously hampers our tanking efforts. There's basically no way we'll be able to contest the Red Wings for 31st (which they firmly have on lock), and the Devils are nosediving hard in the standings as well...at this rate we'll be relying on the Sharks' pick as our primary ticket for the lottery! Hopefully the team starts losing again after the winter break.
29 (27.31) Los Angeles Kings -2 15-19-4 1-1-1 The Kings impressive road trip continued this week with the Kings grabbing 8/12 pts. The overtime win against the Bruins was one of the most memorable games this year.
30 (29.72) New Jersey Devils - 11-19-5 1-2-0 Well, honestly, nothing super crazy.. We beat the ducks, which was possible. We lost to the Caps, debatably the best team in the league right now. We lost to the Jackets cause we can't beat the metro unless its the Flyers or Rags. The Good: Gilles Senn did great in his first start. Let in 3 goals, but every one came from between the circles on more or less defensive breakdowns. Having a young, hungry rookie as a backup may be the jolt this team needs in net. Hischer and Palms have continued scoring without Hall, which is a good sign. The Bad: This column is starting to feel like beating a dead horse. We're bad, underperforming, and sometimes just genuinely not fun to watch. Advance analytics show we dont create or convert on high danger opportunities. We also shoot below league average, do we shoot more? The Ugly: Compared to the past few weeks, nothing too ugly. We need to watch our usage of Blackwood though, he's starting to look tired.
31 (31) Detroit Red Wings - 9-26-3 0-3-0 Im here to teach you guys about the pecking order. It goes the Detroit Red Wings, the dirt, the worms inside of the dirt, Popo's stool, Kami, then Popo. Any Questions?
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2019.05.30 13:19 JebusMcAzn Competitive Budget Deck Masterpost (June 2019)

Sorry for the delay folks, I've had a hectic month dealing with finals and other things. I'll try to keep these threads a thing whenever we get a new list, and I'll try to keep it up-to-date. And yeah, I know it's not technically June yet, but I'm leaving for vacation in like 12 hours so sue me >:3c
This post will give recommendations for decks that can generally do well while remaining under $150 at the most expensive and under $50 at the least.
Not all decklists are perfect and this post is not an F. Unless there is a particularly offensive deckbuilding error that you want to point out, please don't use this thread to nitpick at the sample decklists provided. Decklists were built prioritizing simplicity and effectiveness on a budget. At the same time, if you want to try one of these decks, don't treat them as if they're perfect, either - you should experiment and play cards that feel comfortable and/or optimal to you.
Do feel free to leave suggestions for budget players, whether it's a budget tech choice for one of the decks on this list or whether it's a different deck that you think can compete in the coming months.
Also a shoutout to gallantron for putting together yugiohdeck.github.io, which I'm now using for the price breakdown links instead of Yugiohdeckbuilder. It's still a little rough around the edges, but it lets you look up individual cards while also having a price checker and an export as YDK feature that isn't completely broken.
[Last updated: 30 May 2019]
Previous version: Feb 2019 Post
Updated version: July 2019 Post

S Tier

The best bang for your buck. Decks in this category have the capacity to top YCS's, though they're almost always supplemented with expensive power cards.


Price: $50+ Price breakdown
  • Salamangreats (also "SGreat", "Salami", and "Salad") are a Link-based control deck with a lot of recursion and a special in-archetype technique that some people refer to as Reincarnation Link Summoning. One Link Monster is used as the entire Link material to summon another copy of that same monster, granting bonus effects.
  • The deck is a consistent control deck, generally establishing respectable boards turn 1 with a fairly compact engine, allowing many handtraps to be played. Their real strength comes in turn 3 and beyond, where their arsenal of free summons from the Deck and GY allow them to overwhelm the opponent.
  • The vast majority of the deck is dirt cheap and is mostly able to be built with commons from SOFU+SAST supplementing 3 copies of Structure Deck: Soulburner.
  • Salamis are currently one of the strongest decks in the OCG, and have cemented their place in the TCG as a top 2 meta deck since the release of Soulburner. Notable event placings are Jonas Koschel's 2nd place finish at YCS Dusseldorf, as well as Team TCG Collectibles Fala Galera's 1st place finish at the Team YCS in Atlanta, where one of their players was on Salamangreat.
  • For players on an extreme budget, it's also possible to build a half-decent deck just from 3 copies of Structure Deck: Soulburner along with 3 Salamangreat Sunlight Wolf, a rare in Savage Strike. An example list might look something like this.


Price: $75+ Price breakdown
  • Pendulum deck focused on summoning Heavymetalfoes Electrumite and swarming the field with powerful boss monsters
  • Can be played in a variety of ways and can incorporate a multitude of Pendulum engines
  • Other Pendulum variants incorporating several different outside engines have found success in this format, but relatively "pure" Pendulum Magicians have also done very well in the past
  • Last year, Zekias Shah got top 64 at YCS Utrecht with Magicians, and repeated this success recently at YCS Milan, finishing top 16. Rohan Thomas also piloted this deck to a top 32 finish at YCS Niagara.
  • More recently, the popular build incorporates the new Endymion cards as well as Guardragons, as Darkwurm lets you go into Elpy which facilitates Guardragon plays involving monsters like Amorphage Goliath to lock your opponent out of the game.
  • Aside from Magicians, the Zefra engine has also seen success, with Tayfun Bayraktar taking 1st at a Luxembourg regional earlier in May. "Pure" Endymion without other Pendulum archetypes has also seen varied regional success
  • The general lack of handtraps in the main means that this deck can struggle going second against combo decks


Price: $100+ Price breakdown
  • Combo deck that can access its engine by getting literally any two monsters on the field with different names
  • Being able to make Knightmare Mermaid without being interrupted will allow you to end on a board with multiple Fog Blade and a Crescendo, which will be difficult for your opponent to play through
  • While the deck is effective on a budget, ideally it's played with at least 1 copy of Dingirsu, Orcust of the Evening Star, which is currently around $35. Having even one Dingirsu in the extra will massively increase the power level of this deck.
    • It also benefits from access to Borrelsword Dragon, as it can easily be made in this deck even under the DARK-only restriction that many Orcust monsters lock you into
  • Dangers synergize excellently with this deck, allowing it to easily get 2 monsters on the board. Many of the Orcust/PK cards also work well in the GY, which is an added bonus.
  • Cards like Called by the Grave and Neo-Spacian Aqua Dolphin allow this deck to combo with total disregard for your opponent's handtraps
  • Other viable cards/engines that people have been running include the Trickstar engine to shut off backrow, the Striker engine, and Knightmare Corruptor Iblee/Formud Skipper for easy Mermaid access.

A Tier

Strong decks, but limited either by a lack of access to powerful staples or by the natural ceiling of the deck. You could still get your regional invite with one of these decks on a good day.

True Draco

Price: $75-100 Price breakdown
  • Tribute summon based deck with monsters that can be summoned by tributing Continuous Spell/Trap cards
  • Can run a very low monster count and doesn't require handtraps or an Extra Deck
  • Runs an obscene amount of draw power
  • Has strong matchups against almost every deck due to how many floodgates it can easily run, but struggles to deal with backrow hate
  • Reprinting of Card of Demise in Duel Power means that budget players can more or less play this deck at full power
  • Floodgates are customizable based on your current meta - for instance, Rivalry/Gozen were the premier floodgates a few months ago but are not run anymore due to their ineffectiveness against Salamangreat. Inspector Boarder has been a popular choice recently, although its price may be prohibitive to some players
  • Has made a resurgence in the meta recently due to its good Orcust matchup and largely not caring about Mystic Mine, along with hits to Sky Striker and Thunder Dragon. This in turn has caused the price on cards like Inspector Boarder and Ignis Heat to go way up.
  • Release of Crackdown in DANE is an interesting tech option for the deck, and has seen some play in combination with Metaltron XII in some listsf


Price: $75+ Price breakdown
  • Control deck with incredible recursion and the ability to come back from almost no resources
  • The build shown is more of a generic list playing solid cards that cover multiple matchups. There are 3 empty slots, and that's because you can specialize your list based on deck demographics at your locals - for example, you could build for the Sky Striker matchup, maindecking Secret Village of the Spellcasters and Heavy Storm Duster; or you could build for more monster-heavy decks by playing Mystic Mine and Metaverse.
  • The deck is powerful and topped almost every YCS between the release of Multifaker and the Soulburner structure deck, with the exception of the recent YCS Chicago. They also recently took their first YCS win at YCS Sydney, with Onur Gezer piloting the deck.
    • Since the release of Salamangreat, Altergeist have mostly fallen off the face of the competitive scene, as Salamangreat are largely a superior control deck.
  • One of the few decks that are capable of using the newly released Pot of Extravagance with very little risk, though Extravagance is currently sitting at around $65 at the time of this update
  • Budget players are most hurt by a lack of Infinite Impermanence, Evenly Matched, Pot of Extravagance, and Trap Trick, but the deck is still rather potent without these cards
    • The release of Duel Power in April reprinted the first two cards, though neither are cheap enough at the moment to be considered budget
  • Vulnerable to Evenly Matched, Red Reboot, Denko Sekka, and backrow hate in general

Paleozoic Frogs

Price: $75+ Price breakdown
  • Backrow-heavy control style deck that is extremely versatile and interactive
  • Improved by the addition of power cards like Trap Trick and Card of Demise
  • Last year, taken to a top 32 finish at YCS Columbus and a top 8 finish at YCS Mexico City, and notably also finished 3rd at YCS Niagara
  • Can easily customize its main deck to deal with the meta, such as running Anti-Spell Fragrance in the main for Sky Strikers
  • Receiving indirect support in RIRA in the form of the Marincess archetype, which holds some potential when combined with this deck
  • The current meta is not very kind to Paleo, as one of Paleo's biggest strengths was its ability to run both Rivalry and Gozen with basically zero repercussions. Currently, Salamangreat is also unaffected by both floodgates, and to a lesser extent some combo decks aren't as hurt by Rivalry/Gozen as decks like Gouki were in the past.


Price: $75+ Price breakdown
  • Floaty control deck with 4 maindeck Prank-Kids that all float into any other Prank-Kid when used for a Link or Fusion summon
  • Their Link and Fusion monsters all tribute as cost, oftentimes allowing them to avoid common types of disruption like Sky Striker Mecha - Widow Anchor or Infinite Impermanence
  • Famously piloted by Dinh-Kha Bui to an astonishing 1st place victory at YCS Milan earlier this year
  • Surprisingly enough, Borrelsword Dragon is not required for this deck to OTK, as it has several ways of putting out over 8000 damage on board using entirely in-archetype means.
  • While the deck is extremely powerful in the right environment, the current meta is not very favorable toward Prank-Kids. Salamangreat players that are familiar with the matchup will generally have a huge advantage, while Mystic Mine in decks like Sky Striker also make those matchups very one-sided.

B Tier

Like the above category, but generally weaker, less consistent, and/or impacted harder by a lack of access to a certain card(s).

Lost World Dinosaurs

Price: $100 Price breakdown
  • Lost World Dinos are a combo deck with consistent access to Evolzar Laggia/Dolkka and Ultimate Conductor Tyranno, a formidable boss monster with incredible OTK power and disruption
  • Lost World can give this deck a leg up against Sky Strikers, but the matchup can be very difficult without it
  • Soul Fusion gave this deck a few more toys to play with, including the Dinowrestler package. You can send World Dino Wrestling with Foolish Burial Goods for immediate access to Pankratops or Systegosaur
    • Foolish Burial Goods is doubly useful for its ability to send Survival's End, which becomes a quick-effect disrupt on your opponent's turn.
  • Miscellaneousaurus came back to 3 on the April banlist, which this deck greatly appreciates. The downside is that the price of Double Evolution Pill and Jurrac Aeolo both spiked as a consequence
  • Easily incorporates more power cards/engines:
    • The Lost World variant ideally plays Pot of Extravagance, as it's not as focused on flashy combos and instead greatly appreciates the extra draw power and consistency of Extravagance. However, this card is quite expensive and most likely isn't getting reprinted anytime soon
    • The True King engine provides speed and power going first or second and is significantly more affordable with BLRR reprinting Dragonic Diagram. This variant won ARG Boston in July 2018, piloted by Jarrod Randolph
    • The Shaddoll engine gives you strong plays going second against decks that use the Extra Deck, such as Salamangreat, Orcust, and Sky Striker
  • Has experienced a ton of success in recent months, with multiple top 4 and even 1st place finishes at regionals, such as Ken Lee's top 4 finish at Philadelphia regionals in April (before the banlist) or Victor Mercado's 1st place at Kissimmee regionals in early May.


Price: $100+ Price breakdown
  • Deck that chips away at your opponent's LP with Trickstars, while using backrow, handtraps, and power cards to defeat the opponent
    • Trickstars are a flexible deck and can also choose to forgo a control-based playstyle in favor of a more aggressive one often running strong going-second cards like Mind Control and Evenly Matched
  • Trickstar won YCS Sao Paolo, won by Henrique Nascimento, playing the pure variant. Ping Xiao also claimed an impressive 2nd place finish at YCS London, running the Sky Striker engine. The deck also has various other tops across 2018 and 2019
  • Like Altergeist, Trickstars are also one of the few decks that are capable of using Pot of Extravagance. Trickstar also got another piece of support in SAST in the form of Trickstar Corobane, which is around $11 and gives a small boost to the deck's damage output
  • Players with access to Engage can also run a small Sky Striker engine, giving this deck access to powerful Link monsters without having to rely on Scapegoat. Access to Widow Anchor also improves the Thunder Dragon matchup, which can be difficult otherwise.
  • Reprinting of Droll & Lock Bird in the Endymion structure deck allows Droll to be a viable option for budget players. The Droll + Reincarnation interaction is very powerful, but Droll has been dropped from some decklists due to it being relatively lackluster this format. Other viable options include Pankratops and Instant Fusion


Price: $75-100 Price breakdown
  • Linear combo deck with a very scary boss monster that can be extremely frustrating to out
  • Qliphort Genius helps trigger your ABC pieces and makes it easier to pull off a turn 1 Buster, while also serving as an out to problematic monsters or floodgates in some scenarios
  • Provided build is a more backrow-heavy variant that plays more Gadgets and lots of Trap Cards, similar to the decklist that Calvin Tahan piloted to a top 32 finish at YCS Atlanta in early 2018. Calvin more recently placed 3rd at YCS Chicago with ABC, showing that the deck can still perform at highly competitive levels
  • Also potent is a going second build utilizing cards like Evenly Matched and a larger suite of handtraps, but this is significantly less budget-friendly
  • A more combo-heavy variant involving Dangers is also quite strong, though the good Danger! monsters are all unfriendly to budget players.
  • Release of Duel Power provides a nice buff to this deck as Platinum Gadget helps extend combos. However, this deck was also weakened by the banning of Summon Sorceress.
  • Struggles against Ghost Reaper & Winter Cherries, though most players are no longer playing Buster as a Cherries target


Price: $50+ Price breakdown
  • Aggressive OTK deck with arguably the best Rank 4 engine currently in the game
  • Raphael Neven took 1st place with this deck at YCS Chicago, playing a higher Danger! count but nothing too expensive outside of that, surprisingly enough. However, that list used the Phantom Knight Rank-Up to make Outer Entity Azathot on the opponent's turn - an interaction which is no longer possible.
  • The build shown incorporates a small Orcust engine for more negates. However, it's possible to play this deck without Orcusts as well, as making Bardiche is also simple in pure Lunalight. The Orcust engine simply synergizes well with the deck as one of its primary combos involves searching Zephyros with Force Strix and then pitching it to the GY with Knightmare Mermaid.
  • This makes Lunalights one of the only decks capable of making Abyss Dweller before performing the Orcust combo, which is a huge boon against Salamangreat and other Orcust decks
  • Going second, the deck is easily capable of OTKing by dumping Panther Dancer with Kaleido Chick, and then using Wolf to summon Leo Dancer.

C Tier

Decks in this category have the capability to be just as good as the ones above at times, but often tend to suffer from multiple problems including consistency and power.


Price: $25-100 Price breakdown
  • Ridiculously aggressive OTK deck that can hit for over 10,000 damage with one attack
  • Focuses on Link climbing into Crusadia Equimax, which can reach ludicrous amounts of ATK and have all battle damage it inflicts be doubled
  • The core itself is dirt cheap, with Equimax being the only actual Crusadia card that costs over $1
  • There are a variety of ways to effectively build this deck
    • Notably, the Guardragon variant has been the most successful, with Crusadia Guardragon taking 2 spots in the top cut at YCS Chicago. This variant aims to go first instead of second, and can set up multiple negate boards through the Guardragon Extra Deck monsters. While this is by far the strongest version, budget players will find cards like Borreload Savage Dragon and Saryuja Skull Dread to be out of their price range.
    • The build shown uses Mekk-Knights to pump out more consistent damage and to act as somewhat of a secondary win condition. However, cards like Mekk-Knight Purple Nightfall and Pot of Desires can drive up the price point fairly quickly.
    • Players with access to Engage can run a larger Sky Striker engine; even players without Engage can toss in a copy of Hornet Drones for an instant Link 2
    • Multiple copies of Iblee can also be used to give the opponent a monster and OTK more easily by link climbing with Mermaid
    • Black Garden is also extremely potent in the maindeck as a way to facilitate OTKs while also shutting down Sky Striker


Price: $75-150 Price breakdown
  • Combo-heavy Link deck that is very good at going second due to the board-breaking power of SPYRAL Tough and Super Agent
  • Still capable of performing well at events even after multiple direct and indirect banlist hits, as shown by Faisal Khan's top 64 with SPYRAL at YCS Columbus last year. More recently, SPYRAL saw a resurgence, taking 1st place at both WCQ Frankfurt and at St. Louis regionals in May.
    • The build that won at St. Louis was a heavy combo build that went first, playing a bunch of Danger! monsters. The list that won Frankfurt instead was pure SPYRAL, blinding second and maindecking cards like Evenly Matched and Gnomaterial.
  • Helix into Plan into Sleeper is still immediately game against a TON of decks, and Sleeper remains an enormously troublesome boss monster
  • Knightmare Unicorn allows the deck to combo even when opening Resort, putting it back into the deck to later be searched by Master Plan. However, its price point may be prohibitive for players on an extreme budget.
    • Shuffle Reborn is a much cheaper but much less consistent alternative to Knightmare Unicorn
  • The list shown plays Orcust Knightmare to summon off of Knightmare Mermaid, which also opens up some cute combos with Mecha Phantom Beast Dracossack. A larger Orcust engine can also be run, as the deck naturally summons Mermaid during the combo.

Lair Infernoid

Price: $100 Price breakdown
  • Aggro deck with big beaters that toolboxes from the graveyard while controlling the enemy's grave
  • Piloted to a top 8 finish at the Oceanic WCQ last year by Jon Lowbridge with a list nearly identical to the one provided, and also finished top 16 at ARG Hartford earlier this year sporting a very compact Infernoid monster count while playing 3 copies of Trap Trick
    • More recently took 1st place at New Zealand nationals in early May, also playing Trap Trick as well as Pot of Extravagance
  • Lair of Darkness gives this deck incredibly powerful disruption by allowing it to tribute your opponent's monsters for cost, on your opponent's turn
    • Since the deck naturally runs Metaverse, it also has the capability of playing Mystic Mine, which has great synergy. Infernoids can clear themselves from the field on the opponent's turn, leaving them unable to use monster effects, while you dig for powerful cards like Void Feast/Imagination on your turn.
  • The list provided is designed to go second, though you may want to run more handtraps if your locals are particularly combo-heavy. Players with access to Trap Trick will most likely want to go first.


Price: 75+ Price breakdown
  • Classic combo deck that aims to Synchro climb and end on multiple boss monsters, with their ace being a 3000/3000 level 10 synchro that's unaffected by other cards' effects
  • Very recently made top 4 at the Finnish national championship, piloted by Daniel Borgstén. The list shown is almost exactly the same as his list, with some minor changes to the Extra Deck
  • It's a DARK deck, so it's easily combined with Phantom Knights, and (surprise, surprise) Orcust. The build shown only incorporates Phantom Knights, though.

Mekk-Knight Invoked

Price: $100-150 Price breakdown
  • Column-based deck that likes to go second
  • Invoked engine is very consistent and Mechaba is an annoying boss monster
  • Mekk-Knights add power to an otherwise slow deck and help push for damage while also acting as LIGHT monsters in grave to summon Mechaba
  • Less budget options include Borrelsword Dragon and the Sky Striker engine
  • Super Polymerization gives this deck a fun new tool to play with - notably, it is quite effective against Thunder Dragon, against which this deck struggles. However, its price has increased quite a bit since it's gone to 2.

Burning Abyss

Price: $100+ Price breakdown
  • Versatile control-based Graveyard toolbox deck that used to be known for its amazing grind game, but now is generally played more as an aggressive OTK Link spam deck.
  • Gained a notable amount of attention lately after Thomas Rose piloted a Sekka BA list to 1st place at UK Nats last year
  • Later piloted to a shocking amount of success post-September banlist, getting 2nd at the 200th YCS in Utrecht and winning the 200th YCS in Mexico City, then later seeing a fair amount of success at YCS Niagara and YCS London.
    • Since then, the deck has somewhat fallen off the competitive radar, and was severely hurt by the banning of Fairy Tail - Snow on the January 2019 banlist. Despite this, many well-known BA players are still making the deck work and have seen regional-level success
  • If the Sekka variant is not to your liking, the deck readily incorporates other engines with Phantom Knights being the most common
    • The list shown incorporates Guardragons, as the level 4 Chaos Dragons fit quite easily into the deck and the disruptions from the Guardragon combo are very strong
    • One interesting variant that has seen some regional-level success is the EARTH variant of BA, playing Block Dragon and cards like Power Giant. The idea is to use Block Dragon to control your GY and allow Orbital Hydralander to resolve, like a weaker version of what Fairy Tail - Snow provided before it was banned. Here is one deck profile that bubbled YCS Chicago.
    • Orcust BA is another variant that has seen regional-level success, with Orcusts enabling access to a lot of Link material while having synergy with the milling that BA tends to do
  • The release of Cherubini in Dark Neostorm also facilitates the Orcust and PK engines, giving up the draw power from Sekka's Light in exchange for consistent access to traps like Phantom Knights' Fog Blade and Orcustrated Crescendo
    • However, Cherubini may be outside of budget range for some players, currently sitting around $25
  • Benefits greatly from expensive staple cards such as Knightmare Unicorn and Borrelsword Dragon, particularly the Sekka variant shown which generally utilizes Borrelsword Dragon to consistently OTK

Super Budget ($50ish range)

A section reserved specifically for decks that can be built for super cheap. Even though this section is at the bottom, some of these decks could easily go in C or even B tier, such as:


Price: $30-150 Price breakdown
  • Deck built around Structure Deck: Zombie Horde, which focuses on maintaining the Field Spell Zombie World and controlling the game with its boss monster, Doomking Balerdroch
    • The build shown is a little pricier and incorporates things like the Shiranui engine, Ash Blossom, etc.
  • A super-budget build would be constructed entirely from 3 copies of Structure Deck: Zombie Horde and would look something like this (build courtesy of Cimoooo's YouTube channel), costing around $30
  • As a generic Zombie deck, it easily incorporates other Zombie archetypes such as Shiranui, Vampires, Vendread, Mayakashi, etc
  • Jeff Jones notably finished 8-2-1 playing Danger! Zombies at YCS Chicago, using a ton of Danger! monsters to draw into important cards like Gozuki and Shiranui Solitaire while also digging for Eradicator Epidemic Virus


Price: $25-100 Price breakdown
  • Potent OTK deck that can pump out an absurd amount of damage in one turn
  • Most of the cards specific to the deck are dirt cheap and its price is mostly pushed higher by the inclusion of staple cards like Twin Twisters or Pot of Desires
  • Had a surprising amount of success for such a simple and inexpensive deck even during full-power SPYRAL format, where it managed to top at a regional level as well as bubbling YCS Dallas
  • If you do play Eater of Millions, make sure you run a full 15-card Extra Deck if for no other reason than to have fodder

Phantasm Spiral

Price: $30-50 Price breakdown
  • Control deck focused on Normal Monsters and Tokens combined with extremely good disruptive traps
  • Extremely good bang for your buck - the deck is dirt cheap and can probably still win locals
  • Doesn't need the Extra Deck
  • Surprising amount of diversity in how it can be built, ranging from the Dino build, to the Beast-Warrior build, to incorporating Paleo, to the Sparkman meme build

Chain Burn

Price: $15-50 Price breakdown
  • Deck that aims to win through burn damage
  • Extremely good bang for your buck - the deck is dirt cheap and has topped YCS's before (albeit more expensive versions). Notably, Ryan Yu won the Dragon Duel World Championship in 2017 with Chain Burn
  • Doesn't need the Extra Deck
  • Strangely enough, the deck gets more effective the better its competition is, since cards like Secret Barrel and Balance of Judgment capitalize on how far ahead the opponent is
  • Card of Demise's reprint in Duel Power makes the card much more affordable for budget players
  • Deck can be difficult to win with when playing against someone who knows how to play vs. Chain Burn
  • Limitation of Chain Strike on the May 2018 banlist is a blow to this deck, but Ring of Destruction coming back to 3 is nice and losing 1 Chain Strike doesn't matter too much for casual budget play.
  • Yes, Mystic Mine burn exists - however, I won't be covering it on this post out of principle due to extremely variable prices of many of the cards it runs, such as Wave-Motion Cannon

Honorable Mentions

  • Cyber Dragon, Nekroz, Kozmo, Blue-Eyes, Metaphys - Decks that are pretty decent but are sorta in limbo due to some expensive individual cards i.e. Cyber Emergency, Arc Light, Kozmojo, Alternative, etc, or just not performing well enough
  • Mermails, Ritual Beast, World Chalice, Mekk Luna - combo-heavy decks that have had a decent amount of local/regional-level success over the last few months, mainly left out due to a combination of a high skill floor and a lack of results
  • Evilswarm, Yosenju, Graydle Kaiju, Dinomist, Chain Beat, Monarchs, Ancient Gear, and much, much more - Unfortunately, there is not enough room to cover every single decent, super-cheap deck.
That's basically it, I hope to keep this post updated for the foreseeable future. Feel free to leave any comments or suggestions and remember to smash that fuccin upvote button if you enjoyed this content
submitted by JebusMcAzn to yugioh [link] [comments]

2019.03.27 03:34 Yeetus_My_Feetus_ Longest Palindrome

Star? Not I! Movie – it too has a star in or a cameo who wore mask – cast are livewires.
Soda-pop straws are sold, as part-encased a hot tin, I saw it in mad dog I met. Is dog rosy? Tie-dye booths in rocks.
All ewes lessen ill. I see sheep in Syria? He, not I, deep in Syria, has done. No one radio drew old one.
Many moths – I fondle his; no lemons are sold. Loot delis, yob, moths in a deli bundle his tin. Pins to net a ball I won – pins burst input. I loot to get a looter a spot paler. Arm a damsel – doom a dam. Not a base camera was in a frost, first on knees on top spot. Now a camera was a widened dam.
Ask: Cold, do we dye? No, hot – push tap, set on to hosepipe. Nuts in a pod liven.
A chasm regrets a motto of a fine veto of wars. Too bad – I all won. A sadist sent cadets – a war reign a hero derides. A bad loser, a seer, tossed a cradle – he begat to cosset – a minaret for Carole, Beryl, Nora. We’re not as poor to self.
I risk cold as main is tidal. As not one to delay burden, I don’t set it on “hot”. A foot made free pie race losses runnier. As draw won pull, eye won nose. Vile hero saw order it was in – even a moron saw it – no, witnessed it: Llama drops – ark riots. Evil P.M. in a sorer opus enacts all laws but worst arose. Grab a nosey llama – nil lesser good, same nicer omen.
In pins? No, it is open. If a top spins, dip in soot.
Madam, as I desire, dictates: Pull aside, damsels, I set a rag not for a state bastion. A test I won e.g. a contest I won.
Kidnap, in part, an idle hero. Megastars, red, rosy, tied no tie. Blast! A hero! We do risk a yeti’s opposition!
He too has a wee bagel still up to here held.
Demigods pack no mask, cap nor a bonnet, for at last a case is open – I left a tip – it wets. A dog wets too. Radios to help pay my tip, pull a tip.
Ale, zoo beer, frets yon animal. Can it? New sex arose but, we sots, not to panic – it’s ale – did I barrel? Did I lose diadem, rare carrot in a jar of mine? Droop as tops sag – unseen knots.
A cat ate straw as buck risk cud; evil foe, nil a red nag ate? Bah! Plan it – silage. Model foot in arboreta.
I, dark Satanist, set fire – voodoo – to slat. I design a metal as parrot, I deem it now. One vast sum is no ten in set – amen! Indeed, nine drag a yam, nine drag a tie. Dame nabs flower; can we help man? Woman is worse nob.
Mud level rose, so refill a rut. A nag of iron I made to trot I defied – I risk leg and its ulnae. Can a pen I felt to bid dollar or recite open a crate, open a cradle, his garret?
Sample hot Edam in a pan. I’m a rotten digger – often garden I plan, I agreed; All agreed? Aye, bore ensign; I’d a veto – I did lose us site. Wool to hem us? No, cotton. Site pen in acacias or petals a last angel bee frets in.
I met a gorilla (simian); a mate got top snug Noel fire-lit role. Manet, Pagnol, both girdle his reed bogs.
Flan I reviled, a vet nods to order it, Bob, and assign it. Totem users go help mates pull as eye meets eye. Son – mine – pots a free pie, yes? No. Left a tip? Order a dish to get. A ring is worn – it is gold. Log no Latin in a monsignor, wet or wise. Many a menu to note carrot.
Cat in a boot loots; As I live, do not tell! A bare pussy, as flat on fire, I know loots guns, fires a baton, nets a hero my ale drop made too lax.
If it is to rain, a man is a sign; I wore macs, no melons rot. I use moths if rats relive, sir, or retire.
Vendor pays: I admire vendee, his pots net roe. Nine dames order an opal fan; I’ll ask cold log fire vendor to log igloo frost. Under Flat Six exist no devils.
Marxist nods to Lenin. To Lenin I say: “Mama is a deb, besides a bad dosser.”
Gen it up to get “ova” for “egg”. I recall a tarot code: yell at a dessert side-dish sale. Yes/nos a task cartel put correlate: E.S.P. rocks a man. I am a man, am no cad, I’m aware where it’s at!
Fire! Its an ogre-god to help, man, as I go. Do not swap; draw, pull a troll!
It’s not a cat I milk – calf, for a fee, sews a button – knit or tie damsel over us. Mined gold lode I fill until red nudes I met in a moor-top bar can. I sit, I fill a diary – trap nine men in ten-part net – oh, sir, I ask, cod nose? No, damp eel.
So, to get a name! I say, Al! I am Al! Last, I felt, to breed, deer begat.
To can I tie tissue – damp – or deliver Omani artist – a man of Islam.
In a den mad dogs lived on minis a signor who lived afore targets in at. As eremites pull, I, we, surf, fantasise, mend a bad eye. No hero met satyr; Tony, as I stressed, won’t, so cosset satyr.
A vet on isles made us sign it, a name. Foe man one sub.
Aside no dell I fret a wallaby; metal ferrets yodel, like so. On a wall I ate rye. Bored? No, was I rapt! One more calf? O.K., calf, one more, bossy! No! Lock cabin, rob yam, sip martini. Megastar was in a risk.
Cat? No, I’m a dog; I’m a sad loyal pet. A design I wore – kilts (a clan); if net drawn, I put it up. Royal spots snag – royal prevents rift.
Composer, good diet, are both super, God – label it a love of art, lustre. Video bored, no wise tale e.g. a mini tale – no sagas seen. Knack: cede no foes a canal.
Pay – as I sign I lie; clear sin it is; e.g. “Amadeus” sign I – lira for ecu, decimal – sin as liar.
Trad artistes pull a doom, a drawer won’t.
Is it sold loot? No, I suffered loss. A man is god; Amen! I came nice Tahiti (sic).
It’s ale for a ban if for a fast – is role to help mash turnip? Use zoo? No – grasp order – use no zoos. Warts on time did sag.
No grade “X” “A” Level? Oh, “A”! I’d a “B” or a “C”. So – pot? No, we lop. Date? Take no date! Bah! Play L.P.
Miss (a lass, all right?) flew to space in NASA era. Rose no (zero) cadets ate raw. As a wise tart I fined rags red Lenin, we help pay bet – a risk – cash to Brian. I put a clam in a pool – a pool wets.
Mahdi puts a stop to harem – miss it in one vote, lost in one, veto of none. Post-op, no tonsil; I ate; no tastier, eh? We sleep at noon time so I dare not at one; no time stops as I time tides. A bed: under it, roll; in a mania, panic!
In a pond I did as Eros as Lee felt tenrec. “Ink” – list it under “I”. Termites put pen in a way. Democrats wonder, I too. To slay moths a dog did.
I saw elf; elf, far now, is a devilish taboo, rag-naked. I hid a bootleg disc. I, saboteur, toss it in. Oops! No legs! Laminated, a cask, conker in it, negates all if it is simple.
Hot pages are in a mag, nor will I peer, familiar tat, so lewd, native rot. Toner, ewe wore no trace; vagabond ewes do. Oh, Ada! Have pity! A pitiable eel – “Oh wet am I!” – to save, note: bite gill as I do.
Call a matador minor, eh? As I live, don’t! Is torero no rigid animal debaser if tipsy? Ale drew esteem in a matador. A bolero, monks I rate play or go dig rocks; a can I step on.
Go! Gas – it evades a bedsit – set a roost on fire. Boss sent a faded eclair to green imp or dog, I’d don a belt to boot it; if Ada hid a boot, panic.
I mock comic in a mask, comedian is a wit if for eventide. Vole no emu loved is not a ferret, so pet or witness a weasel if not. I hired less, am not so bossy, as yet amateur.
To stir evil, Edna can impugn a hotel: bad loos, hot on Elba: I may melt. Tart solicits it rawer, gets it rare. Push crate open; I ram buses, use no trams.
Did I say, not to idiot nor a bare ferret, to trap rat, strap loops rat? Stewpot was on. Hot? I was red! Lessen it! Fine man on pot? No, pen inside by a bad law. So I made rips – nine delays.
Some Roman items in a.m. ordered “Is room for a ban?” “It is,” I voted: I sat pews in aisle. Beryl, no tiro to my burden, made off for a contest, I won kiss. I may raid fine dales. I raid lochs if I to help am.
Forecast for Clare v. Essex: If no rain, a man is ref. Fusspots net foxes.
Senor is a gnome, latinos’ bad eyesore. Help misses run to border, Casanova, now, or drab hotel.
Ma has a heron; I sleep, pet’s on nose, sir! Rev. I rag loved art live – fine poser. Ultra-plan: I feign, I lie: cedar to disperse – last one? No, last six. Enamel bonnet for a dark car to toss a snail at. In it all, Eve lost; Seth’s a hero slain on a trap – Rise, Sir Ogre Tamer.
Upon Siamese box I draw design. I, knight able to help, missed an alp seen in Tangier of fine metal pots. Tin I mined rages – order nine, melt ten. Tone radios; tones are not to concur. Ten-tone radar I bomb – best fire-lit so hostel side meets eerie mini red domicile. A gulf to get is not a rare tale; no time to nod.
Row on, evil yobs, tug, pull. If dogs drowse, fill a rut. An era’s drawers draw. Put in mid-field in a band I dig a tub deep. Staff on a remit did refill a minaret.
Sam’s a name held in a flat, or, sir, bedsit. I wonder, is it illicit ore? No ties? A bit under? Retarded? Is ‘owt amiss? I’m on pot; not so Cecil, a posh guy a hero met. A red date was not to last so Cecil sat.
Tip? An iota to pay, a dot; sad, I drop item. I’d ask, call, Odin, a Norseman’s god: “Pay payee we owe radio dosh o.n.o.” I to me? No, I to media.
Peril in golf – is ball a “fore”? K.O.!
Vexed I am re my raw desires. Alto has eye on nose but tone-muser pianist is level-eyed. I lost a tie. Blast! In uni no grades are musts. Avast! Never port! Sea may be rut.
Part on rose? – It’s a petal. Define metal:
Tin is . (I gulp!) can!
I am a fine posse man, I pull a ton. Ron, a man I put on, I made suffer of evil emu’s sadism. Leo’s never a baron – a bad loss but evil – topple him, Leo’s lad. Assign a pen, can I? A pal is note decoding.
Is damp mule tail-less? No, ill; I breed for its tone. Radio speed, to grower, grew. Open a lot? No, stamp it; if for a free peso – not ecu -deign it. Times ago stone rates, e.g. at Scilly, display a wont.
No wish to get a design I, Sir Des, I’ve let? No bus sees Xmas fir. O.K. – cab – tart it up; tie lots – diamond, log or tinsel; first end errata edit. So “le vin (A.C.)”, Martini, Pils lager, one tonic.
I pegged a ball up to here when I got a top star role, Beryl. Gun is too big – won’t I menace? Yes? No?
Ill? A cold? Abet icecap’s nip. U.S.A. meets E.E.C. inside tacit sale – see! Beg a cotton tie, ma! No trial, so dodo traps exist. Arabs under-admire card label good hood stole.
In rage erupted Etna. Will a rotunda, bare villa, to tyro. Lack car? Non-U! Get a mini! My, my, Ella, more drums per gong; get a frog – nil less. Rod, never ever sneer. Got to?
I disperse last pair of devils (ah!) here today or else order cash to breed emus. Said I: “Are both superlative?” C.I.D. assign it lemon peel still. I wore halo of one bottle from a ref (football) – a tip; so hit last ego slap a mate got.
Late p.m. I saw gnu here (non-a.m.) or an idea got a dog to nod – I made felt to boot.
Fill in a lad? Nay, not all, Edna – lash to buoy. Did you biff one Venus? Not I! “Broth, girl!” ladies ordered – “No, with gin!” – a fine plate, maybe suet; no carton I made rots in it.
Med: a hill, Etna, clears in it. Ali, Emir, to slap in/slam in. All in all I made bad losers sign it – alibi. Set a lap for a level bat.
A bed, sir, eh? To put cat now? Drat! Such an idyll of a dog’s lair! That`s it, open it – a cage! Big nit sent rat! Some day (A.D.) send ewe. No, draw a pot now, do! Of wary rat in a six ton tub.
Edna, ask satyr: “Tel. a.m.?” No, tel. p.m.; Israeli tuner is damp. Use item: “Anna Regina”. No! Dye main room (“salle”) red!
Nice caps for a sea cadet in U.S.A. – Now I, space cadet, am it, sea vessel rep. Pin it on Maria, help Maria fondle her fine hotpot. No! Meet; set up to net, avoid a lesion. Set acid arena: Bruno one, Reg nil. Like it to sign in? Even I am nine-toed! I vote votes.
Oh, can a nose-rut annoy? No, best is Dorset. I know, as liar, to snoop, malign. “I’ll order it to get a bedroom door,” began a miser I fed.
Am I to peer, fan? Is a door by metal? Ere sun-up, drowse, nod, lose magnet. Food? Buns? I’ll ask. Corn? I’ll ask. Corn – I snack. Cats snack (cold rat). Sum for a bag: nil. First, is remit “traps in net”? Yes, on a par. Coots yell over a dam I made. Bared nudist went a foot, I made roots. I tip a canon: “Row, sir, at same tide; man one: row tug.”
Sewer of denim axes a wide tail – a terror recipe to hero made manic. I, to resign? I ? Never!
“OFT I FELT ITS SENSUOUSNESS” – title fit for evening is erotic; I named a more hot epic – error retaliated – I was examined for ewe’s gut, wore no named item.
A star is worn on a cap, it is too red. Am I too fat? Newts I’d under a bed. Am I mad? Are volleys too crap? A nosey tennis part-timer sits rifling a bar of mustard.
Lock cans, stack cans in rocks, all in rocks, all I snub. Do often games, old ones, word-pun use; relate, my brood, as in a free pot I made fires, I manage brood. Moor debate got tired rolling, I lampoon, so trail saw on kites.
Rod sits, ebony on nature, so Nana chose to veto video. Ten in main evening is O.T.T. i.e. killing; Ere noon, urban eradicates noise, lad, I ovate not. Put esteem on top (to hen, if reheld).
No fair ample hair – am not I nipper-less? Eva estimated ace caps I won as united. A Caesar of space, Cinderella’s moor, Niamey Don (a Niger-an name), ties up mad sire, nut! I, Lear, simpleton male, try tasks “A” and “E”
but not “XI”. Sanitary raw food won top award one Wednesday – a demo.
Start nesting, I beg a cat. I? Nepotist? Ah, trials, God! A folly, Dinah, custard won’t act up; other is debatable. Velar: of palate; sibilating is “s”.
Resold: a bed, a mill, an ill animal – snip, also trim. Eilat in Israel can tell I had ’em. Tin I stored (am I not raconteuse?) by a metal pen. If a night, I wondered, rose, I’d all right orbit on sun, even off.
I buoy, did you? Both Sal and Ella, Tony and Alan (“Ill if too bottle-fed, am I?”) do not. God! A toga! Ed in a Roman one, rehung! Was I, M.P. et al., to get a map? Also get salt? I, hospital lab to offer, am, or felt to be, no fool – a hero.
Will it sleep? No, melting is sad ice. Vital re-push to be raid, I assume. Deer, both sacred roes, Leroy (a doter, eh?) has lived for. I, apt sales rep’s idiot to greens, revere vendors selling or fat egg-nog reps.
Murder O’Malley, my mini mate – gun on rack. Calory total: liver, a bad nut or all I wanted (“et puree garnie”): lots. “Do, oh do, ogle bald racer,” I’m dared – N.U.S. bar at six.
Esparto, dodo’s lair to name it, not to cage bees, elasticated, is nice. Esteem, as up in space, cite bad local lions, eye can emit now. G.I. boots in ugly rebel or rat’s potato gin (eh?) were hot. Pull a bad egg – epic, I note, no regal slip in it. Ram can . (I’ve lost idea!)
Tarred nets, rifles, nitro, gold – no maid stole it. Put it, rat, back or if Sam (“X”) sees sub on televised rising, I sedate Goths. I won’t – no way.
Alps, idyllic stage set, are not so gas-emitting, I educe. To nose, peer, far off, I tip mats onto lane. Power grew or got deep so I dare not stir. Of deer, billions sell. I ate lump – mad sign, I do cede – tonsil a pain, acne pang is sad also. Elm I help pot, live – tub’s sold; a ban or a bar, even so, elms, I’d assume, live for. Effused am I not, up in a manor, not all up in a mess.
Open if a main A.C. plug is in it.
Late men I fed late – pasties or not. “Rapture” by a maestro prevents a vast sum erased.
Argon in units, albeit at solid eye level, sits in a . (I presume not) . tube, son. No eyes: a hot laser – is Ed wary?
Mermaid, ex- evoker of all A.B.s, I flog. Nil I repaid. Emotion! Emotion, oh so do I dare, woe!
Wee yap-yap dog’s name’s Ron. An idol lacks a dime tip, or did, as today a potato in a pitta slice costs a lot – tons. A wet adder ate more hay. Ugh! So, pal, ice cost on top? No, miss, I’m a two-sided rat, erred nut, I base it on erotic ill; It is I, red now; it is debris, rot.
Alf, an idle he-man as “master animal lifer” did time, ran off at speed, but a G.I. did nab an idle if dim nit. Upwards rewards are natural life’s words, God. Fill up guts, boy, live now or do not emit one later. A rat on site got flu.
Gaelic, I’m odd Erin, I’m Eire, esteemed islet. So hostile rifts ebb. Mob, I.R.A., dare not net R.U.C. – no cotton. Erase not, so I dare not nettle men in red rose garden – I’m in it.
Stop late men if foreign at nine. Esplanades, simple hotel, bath, gin – king is Edward IX; obese; Ma is no pure mater. Go! Rise, sir; part anon.
I also rehash tests – ‘O’ Level Latin, Italian. S.A.S., so, to track radar. Often nobleman exists alone – not sales reps – I do. Trade ceiling, i.e. final part, lures open if evil trade.
Volga River rises on no steppe. Elsinore has a hamlet – Oh, Bard, row on Avon!
A sacred robot nurses simple hero’s eye; dabs on it a lemon. Gas, iron, Essex often stops, suffers in a mania. Ron fixes several crofts, acer of maple. Hot, I fish; cold, I arise laden; if diary amiss, I know it set no car off. Foe-damned ruby motor, it only rebels.
Ian I swept aside to visit, in a bar of moorside red, Romanis met in a more mossy ale den. Inspired am I, Oswald. A bay bed is nine p on top. No name, niftiness- elder saw it. Oh no! Saw top wet star’s pool – part star, part otter. Refer a baron to idiot, Tony, as I did.
Smart ones use submarine.
Poet, arch-super-artiste, grew artistic. I lost rattle; my amiable, not oh so old, able to hang up, mina, can deliver it, so true. “Ta, matey!” – says so Boston (Mass.) elder I hit.
On file S.A.E. was sent – I wrote poster re fat on side, volume one – loved it, never off it, I was in. Aide mocks a manic; I mock comic, I nap: too bad I had a fit, I too. Bottle ban odd, I go drop mine, ergo trial ceded a fatness, sober if not so, or a test is debased.
A vet is agog – no pet’s in a cask – corgi dog, royal pet, a risk no more.
Lob a rod at a man I meet. Sewer delays pit fires – a bedlam in a dig – iron ore rots it. No devil is a hero – Nimrod.
At a mall a cod is all I get. I bet on Eva, so Tim ate whole eel bait, I pay tip, Eva had a hood sewed. No B.A. gave car to Nero, we were not to rev it and we lost a trail; I’m a free pill, I wrong a man. I erase gap; to help miss it, I fill a set. A gent in ire knocks a cadet.
Animals’ gel on spoon – it is so true to basics – I’d gel; too bad I hide kangaroo baths – I lived as I won raffle, flew as I did go, dash, to my, also too tired now, star comedy: A wan, inept, upset I’m retired, nut; its ilk, nicer. Nettle feels a sore; sad, I did no panic in a pain, am an ill or tired, nude, based item; it is a spot.
Semitone, not a tone, radios emit; no, on tape; elsewhere it’s a tone.
Tail is not on; pots open on foot, even on it, so let oven (on, it is) simmer – a hotpot’s a stupid ham stew.
Loop a loop, animal – cat up in air.
Both sacks I rate by apple hewn in elder’s garden if it rates, I was aware – tasted a core.
Zones or areas, Annie, cap, so twelfth girl, lass, alas, simply (alpha beta) done, Kate. Tadpole won top Oscar, Obadiah, “O” Level axed.
Argon gas did emit no straw, so ozone sure drops argon, oozes up in Ruth’s ample hotel or sits afar off in a bar – of elastic, is it?
I hate cinema; cinema dogs in a mass. Older effusion to old – lost, is it now? Reward: a mood.
All upsets it.
Radar trails an Islamic educer of a riling issue, damages it in Israel. Ceiling is, I say, a plan, a case of one deck. Can knees sag as one Latin image elates, I wonder?
Oboe diverts ultra foe, volatile bald ogre – push to berate; I’d do, ogre. So, p.m., Oct. first, never play organ’s stops – lay or put it up in ward ten.
Final cast like rowing – I sedate play, old as am I, God! Am I! On tacks I ran; I saw rats. A Gemini tramp is May born.
I back colony’s sober omen of lack of lace. Rome, not Paris, a wonder.
Obey retail law – a noose killed oyster. Reflate my ball, a water-filled one. Disabuse no name of emanating issue.
Damsels, I note, vary tastes so cost now desserts. I say no! Try taste more honeyed. A bad nemesis at naff ruse will upset. I, mere Satanist, e.g. rater of a devil – (Oh wrong is a sin!) – I’m no devil’s god, damned.
Animals, if on a mat, sit. Rain, a more vile drop, made us site it in a cottage. Breed deer – bottle fits a llama.
I lay, as I emanate, go to sleep, mad ones on docks – air is hot. Entrap, net, nine men in party raid – all if it is in a crab-pot room, an itemised, under-lit, nullified old log den – I’m sure voles made it rot in knot.
Tubas we see far off lack limit. A cat on still or tall upward paws to no dog is an ample hot-dog, ergo nastier if tastier, eh? We, raw amid a conman, a mama in a mask, corpse et al., err.
Octuple tracks at a son’s eyelash side distressed a tall eye doctor, a tall ace, rigger of a vote: got put in egress; odd, abased, is ebbed, as I am, Amy, asinine lot! Nine lots! Don’t six rams live? Don’t six exist?
Alfred, nuts or fool gigolo, trod never if gold locks all in a flap on a red rose; made nine or ten stops.
I heed never, I’m Daisy, a prod never, I terrorise viler starfish. To me suitors, no lemons, came rowing. Is a sin a mania? Rot!
Sit! I fix a looted amp or delay more, hasten not. A baser if snug stool, wonkier, if not – Alf says – super, a ballet to no devil, is a stool too. Ban it, actor, race to no tune.
May names I wrote wrong (Is no man in it, a long old log?) sit in row, sign irate Goths; I dare drop it. At felon’s eye I peer, fast open – I’m nosey, esteem eyes. All upset, ample hogs resume totting. Is sad nabob tired? Roots don’t evade liver in Alf’s gob.
Deers I held right; oblong, apt enamel or tile rifle on gun spot to get a man – aim is all. I rogate, minister. Feeble gnats, alas late, prosaic, a canine pet is not to consume hot.
Loo, wet, issues old idiot; evading, I sneer, obey a deer, gall a deer, gain alpine dragnet for egg I’d net to ram in a pan I made to help master. Rags I held, arcane poet, arcane poetic error, all odd; I bottle fine panacean lust. I’d nag elks I ride if editor toted a minor. I fog a natural life.
Roses, or level dumb ones – rows in a mown, ample, hewn acre. Wolfsbane made it a garden in May, a garden indeed.
Nine mates, nine tons I must save now on time – editor raps a late man. G.I.s edit also, too. Do over if tests in a task radiate. Rob ran; I, too, fled.
“Omega” – list in alphabet.
A gander, a line of live ducks, irk cubs. A wart, set at a cast on knee, snug as spots.
A poor denim for a janitor, racer, armed aide, solid idler – rabid; I’d elastic in a pot, tons to sew.
Tubes or axes went in a clam, in an oyster. Free booze – lap it all up. Pity, my apple hot, so I’d a root stew. God, a stew! Tip it at feline! Posies, a cat’s altar often, no baron packs. A monk caps dog – I meddle here – hot? Pull its leg! A bee was a hoot, eh?
No, it is opposite. Yaks I rode wore hats, albeit on deity’s orders. Rats age more held in a trap, nip and I know it – set no cage now.
It’s eta; no, it’s a beta – Tsar of Tonga rates isles. Mad Ed is all upset at cider, is Ed? Is a madam too? Snip? I’d snip, spot a fine position, snip nine more cinemas.
Do ogres sell in a mall? Yes, on a barge so rats row tubs.
Wall last canes up or Eros, an imp, lives to irk, rasp or dam all tides sent. I won’t – I was no Roman – even I saw tired row – a sore. He lives on. “No!” we yell.
Up, now! Wards are in nurses’ sole care. I, peer, fed, am too fat? Oh, not I, test no dined ruby ale; dote not on salad it’s in – I am sad.
Locks I rifle so troops atone re war. Only rebel or a crofter animates so cottage beheld arcades, so trees are sold, abased. I redo, rehang, I err – a wasted act; nests I’d – as an owl – laid. A boot’s raw foot, even if a foot to master, germs (ah!) can evil do.
Pan is tune-pipe – so hot notes, paths up to honeydew.
Odd locks, a maddened (I was aware) macaw on top, spot no seen knots, rifts or fan, I saw. Are maces a baton, madam? Oodles, madam? Rare laptops are too late – got too lit up.
Nits rub – snip now, I’ll abate, not snip, nits I held.
Nubile Danish tomboys I led to old loser as no melons I held; no fish to my name. Nod lower, do I dare? No, one nods a hairy snipe. (Edit: one hairy snipe, eh?) See silliness, else we’ll ask cornish to obey deity’s or god’s item. I, God, damn it! I was in it! To Hades, acne trap, sad loser! As warts pop, a dosser I – we – vile rat, sack! Same row, oh woe! Macaroni, rats, as a hoot, tie. I vomit on rats.
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2018.12.29 05:55 oberonv1 [Modern] The Gifts Keep on Giving - 3rd/4th place at GP Portland with Storm

Hello fellow spikes and happy holidays!
Been a long time lurker here but I finally have a result I'm happy to report on. I've been off the walls busy until the holidays so I'm posting this pretttty late, but hey better late than never!

Decklist and Sideboard Guide:

I played Caleb Scherer's latest 75 from his latest blogpost and followed his sb guide to the dot:
If you need a printable one-page version:
The key change for the recent meta was the maindeck Empty which made THE WORLD of difference! There was so much grave hate in the field, it won games gifts+grapeshot would have never won.
I follow Caleb religiously and even got a chance to meet him at the Boston RPTQ. I felt I was destined to play storm when I found his Invitational Storm token on the floor at SCG Worchester two years ago just as I was deciding between building storm or dredge for the Classic the next day. If you play storm in any capacity, I HIGHLY recommend you follow him and try and follow his lines to play around hate. I owe so much of my win to this awesome dude <3

Day -2, Prep:

I'm incredibly lucky to have a Kubernetes conference in Seattle the week after GP Portland, so I can get work to pay for each trip across the country and pay my way up to Seattle for only a $30 train ticket. With work and a ton of social obligations before I leave, I only have about one week to practice. I fire up Manatraders and get a whopping 3 leagues in before the big weekend with the following records: 4-1, 3-2, 3-2. Impressively mediocre.
The good news is I've played Storm since I first started playing modern two years ago and the deck hasn't changed too much. I had a PPTQ win and RPTQ appearance with the deck, but that's not saying much on the spikes subreddit. Just had to hope my 100+ matches would get me there.

Day 1:

Round 1 + 2 - Byes:

Sleep like a rock and wake up as fresh as possible at 10am, totally prepared for the big day!
Ha! Just kidding, I only get 4 hours of sleep from jet lag and wake up at 5:30AM. Spend the entire morning not wanting to write grad school app essays. Instead watch Caleb Scherer VODS on twitch pausing in between plays and try to go back to sleep with 0 success. Fucking miserable for the next 6 hours but hey, what can you do *shrug*
At the very least I'm excited to play some competitive Magic and Storm 'em good by turn 3!
A quick note on how incredibly lucky I was during this run: I was on the play game one in almost every match I played except in 1 Tron matchup Day 2, against Sam Pardee, and maybe 1 other match I was forgetting. Better lucky than good ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Round 3 - Ray on Jund - WW 3-0:

G1: Keep a hand with two bears. Got Thoughtseized taking my Manamorphose. He plays out a goyf and I play out a Baral. He taps 3 for Liliana Last Hope. Definitely the better Lili for me. Untap with Baral and go rit+rit+gifts for the kill.
G2: Keep a rit x2 + Manamorphose + Baral hand. Get IoK'ed turn 1 taking my manamorphose. Turn 3 go Baral, he has push, rit+rit in response. Empty for 10 goblins and clock him in 3 turns.

Round 4 - Eli Kassis on KCI - WW 4-0:

G1: I keep a cantrip heavy 7 with a turn 2 Baral just in case it's an unfair deck. He plays out Terrarion. I play out my Baral turn 2. He plays out Ichor Wellspring. I cantrip into a few rituals but still no pay off. He's stuck on three for two turns and continues cantripping with various eggs. By turn 5 I finally cantrip into gifts and he insta-scoops.
G2: Kept a hand of rit x2, sleight x2, Manamorphose. He leads on Grove + Sphere + Bauble looking at my library. I draw the Goblin Electromancer that he saw and sleight into Baral turn 1, expecting some number of bolts post board. Turn 2 he cracks sphere for green to play stirrings and gets a Wellspring, then passes with no land drop. Ouch.
Interesting Decisions of the Tournament #1 - I know he saw the Electromancer so I hesitate a bit on whether to play it out or Baral... Hidden information in MTG is a valuable thing. I go into the tank not knowing how he'd react to me revealing I had a 2nd mana creature in hand.
Things to consider:
The one thing I've learned from grinding GPs and occasionally playing pros in Day 2 is that excellent players rarely take the most obvious line. Never assume you always know what an excellent player would do. I ultimately decided to play Baral since it played around the one-of Pyrite Spellbomb and I can extract more information if he killed it instantly. An equivalent exchange of information you could call it.
He topdecks Spire of Industry, plays out the Ichor Wellspring and a dead Mox Opal. I quickly untap and go off, finding Gifts off of Manamorphose. He scoops to the lethal Grapeshot, revealing a hand of Swan Song, Lightning Bolt, Guttural Response, KCI. I was incredibly perplexed by his line of playing out Wellspring. He justified it by telling me he knew about the Electromancer, and with one bolt in hand it wasn't worth killing the Baral. He would rather hope I was flooded on creatures with no payoff and cantrip for the lands or another 0 mana artifact to hold up any piece of interaction. KCI players, what would you have done here? He was extremely adamant about his decision, and I don't believe I'm well-versed enough in the matchup to argue otherwise.
This was the first big name I played against. I think I was his only loss day 1 and he was in feature matches most of Day 2. He was very pleasant to talk to even though he objectively got really unlucky and any less experienced player would be extra salty. Huge respect to the guy, he deserves to be in the MPL someday soon.

Round 5 - Josh on Burn - WLW 5-0:

G1: Keep a rit x2, Manamorphose, Electromancer, Empty, Serum, Sleight with only a Shivan Reef. Serum finds me an island and keep rit on top. He hits me with a Swiftspear and I almost regret my Shivan Reef keep. I rit+morphose for RU to play Electro, use the only floating R to play rit x2 and Empty for 10. He scoops two turns later.
G2: Kept a 6 with Baral, gift, rit, 2 land, and a bolt for a possible Eidolon. Turn 1 Swiftspear. Turn 2 Rift Bolt x2.
Interesting Decisions #2 -
With the suspend triggers on the stack on his upkeep:
I elected to hold on to the bolt and eating 3 damage off the Swiftspear down to 9. This may have been a mistake because the margins in this game were razor thin. He plays a fetch without cracking and passes, telegraphing Searing Blaze. I play a cantrip for a Manamorphose, miss my land drop, and pass back while stuck on 3. I get Boros Charm'ed down to 5. I finally bolt the Swiftspear and he passes with 1 card in hand which I assumed was Blaze. With three lands, I had to take the unconventional line of rit+morphose for RU to play out Baral with two open mana to play around Blaze. He cracks and casts Blaze, I rit + morphose in response, didn't get the last rit I need. I gifts for the kill package and let the blaze resolves putting me to 2. I don't fade the burn spell and die to topdeck bolt next turn. The game came down to the turn 2 bolt.
G3: My hand is stacked with a turn 3 kill. He plays out Kor firewalker (Burn players, I don't understand sideboarding this in vs storm. Another burn spell is probably just better?). Turn 3 I go Baral, rit x2, Manamorphose, Gifts, and double grapeshot for 40+. He shows me his next card: Eidolon. Phew, bullet dodged and worst matchup beat!

Round 6 - Jon Stern on UR Phoenix - WLL 5-1:

I hadn't heard of him before but he told me he was coming off of 3 byes so I assumed he must be a pro. Later learned he's been in the game for quite a long time.
G1: He plays a turn 2 TiTi. Shields down. I play out Baral, rit x2, Manamorphose, Gifts, dead.
G2: Kept PiF, baral, Manamorphose, 4x land. The turn 2 Baral in this hand was a trap. This should have 100% been a mulligan. He plays turn 2 TiTi. Turn 3 flips, summons two arclights, I take 13. JESUS. I try to go off with baral + morphose + PiF, flashback an opt. See 5 more lands and die.
G3: By far the most interesting lines of play of the day from him in this game. Mull to 6, keep goblin 2x, opt, land, rit, Pieces of the Puzzle. A little greedy? Bottom on the scry, opt turn 1 for Manamorphose. He plays turn 2 TiTi. I draw opt and see + draw Mountain. I play turn 3 goblin with 2 lands. He flips his TiTi with morphose shenanigans, bounces my goblin, and gets arc light onto the battlefield plus another TiTi with two counters. I take 10. Ouch. He didn't bolt my Electro so I assume he has no removal. I top deck steam vents and slam it down thinking I have the win with him tapped out. I play out the Electro and rit, and he goes into the tank. I remember thinking "ah so he has 1 surgical I gotta play around". Turns out he had two! All I had in my graveyard were the two Opts, so he targets one and elects to not remove them since they were dead draws. Then he targets his own surgical in yard with his second surgical to flip Titi and bounce my goblin. Wicked smart. Rit resolves, with RRR floating cast morphose for URR, play Electro R floating, rit + morphose for RRUU. I hope to God Pieces gets me 2x grapeshot to kill him since he had shocked himself down to 11 with surgical and fetches. Reveal 4x land and rit, scoop.
We talked about the surgical lines for a bit and he was wondering if he made the right play. Leaving the Opt was 100% correct but I argued that if he had surgical'ed the pyretic and desperate rituals, I'd only have the manamorphoses for mana for the rest of the game which would be +4 mana, hope to draw one-of PiF -3 mana, and play all 4 manamorphoses again for net gain of 5 mana. Then I'd have to cantrip/pieces with only that 5 mana for grapeshot since there were no gifts postboard. Interesting lines for sure and I believe he took the safer line even if it looks like I could have almost luck sacked my way out of it.

Round 7 - Adam on Temur Moon - WLW 6-1:

G1: Keep a Shivan Reef heavy hand that cost me at least 3 life this game. He plays turn 2 goyf. I take two hits while cantripping, going down to 10. He plays Jace the Mind Sculptor, but Storm was never scared of 4 mana sorcery speed spells! I go off with baral to empty for 14 through a lightning bolt. I kill Jace and attack him down to 8, leaving 1 goblin and baral back to make sure I don't just die to double bolt. He fetches for a Huntmaster of the Fells and goes up to 9, dies to the alpha strike the next turn.
G2: He plays out turn 2 Damping Sphere into turn 3 Damping Sphere. I start prioritizing land drops and we both just draw go for 5 or 6 turns. Eventually he plays Snapcaster for Serum Visions and just starts clocking me 2 a turn. I reach 9 lands and try to gifts EoT to bait out counter spells since I had Echoing Truth in hand. He Cryptics. I try to rit next turn, he spell snares. I try to rit again and he points out all my spells cost +2 with 2x Damping. Crap. I had a plan for the Empty in my hand but it cost 8 and I only had 6 mana...I could only Grapeshot for 4, killing Snap. Huge mistake from me here....He plays out goyf and I attempt the EoT Echoing truth. He has Logic Knot and I remand. With him tapped out I go off with empty. He untaps, plays and blows up EE, and kills me with Goyf. Oh well
G3: He turn 1 Aether Vial. I cantrip for a bit. He EoT Clique. I show a hand with spell Pierce, Baral, PiF, and some combination of morphose/rituals I can't remember. He sends back Pif and plays out a goyf with 2 mana up. I play out baral, he mana leaks, I spell pierce. I go off with PiF and rituals, eventually cantripping into Empty for 18 goblins. He doesn't have the EE and scoops, showing me 2x bolt. Oof, pretty bad punt since he knew about the spell pierce.

Round 8 - Sam on Jund - WW 7-1:

G1: Turn 1 IoK taking Manamorphose but leaving Baral, telegraping removal. I play some cantrips, find rituals and grapeshot. Turn 2 he plays Bob, I play Baral into grape to kill Bob. He turn 3 LoTV -2 to kill baral. Turn 4 BBE into bolt, discard PiF to Lili, EoT gifts rit x2, baral land. He gives me rit + baral. I draw Opt and pass back. At this point he's hellbent and I need exactly one more mana to flashback PiF with baral on board so I can go baral, rit, land, FB PiF. I draw Opt, so I just pass back. He plays another BBE that finds Maelstrom that he declines to cast, attacks me down to 3. He pluses Lili.
Interesting Decisions #3 -
Things to consider:
Honestly I have no idea what the correct play here is and I can only make judgements in hindsight. I ended up playing Opt and seeing and drawing ritual... which I had to discard. I was kicking myself pretty hard there but again, this is result-oriented thinking. I end up drawing island and winning anyway. Never punished lol
G2: Sam keeps a sketchy hand. Plays out turn 1 Nihil Spellbomb. Turn 2 plays Damping Sphere. Does nothing for two more turns. I EoT gifts for baral, rit x2, land. I use this package when I'm short on mana and I can afford to play around a removal spell. I get rit x2 in hand. I draw Island, repeal damping sphere, play rit x3 and morphose into empty. He has no answer and scoops.
Dude told me later he didn't even want to play Jund, but he got dared by his buddies to play it if he did well at the Trials with it. He went 3-0 Friday and now he's Day 2, must totally suck for him \s :P But he was a super cool dude, hope he did alright the next day.

Made Day 2!! This has only been my... I think 3rd Day 2 qualification in my life. To be honest I was extremely happy just making it to Day 2 and everything after was gravy.

Day 2:

Wake up at 5:30 AM again. This time get off my ass and finish writing these stupid grad school essays due tomorrow and send them to my buddies back home to proofread. Too many things on my mind to worry about, decide to worry about none and just ride the Day 2 wave.

Round 9 - Alister on BR Hollow One - WW 8-1:

G1: Turn 2 Goblin Lore, discarding 2x phoenix + bloodghast and plays out Hollow One. Whelp. I had a great turn 2 empty for 10 goblins with an Electromancer off of rit + manamorphose. He attacks with two phoenixes from the grave and leaves up one mana.
Interesting Decisions #4:
Do I:
I instantly blocked with 4 goblins but I should have stopped to think about it a little more carefully. He hesitated for about a minute, and ultimately decided to let Hollow One die and bolted the Electro. If Electro lived, I had the PiF in hand to make even more goblins the following turn. A few goblin attacks later takes the game.
G2: Another crazy good turn 2 Empty. Opponent had grave hate galore but no answers and promptly conceded.

Round 10 - Piper on UW Control - WW 9-1:

G1: My turn 2 Baral gets instantly spell snared. They play turn 2 Azcanta. I draw another creature but still have no payoff so I wait. We draw go a couple of turns. Turn 6 EoT I cast gifts, but it gets Cryptic countered. I cast Baral, they attempt to logic knot but I have the Remand and go off.
G2: Play out a Baral but it gets path'ed. play a mini empty for 8, but they have the detention sphere. We go back and forth making land drops. Eventually I find another Empty and cast for 6 goblins. They topdeck Terminus :( . A few turns later I just try to jam Baral, there's no answer and I go off. They show me a hand of all lands. Sometimes when you smell fear, you gotta pounce!

Round 11 - Scott on Mono-G Tron - WLW 10-1:

G1: Had to mull 2 no landers in a row. End up with an amazing 5 with turn 2 electromancer and a few manamorphose to dig. I jammed Electro on turn 2. They had to crack a Chromatic Sphere for green to cast Sylvan Scrying to complete Tron on turn 3,. I went off with Manamorphoses and found Gifts. Win off a mull to 5 :D
G2: I kept a counter heavy hand with remand + unsub but no creature. Unsure if this is correct....I counter the turn 3 Karn. The following turn they double Thought Knot me, taking all my mana spells. Then they Karn + 3rd TKS and I scooped it up.
G3: Kept a risky 1 lander with a great turn 2 empty hand. Top deck the land I need and go off for 10+ goblins and he has no O-stone. Apparently he sided them all out. Not sure if this is correct, but it is pretty slow so honestly I'm not sure.
This was the coolest dude I met all day. I feel like I'd totally shoot the shit with him if I ever got the chance. He checked back with me after every match afterward to see if we both still had a chance for top 8. 10/10 would play with again.

Round 12 - Mike on Mono-G Tron - LWW 11-1:

G1: One of the few games where I was on the draw. He goes turn 1 map, turn 2 second Tron piece. I go turn 2 Baral but have no payoff turn 3 so I hold up remand for Karn. T3 he plays more eggs intro Sylvan for Tower. but no Karn. I cast a Serum Visions, draw land and see PiF and Electromancer.
Interesting Decisions #5: What should I top or bottom?
I naively thought that since he had no Karn, my Baral must be safe. Ugin and O-Stone were fine too because I felt safe with the remand in my hand. I bottom the Electro and top the Pif to try and go off next turn. He plays Tower and plays Ulamog....Shit. I remand and trigger off Baral but the Ulamog cast trigger takes care of my creature and my steam vents. If I had kept Electro on top, I would have drawn both and been able to go off. But Big Daddy Eldrazi makes quick work of me.
G2: Get a turn 2 Baral and go off before they get a chance at Tron.
G3: They go turn 1 relic, turn 2 forest Sylvan for Tron piece. I turn 1 sleight, seeing Manamorphose and Electro. I have the rit x2 and empty in hand.
Interesting Decisions #6:
I took morphose but I really I have no clue. I go for a quick t2 empty for 8. They get turn 4 Tron and play TKS, taking the PiF in my hand, which was the only one in my deck post board, and Ballista for x=2. I have enough spells to grapeshot for 5 in hand. With the 2 blockers on board, I could get in for 4-6, depending on whether they wanted to shoot down two goblins with ballista or not before dmg. I attacked and they block 2 goblins but don't shoot any down, hoping to stabilize with ballista, and they go down to 6. 1 off lethal.
Interesting Decisions #7
I went for the third line, but I believe it was incorrect. The second line gave me the most leeway if there was no sweeper the following turn and I was at a healthy 16 life. The third line was a bit tougher if they had two non-lifelink creatures such as 2 more TKS or Worldbreaker plus something else. He ends up cycling some relics but doesn't find the answer and I take the win!

Round 13 - Richard Tan on UR Phoenix - WW 12-1:

Richard was currently the only undefeated player and he would also end up making top 8. Friendly dude but you can tell he was a super serious, dedicated player. Told me later he already put 100+ matches of UR phoenix on MTGO since Ross won the SCG Open with it. Devotion right there.
G1: He wins the die roll and he's on the play. He plays turn 2 TiTi, flips turn 3 along with a phoenix. With him tapped out, I go off with Electro, rit x2, Manamorphose, gifts.
G2: Hesitated on keeping the one lander with Sleight of Hand, Opt, Desperate Rit x2, Empty, Manamorphose. He caught on and insta-countered my turn 1 sleight with spell pierce. Heads up play! I play Opt turn 2, draw PiF and whiff on land. He plays out TiTi. I draw land, play it, pass. He plays 2x looting but doesn't flip TiTi. I draw Island but empty seems like a terrible plan against unflipped TiTi so I pass. He plays fourth land into Crackling Drake. With him tapped out, I draw fourth land. I now have 3x Desperate Ritual in my hand and start splicing away. Cast Manamorphose, topdeck a bear and gifts, enough to fully go off. I try my best to play around surgical by getting a gifts package of rit x2, Manamorphose, gifts. I should've gotten pieces of the puzzle instead but oh well. I get a value gifts package of serum, sleight, pieces, and morphose. Eventually get 20+ storm. With only 20ish cards in my library, I risk the gifts package with grapeshot and Pif. He doesn't have it and I'm SO CLOSE TO TOP 8, I CAN TASTE IT!
Quick Tip for fellow storm players: Leave 1 Desperate Ritual in your hand if you have multiple and PiF. You can splice the one in your hand to have it count 1 extra for each extra Desperate Ritual that you have. For example, If you have 2 Desperate Ritual and a PiF, splice onto one rit, cast PiF, splice again revealing the same one in hand, then cast the one in hand. This gets you 5x effective rituals with one FB'ed PiF rather than 4x. If you have 3x Desperate Ritual, you can get 9x effective rits rather than 6x. This is very important for bearless kills.
Jon Stern helps me work out the tiebreaker math and tells me I probably have no chance to double draw into top 8 even with 4 x-1. So time to tighten up and keep at it!

Round 14 - Mark on Bant Spirits - WLW 13-1:

G1: He plays turn 1 Breeding Pool into Noble Hierarch. I play out Baral turn 2, fearing Infect and a racing situation. He plays forest and another Noble and attacks. I block with Baral, which in retrospect was a terrible idea if he really was Infect. 1 mutagenic growth could have 100% blown me out, and it totally wasn't worth the risk. I untap and play rit x2, sleight into empty, grapeshot down the Nobles, and empty for 10 goblins. He promptly scoops.
I have him on infect and sideboard all my bolts in accordingly.
G2: He goes turn 1 Wanderer, turn 2 rattle chains. Whoops. I simply cantrip and play out my lands. Turn 4 he misses land drop and holds up 3 telegraphing Spell Queller. I play fourth land and pass back. He flashes in Queller and I gifts in response for rit x2, morphose, land with PiF in hand. I try to go off with ritual, he CoCo's for Queller and Captain. I die on the swingback.
G3: I sideboard appropriately this time. He goes turn 1 Noble. I grapeshot it down. He holds up 3, stuck on 3 lands again. Turn 4 I play land and Electro, he Quells. I shock in my 4th land (hiding information is key here), play rit+morphose for URR, play my second Electromancer, ritual into Empty for 14. He holds back his guys, I swing in. He flashes in another queller to block, goes down to 4 from 16. Dies on the following turn, Reveals hand of RiP x2, Path, Spell Pierce. This felt like another Eli Kassis situation, where the amount of information available was key.
MADE IT INTO TOP 8!! I finally let some emotion show as I frantically found my fellow Massachusetts friends to celebrate with silly ridiculous Snapchats all around. All that was left was to draw the last match....

Round 15 - Sam Pardee on Bant Spirits 14-1:

He respectfully asked if I'd like to concede so he could make top 8 and Gold, as I was now the top seed and was guaranteed top 8 no matter what. A tie didn't get him in so we'd have to play it out. I really thought about it hard... Dream crushing honestly feels really crappy and I didn't want do this to someone who relies on this for a living. But alas I ultimately decided against it, as I was not 100% certain on the tie breaker math myself and I didn't want to risk my first ever top 8.
G1: I had to mull to 6 into a solid t3 kill hand. He plays turn 1 Vial and turn 3 he plays out Captain, Vials in Phantasmal Image main to copy to establish a quick clock. With him tapped out, I pounce for the quick bear, 2x rit, manamorphose, gifts kill.
G2: Keep double bear, gifts, and lands. We both make land drops for three turns, I draw grapeshot and mana spells. I cast Electro into his Queller. Following turn I cast another bear, go rit, morphose, cantrip finds 2nd grapeshot. Cast the grape to kill the Queller to get +1 storm from casting second bear off Queller trigger. 2nd grape shot deals 9 putting him to 5. If I had not killed the Queller, I was 1 short of lethal with both grapeshots since I didn't have the +1 storm off the dead Queller. He Cocos for Selfless Spirit and Captain. I play another Baral, cast gifts for 1 mana on his EoT for rit x2, Morphose, PiF. I don't want to FB PiF while the threat of Queller is on the table. I draw Gigadrowse and pass. He plays Supreme Phantom and passes with 3 up. I Gigadrowse his remaining untapped lands, untap, and kill him with the PiF and grapeshots in yard.
He asked for a concession after the match ended and I gave it a lot of thought. I knew I had the best chance of winning the entire tourney if I had the top seed.... So I respectfully declined and he was very understanding about it. He congratulated me and I thanked him for being a chill dude about the whole situation and I didn't mean any ill will.
Every Pro I met today was very respectful and friendly. All were happy to talk through their lines of play and recent Esports events and I'm happy the top players of the game I met were good people.

TOP 8!!!!

I make it to my first ever GP top 8, first ever PT Qual, as the TOP SEED! It was such an insane run I couldn't be happier. After all this time I had barely eaten, I was physically exhausted but there was still more magic to be played!

Quarterfinals - Aaron on Elves:

This dude was quite the talker. He kept talking about how he knew the Elves vs Storm matchup so well because the best Storm players played at the Mox Boarding House in Seattle, his LGS. He really wouldn't stop bragging and I honestly just think he was nervous and needed self-assurance. I decided to just chill my nerves and not let it get to me. Some people are just like that. *shrug*
G1: Turn 1 Mana Dork. Turn 2 I play out Baral, he plays Elite into heritage Druid into Archdruid. Turn 3 he plays the absolute nuts: Coco into double Clan Caller into more dorks into westvale Abbey flip, hit me for 14. Hollllyy Crap, impressive Elves shenanigans right there. I untap, cast gifts, and kill him with triple grapeshot for 20 because storm is stupid sometimes.
G2: Turn 1 Elves of Deep Shadow. Turn 2 plays Horizon Canopy, Thoughtseize off Elves, takes my grapeshot and surgicals it. Makes some backhanded comment about how I should be playing 3. I dunno man, I just listen to Caleb Scherer and he seems to know what he's doing. I just tell him I can win without....He plays out an Elite, I play out a Baral and follow up with Electromancer next turn.
At this point he was down to 13 from Canopy, Elves of Deep Shadow, and the Thoughtseize+Surgical play. I know I have exactly 2 bolts in deck, which is 12 dmg with PiF flashback. He plays out an Azuri but doesn't have enough mana to activate the same turn. He attacks with everything, bringing me down to 5. I attack with Electromancer into Azuri, he of course doesn't block and I get him to 11, within range! I have the win in my sights. I start cantripping with double serum visions, double mana morphose find PiF and 1 bolt. I flashback both visions and I find the 2nd bolt, cast it and FB both bolts for lethal!
After the match he was a lot calmer and we congratulated each other for making it this far. No hard feelings were had :)

Semifinal - Daniel on GB Midrange

This fella was the most pleasant person I had ever met! We exchanged pleasantries and chatted about our GP experiences and travels. He had an adorable playmat of him and his wife and a wonderful accent that I've never heard in my entire life on the East Coast. We exchanged info to jam Arena matches later for PT London prep :D
G1: I mull a 5 land hand with repeal+grapeshot into a 3 land hand with repeal+rit+cantrip. He discards my rit turn 1. I just play out lands. He plays a Tireless Tracker + fetch. I just cantrip for a while without much going on. He hits me for 3 turns in a row while leaving up all his mana. Around turn 6 or 7, he plays out a LotV and starts shredding my hand. I EoT Gifts in response for the usual package of rit x2, morphose, PiF.
My hand is full of gas at this point so I decide to go for it. I play out a Baral and follow up with a ritual. Baral promptly meets his demise at the hands of a Fatal Push, but not before I respond with 1 more ritual and a manamorphose. I start going off with a sleight which finds me another Baral. I play it out, but it gets Assassin's Trophy'ed. I make the critical mistake here of not having my graveyard available from a PiF before playing the bear. If I had PiF'ed first, I could have FB'ed all my rituals in response to removal. I end up flashing back all my rituals bearless and a few more cantrips looking for any storm spells. My second mistake was casting blue cantrips before casting the Gifts Ungiven sitting in my yard. If I had cast gifts first for rit x2, PiF, Empty, I could have at least cast Empty for a decent amount for 12-14 Goblins. Instead, I got greedy looking to draw my 1 of Empty or a 3rd bear off of cantrips. At this point I went deep into the tank on a FB'ed gifts with RRR floating.
Interesting Decisions #8: What the hell do I gifts for to dig me out of this hole I dug myself into??
At this point the judges were giving me weary looks with how long I was taking on my last gifts pile of the tournament. I ended up going for rit x2, PiF, Empty, but the rituals weren't enough to FB PiF so I hit a dead end at 13 storm. Huge bummer :( . I flash back PiF and Empty for 10 Goblins the next turn. He plays Kalitas and Ooze next turn, almost all 12 of my rituals/morphoses are already exiled from my long ass previous turn, and he's still at a very healthy life total with lifegain on board. It's the end of the line for me. I scoop it up
G2: I keep a turn 2 Empty for 8 hand. He Thoughtseizes my Empty and then Surgicals all three from my library. Ouch... I have no bears and no payoff and quickly die to a big fat goyf.
After a hearty congratulations and hugs with all my East Coast buddies, I ran hard and fast to the train station to catch my train to Seattle which was thankfully delayed and took all these notes on the way there. So there you have it, a clean top 4 finish that I was incredibly thankful for in every possible capacity. :D

A Note on Tournament Mentality:

I honestly believe I did as well as I did because I whole heartedly enjoyed every individual game of magic I played at the GP in isolation and actively tried to remain positive throughout the weekend. I never thought about the results during the game. I never dwelled on mistakes from previous games. I never hoped for an overzealous goal that would mean life or death for me. Hell, I didn't even think about crippling responsibilities I had to finish that night. I was happy with my own self-improvement after achieving Day 2 and every game of Magic afterward was for my own enjoyment and to sharpen my competitive skills against the best in the world.
The best advice I can give is to let go of all negative thoughts after every loss and not let wins get to your head. Learn from failures, not tilt off them. Blaming variance does nothing for you. Blaming yourself is actively counter-productive. Don't take wins for granted, but recognize the lines that were correct and internalize it. I've learned from listening to the HeadGames Podcast that if you get incredibly upset after each and every loss you may have separate issues that have nothing to do with magic and require either self-reflection or to seek professional help. Self-care leads to self-improvement.

Storm Resources:

UR Storm Primer (old but still great)
Caleb Scherer's Twitch Channel
SCG articles to keep up with the everchanging Modern metagame (Emma Handy has a great storm Premium article albeit a little dated)
Storm subreddit (Discord link should be somewhere)
Extensive but slightly out dated sb guide


For the awesome Society Hotel Hostel for cheap stays but a really nice cafe and rooftop!
All the Podcasts I listen to. Having your hand against the heart of Modern is the only way to possibly keep up with the metagame:
To main deck Empty for stealing SO MANY game 1s!
To Caleb Scherer the Storm God for somehow gifting me this win.
The Massachusetts grinders that made me such a better player these past few years, especially everyone at Pandemonium in Cambridge, MA
To Mooch and Ian for being my East Coast compadres the whole way through <3
To my GF for being so supportive and letting me practice MTGO Storm Leagues really late at night

Jesus I've been writing this for a good portion of two whole days...I can't stop expressing how overwhelmed and grateful I am to be able to make it so far. I hope my detailed experiences help you somehow and please let me know in the comments what lines you would've taken in the highlighted important decisions!
Thanks for reading! See you all in London!
- Jonathan
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2018.08.12 05:07 Chill_Duck_ Random Biotech DD - $TTPH

Just some degenerate who has occasional good DD, haven't posted any in a while. Going to do a nice little write up on $TTPH. Pulled up the Biotech Calendar for FDA events and randomly scrolled for a second and stopped on this is one that I saw coming towards the end of the month, so it'll give you faggots some time to review and decide. I have no idea if my DD will signal buy or sell, haven't looked at this company at all yet. Just going to roll with it and type as I go. I'm also the one trying to put together a site that will have the FDA calendar along with DD of upcoming events. I'm retarded with websites though and work, so it wont be up for several weeks probably. Hopefully I dont fuck up this format. Note: I don't have a position in this, like I said, I just picked some random event coming up and started typing. Hopefully I can make sense through my bourbon.

Tetraphase Pharmaceuticals

Who Are They?

Some biotech company that researches ways to get around potential antibiotic resistance. They create antibiotics to combat bacterial infections, including those caused by many of the multidrug-resistant Gram-negative bacteria. This is shit like E. coli and Chlamydia which are resistant to some forms of current antibiotics because they mutate too efficiently (fuck you evolution). So for all you degenerate hooker loving faggots out there, I guess its a relatable company.
They have been around for 12 years and their leadership team looks like a bunch of cucks, unlike Musk dady. One of the fuckers is cross eyed, can't trust em. So we have to divert to the science on this one.

Over View

They focus on synthetic variations of the Tetracycline, generating over 3,000 unique derivatives and creating a pipeline of novel antibiotics. Essentially they are a one trick pony. They seem to do alright at it, but they have the idea that their antibiotics can be used in oncology, but they are hoping for a stretch that really won't likely pan out. So they focus their efforts on fighting bacteria that are becoming resistant to shit. These drug-resistant bacteria are immune to the antibiotics society has counted on to treat these infections, causing a global public health crisis and what some have referred to as a “post antibiotic era”. Of most concern are patients with bacterial infections that are resistant to many/multiple classes of antibiotics; referred to as multidrug-resistant (MDR), pandrug-resistant (PDR), or extremely drug resistant (XDR) bacterial infections.
Bacteria can be broken into two categories, Gram-positive and -negative. You don't need to know what the fuck that means, just know that the company focuses on Gram-Negative which has been pretty much neglected like a red headed step child. Gram-Negative (GN I will start calling it) cause most of the current serious infections in hospitals which is roughly 30% of all hospital infections. Mortality is pretty high due to these infections being resistant to shit, so people just keep dropping.
They license their tech from Harvard, so its gotta be working right? Those Ivy League kids in Boston are smarter than those idiots at Yale in shit hole New Haven. Anyways, Tetracycline has been around for 50 years and now this company is making it fully synthetically allowing it to be adjusted beyond anything that was done before and decrease the ability for bacteria to resist it.
They use Tetracycline as the core structure and just modify the shit out of it like a Puerto Rican's Honda.


Flagship product, treats life-threatening infections caused by multidrug-resistant (MDR) GN Bacteria. A Fully synthetic tetracycline antibiotic in Phase III for treating intra-abdominal infections and some fucked up UTIs, comes with a side of cranberry juice. Luckily for this company, the FDA thinks UTI's are serious business and granted these guys both Qualified Infectious Disease Product (QIDP) and Fast Track designations for both indications of use. Thats pretty sweet they have more than one indication for one drug. Two birds, one stone.
Used to combat respiratory disease caused by bacteria and pahtogens. The FDA has granted QIDP and Fast Track designations for TP-271 for the treatment of community-acquired bacterial pneumonia, another two birds one stone situation. Phase I though, so they are testing to see if the shit is safe, we will see later on. They have no news on this shit for a while.
Some investigatory drug they are running through Phase I to fight E. coli and a few other bacteria. Lead candidate to fight a few different of the most urgent GN bacteria threats according to the CDC. This one seems like they just picked one of the full synthetic versions of Tetracycline they have that they think will be effective and threw it out there. We wont focus on this fucker, itll probably get through Phase I and be deemed safe like the other drug.

The Real Focus - Eravacycline

So this bitch is finishing up Phase III in two different studies, IGNITE1 and IGNITE4. Eravacycline was investigated for the treatment of complicated intra-abdominal infections (cIAI) as part of the Company's IGNITE phase III program which comprised of administration to over 1,500 patients. In IGNITE1, a pivotal phase III trial in patients with cIAI, twice-daily IV eravacycline met the primary endpoint by demonstrating statistical non-inferiority of clinical response compared to ertapenem, was well-tolerated and achieved high cure rates in patients with Gram-negative pathogens, including resistant isolates. The IGNITE1 data is serving as the basis of the Marketing Authorization Application for IV eravacycline for the treatment of patients with cIAI now under review by the European Medicines Agency . In IGNITE4, a second phase 3 clinical trial in patients with cIAI, twice-daily IV eravacycline met the primary endpoint by demonstrating statistical non-inferiority of clinical response compared to meropenem, was well-tolerated and achieved high cure rates. The Company has used the results from IGNITE1 and IGNITE4 to support a New Drug Application (NDA) with the FDA for IV eravacycline in cIAI. The NDA is currently under review with the FDA with a Prescription Drug User Fee Act (PDUFA) goal date of August 28, 2018. In clinical trials to date, eravacycline has been administered to more than 2,700 patients. Eravacycline has not been approved for commercial use.
2,700 patients is quite a few in the clinical trial space. Typically clinical trials through all phases will at most see around 3500 patients, so hitting a number near 3,000 and proving both safe and effective is pretty critical. Not only that, bu the FDA seems to be wanting to pass more drugs through the pipeline of approval since Trump's inauguration so this only improves the chances or approval. They are seeking approval in Europe, which would boos the revenues from the product, but what we really want to see is FDA approval because all the profits are really made in America. However, that European MAA filing presents a massive stepping stone for the company on their first regulatory application for marketing authorization and pushing them one step closer to market. Using both Phase III studies which are showing positive results will likely increase the chance of approval by FDA. Even further, Tetraphase is also currently conducting IGNITE3, an additional phase III trial evaluating once-daily IV eravacycline in patients with cUTI and, assuming a positive outcome, the Company plans to use the results from IGNITE3 to support a supplemental NDA submission for eravacycline in cUTI. In parallel, Tetraphase is continuing its efforts to develop an oral dose formulation of eravacycline. A phase 1 clinical program is ongoing which is designed to evaluate and optimize the oral dosing regimen for eravacycline.
The phase III IGNITE3 results show that the clinical trial enrolled 1,205 patients who were randomized 1:1 to receive IV eravacycline (1.5mg/kg every 24 hours) or ertapenem (1g every 24 hours) for a minimum of 5 days, and then were eligible for transition to an appropriate approved oral agent. The co-primary endpoints of responder rate (a combination of clinical cure and microbiological success) in the microbiological intent-to-treat (micro-ITT) population at the end of IV visit and at the test of cure visit (Day 5-10 post therapy) were evaluated using a 10% non-inferiority margin. Responder rates in the micro-ITT population at the end of IV visit were 84.8% and 94.8% for eravacycline (n=363/428) and ertapenem (n=382/403), respectively (-10% CI: -14.1%, -6.0%). Responder rates at the test of cure visit were 68.5% and 74.9% for eravacycline (n=293/428) and ertapenem (n=302/403), respectively (-6.5% CI: -12.6%, -0.3%). Some good fuckin results, showing the shit is effective. Top line reached baby.
There are probably several of you retards reading going, "What the fuck is a PDUFA?" Well its called the Prescription Drug User Fee Act, essentially companies pay money to the FDA towards this shit and it goes into speeding up Drug Approval times. The PDUFA Dates are deadlines for the FDA to review new drugs and they normally have about 10 months to review them. If a drug is selected for priority review, FDA has 6 months. This all starts once the NDA is accepted by the FDA. This company filed their NDA back on January 2nd, and the FDA accepted the filing on February 27th. So the FDA has a deadline of August 28th to give their response on the NDA filing, which was given priority review as well as Fast Track designation and some other shit.
The Phase III data was positive, the primary endpoint was met. Thats some good fuckin news. However they are filing for two indications here. Thats what the fuck is worrying me. I have seen this before, they are throwing a handful of tacks at a board and hoping one sticks, kind of. In both indications that they completed studies on, these homies find that the drug is not only effective at what it does, but it also is relatively safe. Compared to other drugs that are already approved, their compound is found to be no less effective, giving this shit a good case.
Second Quarter 2018 should bring Eravacycline (apparently its also called Xerava) to market on a global level, like I said Eurotrash countries and Murrica. They are getting ready for commercial launch upon approval. They are also working on developing plans in China having recently also submitted an IND to the Chinese FDA. I bet China and Asia gets fucked hard by GM Bacteria just due to population and lack of excellent healthcare. So thats a huge market for them if they get approved in Asia. Anyways, yeah to sum up they will likely see FDA approval in the next month and Commercial launch in Q4 2018.
Now these dont really fucking matter for Biotech companies because most of them hemorrhage cash until they get bought out. But here we go, a layout of their financial situation as of June 30th, 2018.
Cash and Cash Equivalents - $111.2 million
Shares Outstanding - 52.9 million
They expect their cash to last them through Q3 2019, so they wont be looking to raise any capital ASAP. This is some good fuckin news for people playing the approval. Unlikely to see a fuckin offering a day after or day of FDA approval if it does happen. So you will likely see some of the gains hold for months following.
Q2 reveneues were $11.6 million, compared to $1.6 million last year Q2, a real 10 bagger. The boys did it. Although, nearly all of it came from licensing to China which is dope because this shows they can license shit out while also get grant revenue from governments and also should see some revenues flow in following commercialization if the drug is approved Q3-Q4.
R&D expenses are down 50% YoY, mainly due to completion of studies. However, their expenses on administration are going up a few million YoY. This is due though to the expectation of commercialization and the company preparing to rake in some cash money.
The company reported last week that they had a net loss of $9.5 million (-$0.18 per share), compared to a net loss of $31.8 million (-$0.83 per share) reported same time in 2017. They arent losing as much money and are showing good data. This is tight.
Now you are thinking, how big is this fucking GN bacteria market? Can some fuckin germs be worth that much? Well, according to the CDC, antibiotic-resistant infections cause over 23,000 deaths per year. Fuck, over 2 million people become infected with these tricky fuckers that resist drugs and a bunch more people die due to complications caused by the bacteria resistant to antibiotics.
This market of antibiotic-resistant bacteria treatments was valued at $26 billion and is expected to reach $44 billion by 2025, growing at a CAGR of 6%. Thats a good sized market.


They make some drugs to fight bacteria which are antibiotic-resistant. They have 3 drugs in pipeline, but only one we care about now. They have just over 2 weeks until they get a PDUFA notice from FDA on a NDA filing, hoping to get approval in the US for marketing their drug. They are seeking Asia, more specifically Chinese, approval and European approval as well in coming months. They have two different Phase III studies that show efficacy as well as safety in over 2500 patients. They show that compared to similar compounds, the drug Eravacycline is just as effective as well as maintaining a safe profile. Shit is going for two different indications which is pretty cool, shows diversity but the FDA can be fickle so it might be possible that only one indication is approved, they change some wording on their studies and label, and I see them getting both indications approved. The market for their drug is pretty fucking big, going to grow over $40 billion in a few years, and if you follow science at all you know that antibiotic-resistant bacteria is a growing problem that needs to be addressed. Their financials are pretty tight, they have cash to hold them off until end of Q3 2019. This is the biggest thing to me because the company wont fuck their entire investor base by completing a fucking offering and announcing a dilution to everyone the day of approval. Their leadership looked dumb in their pictures, they seem smart though because some Harvard connection. Didnt read about them after seeing a cross eyed fuck. Their trials have met all endpoints and the company is prepping for commercialization which is reflected in their finances. This is a good sign and it means they expect approval. I do too.
My take - They receive approval for at least one indication by August 24th, although I wouldnt be surprised by both indications being approved. Company looks solid, they have plenty of cash, are ready for marketing their compound, and are reducing debt and spending. No reason for denial from the FDA in my eyes, no reason for dilution immediately, and their drug was designated Fast Tracked and Qualified Infectious Disease Product, meaning that the FDA thinks that this is an urgent matter and needs to be addressed. They are likely to approve compounds that receive these designations because if it is safe and can save lives, they will try to pass it, especially under the current environment. Stock seems to have solid consolidation around $3.00 long term, I would expect this shit to hit $7.00 by September honestly. I like it. I approve. I might buy.

Way Too Long Didnt Read

It looks like a buy.


There are comments around the massive drop in 2015. They have been in Phase III for a while, as this phase does take some time. But these guys ran 4 different IGNITE studies on their flagship product, and IGNITE2 failed to meet endpoints back in 2015 as an IV to oral transition therapy for the treatment of complicated urinary tract infections, and failed to prove that it was not inferior to existing products. While it caused concern then, they have initiated and seen success in more IGNITE studies, such as 1 and 3. These have solid data, meet all endpoints, are safe and effective. So while they couldnt get a hold of one indication before, it looks like they will for these two indications based off the successful studies. I think that FDA approval is immanent due to the unmet market need that the company fulfills. IGNITE2 might have failed, but the other indications are what we are seeking for FDA approval. Also there are a ton of lawsuits going on apparently, if you check yahoo finance the page is littered with them. Most of them are just reminders. In my eyes, they are trying to cause alarm and scare off investors more than anything. They are holding the basis that the company engaged in more patients in one of its studies to inflate the endpoint data in their favor to prove significant results while also lying about present data. I doubt that is likely to be proven, so these lawsuits are insignificant.
submitted by Chill_Duck_ to wallstreetbets [link] [comments]

2018.05.20 16:31 Seagull_No1_Fanboy This Week in Overwatch May 14th - May 20th


Play Overwatch Free May 25-28 on PC, Playstation 4, and Xbox One
Past Brawls and Cosmetics are back for Overwatch Anniversary 2018.
The celebration begins May 22!
"Past seasonal items and brawls are back" - @PlayOverwatch Twitter
Hi all,
Just to clarify, the credit price of skins (and all other event item cosmetics) from Summer Games 2017 and forward will remain unchanged. Already discounted items from the first year of seasonal events will remain the same as well.
I hope that helps.
Are we also getting voice lines, victory poses and emotes etc?
Correct, not just the skins, but all seasonal event items from previous events will be available once Anniversary kicks off on May 22, 2018.
Thank you.


Video Developer Update Overwatch Anniversary 2018
Map Glitch Permanent Contest Exploit Point B Anubis
Sent it over to QA. Got the video as well, thanks!
Hanzo’s Storm Arrows are INSANE
We’ve been testing some nerfs internally and have decided to make a change for the upcoming patch.
We’re reducing the damage per arrow from 80 to 70, which not only drops them out of one-shot territory for 200 hp heroes (w/ dmg boost), but also drops them out of one-shot range of 150 heroes such as Tracer and D.Va pilot.
The ability will still be very strong overall, but this change should help mitigate the most frustrating element of fighting against it. We’re looking at getting this change up onto the PTR soon.
Now, can we do something about the Ult Charge?
We’ve talked about this as well but changing a heroes damage already affects their ult charge. If it still seems too frequent after Storm Arrows lands in a good place we can look at it again.


Overwatch Anniversary 2018 Skins
Our First reveal: Venom Soldier: 76! (Epic)
Overwatch Anniversary 2018 Skins
Our Second reveal: Lightning Tracer (Epic)
All-Access passholders now have access to the Player's Pack!
Passholders, log in to Twitch, go to the All-Access Pass tab on the Overwatch League channel and click "redeem all in-game rewards."
Not a passholder? Get details at http://blizz.ly/AllAccessPass
Symmetra Rework Update?
I don’t really have visuals to show you sadly, but we’re very much in progress working on her still. There have been a few changes to her as we’ve been play testing her since I last posted.
Firstly, her turrets are still projectiles, but they are now able to be destroyed while in the air. This makes it harder to throw them directly at people in a fight to force them to turn around to kill it. Now you have to be a little more sneaky where you throw them or just pre-place them.
Secondly, her teleporter ability now requires a button input to trigger, but the teleporter works both directions. This means you can do new tricks like tossing it into an enemy Zarya ult from far away and pull your team out to safety. We’ve also seen interesting strats where a Symm can baby-sit a friendly Ana/Zen and place a TP if they get jumped on, giving a mobility out to heroes that don’t typically have that option. There is a small cooldown before you can take the teleporter once you’ve used it, so you can’t just spam back and forth instantly.
Those are the biggest changes since last post, but there have been many small numbers tweaks to get her in shape. Hopefully we’ll have something reasonably soon for you guys to see/play!


“We Still Need You!”
Thanks to the generosity of everyone who’s purchased the Pink Mercy skin so far, we’re closing in on raising $10M USD to support The Breast Cancer Research Foundation Please help us reach our objective before May 21!
Learn more at playoverwatch.com/charity
Podcast AIAS Game Maker's Notebook with Jeff Kaplan


Can we talk lunar colony. Its a horrible map!
We have big changes coming to the Horizon map. The changes will most likely hit PTR close to the beginning of June. We’ve fixed the Defender spawn room issue you noted on Point B (among other things). More details to come as we get closer.
Winston Buff? Potentionally new abililty
We’re not currently considering buffing Winston or changing his kit.
Reporting me for cheating
Reports for cheating are investigated by our Risks team. They have very sophisticated means to detect if you are cheating or not. If you weren’t cheating, you have nothing to worry about.
Hi Jeff.


Video First Look at New Map: Petra Overwatch League
Video Petra New Deathmatch Map
Video Magician Symmetra and "Trace and Bake" Overwatch League
Video Behind the Scenes: “Trace & Bake”

OWL News Stage 4 Week 1

Boston Uprising

Dallas Fuel

Florida Mayhem

Houston Outlaws

London Spitfire

LA Gladiators

LA Valiant

New York Excelsior(NYXL)

Philadelphia Fusion

SF Shock

Seoul Dynasty

Shanghai Dragons

Contenders News S1 Playoffs

Remaining News

Last Week's Post

submitted by Seagull_No1_Fanboy to Competitiveoverwatch [link] [comments]

2018.05.20 16:31 Seagull_No1_Fanboy This Week in Overwatch May 14th - May 20th


Play Overwatch Free May 25-28 on PC, Playstation 4, and Xbox One
Past Brawls and Cosmetics are back for Overwatch Anniversary 2018.
The celebration begins May 22!
"Past seasonal items and brawls are back" - @PlayOverwatch Twitter
Hi all,
Just to clarify, the credit price of skins (and all other event item cosmetics) from Summer Games 2017 and forward will remain unchanged. Already discounted items from the first year of seasonal events will remain the same as well.
I hope that helps.
Are we also getting voice lines, victory poses and emotes etc?
Correct, not just the skins, but all seasonal event items from previous events will be available once Anniversary kicks off on May 22, 2018.
Thank you.


Video Developer Update Overwatch Anniversary 2018
Map Glitch Permanent Contest Exploit Point B Anubis
Sent it over to QA. Got the video as well, thanks!
Hanzo’s Storm Arrows are INSANE
We’ve been testing some nerfs internally and have decided to make a change for the upcoming patch.
We’re reducing the damage per arrow from 80 to 70, which not only drops them out of one-shot territory for 200 hp heroes (w/ dmg boost), but also drops them out of one-shot range of 150 heroes such as Tracer and D.Va pilot.
The ability will still be very strong overall, but this change should help mitigate the most frustrating element of fighting against it. We’re looking at getting this change up onto the PTR soon.
Now, can we do something about the Ult Charge?
We’ve talked about this as well but changing a heroes damage already affects their ult charge. If it still seems too frequent after Storm Arrows lands in a good place we can look at it again.


Overwatch Anniversary 2018 Skins
Our First reveal: Venom Soldier: 76! (Epic)
Overwatch Anniversary 2018 Skins
Our Second reveal: Lightning Tracer (Epic)
All-Access passholders now have access to the Player's Pack!
Passholders, log in to Twitch, go to the All-Access Pass tab on the Overwatch League channel and click "redeem all in-game rewards."
Not a passholder? Get details at http://blizz.ly/AllAccessPass
Symmetra Rework Update?
I don’t really have visuals to show you sadly, but we’re very much in progress working on her still. There have been a few changes to her as we’ve been play testing her since I last posted.
Firstly, her turrets are still projectiles, but they are now able to be destroyed while in the air. This makes it harder to throw them directly at people in a fight to force them to turn around to kill it. Now you have to be a little more sneaky where you throw them or just pre-place them.
Secondly, her teleporter ability now requires a button input to trigger, but the teleporter works both directions. This means you can do new tricks like tossing it into an enemy Zarya ult from far away and pull your team out to safety. We’ve also seen interesting strats where a Symm can baby-sit a friendly Ana/Zen and place a TP if they get jumped on, giving a mobility out to heroes that don’t typically have that option. There is a small cooldown before you can take the teleporter once you’ve used it, so you can’t just spam back and forth instantly.
Those are the biggest changes since last post, but there have been many small numbers tweaks to get her in shape. Hopefully we’ll have something reasonably soon for you guys to see/play!


“We Still Need You!”
Thanks to the generosity of everyone who’s purchased the Pink Mercy skin so far, we’re closing in on raising $10M USD to support The Breast Cancer Research Foundation Please help us reach our objective before May 21!
Learn more at playoverwatch.com/charity
Podcast AIAS Game Maker's Notebook with Jeff Kaplan


Can we talk lunar colony. Its a horrible map!
We have big changes coming to the Horizon map. The changes will most likely hit PTR close to the beginning of June. We’ve fixed the Defender spawn room issue you noted on Point B (among other things). More details to come as we get closer.
Winston Buff? Potentionally new abililty
We’re not currently considering buffing Winston or changing his kit.
Reporting me for cheating
Reports for cheating are investigated by our Risks team. They have very sophisticated means to detect if you are cheating or not. If you weren’t cheating, you have nothing to worry about.
Hi Jeff.


Video First Look at New Map: Petra Overwatch League
Video Petra New Deathmatch Map
Video Magician Symmetra and "Trace and Bake" Overwatch League
Video Behind the Scenes: “Trace & Bake”

OWL News Stage 4 Week 1

Boston Uprising

Dallas Fuel

Florida Mayhem

Houston Outlaws

London Spitfire

LA Gladiators

LA Valiant

New York Excelsior(NYXL)

Philadelphia Fusion

SF Shock

Seoul Dynasty

Shanghai Dragons

Contenders News S1 Playoffs

Remaining News

Last Week's Post

submitted by Seagull_No1_Fanboy to Overwatch [link] [comments]

2018.05.18 09:09 DarkSkyKnight The Lost Mariner

As we progress further and further into neurobiological research, it seems agency is becoming increasingly distant. Luckily I'm a Calvinist so I have no qualms over this but I wonder how other Christians think of neurobiology.
One particular story really touched me. It's a case of someone suffering from amnesia. It's described in a Dr. Sacks book which details cases of neurobiological disorders.
You can watch this video here: https://vimeo.com/104099393
Or read it here:
The Lost Mariner
You have to begin to lose your memory, if only in bits and pieces, to realize that memory is what makes our lives. Life without memory is no life at all ... Our memory is our coherence, our reason, our feeling, even our action. Without it, we are nothing ... (I can only wait for the final amnesia, the one that can erase an entire life, as it did my mother’s ...)
—Luis Bunuel
This moving and frightening segment in Bunuel’s recently translated memoirs raises fundamental questions—clinical, practical, existential, philosophical: what sort of a life (if any), what sort of a world, what sort of a self, can be preserved in a man who has lost the greater part of his memory and, with this, his past, and his moorings in time? It immediately made me think of a patient of mine in whom these questions are precisely exemplified: charming, intelligent, memoryless Jimmie G., who was admitted to our Home for the Aged near New York City early in 1975, with a cryptic transfer note saying, ‘Helpless, demented, confused and disoriented.’
Jimmie was a fine-looking man, with a curly bush of grey hair, a healthy and handsome forty-nine- year-old. He was cheerful, friendly, and warm. ‘Hiya, Doc!’ he said. ‘Nice morning! Do I take this chair here?’ He was a genial soul, very ready to talk and to answer any questions I asked him. He told me his name and birth date, and the name of the little town in Connecticut where he was born. He described it in affectionate detail, even drew me a map. He spoke of the houses where his family had lived—he remembered their phone numbers still. He spoke of school and school days, the friends he’d had, and his special fondness for mathematics and science. He talked with enthusiasm of his days in the navy—he was seventeen, had just graduated from high school when he was drafted in 1943. With his good engineering mind he was a ‘natural’ for radio and electronics, and after a crash course in Texas found himself assistant radio operator on a submarine. He remembered the names of various submarines on which he had served, their missions, where they were stationed, the names of his shipmates. He remembered Morse code, and was still fluent in Morse tapping and touch-typing. A full and interesting early life, remembered vividly, in detail, with affection. But there, for some reason, his reminiscences stopped. He recalled, and almost relived, his war days and service, the end of the war, and his thoughts for the future. He had come to love the navy, thought he might stay in it. But with the GI Bill, and support, he felt he might do best to go to college. His older brother was in accountancy school and engaged to a girl, a ‘real beauty’, from Oregon. With recalling, reliving, Jimmie was full of animation; he did not seem to be speaking of the past but of the present, and I was very struck by the change of tense in his recollections as he passed from his school days to his days in the navy. He had been using the past tense, but now used the present—and (it seemed to me) not just the formal or fictitious present tense of recall, but the actual present tense of immediate experience. A sudden, improbable suspicion seized me. ‘What year is this, Mr G.?’ I asked, concealing my perplexity under a casual manner. ‘Forty-five, man. What do you mean?’ He went on, ‘We’ve won the war, FDR’s dead, Truman’s at the helm. There are great times ahead.’ ‘And you, Jimmie, how old would you be?’ Oddly, uncertainly, he hesitated a moment, as if engaged in calculation. ‘Why, I guess I’m nineteen, Doc. I’ll be twenty next birthday.’ Looking at the grey-haired man before me, I had an impulse for which I have never forgiven myself—it was, or would have been, the height of cruelty had there been any possibility of Jimmie’s remembering it. ‘Here,’ I said, and thrust a mirror toward him. ‘Look in the mirror and tell me what you see. Is that a nineteen-year-old looking out from the mirror?’ He suddenly turned ashen and gripped the sides of the chair. ‘Jesus Christ,’ he whispered. ‘Christ, what’s going on? What’s happened to me? Is this a nightmare? Am I crazy? Is this a joke?’— and he became frantic, panicked. ‘It’s okay, Jimmie,’ I said soothingly. ‘It’s just a mistake. Nothing to worry about. Hey!’ I took him to the window. ‘Isn’t this a lovely spring day. See the kids there playing baseball?’ He regained his color and started to smile, and I stole away, taking the hateful mirror with me. Two minutes later I re-entered the room. Jimmie was still standing by the window, gazing with pleasure at the kids playing baseball below. He wheeled around as I opened the door, and his face assumed a cheery expression. ‘Hiya, Doc!’ he said. ‘Nice morning! You want to talk to me— do I take this chair here?’ There was no sign of recognition on his frank, open face.
‘Haven’t we met before, Mr G.?’ I asked casually. ‘No, I can’t say we have. Quite a beard you got there. I wouldn’t forget you, Doc!’ ‘Why do you call me “Doc”?’ ‘Well, you are a doc, ain’t you?’ ‘Yes, but if you haven’t met me, how do you know what I am?’ ‘You talk like a doc. I can see you’re a doc’ ‘Well, you’re right, I am. I’m the neurologist here.’ ‘Neurologist? Hey, there’s something wrong with my nerves? And “here”—where’s “here”? What is this place anyhow?’ ‘I was just going to ask you—where do you think you are?’ ‘I see these beds, and these patients everywhere. Looks like a sort of hospital to me. But hell, what would I be doing in a hospital—and with all these old people, years older than me. I feel good, I’m strong as a bull. Maybe I work here ... Do I work? What’s my job? ... No, you’re shaking your head, I see in your eyes I don’t work here. If I don’t work here, I’ve been put here. Am I a patient, am I sick and don’t know it, Doc? It’s crazy, it’s scary ... Is it some sort of joke?’ ‘You don’t know what the matter is? You really don’t know? You remember telling me about your childhood, growing up in Connecticut, working as a radio operator on submarines? And how your brother is engaged to a girl from Oregon?’ ‘Hey, you’re right. But I didn’t tell you that, I never met you before in my life. You must have read all about me in my chart. ‘Okay,’ I said. ‘I’ll tell you a story. A man went to his doctor complaining of memory lapses. The doctor asked him some routine questions, and then said, “These lapses. What about them?” “What lapses?” the patient replied.’ ‘So that’s my problem,’ Jimmie laughed. ‘I kinda thought it was. I do find myself forgetting things, once in a while—things that have just happened. The past is clear, though.’ ‘Will you allow me to examine you, to run over some tests?’ ‘Sure,’ he said genially. ‘Whatever you want.’ On intelligence testing he showed excellent ability. He was quick-witted, observant, and logical, and had no difficulty solving complex problems and puzzles—no difficulty, that is, if they could be done quickly. If much time was required, he forgot what he was doing. He was quick and good at tic-tac-toe and checkers, and cunning and aggressive—he easily beat me. But he got lost at chess—the moves were too slow. Homing in on his memory, I found an extreme and extraordinary loss of recent memory—so that whatever was said or shown to him was apt to be forgotten in a few seconds’ time. Thus I laid out my watch, my tie, and my glasses on the desk, covered them, and asked him to remember these. Then, after a minute’s chat, I asked him what I had put under the cover. He remembered none of them—or indeed that I had even asked him to remember. I repeated the test, this time getting him to write down the names of the three objects; again he forgot, and when I showed him the paper with his writing on it he was astounded, and said he had no recollection of writing anything down, though he acknowledged that it was his own writing, and then got a faint ‘echo’ of the fact that he had written them down. He sometimes retained faint memories, some dim echo or sense of familiarity. Thus five minutes after I had played tic-tac-toe with him, he recollected that ‘some doctor’ had played this with him ‘a while back’—whether the ‘while back’ was minutes or months ago he had no idea. He then paused and said, ‘It could have been you?’ When I said it was me, he seemed amused. This faint amusement and indifference were very characteristic, as were the involved cogitations to which he was driven by being so disoriented and lost in time. When I asked Jimmie the time of the year, he would immediately look around for some clue—I was careful to remove the calendar from my desk—and would work out the time of year, roughly, by looking through the window. It was not, apparently, that he failed to register in memory, but that the memory traces were fugitive in the extreme, and were apt to be effaced within a minute, often less, especially if there were distracting or competing stimuli, while his intellectual and perceptual powers were preserved, and highly superior. Jimmie’s scientific knowledge was that of a bright high school graduate with a penchant for mathematics and science. He was superb at arithmetical (and also algebraic) calculations, but only if they could be done with lightning speed. If there were many steps, too much time, involved, he would forget where he was, and even the question. He knew the elements, compared them, and drew the periodic table—but omitted the transuranic elements. ‘Is that complete?’ I asked when he’d finished. ‘It’s complete and up-to-date, sir, as far as I know.’ ‘You wouldn’t know any elements beyond uranium?’ ‘You kidding? There’s ninety-two elements, and uranium’s the last.’ I paused and flipped through a National Geographic on the table. ‘Tell me the planets,’ I said, ‘and something about them.’ Unhesitatingly, confidently, he gave me the planets—their names, their discovery, their distance from the sun, their estimated mass, character, and gravity. ‘What is this?’ I asked, showing him a photo in the magazine I was holding. ‘It’s the moon,’ he replied. ‘No, it’s not,’ I answered. ‘It’s a picture of the earth taken from the moon.’ ‘Doc, you’re kidding! Someone would’ve had to get a camera up there!’ ‘Naturally.’ ‘Hell! You’re joking—how the hell would you do that?’ Unless he was a consummate actor, a fraud simulating an astonishment he did not feel, this was an utterly convincing demonstration that he was still in the past. His words, his feelings, his innocent wonder, his struggle to make sense of what he saw, were precisely those of an intelligent young man in the forties faced with the future, with what had not yet happened, and what was scarcely imaginable. ‘This more than anything else,’ I wrote in my notes, ‘persuades me that his cut-off around 1945 is genuine ... What I showed him, and told him, produced the authentic amazement which it would have done in an intelligent young man of the pre-Sputnik era.’ I found another photo in the magazine and pushed it over to him. ‘That’s an aircraft carrier,’ he said. ‘Real ultramodern design. I never saw one quite like that.’ ‘What’s it called?’ I asked. He glanced down, looked baffled, and said, ‘The Nimitzl’ ‘Something the matter?’ ‘The hell there is!’ he replied hotly. ‘I know ‘em all by name, and I don’t know a Nimitz ... Of course there’s an Admiral Nimitz, but I never heard they named a carrier after him.’ Angrily he threw the magazine down. He was becoming fatigued, and somewhat irritable and anxious, under the continuing pressure of anomaly and contradiction, and their fearful implications, to which he could not be entirely oblivious. I had already, unthinkingly, pushed him into panic, and felt it was time to end our session. We wandered over to the window again, and looked down at the sunlit baseball diamond; as he looked his face relaxed, he forgot the Nimitz, the satellite photo, the other horrors and hints, and became absorbed in the game below. Then, as a savory smell drifted up from the dining room, he smacked his lips, said ‘Lunch!’, smiled, and took his leave. And I myself was wrung with emotion—it was heartbreaking, it was absurd, it was deeply perplexing, to think of his life lost in limbo, dissolving. ‘He is, as it were,’ I wrote in my notes, ‘isolated in a single moment of being, with a moat or lacuna of forgetting all round him ... He is man without a past (or future), stuck in a constantly changing, meaningless moment.’ And then, more prosaically, ‘The remainder of the neurological examination is entirely normal. Impression: probably Korsakov’s syndrome, due to alcoholic degeneration of the mammillary bodies.’ My note was a strange mixture of facts and observations, carefully noted and itemized, with irrepressible meditations on what such problems might ‘mean’, in regard to who and what and where this poor man was—whether, indeed, one could speak of an ‘existence’, given so absolute a privation of memory or continuity. I kept wondering, in this and later notes—unscientifically— about ‘a lost soul’, and how one might establish some continuity, some roots, for he was a man without roots, or rooted only in the remote past. ‘Only connect’—but how could he connect, and how could we help him to connect? What was life without connection? ‘I may venture to affirm,’ Hume wrote, ‘that we are nothing but a bundle or collection of different sensations, which succeed each other with an inconceivable rapidity, and are in a perpetual flux and movement.’ In some sense, he had been reduced to a ‘Humean’ being— I could not help thinking how fascinated Hume would have been at seeing in Jimmie his own philosophical ‘chimaera’ incarnate, a gruesome reduction of a man to mere disconnected, incoherent flux and change. Perhaps I could find advice or help in the medical literature— a literature which, for some reason, was largely Russian, from Korsakov’s original thesis (Moscow, 1887) about such cases of memory loss, which are still called ‘Korsakov’s syndrome’, to Luria’s Neuropsychology of Memory (which appeared in translation only a year after I first saw Jimmie). Korsakov wrote in 1887: Memory of recent events is disturbed almost exclusively; recent impressions apparently disappear soonest, whereas impressions of long ago are recalled properly, so that the patient’s ingenuity, his sharpness of wit, and his resourcefulness remain largely unaffected. To Korsakov’s brilliant but spare observations, almost a century of further research has been added— the richest and deepest, by far, being Luria’s. And in Luria’s account science became poetry, and the pathos of radical lostness was evoked. ‘Gross disturbances of the organization of impressions of events and their sequence in time can always be observed in such patients,’ he wrote. ‘In consequence, they lose their integral experience of time and begin to live in a world of isolated impressions.’ Further, as Luria noted, the eradication of impressions (and their disorder) might spread backward in time—’in the most serious cases—even to relatively distant events.’ Most of Luria’s patients, as described in this book, had massive and serious cerebral tumors, which had the same effects as Korsakov’s syndrome, but later spread and were often fatal. Luria included no cases of ‘simple’ Korsakov’s syndrome, based on the self-limiting destruction that Korsakov described—neuron destruction, produced by alcohol, in the tiny but crucial mammillary bodies, the rest of the brain being perfectly preserved. And so there was no long-term follow-up of Luria’s cases. I had at first been deeply puzzled, and dubious, even suspicious, about the apparently sharp cut-off in 1945, a point, a date, which was also symbolically so sharp. I wrote in a subsequent note: There is a great blank. We do not know what happened then— or subsequently ... We must fill in these ‘missing’ years— from his brother, or the navy, or hospitals he has been to ... Could it be that he sustained some massive trauma at this time, some massive cerebral or emotional trauma in combat, in the war, and that this may have affected him ever since? ... was the war his ‘high point’, the last time he was really alive, and existence since one long anti-climax? (In his fascinating oral history The Good War (1985) Studs Terkel transcribes countless stories of men and women, especially fighting men, who felt World War II was intensely real—by far the most real and significant time of their lives—everything since as pallid in comparison. Such men tend to dwell on the war and to relive its battles, comradeship, moral certainties and intensity. But this dwelling on the past and relative hebetude towards the present—this emotional dulling of current feeling and memory—is nothing like Jimmie’s organic amnesia. I recently had occasion to discuss the question with Terkel: ‘I’ve met thousands of men,’ he told me, ‘who feel they’ve just been “marking time” since ‘45—but I never met anyone for whom time terminated, like your amnesiac Jimmie.’) We did various tests on him (EEG, brain scans), and found no evidence of massive brain damage, although atrophy of the tiny mammillary bodies would not show up on such tests. We received reports from the navy indicating that he had remained in the navy until 1965, and that he was perfectly competent at that time. Then we turned up a short nasty report from Bellevue Hospital, dated 1971, saying that he was ‘totally disoriented ... with an advanced organic brain syndrome, due to alcohol’ (cirrhosis had also developed by this time). From Bellevue he was sent to a wretched dump in the Village, a so-called ‘nursing home’ whence he was rescued—lousy, starving—by our Home in 1975. We located his brother, whom Jimmie always spoke of as being in accountancy school and engaged to a girl from Oregon. In fact he had married the girl from Oregon, had become a father and grandfather, and been a practicing accountant for thirty years. Where we had hoped for an abundance of information and feeling from his brother, we received a courteous but somewhat meager letter. It was obvious from reading this—especially reading between the lines—that the brothers had scarcely seen each other since 1943, and gone separate ways, partly through the vicissitudes of location and profession, and partly through deep (though not estranging) differences of temperament. Jimmie, it seemed, had never ‘settled down’, was ‘happy-go-lucky’, and ‘always a drinker’. The navy, his brother felt, provided a structure, a life, and the real problems started when he left it, in 1965. Without his habitual structure and anchor Jimmie had ceased to work, ‘gone to pieces,’ and started to drink heavily. There had been some memory impairment, of the Korsakov type, in the middle and especially the late Sixties, but not so severe that Jimmie couldn’t ‘cope’ in his nonchalant fashion. But his drinking grew heavier in 1970. Around Christmas of that year, his brother understood, he had suddenly ‘blown his top’ and become deliriously excited and confused, and it was at this point he had been taken into Bellevue. During the next month, the excitement and delirium died down, but he was left with deep and bizarre memory lapses, or ‘deficits,’ to use the medical jargon. His brother had visited him at this time—they had not met for twenty years—and, to his horror, Jimmie not only failed to recognize him, but said, ‘Stop joking! You’re old enough to be my father. My brother’s a young man, just going through accountancy school.’ When I received this information, I was more perplexed still: why did Jimmie not remember his later years in the navy, why did he not recall and organize his memories until 1970? I had not heard then that such patients might have a retrograde amnesia (see Postscript). ‘I wonder, increasingly,’ I wrote at this time, ‘whether there is not an element of hysterical or fugal amnesia—whether he is not in flight from something too awful to recall’, and I suggested he be seen by our psychiatrist. Her report was searching and detailed—the examination had included a sodium amytal test, calculated to ‘release’ any memories which might be repressed. She also attempted to hypnotize Jimmie, in the hope of eliciting memories repressed by hysteria— this tends to work well in cases of hysterical amnesia. But it failed because Jimmie could not be hypnotized, not because of any ‘resistance,’ but because of his extreme amnesia, which caused him to lose track of what the hypnotist was saying. (Dr M. Homonoff, who worked on the amnesia ward at the Boston Veterans Administration hospital, tells me of similar experiences—and of his feeling that this is absolutely characteristic of patients with Korsakov’s, as opposed to patients with hysterical amnesia.)
‘I have no feeling or evidence,’ the psychiatrist wrote, ‘of any hysterical or “put-on” deficit. He lacks both the means and the motive to make a facade. His memory deficits are organic and permanent and incorrigible, though it is puzzling they should go back so long.’ Since, she felt, he was ‘unconcerned ... manifested no special anxiety ... constituted no management problem,’ there was nothing she could offer, or any therapeutic ‘entrance’ or ‘lever’ she could see. At this point, persuaded that this was, indeed, ‘pure’ Korsakov’s, uncomplicated by other factors, emotional or organic, I wrote to Luria and asked his opinion. He spoke in his reply of his patient Bel, whose amnesia had retroactively eradicated ten years. He said he saw no reason why such a retrograde amnesia should not thrust backward decades, or almost a whole lifetime. ‘I can only wait for the final amnesia,’ Buriuel writes, ‘the one that can erase an entire life.’ But Jimmies amnesia, for whatever reason, had erased memory and time back to 1945—roughly—and then stopped. Occasionally, he would recall something much later, but the recall was fragmentary and dislocated in time. Once, seeing the word ‘satellite’ in a newspaper headline, he said offhandedly that he’d been involved in a project of satellite tracking while on the ship Chesapeake Bay, a memory fragment coming from the early or midSixties. But, for all practical purposes, his cut-off point was during the mid- (or late) Forties, and anything subsequently retrieved was fragmentary, unconnected. I his was the case in 1975, and it is still the case now, nine years later. What could we do? What should we do? There are no prescriptions,’ Luria wrote, ‘in a case like this. Do whatever your ingenuity and your heart suggest. There is little or no hope of any recovery in his memory. But a man does not consist of memory alone. He has feeling, will, sensibilities, moral being— matters of which neuropsychology cannot speak. And it is here, beyond the realm of an impersonal psychology, that you may find ways to touch him, and change him. And the circumstances of your work especially allow this, for you work in a Home, which is like a little world, quite different from the clinics and institutions where I work. Neuropsychological!}’, there is little or nothing you can do; but in the realm of the Individual, there may be much you can do.’ Luria mentioned his patient Kur as manifesting a rare self-awareness, in which hopelessness was mixed with an odd equanimity. ‘I have no memory of the present,’ Kur would say. ‘I do not know what I have just done or from where I have just come ... I can recall my past very well, but I have no memory of my present.’ When asked whether he had ever seen the person testing him, he said, ‘I cannot say yes or no, I can neither affirm nor deny that I have seen you.’ This was sometimes the case with Jimmie; and, like Kur, who stayed many months in the same hospital, Jimmie began to form ‘a sense of familiarity’; he slowly learned his way around the home—the whereabouts of the dining room, his own room, the elevators, the stairs, and in some sense recognized some of the staff, although he confused them, and perhaps had to do so, with people from the past. He soon became fond of the nursing sister in the Home; he recognized her voice, her footfalls, immediately, but would always say that she had been a fellow pupil at his high school, and was greatly surprised when I addressed her as ‘Sister’. ‘Gee!’ he exclaimed, ‘the damnedest things happen. I’d never have guessed you’d become a religious, Sister!’ Since he’s been at our Home—that is, since early 1975—Jimmie has never been able to identify anyone in it consistently. The only person he truly recognizes is his brother, whenever he visits from Oregon. These meetings are deeply emotional and moving to observe—the only truly emotional meetings Jimmie has. He loves his brother, he recognizes him, but he cannot understand why he looks so old: ‘Guess some people age fast,’ he says. Actually his brother looks much younger than his age, and has the sort of face and build that change little with the years. These are true meetings, Jimmie’s only connection of past and present, yet they do nothing to provide any sense of history or continuity. If anything they emphasize—at least to his brother, and to others who see them together—that Jimmie still lives, is fossilized, in the past. All of us, at first, had high hopes of helping Jimmie—he was so personable, so likable, so quick and intelligent, it was difficult to believe that he might be beyond help. But none of us had ever encountered, even imagined, such a power of amnesia, the possibility of a pit into which everything, every experience, every event, would fathomlessly drop, a bottomless memory-hole that would engulf the whole world. I suggested, when I first saw him, that he should keep a diary, and be encouraged to keep notes every day of his experiences, his feelings, thoughts, memories, reflections. These attempts were foiled, at first, by his continually losing the diary: it had to be attached to him—somehow. But this too failed to work: he dutifully kept a brief daily notebook but could not recognize his earlier entries in it. He does recognize his own writing, and style, and is always astounded to find that he wrote something the day before. Astounded—and indifferent—for he was a man who, in effect, had no ‘day before’. His entries remained unconnected and un-connecting and had no power to provide any sense of time or continuity. Moreover, they were trivial—’Eggs for breakfast’, ‘Watched ballgame on TV—and never touched the depths. But were there depths in this unmemoried man, depths of an abiding feeling and thinking, or had he been reduced to a sort of Humean drivel, a mere succession of unrelated impressions and events? Jimmie both was and wasn’t aware of this deep, tragic loss in himself, loss of himself. (If a man has lost a leg or an eye, he knows he has lost a leg or an eye; but if he has lost a self—himself—he cannot know it, because he is no longer there to know it.) Therefore I could not question him intellectually about such matters. He had originally professed bewilderment at finding himself amid patients, when, as he said, he himself didn’t feel ill. But what, we wondered, did he feel? He was strongly built and fit, he had a sort of animal strength and energy, but also a strange inertia, passivity, and (as everyone remarked) ‘unconcern’; he gave all of us an overwhelming sense of ‘something missing,’ although this, if he realized it, was itself accepted with an odd ‘unconcern.’ One day I asked him not about his memory, or past, but about the simplest and most elemental feelings of all: ‘How do you feel?’ ‘How do I feel,’ he repeated, and scratched his head. ‘I cannot say I feel ill. But I cannot say I feel well. I cannot say I feel anything at all.’ ‘Are you miserable?’ I continued. ‘Can’t say I am.’ ‘Do you enjoy life?’ ‘I can’t say I do ... ‘ I hesitated, fearing that I was going too far, that I might be stripping a man down to some hidden, unacknowledgeable, unbearable despair. ‘You don’t enjoy life,’ I repeated, hesitating somewhat. ‘How then do you feel about life?’ ‘I can’t say that I feel anything at all.’ ‘You feel alive though?’ ‘Feel alive? Not really. I haven’t felt alive for a very long time.’ His face wore a look of infinite sadness and resignation. Later, having noted his aptitude for, and pleasure in, quick games and puzzles, and their power to ‘hold’ him, at least while they lasted, and to allow, for a while, a sense of companionship and competition—he had not complained of loneliness, but he looked so alone; he never expressed sadness, but he looked so sad— I suggested he be brought into our recreation programs at the Home. This worked better—better than the diary. He would become keenly and briefly involved in games, but soon they ceased to offer any challenge: he solved all the puzzles, and could solve them easily; and he was far better and sharper than anyone else at games. And as he found this out, he grew fretful and restless again, and wandered the corridors, uneasy and bored and with a sense of indignity—games and puzzles were for children, a diversion. Clearly, passionately, he wanted something to do: he wanted to do, to be, to feel—and could not; he wanted sense, he wanted purpose—in Freud’s words, ‘Work and Love’. Could he do ‘ordinary’ work? He had ‘gone to pieces’, his brother said, when he ceased to work in 1965. He had two striking skills— Morse code and touch-typing. We could not use Morse, unless we invented a use; but good typing we could use, if he could recover his old skills—and this would be real work, not just a game. Jimmie soon did recover his old skill and came to type very quickly—he could not do it slowly—and found in this some of the challenge and satisfaction of a job. But still this was superficial tapping and typing; it was trivial, it did not reach to the depths. And what he typed, he typed mechanically—he could not hold the thought—the short sentences following one another in a meaningless order. One tended to speak of him, instinctively, as a spiritual casualty—a ‘lost soul’: was it possible that he had really been ‘de-souled’ by a disease? ‘Do you think he has a soul?’ I once asked the Sisters. They were outraged by my question, but could see why I asked it. ‘Watch Jimmie in chapel,’ they said, ‘and judge for yourself.’ I did, and I was moved, profoundly moved and impressed, because I saw here an intensity and steadiness of attention and concentration that I had never seen before in him or conceived him capable of. I watched him kneel and take the Sacrament on his tongue, and could not doubt the fullness and totality of Communion, the perfect alignment of his spirit with the spirit of the Mass. Fully, intensely, quietly, in the quietude of absolute concentration and attention, he entered and partook of the Holy Communion. He was wholly held, absorbed, by a feeling. There was no forgetting, no Korsakov’s then, nor did it seem possible or imaginable that there should be; for he was no longer at the mercy of a faulty and fallible mechanism—that of meaningless sequences and memory traces—but was absorbed in an act, an act of his whole being, which carried feeling and meaning in an organic continuity and unity, a continuity and unity so seamless it could not permit any break. Clearly Jimmie found himself, found continuity and reality, in the absoluteness of spiritual attention and act. The Sisters were right—he did find his soul here. And so was Luria, whose words now came back to me: ‘A man does not consist of memory alone. He has feeling, will, sensibility, moral being ... It is here ... you may touch him, and see a profound change.’ Memory, mental activity, mind alone, could not hold him; but moral attention and action could hold him completely. But perhaps ‘moral’ was too narrow a word—for the aesthetic and dramatic were equally involved. Seeing Jim in the chapel opened my eyes to other realms where the soul is called on, and held, and stilled, in attention and communion. The same depth of absorption and attention was to be seen in relation to music and art: he had no difficulty, I noticed, ‘following’ music or simple dramas, for every moment in music and art refers to, contains, other moments. He liked gardening, and had taken over some of the work in our garden. At first he greeted the garden each day as new, but for some reason this had become more familiar to him than the inside of the Home. He almost never got lost or disoriented in the garden now; he patterned it, I think, on loved and remembered gardens from his youth in Connecticut. Jimmie, who was so lost in extensional ‘spatial’ time, was perfectly organized in Bergsonian ‘intentional’ time; what was fugitive, unsustainable, as formal structure, was perfectly stable, perfectly held, as art or will. Moreover, there was something that endured and survived. If Jimmie was briefly ‘held’ by a task or puzzle or game or calculation, held in the purely mental challenge of these, he would fall apart as soon as they were done, into the abyss of his nothingness, his amnesia. But if he was held in emotional and spiritual attention—in the contemplation of nature or art, in listening to music, in taking part in the Mass in chapel—the attention, its ‘mood’, its quietude, would persist for a while, and there would be in him a pensiveness and peace we rarely, if ever, saw during the rest of his life at the Home. I have known Jimmie now for nine years—and neuropsychologically, he has not changed in the least. He still has the severest, most devastating Korsakov’s, cannot remember isolated items for more than a few seconds, and has a dense amnesia going back to 1945. But humanly, spiritually, he is at times a different man altogether—no longer fluttering, restless, bored, and lost, but deeply attentive to the beauty and soul of the world, rich in all the Kierkegaardian categories—and aesthetic, the moral, the religious, the dramatic. I had wondered, when I first met him, if he was not condemned to a sort of ‘Humean’ froth, a meaningless fluttering on the surface of life, and whether there was any way of transcending the incoherence of his Humean disease. Empirical science told me there was not—but empirical science, empiricism, takes no account of the soul, no account of what constitutes and determines personal being. Perhaps there is a philosophical as well as a clinical lesson here: that in Korsakov’s, or dementia, or other such catastrophes, however great the organic damage and Humean dissolution, there remains the undiminished possibility of reintegration by art, by communion, by touching the human spirit: and this can be preserved in what seems at first a hopeless state of neurological devastation.
It is one of the most profoundly sad yet beautiful things I've read in my life. I don't know what other Christians think about neurobiology though. To me this case is a strong case for near total biological essentialism but simultaneously also the importance of our souls and of Christianity despite how we're bound to our brain. Christians talk about how we're in bondage to sin before Christ, but I feel that we're in bondage to our own brains the more I study neurobiology. It makes me feel completely hopeless and yet I find immense comfort and joy in Christ.
submitted by DarkSkyKnight to Christianity [link] [comments]

2018.05.04 06:29 phantomliger Weekly Kickstarter Thread: Three new campaigns, a stretch goal for The Good Life, and tons more updates! [05/03/2018]

Hello everyone!
There were three new campaigns this week: Etherborn on Fig and Wild Mage and Relic Hunters on Kickstarter. The Good Life has a Switch stretch goal. Quite a few more updates as well you can check out below.
You can also check out the Kickstarter post on WiiU by clicking here.

New This Week

There were three new campaigns this week: two on Kickstarter and one on Fig. One also announced a stretch goal this week.
Etherborn by Altered Matter is a puzzle platformer focused on using your environment and various gravity shifts to your advantage. The art style used is also very beautiful. The campaign on Fig is already more than a third funded, with $11,946 collected so far out of the main goal of $30,000 which includes a Switch version. Three updates have been shared so far. The first thanks people that have backed and discusses other add-on items and more explanatory videos will be shared. The second introduces the artist for the Limited Edition Art Print: Toni Moll. The third update marks the campaign being made public as well as sharing a Let's play of the game and an update to the trailer. If this beautiful puzzle platformer with a focus on using the environment and gravity to your advantage is up your alley, check out the campaign.
Wild Mage: Phantom Twilight by Luna Orion is finally back up for their second campaign and have already exceeded their main goal of $10,000, nearing double that with $19,715 pledged so far. The Switch stretch goal is at $30,000. The game is an action RPG with airships, floating islands, and a dynamically destructible environment as well as enemies. Five updates have been shared so far. The first marked 20% funding in an hour as well as a devlog showing some spells and other gameplay. The second marks reaching 50% funding. The third marks reaching the funding goal in 13 hours. The fourth announced the first two stretch goals of an angelic and demonic race as well as the Switch version. The fifth mentions correcting how long the early bird tiers are available for. If this action RPG with airships, floating islands, and a dynamically destructible environment as well as enemies tickles your fancy, check out it's campaign.
Relic Raiders - The Active MOBA, & Battle Royale by Jason Freer (Crystallized Games) is a cross between a fighting game and a MOBA as well as having a Battle Royale mode. The developers are looking for CA$75,000 to bring the game to life and that includes a Switch version. CA$6,397 has been raised so far. One update has been shared so far of a live strea of the game being played as a 16 person tournament which can be seen on the campaign page. If this fighting game crossed with a MOBA seems interesting to you, check it out.
The Good Life shared an update as well as a stretch goal for a Switch version at ¥88,000,000, or about $800,000. Having exceeded the original goal of ¥68 million and now sitting at a bit above ¥75 million, it will be a close thing timing wise if they can gain enough in the last 21 or so hours of the campaign. If you have not heard of it, it is a daily life game playing as a photo-journalist that can transform into a dog or cat. The creator, Swery, was the director of Deadly Premonition and has worked on titles like D4 and The Last Blade. If this game is something you may want to play, try out the demo here.

Currently Funding Kickstarters

This third campaign for Blade of Unagi is not looking good so far with CA$15 raised in the last week reaching CA$145 out of the main goal of CA$420,000 which includes the Switch version. The first campaign never revealed the Switch goal and the second campaign had it at CA$300,000. No additional updates have been shared. I would be weary mostly because of the cancellations of the previous two campaigns, but check it out if you want to try this action RPG.
Backbone has been doing quite well this week with CA$28,252 gathered out of the CA$63,000 main goal with the Switch version at a CA$85,000 stretch goal. It's gained over CA$20,000 this week alone. Four updates have been shared. The first marking 20% funding as well as early bird tiers being over. The second states a DRM free version will be happening as well as marking 25% raised. The third is a backer only update with a poll as well as a new reward tier. The fourth marks 40% funding and serves as a "Mett the Team" update. If this pixel art film noir inspired game starring an anthropomorphic raccoon detective seems like something you want to play, check out the campaign.
Escape Doodland has actually lost CA$30 and is now sitting at CA$3,767 collected out of the main goal of CA$10,000 with a Switch stretch goal at CA$ 33,000. One update has been shared marking the halfway point in the funding campaign. They were also featured in GetIndieGaming's top 5 Kickstarter games for April as well as an article about the game. The campaign mentions if you back the project you will get access to a demo for the game ASAP, so if this doodle-based platformer sounds interesting, think about donating to try the demo.
Faeland continues to increase the pledges collected with about $6,000 this week and $43,303 overall (closing in on double the main goal). The Switch goal is still unknown at this point. Two more updates have been shared this week. The first is about the "Raven Challenge" to survive the more difficult section of the alpha demo to receive your name in a special section on the game's credits. The second discusses a Mac version of the alpha, a new tier, a stretch goal for more weapons and a whip, and more. If this pixel art metroidvania game is something you are interested in, check out the campaign.
N.U.T.Z. has gained back CA$30 of the CA$100 it lost last week and is now up to CA$1,969 pledged so far of the CA$38,000 main goal with an unknown amount for the Switch version, but it is the first stretch goal. No additional updates have been shared this week. If this 360 degree aiming, action platformer strikes your fancy, you can try the demo on Steam or GameJolt.
Monster Crown continues to increase how much it has raised, reaching $32,718 (an increase of over $2,700). One more update has been shared this week discussing Enigma Beasts, which are huge Monsters from "beyond the known world". The demo has been upgraded to version 1.8. Two more stretch goals were announced as monthly tournaments and a perma-death mode for the game. Backers receive a link to the demo, so if a monster taming game is up your alley, think about sending some support their way.
Diminutive has lost CA$40 over this last week and is now sitting at CA$481 raised out of the CA$1,000 main goal with a Switch stretch goal is listed at CA$3,000. One update has been shared mentioning a beta test coming soon in Mayfor backers. If this randomly generated action RPG seems like something you would enjoy, check out the campaign.
Star Gods gained some momentum this week, gaining about $300 this week to reach $3,311 raised out of $5,000 main goal with the Switch version at a $8,000 stretch goal. No additional updates have been shared this week. If this vertical shoot em up game with a feature called the "near miss" mechanic (enemy bullets and ships that graze you increases the strength of your ship) sounds like something you would enjoy, try out the demo here.
DYSTOA has basically doubled and is now at €3,444 pledged out of the €5,000 main goal with the console stretch goal (which includes the Switch) at €8,500. No additional updates have been shared this week. If this first person surreal exploration game through the post-apocalypse is your cup of tea, check out the Kickstarter page.
Renaine - A Game About Overcoming Failure has gained nearly another $5,000 with $21,163 pledged. Three more updates have been shared this week. The first dives into the online programming of the game. The second announces Arch Echo as guest musical artists for the game. The third is an art update with Ayaka marking 48 hours left. It also describes the process of creating the Bubbledash Beach world in the game. Two more stretch goals were announced as well including more attacks and tools for the main character, and an animated intro for the game. If you want to try out this 8 bit platformer where you play as a dragon knight trying to save your friend, head here for an online flash demo.

Kickstarter Updates

You can find our AMA with Bishop Games from Monday here.
A new update for Fossil Hunters talks about the artbook being complete and sent to backers at the correct tiers (digitally) and that the game has been submitted to the various console companies for certification and release should be happening fairly soon.
Re:Legend shared it's April winner of the pick a magnus voting...and it looks like a slime cat! I'm not sure if it's gross or adorable...adorably gross? Grossly adorable? Who knows?!
Landflix Odyssey shared a new update discussing, levels being created and Larry's meth power for super speed.
Battle Princess Madelyn shared it's April update which includes the double jump, weapon drops, sneak peeks at the animated intro, and showing the vinyl record.
NAIRI: Tower of Shirin shared an update talking about the Switch porting process and that it is nearing completion. Japanese and Spanish have also been added as language options. New control options for Switch are discussed as well as thanking their publisher and the PR company.
Shape of the World shared an update stating submitting for certification has begun for all consoles. It also discusses being part of the Indie Megabooth at both GDC in San Francisco and PAX East in Boston as well as the A MAZE. festival in Berlin.
Unsung Story shared an update about physical editions of the game being available for all platforms, bringing on an art director, and some updates and concepts for the game itself.
Ash of Gods shared an update with patch notes for version 1.2.
Forsaken Castle shared an update for May including visual updates for characters and the UI system. The update also talks about the experience of PAX South. They plan to have updates every month and have shared some timeline changes as well.
Fox N Forests shared an update with concept art and the approach for design.
Xeno Crisis shared an update for April stating tilesets for the game are complete, showcasing a few enemies, and a title theme for the game.
The creators of Hyper Sentinel had an interview on Aurora Reviews.
The developers behind Jengo, a game on Fig, announced plans for a Switch version.
A new blog post for Indivisible was shared focused on the Kaanul region's enemies.
Pillars of Eternity II: Deadfire will have fully voiced dialogue for every conversation according to an update on their Fig page.
Knite and the Ghost Lights shared an update talking about how game development is expensive, the last game released on Wii U only made $1,200 (before Switch was released), and possibly targeting Switch through another publisher.
If anyone sees a crowdfunding effort or notices an update for a game on Kickstarter, IndieGoGo, Fig, or elsewhere, please message the moderators or myself to give us a heads up and I will be able to add it into the Kickstarter wiki. I also add Kickstarters that are posted to the subreddit.
Additionally, if anyone thinks of any good questions or discussions to have for these posts to bring about some good discussion, either comment or message me personally. Thank you and have a great week!
Name Developer End Date Description Switch version
Etherborn Altered Matter June 7, 2018 Etherborn is an environmental puzzle platformer built on exploring and understanding gravity-shifting structures. $30,000 Main Goal
Wild Mage: Phantom Twilight Luna Orion June 5, 2018 An open-world action/adventure RPG featuring airships, floating islands, dungeons, and dynamically destructible enemies/environment. $30,000 Stretch Goal
Blade of Unagi Black Sky Games, LLC June 3, 2018 Journey through Lucir and defeat the five kings! CA$420,000 Main Goal
Relic Raiders - The Active MOBA, & Battle Royale Jason Freer (Crystallized Games) May 28, 2018 A Fast Paced Multiplayer Game that Blurs the Line Between Fighter & MOBA. Plus a Battle Royale! CA$75,000 Main Goal
Backbone — pixel art detective adventure inspired by noir EggNut May 27, 2018 Unfold the mysteries of dystopian animal society inhabiting retrofuturistic Vancouver. CA$85,000 Stretch Goal
Escape Doodland PlayWay May 20, 2018 One day, the happy life of doodle monsters was turned into a nightmare. They must leave their shelter to escape the ruthless monster. CA$ 33,000
Faeland TALEGAMES May 17, 2018 Faeland is a Metroidvania Action Adventure RPG in pixel art, inspired by the 8-bit classics. Unknown Stretch Goal
N.U.T.Z. Pandemonium Interactive May 16, 2018 N.U.T.Z. is a non linear action platformer game inspired by the classics such as Megaman and Metroid Unknown Stretch Goal
Monster Crown Studio Aurum May 10, 2018 A Monster Taming Game with True Crossbreeds, a Dark Story and filled to the brim with content and imagination $5,000 Main Goal
Diminutive - A Space RPG with Endless Galaxies to Explore Boundless Studios May 10, 2018 Diminutive is an Action, Randomly-generated, RPG, Space Game with many unique features you won't see in any other game like it. $3,000 Stretch Goal
Star Gods JOP Studios LLC May 9, 2018 A shooter where enemy fire is your source of power. $15,000 Stretch Goal
DYSTOA ONEVISION May 8, 2018 Lose yourself in a mysterious first-person exploration game set in a fantastical open world which elicits to disbelieve. €8,500 Stretch Goal
Renaine - A Game About Overcoming Failure Squidly May 4, 2018 Guide Aine, the Phoenix Knight, on her impossible quest through Lineria's colorful kingdom as she sets out to avenge her friend, Ren. $8,000 Stretch Goal
Of Ships & Scoundrels KORION GmbH April 24, 2018 A fantastic new gaming experience that combines exploration, strategy and action! €50,000 Stretch Goal
submitted by phantomliger to NintendoSwitch [link] [comments]

2018.04.08 14:26 TheRaginPagan Helbound (Halo fanfiction - 2552) [29,075 words total]

Chapter 1
November 15, 2552 Sol System 1300 Earth Central Standard Time (CST)
The United Nations Space Command Come and Get ‘Em drifted slowly through space, its engines glowing a soft, pale blue. The Charon-class light frigate was en route from a previous campaign in which the crew aided a heavier Halcyon-class cruiser, the Moonlit Sonata, in tactical strikes on several terrorist outposts near Neptune. Despite larger threats of Covenant attack, the Insurrection maintained presences throughout the Outer Colonies, and while attacks on populations central as the Sol System were rare, they were not unheard of. Insurrection operatives positioned so close to the seat of the Unified Earth Government primarily worked at smuggling weapons and technical data. The cell outside Neptune’s orbit, however, sought to worry the UEG’s fringe of security, and instill fear at the heart of the Colonies.
Unlike other Insurrectionist cells in the system, the “Devil’s Grip” hid out in asteroid dense regions, hiding their movements and operational strengths. This guerilla-style tactic made preparation for an attack difficult for UNSC outposts in the area, forcing them to go on the offense. In the end the solution was simple, if not inelegant; Operation: IRON FIST decimated the surrounding asteroid fields, driving the Devil’s Grip out with as few civilian casualties as possible. That campaign had been in progress since May of 2552.
August 30th: Mankind's struggle against the Covenant took a dire blow. UNSC forces in all regions were alerted to the destruction of Reach. All available ships in the Epsilon Eridani system were immediately called back to the fortress world. Ships in the remaining colonies were put on emergency status, and ordered to return to the nearest UEG world. UNSC forces in the Sol system were to return immediately to Earth; a priority precaution should the Cole Protocol fail.
IRON FIST was immediately halted. The Faster Than Light drives of the Come and Get ‘Em were undergoing repairs for the last four days after taking damage from an Insurrectionist strike. As such the Frigate was unable to make a slipspace jump directly to Earth. Commander Joan Buckley made the call for the ship to run dark, with energy outputs just low enough to run essential navigational and life-support systems. The crew was then put into cryo-stasis before a course was plotted to the Luna outpost.
That was three months ago.
Sergeant Alice Hays walked into Cryo-Deck Bravo, briefly inspecting the row of pods. Hers remained open and freshly auto-cleaned from her wake-cycle two hours ago. She ran a hand over her dark red hair. It was buzz-cut, but still too long for her taste; she could still grab at her scalp. Though with a helmet on, that wasn’t too much of a concern in the thick of combat. Hays was an Orbital Drop Shock Trooper, a sub-section of the UNSC Marines, and they were as close to Spartans as Marines could get. Born and raised in New Alexandria, the crown jewel of Reach, she had been thankful for the cryo-stasis after hearing the news from her home. But now that she was awake again, her troubles had all but doubled.
Hays had been brought out of stasis per a system backup command. In the event that the ship’s operating crew didn’t wake when scheduled, she was assigned to investigate the problem. Having completed her inspection, she knew that the Gunnery Sergeant of their squad wouldn’t like the news. Alice gave a small sigh as she pressed a button to cycle the squad’s cryo-pods.
Eric Thurson’s sleep slowly dissolved as the lid to his cryo-chamber lifted, spilling cryonic gas across the deck floor. His eyes opened slowly, and he sat up to take the first breath. During their put-down cycle, soldiers entering cryo-stasis inhaled a gas that reacted to form a bronchial surfactant, protecting their lungs and allowing for a smoother wake cycle. Eric pounded his chest and coughed, spitting the vaguely lime-flavored mess to the floor of his pod. Soldiers were encouraged to swallow the gel after regurgitation to recover lost nutrients, but the ODST didn’t care for “breakfast.”
“Rise and shine, Gunny.”
His dark brown hair was covered with a thin layer of frost, and ice crystals still clung to his eyelids. For more reasons than the cold, cryo-sleep was a difficult ordeal for soldiers. Regular clothes were dangerous in cryo-stasis; they caused what the Marines referred to as “freezer burn”, and could be the reason behind lost digits or worse. As such most soldiers entered stasis without clothing, though specifically designed garments did exist.
“Wake the rest of the squad, Hays,” he ordered in a choked voice, “and then alert Commander Buckley that we’re active.”
Hays hesitated for a moment before nodding. “Aye, sir.” She replied as the wake cycle on the other three cryo-tubes in the room was engaged.
The ODST squad woke with ease, having grown used to the ordeal after many deployments throughout the galaxy. There were only five of them in Cryo-Deck Bravo; the rest of the ship was in Cryo Decks Alpha and Charlie.
The rookie of the squad, Private James Cavetti, tugged at the BDU’s he had gone into cryo with. “Man, these clothes itch like hell!” His voice was thick with a Boston accent, and his youth – only twenty-three years - made him difficult to be around. The squad liked him well enough though, and had grown accustomed to the sniper’s wiry attitude in the short time he had been with them.
The trooper next to him, Corporal Maria Yakushev, shook her head as she climbed from her pod. Frost flew from the length of auburn hair on the right side of her head (the other side shaved close) and melted over her toned body. Tattoos covered a good portion of her right arm and chest, telling stories of her deployments – though others held no immediate meaning or purpose. Maria turned to smack the Private on the back of his head with a scoff. “Of course they itch you fool. That is why the egg heads tell you to not wear them. You are lucky that they did not tear your skin.” Yakushev had shipped out from New Moscow, and was the squad’s Explosive Ordinance Specialist.
Cavetti flushed, avoiding eye contact with the woman. “What, you wanna see me in my boxers?”
Maria shook her head with a coy smile. “Chicken is not my type, rookie. Just go without clothing next time; you have nothing the rest of us have not seen.” She brushed past Jimmy, making her way to the showers.
Emily Hackett, the squad’s Medic, leaned close to the Private as she came up behind him. “Ain’t you ever heard that it’s cold in Russia, Cavetti?” She fixed him with an amused grin, clapping him on the shoulder. “Don’t try ta shower in them BDU’s neither!” She stepped lively towards the locker room, the ice quickly melting over her pale skin. Her wavy blonde hair, while already damp, seemed an untamed tangle that matched her brash demeanor. Though she was an experienced Helljumper, Hackett was also relatively new to the squad, having joined with Private Cavetti during IRON FIST as the Come and Get ‘Em deployed from Earth. She was originally from the west side of New Memphis, contrasting Yakushev’s Eastern European culture. Despite their many cultural differences, the two had quickly formed a bond and were now almost inseparable. Hays jokingly called them “the Hunters”, after the Covenant race that always deployed in bond-pairs.
Smirking at their Private, Eric left the Cryo-Deck and followed the squad into the locker room. He was from Sedra, an Outer Colony planet in the Orrichon system. While on the fringe of UNSC space, the colony world remained on good terms with them, so much so that they were officially allied with the United Earth Government. Sedrans were hardy and honest. A belief in Valhalla, the Golden Hall of the Norse gods from Earth’s ancient past, ran strong among a majority of the colonists; with the culture that followed, one’s family and fellow soldiers were the most important people in their lives.
Eric’s original squad had been formed on Sedra back in 2546. While he was the only native, Sergeant Hays and Corporal Yakushev had been stationed on the planet to aid the Colonial Guard. While there, they had grown to the Sedran culture and beliefs, and were welcomed by the colonists as Sedrans themselves; despite being off-worlders. Given their performance both in combat and in domestic security, the Sedran UNSC branch had opted to form their own ODST Fireteam; Eric had given them the designation “Helbound”, after the Norse underworld.
Drying off he watched Hays from the corner of his eye as she donned her ODST-issue battledress uniform. Her arms were almost as inked as Yakushev’s, and the faint trace of a scar ran down the left side of her face. Were it not for regulations, Eric had to admit he would take her out for a beer.
Just not an Earth beer.
“So what’s the situation, Sergeant?” Eric shook the distractions from his mind as he opened his locker, grabbing the uniform inside. Her grunt in reply told him quite a bit already.
“It’s FUBAR, sir.” She said with a frown. “When we passed through the Asteroid Belt several small meteors penetrated the hull. The aft section of the ship was the only area actually hit, but it’s blown to hell and we’re at least five hours from Luna on the far side of Earth.”
Eric furrowed his brow. “How much damage are we looking at here?”
“The engine room was hit the most, as well as several utility lines. Thankfully enough systems were operational that the room sealed as soon as it started venting atmosphere. That stabilized the interior pressure, but we can’t get to the drive core without depressurizing the entire cryo-deck.”
He shook his head, “Too much effort for just us. We’ll need Commander Buckley’s approval on that, but I’ll leave it for consideration.”
“Sir,” the Sergeant said flatly, “that’s the biggest problem. There’s no easy way to say it, so here it is: Commander Buckley’s dead, as well as the operational crew. Several of the lifelines were cut during the meteor bombardment. We’re all that’s left.”
Eric shook his head. “Dammit… Luna doesn’t have the facilities to repair this ship and we don’t have the means. What about shifting our course directly to Earth, then letting a tow freighter pull us in?”
Hays paused. “That’s going to be a long shot, sir. The tools necessary to fix the drive core were lost when the hull was penetrated. Not only that, but the damn AI was critically damaged. We’ve got her basic functions, nothing more.”
Thurson sighed as he leaned against his locker. “So we’re completely adrift?”
“Yes sir, for the moment. We’re six hours from Mars, according to the NAV computer. We can repair the ship there if we can hail a tow-freighter once we arrive. Though they’ll probably see us limping to the door and send one anyways.”
Eric crossed his arms over his chest as his mouth tightened to a thin line. They had nothing to do but wait it out, even if it was in UNSC space. “Sergeant, as soon as you can send out a distress signal on all available channels.” The Gunny ordered as he headed to the bridge, Hays following close behind. “Try to hail any UNSC freighter and send a status report to any Office of Naval Intelligence on Earth - I don’t care which continental branch. We may be floating dead, but we can still make some noise.”
Alice gave a salute. “Sir, yes sir.”
They paused as the door to the bridge verified their Identification: Friend or Foe tags before opening. Eric sat down in the Commander’s Chair, keying up the deck’s primary systems. Hays headed towards a console to bring their communication systems back online and re-engage the navigational optics. Static fuzzed on the observation display screen at the front of the bridge.
A siren suddenly blared through the ship as the NAV console lit up with numerous reports. Hays ran to silence the alert, swearing as she skimmed the readout.
“Sir, major problem!” Hays shouted as she typed furiously at the keypad to quickly draft their distress signal. “You know how I said we’re drifting?”
“Hard to forget, Sergeant.”
“We’re drifting directly towards Earth.” She glanced over to him. “I can’t alter our trajectory drastically, but it’s putting us somewhere in the North American Midwest.”
“I thought the computers placed us near Mars.” He replied calmly, masking the fingers of panic that curled around his chest.
“It must have been a glitch in the systems, or the sensors may have even been damaged. There’s no doubt where we are now, though; communications just pinged the Cairo Station.”
Eric sat forward, pressing a hand to his mouth in thought. If they were headed towards Earth, there was no way they would be able to land safely with faulty engines and a ship who’s atmosphere rating just had hundreds of holes punched through it. There was an even slimmer chance a tow-frigate would be able to slow or halt their approach in time; not if they had already reached the battle cluster.
There was only one way for them to land.
“Sergeant as we approach Earth I want you to navigate around the battle cluster as best you can. Use vent thrusters, weapons systems--whatever it takes. Send a distress signal to Admiral Hood; I want them ready when we come barreling past. Then put the ship on full-alert and bring the squad to the Bridge ASAP. Lastly set a deployment mark at just after we hit the atmosphere.”
Hays saluted sharply, setting to the various tasks. “Sir, yes sir.”
Throughout the rest of the ship, a new alarm sounded - three short repeating bursts. It was a signal for the ODST to suit up fast. Yakushev jumped to her feet. “Hell,” she shouted, “make it faster, Marines!”
“Shee-it.” Corporal Hackett groaned. “What the hell kind-a trouble are we findin’ in UNSC space?”
Yakushev lightly punched Hackett on the arm with a grin. “We are ODST, Hackett, the better question is when do we find peace? We cannot even drink without trouble.”
The Corporal scrambled to grab her gear. “Hey, that bar was not my fault! Can’t tell me some damn fool’s gonna accuse me of hustlin’ and not get his ass beat.”
The squad suited up quickly, dressing in their dark grey BDU’s and battle-armor, painted a matte-black in opposition to the Marine’s dull green. In addition to the color scheme, their suits were able to stand zero-atmosphere environments as the sealed helmets supplied oxygen for up to fifteen minutes. They also had more extensive protection against both plasma and ballistics than standard battle armor through reinforced ceramic plates. After suiting up and arming their weapons, the three soldiers headed to the bridge at a brisk pace, their boots thudding rhythmically against the steel deck.
When they arrived, GySgt Thurson filled them in on their current situation. “Alright guys and gals, we’re in a hell of a situation. We are the only remaining crew of the Come and Get ‘Em. What’s more, we don’t have a lot of time left on this ship. Key systems were damaged in the events that killed most the crew, and we’re about to land hot on Earth.” He looked to the squad, momentarily annoyed to see their faces frozen in horror.
Cavetti gave a low moan, his voice barely above a whisper. “Oh my god, man--what the hell…”
“Private, we’re used to a hell of a lot worse situations.”
Corporal Yakushev raised a finger, pointing to the observation display. “Sir,” she said, her face just as pale with shock, “he is talking about that.”
As Eric turned around he understood the squad’s reaction. On the display screen the aftermath of battle greeted them. The Earth’s newly initiated Orbital Defense Grid had been overwhelmed; of 300 platforms, it now looked as though only half that number remained. The planet itself was in a state of chaos. Several circular patterns of fire covered sections of Africa, South America and North America, and even Australia in areas where brutal battles had been fought. Skeletons of UNSC Frigates and Halcyon-Class cruisers floated in a haunting manner through space, slowly orbiting the Earth in an endless dance of death.
“Gods…” Eric whispered, collapsing back into the Commander’s Chair. The Covenant ships taken down were only about a tenth of the UNSC ships, judging from the sparse purple debris in comparison to blackened greys. Numerous fighter ships floated around the corpses of the destroyers and cruisers. More than likely they were composed of Longsword fighters, rather than Covenant Seraphs.
“Sir,” Sergeant Hays cut through the tension that had permeated the deck, “we’re picking up speed. Approaching deployment mark in five.”
Thurson stood, grabbing his helmet - the only one with a red Squad Leader stripe - as he shook the sense of shock from his head. “You heard her, boys and girls. We’ve got a hot date in five minutes. Get a full magazine and as many grenades as you can carry. Hackett, pack six cans of MedGel. Hays, pack two just in case. Yakushev, five flash-bangs should suffice and keep your knife handy. Cavetti, grab twenty-four SRS rounds and store sixteen with Hackett.”
The small squad nodded, a chorus of “Yes, sir” filling the bridge.
“Head to your pods and strap in tight! There’s hell down on Earth, and what’s a bit of hell without us? Sergeant Hays, lock in the deployment mark to the pod release, then get situated as well.”
Alice nodded and set in the appropriate commands as the rest of the squad moved out, prepping their Single Occupant Exoatmospheric Insertion Vehicles. She hurried to the Deployment Deck with the rest of the squad, quickly grabbing her necessary equipment. The ODST’s sealed the doors to their SOEIV pods, normalized the interior pressure, and then waited as the countdown was projected on their Heads Up Display.
‘Time to get to work,’ Thurson thought to himself as he locked his helmet on. ‘About damn time, too.’
Following story @ https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5223738/2/Helbound (updates to story in-progress; main plot complete)
submitted by TheRaginPagan to halo [link] [comments]

2018.04.06 02:08 TheRaginPagan [29,075] Helbound (Halo fanfiction - 2552)

Chapter 1
November 15, 2552 Sol System 1300 Earth Central Standard Time (CST)
The United Nations Space Command Come and Get ‘Em drifted slowly through space, its engines glowing a soft, pale blue. The Charon-class light frigate was en route from a previous campaign in which the crew aided a heavier Halcyon-class cruiser, the Moonlit Sonata, in tactical strikes on several terrorist outposts near Neptune. Despite larger threats of Covenant attack, the Insurrection maintained presences throughout the Outer Colonies, and while attacks on populations central as the Sol System were rare, they were not unheard of. Insurrection operatives positioned so close to the seat of the Unified Earth Government primarily worked at smuggling weapons and technical data. The cell outside Neptune’s orbit, however, sought to worry the UEG’s fringe of security, and instill fear at the heart of the Colonies.
Unlike other Insurrectionist cells in the system, the “Devil’s Grip” hid out in asteroid dense regions, hiding their movements and operational strengths. This guerilla-style tactic made preparation for an attack difficult for UNSC outposts in the area, forcing them to go on the offense. In the end the solution was simple, if not inelegant; Operation: IRON FIST decimated the surrounding asteroid fields, driving the Devil’s Grip out with as few civilian casualties as possible. That campaign had been in progress since May of 2552.
August 30th: Mankind's struggle against the Covenant took a dire blow. UNSC forces in all regions were alerted to the destruction of Reach. All available ships in the Epsilon Eridani system were immediately called back to the fortress world. Ships in the remaining colonies were put on emergency status, and ordered to return to the nearest UEG world. UNSC forces in the Sol system were to return immediately to Earth; a priority precaution should the Cole Protocol fail.
IRON FIST was immediately halted. The Faster Than Light drives of the Come and Get ‘Em were undergoing repairs for the last four days after taking damage from an Insurrectionist strike. As such the Frigate was unable to make a slipspace jump directly to Earth. Commander Joan Buckley made the call for the ship to run dark, with energy outputs just low enough to run essential navigational and life-support systems. The crew was then put into cryo-stasis before a course was plotted to the Luna outpost.
That was three months ago.
Sergeant Alice Hays walked into Cryo-Deck Bravo, briefly inspecting the row of pods. Hers remained open and freshly auto-cleaned from her wake-cycle two hours ago. She ran a hand over her dark red hair. It was buzz-cut, but still too long for her taste; she could still grab at her scalp. Though with a helmet on, that wasn’t too much of a concern in the thick of combat. Hays was an Orbital Drop Shock Trooper, a sub-section of the UNSC Marines, and they were as close to Spartans as Marines could get. Born and raised in New Alexandria, the crown jewel of Reach, she had been thankful for the cryo-stasis after hearing the news from her home. But now that she was awake again, her troubles had all but doubled.
Hays had been brought out of stasis per a system backup command. In the event that the ship’s operating crew didn’t wake when scheduled, she was assigned to investigate the problem. Having completed her inspection, she knew that the Gunnery Sergeant of their squad wouldn’t like the news. Alice gave a small sigh as she pressed a button to cycle the squad’s cryo-pods.
Eric Thurson’s sleep slowly dissolved as the lid to his cryo-chamber lifted, spilling cryonic gas across the deck floor. His eyes opened slowly, and he sat up to take the first breath. During their put-down cycle, soldiers entering cryo-stasis inhaled a gas that reacted to form a bronchial surfactant, protecting their lungs and allowing for a smoother wake cycle. Eric pounded his chest and coughed, spitting the vaguely lime-flavored mess to the floor of his pod. Soldiers were encouraged to swallow the gel after regurgitation to recover lost nutrients, but the ODST didn’t care for “breakfast.”
“Rise and shine, Gunny.”
His dark brown hair was covered with a thin layer of frost, and ice crystals still clung to his eyelids. For more reasons than the cold, cryo-sleep was a difficult ordeal for soldiers. Regular clothes were dangerous in cryo-stasis; they caused what the Marines referred to as “freezer burn”, and could be the reason behind lost digits or worse. As such most soldiers entered stasis without clothing, though specifically designed garments did exist.
“Wake the rest of the squad, Hays,” he ordered in a choked voice, “and then alert Commander Buckley that we’re active.”
Hays hesitated for a moment before nodding. “Aye, sir.” She replied as the wake cycle on the other three cryo-tubes in the room was engaged.
The ODST squad woke with ease, having grown used to the ordeal after many deployments throughout the galaxy. There were only five of them in Cryo-Deck Bravo; the rest of the ship was in Cryo Decks Alpha and Charlie.
The rookie of the squad, Private James Cavetti, tugged at the BDU’s he had gone into cryo with. “Man, these clothes itch like hell!” His voice was thick with a Boston accent, and his youth – only twenty-three years - made him difficult to be around. The squad liked him well enough though, and had grown accustomed to the sniper’s wiry attitude in the short time he had been with them.
The trooper next to him, Corporal Maria Yakushev, shook her head as she climbed from her pod. Frost flew from the length of auburn hair on the right side of her head (the other side shaved close) and melted over her toned body. Tattoos covered a good portion of her right arm and chest, telling stories of her deployments – though others held no immediate meaning or purpose. Maria turned to smack the Private on the back of his head with a scoff. “Of course they itch you fool. That is why the egg heads tell you to not wear them. You are lucky that they did not tear your skin.” Yakushev had shipped out from New Moscow, and was the squad’s Explosive Ordinance Specialist.
Cavetti flushed, avoiding eye contact with the woman. “What, you wanna see me in my boxers?”
Maria shook her head with a coy smile. “Chicken is not my type, rookie. Just go without clothing next time; you have nothing the rest of us have not seen.” She brushed past Jimmy, making her way to the showers.
Emily Hackett, the squad’s Medic, leaned close to the Private as she came up behind him. “Ain’t you ever heard that it’s cold in Russia, Cavetti?” She fixed him with an amused grin, clapping him on the shoulder. “Don’t try ta shower in them BDU’s neither!” She stepped lively towards the locker room, the ice quickly melting over her pale skin. Her wavy blonde hair, while already damp, seemed an untamed tangle that matched her brash demeanor. Though she was an experienced Helljumper, Hackett was also relatively new to the squad, having joined with Private Cavetti during IRON FIST as the Come and Get ‘Em deployed from Earth. She was originally from the west side of New Memphis, contrasting Yakushev’s Eastern European culture. Despite their many cultural differences, the two had quickly formed a bond and were now almost inseparable. Hays jokingly called them “the Hunters”, after the Covenant race that always deployed in bond-pairs.
Smirking at their Private, Eric left the Cryo-Deck and followed the squad into the locker room. He was from Sedra, an Outer Colony planet in the Orrichon system. While on the fringe of UNSC space, the colony world remained on good terms with them, so much so that they were officially allied with the United Earth Government. Sedrans were hardy and honest. A belief in Valhalla, the Golden Hall of the Norse gods from Earth’s ancient past, ran strong among a majority of the colonists; with the culture that followed, one’s family and fellow soldiers were the most important people in their lives.
Eric’s original squad had been formed on Sedra back in 2546. While he was the only native, Sergeant Hays and Corporal Yakushev had been stationed on the planet to aid the Colonial Guard. While there, they had grown to the Sedran culture and beliefs, and were welcomed by the colonists as Sedrans themselves; despite being off-worlders. Given their performance both in combat and in domestic security, the Sedran UNSC branch had opted to form their own ODST Fireteam; Eric had given them the designation “Helbound”, after the Norse underworld.
Drying off he watched Hays from the corner of his eye as she donned her ODST-issue battledress uniform. Her arms were almost as inked as Yakushev’s, and the faint trace of a scar ran down the left side of her face. Were it not for regulations, Eric had to admit he would take her out for a beer.
Just not an Earth beer.
“So what’s the situation, Sergeant?” Eric shook the distractions from his mind as he opened his locker, grabbing the uniform inside. Her grunt in reply told him quite a bit already.
“It’s FUBAR, sir.” She said with a frown. “When we passed through the Asteroid Belt several small meteors penetrated the hull. The aft section of the ship was the only area actually hit, but it’s blown to hell and we’re at least five hours from Luna on the far side of Earth.”
Eric furrowed his brow. “How much damage are we looking at here?”
“The engine room was hit the most, as well as several utility lines. Thankfully enough systems were operational that the room sealed as soon as it started venting atmosphere. That stabilized the interior pressure, but we can’t get to the drive core without depressurizing the entire cryo-deck.”
He shook his head, “Too much effort for just us. We’ll need Commander Buckley’s approval on that, but I’ll leave it for consideration.”
“Sir,” the Sergeant said flatly, “that’s the biggest problem. There’s no easy way to say it, so here it is: Commander Buckley’s dead, as well as the operational crew. Several of the lifelines were cut during the meteor bombardment. We’re all that’s left.”
Eric shook his head. “Dammit… Luna doesn’t have the facilities to repair this ship and we don’t have the means. What about shifting our course directly to Earth, then letting a tow freighter pull us in?”
Hays paused. “That’s going to be a long shot, sir. The tools necessary to fix the drive core were lost when the hull was penetrated. Not only that, but the damn AI was critically damaged. We’ve got her basic functions, nothing more.”
Thurson sighed as he leaned against his locker. “So we’re completely adrift?”
“Yes sir, for the moment. We’re six hours from Mars, according to the NAV computer. We can repair the ship there if we can hail a tow-freighter once we arrive. Though they’ll probably see us limping to the door and send one anyways.”
Eric crossed his arms over his chest as his mouth tightened to a thin line. They had nothing to do but wait it out, even if it was in UNSC space. “Sergeant, as soon as you can send out a distress signal on all available channels.” The Gunny ordered as he headed to the bridge, Hays following close behind. “Try to hail any UNSC freighter and send a status report to any Office of Naval Intelligence on Earth - I don’t care which continental branch. We may be floating dead, but we can still make some noise.”
Alice gave a salute. “Sir, yes sir.”
They paused as the door to the bridge verified their Identification: Friend or Foe tags before opening. Eric sat down in the Commander’s Chair, keying up the deck’s primary systems. Hays headed towards a console to bring their communication systems back online and re-engage the navigational optics. Static fuzzed on the observation display screen at the front of the bridge.
A siren suddenly blared through the ship as the NAV console lit up with numerous reports. Hays ran to silence the alert, swearing as she skimmed the readout.
“Sir, major problem!” Hays shouted as she typed furiously at the keypad to quickly draft their distress signal. “You know how I said we’re drifting?”
“Hard to forget, Sergeant.”
“We’re drifting directly towards Earth.” She glanced over to him. “I can’t alter our trajectory drastically, but it’s putting us somewhere in the North American Midwest.”
“I thought the computers placed us near Mars.” He replied calmly, masking the fingers of panic that curled around his chest.
“It must have been a glitch in the systems, or the sensors may have even been damaged. There’s no doubt where we are now, though; communications just pinged the Cairo Station.”
Eric sat forward, pressing a hand to his mouth in thought. If they were headed towards Earth, there was no way they would be able to land safely with faulty engines and a ship who’s atmosphere rating just had hundreds of holes punched through it. There was an even slimmer chance a tow-frigate would be able to slow or halt their approach in time; not if they had already reached the battle cluster.
There was only one way for them to land.
“Sergeant as we approach Earth I want you to navigate around the battle cluster as best you can. Use vent thrusters, weapons systems--whatever it takes. Send a distress signal to Admiral Hood; I want them ready when we come barreling past. Then put the ship on full-alert and bring the squad to the Bridge ASAP. Lastly set a deployment mark at just after we hit the atmosphere.”
Hays saluted sharply, setting to the various tasks. “Sir, yes sir.”
Throughout the rest of the ship, a new alarm sounded - three short repeating bursts. It was a signal for the ODST to suit up fast. Yakushev jumped to her feet. “Hell,” she shouted, “make it faster, Marines!”
“Shee-it.” Corporal Hackett groaned. “What the hell kind-a trouble are we findin’ in UNSC space?”
Yakushev lightly punched Hackett on the arm with a grin. “We are ODST, Hackett, the better question is when do we find peace? We cannot even drink without trouble.”
The Corporal scrambled to grab her gear. “Hey, that bar was not my fault! Can’t tell me some damn fool’s gonna accuse me of hustlin’ and not get his ass beat.”
The squad suited up quickly, dressing in their dark grey BDU’s and battle-armor, painted a matte-black in opposition to the Marine’s dull green. In addition to the color scheme, their suits were able to stand zero-atmosphere environments as the sealed helmets supplied oxygen for up to fifteen minutes. They also had more extensive protection against both plasma and ballistics than standard battle armor through reinforced ceramic plates. After suiting up and arming their weapons, the three soldiers headed to the bridge at a brisk pace, their boots thudding rhythmically against the steel deck.
When they arrived, GySgt Thurson filled them in on their current situation. “Alright guys and gals, we’re in a hell of a situation. We are the only remaining crew of the Come and Get ‘Em. What’s more, we don’t have a lot of time left on this ship. Key systems were damaged in the events that killed most the crew, and we’re about to land hot on Earth.” He looked to the squad, momentarily annoyed to see their faces frozen in horror.
Cavetti gave a low moan, his voice barely above a whisper. “Oh my god, man--what the hell…”
“Private, we’re used to a hell of a lot worse situations.”
Corporal Yakushev raised a finger, pointing to the observation display. “Sir,” she said, her face just as pale with shock, “he is talking about that.”
As Eric turned around he understood the squad’s reaction. On the display screen the aftermath of battle greeted them. The Earth’s newly initiated Orbital Defense Grid had been overwhelmed; of 300 platforms, it now looked as though only half that number remained. The planet itself was in a state of chaos. Several circular patterns of fire covered sections of Africa, South America and North America, and even Australia in areas where brutal battles had been fought. Skeletons of UNSC Frigates and Halcyon-Class cruisers floated in a haunting manner through space, slowly orbiting the Earth in an endless dance of death.
“Gods…” Eric whispered, collapsing back into the Commander’s Chair. The Covenant ships taken down were only about a tenth of the UNSC ships, judging from the sparse purple debris in comparison to blackened greys. Numerous fighter ships floated around the corpses of the destroyers and cruisers. More than likely they were composed of Longsword fighters, rather than Covenant Seraphs.
“Sir,” Sergeant Hays cut through the tension that had permeated the deck, “we’re picking up speed. Approaching deployment mark in five.”
Thurson stood, grabbing his helmet - the only one with a red Squad Leader stripe - as he shook the sense of shock from his head. “You heard her, boys and girls. We’ve got a hot date in five minutes. Get a full magazine and as many grenades as you can carry. Hackett, pack six cans of MedGel. Hays, pack two just in case. Yakushev, five flash-bangs should suffice and keep your knife handy. Cavetti, grab twenty-four SRS rounds and store sixteen with Hackett.”
The small squad nodded, a chorus of “Yes, sir” filling the bridge.
“Head to your pods and strap in tight! There’s hell down on Earth, and what’s a bit of hell without us? Sergeant Hays, lock in the deployment mark to the pod release, then get situated as well.”
Alice nodded and set in the appropriate commands as the rest of the squad moved out, prepping their Single Occupant Exoatmospheric Insertion Vehicles. She hurried to the Deployment Deck with the rest of the squad, quickly grabbing her necessary equipment. The ODST’s sealed the doors to their SOEIV pods, normalized the interior pressure, and then waited as the countdown was projected on their Heads Up Display.
‘Time to get to work,’ Thurson thought to himself as he locked his helmet on. ‘About damn time, too.’
Following story @ https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5223738/2/Helbound (updates to story in-progress; main plot complete)
submitted by TheRaginPagan to FanFictionCritiques [link] [comments]

2018.03.08 03:02 British_Tea_Company Respect Stellaris

Name: Stellar Aries
Alias: Stellaris
Date of birth: December 14th, 1991
Appearance: Stands at about 5'3", looks something like this
Stellar Aries grew up in Boston, Massachusetts and remained there for most of her life growing up. Stellar attended the Boston Conservatory to be a violinist and graduated in 2013. For about a year, Stellar performed in Boston as a pianist and violinist. In late 2013, Stellar decided to try her hand at attempting to become an actress, first accepting various roles to become background characters/stunt doubles. She was also married at around the same time and had a child named Kendra.
Stellar's husband disappeared somewhere just before 2014. In spite of the harder times which now occurred for as a single mother, she persisted through hard work and determination, managing to rake in a steady income in order to improve life and support the family of two she had going.
Luck seemed to favor her however when some summer day of 2014 however. At first, the feeling was strange. She could have sworn the world around her was bigger nor did she recall seeing in so much colors. Yet there she was, soaring above the skies that very day. Majestic as the night sky itself.
Personality: A heart of gold and much disdain for violence, Stellar prefers to find solutions to problems which can benefit all parties involved and usually has a more optimistic goal and view in life.
Alignment: Lawful Good
Tier: Ultrahuman
Base of Operations: Boston, Massachusetts
  • Tier 1 Hero Licence
  • Strength: Stellar can lift 100,000 tons while human.
  • Durability: Stellar possesses half of her durability as her dragon form
  • Speed: Stellar mach 5 jogging speed as a human but the same reactions. Stellar does not create shockwaves from her movement.
  • Stellar does not to eat, breath, drink or sleep in either forms.
  • Attacks which go over Stellar's 'unphased' cap will cause her to reflexively transform into her dragon form, all damage being transferred to the approximate area of her dragon form. Stellar may 'suppress' this but only if she see's the attack coming.
  • Stellar can transform into/back her dragon form by command otherwise.
  • Stellar has the same senses as her human form as she does in her dragon form
  • Transformation between human/dragon takes 3 ms where Stellar is enclosed in a ball of light and 'detonates' outward revealing her new form following transformation finishing. Stellar is immobile in her location (this includes mid-air) while she is transforming. When transforming between her various sizes, the entire process takes 3 ms and appears like Stellar is physically getting smallelarger as she does it.
  • Stellar possesses regeneration while in both forms. So long as her body still maintains over 20% (human) / 60% (dragon) of her biomass intact, she may recover from it. Stellar regenerates at about 4% of her biomass in an hour.

Star Dragon

  • Stellar can choose three dragon forms. Transformation takes 3 ms.
Size Dimensions Weight Physical Strength Combat Speed
Small 10 meters long, 3.75 meters tall 10 tons 300,000 tons / 300 GJ Mach 2
Medium 40 meters long, 15 meters tall 100 tons 375,000 tons / 400 GJ Mach 1.5
Large 200 meters long, 75 meters tall 10,000 tons 450,000 tons / 500 GJ Mach 1
  • Super Senses: Stellar possess sight across the EM spectrum and 10 times better senses than the average human, 2 times better resistance. Stellar possesses 360o vision.
  • Polaron Shield: Stellar can throw up her shield which will begin resting on her scales and can expand outward at a rate of Mach 3. The shield has 2 TJ, 1,500,000 tons, 1500 K with 4000 times change resistance worth of durability. All damage going to the shield is additive. The shield recharges 10% of its health every 3 ms. All foreign objects and status effects may not bypass Stellar's shield unless she specifically allows it do so. This goes from both ways. When viewed through her barrier, Stellar's Projection is visually distorted so that they will only appear invisible until there is less than 2 meters of shielded space between them and the observer, in which they will become gradually more and more well defined. Stellar's shield is invisible unless struck, in which it will give a purple outline to the general area it was hit.
  • Stellar's travel speed is reduced to 0 m/s when shielded.
  • Thermal Damage calculation for the shield is assumed to be using a 80 kg human being as basis.
  • Crushing Ripping Damage should be treated in a fashion of 'grabbing' a spherical object
Durability Type Unphased Tank Stagger KO Kill Other
Kinetic Energy 0.35 tj 1 tj 1.6 tj 3 tj 5 tj N/A
Thermal Energy N/A N/A N/A N/A 5000o Kelvin 6,000x resistance to change
Energy Density N/A N/A N/A N/A N/A 200 GJ / 1 mm2
Crushing/Ripping 250,000 tons 500,000 tons 1,000,000 tons 2,500,000 tons 3,500,000 tons N/A
Flight/Foot Speed, Acceleration Distance Reactions
Mach 10, 150 meters 1 ms


  • Stellar passively generates 125 Terawatts of energy to be stored. Her maximum storage capacity is 150 Terajoules. While shielded, Stellar's capacity rises to 225 Terajoules.
  • Shooting Stars: Stellar may fire 3 projectiles in rapid succession of one another. There is 0.3 meters of spacing between these projectiles. Stellar may adjust the strength of her projection to be between 25 Kilojoules and 500 Gigajoules of kinetic energy. Shooting Stars travel at Mach 40. Shooting Stars are emitted from the hands, feet, eyes and wings.
  • Celestial Lance: Stellar may condense 25 to 100 projectiles of the same energy into a single energy lance that ranges from 1 m2 to 25 m2 in a cylindrical shape. Damage is calculated via how much space the target takes up within the lance. (i.e an average person surface area of 1 m2 standing in the 1 m2 lance which has 100 projectiles stuck in would only take the equivalent of getting hit by 50 of them. Objects which occupy any space will at minimum, take damage equal to a single non-condensed Shooting Star. Damage will always round up to the next star). The Celestial Lance travels at Mach 35. Celestial Lance is emitted from either the hands, feet, mouth or eyes.
  • Note that Celestial Lance's damage calculation should not be treated as a single 50 TJ attack, but as up to 100 separate 500 GJ attacks. In the example of a person taking up the whole surface area of the Lance, he is taking the equivalent of 100 500 GJ attacks at once, rather than a single 50 Tj attack.
  • Is a competent actress
  • Can crush any known non-meta material in her mouth
  • Stellar is longer than a bus
  • Tall enough to peek into a third story window
  • Can tow a nimitz class carrier
  • Can react to bullets
  • Caused a speedster to make himself an easy target after he hit her shield and slightly hurt himself
  • Baited a cautious brick into the attack, taking a min spread Celestial Lance to the face.
submitted by British_Tea_Company to MetaVerseRP [link] [comments]

2018.03.01 06:28 youto2 House Party 2/26/2018 [Part Two]

The two men get to ringside, and obviously debate what to do. Eventually, both of them hop onto the apron, and step into the ring. Instantly though, Miles Alpha comes flying into the shot, diving at Default Green with a forearm. Miles delivers one stiff strike to him, before throwing him out to the floor. He turns around to face Default Red, but he is already retreating to the outside.
Alpha: So this is your plan? You’re just going to try and run the show around me? Good fucking luck. You can send anyone out here to stop me, and I’d kick every single one of their teeth in.
Miles sits back down in the center of the ring, refusing to take no for an answer. After another few long, uncomfortable minutes, someone finally comes out to address Miles. From behind the curtain emerges Russell Sharp with two microphones. He walks down the ramp hastily, and steps up the stairs into the ring. He hands a mic over to Miles, before starting to talk himself.
Sharp: Look Miles, I know a lot of people back there are angry with you, and a lot of people never want to see you back in this company. But I can only speak for myself, and personally, I don’t care about your past. All I want, is for the best of wrestlers to compete here in WiR!
Alpha: Well you’re in luck then, because I’ve always-
Sharp: Yes, I know. You’re the best, you’ve always been the best. I know, I heard you already. Here’s the thing though, I’ve never seen it. I’m not doubting you or nothing, but I’ve never been here to see you wrestle in WiR. So here’s a solution that the two of us can agree upon I hope. I’ll let you wrestle here for the next month. If you can go undefeated after the next iPPV, I’ll give you a new, full-time contract in WiR. But you lose even once, and you prove that you’re not as good as you say you are, and whatever happens to you, is out of my control. Do we have a deal?
Alpha stands back up, and looks at Russell dead in the eye, before giving his response.
Alpha: You know, just as well as everyone else that I’ll never pass up the chance to show just how good I really am. Put me against anyone you fucking want for the next month, I’ll win. I accept.
Miles extends his hand, and Russell Sharp shakes it, sealing the deal. Miles then rolls out of the ring, and walks up the entrance ramp to the back, with Russell Sharp following closely behind.
Paisner: Well, uh, it seems we’re finally going to have our match start here, Allan.
Woodbridge: Yes, um, we… We just want to apologize for the delay there, but, here we are, we’re back to the show with some more action!
Default Green and Default Red step back into the ring, and they wait for their opponents. Beast and the Harlot by Avenged Sevenfold starts to play, and Napalm Segador and Nosh Diaz of the Void walk out onto the stage!
Paisner: Now, this is a team the crowd can get behind!
Woodbridge: I think at least half of this crowd has invested in them already- literally!
Javier: On their way to the ring, weighing in at a combined weight of 555 pounds, from Dallas, Texas, NOAH! NAPALM! THE VOID!
The Void start walking down the ramp on either side of the aisle, with Noah high fiving hands on the right side, and Napalm high-fiving the ones on the left side while moonwalking!
Paisner: As always, there's a certain style with the Void! Nothing to harsh, nothing too unnoticeable!
Napalm and Noah get to the apron, where CAS is waiting on the other side. Napalm beckons to Noah, takes a few steps back, then runs right at Noah!
Crowd: OOOH!
Woodbridge: Well, this is a surprise!
However, Napalm simply jumps into Noah's hands, which catapult Napalm five feet over the top rope! Napalm lands with a smooth roll and a smile!
Paisner: Noah just continues to impress me.
Woodbridge: But holy shit though.
As Noah rolls in the ring, taking a stance in Napalm's corner, the referee, Harry Undersach, gets ready to ring the bell.
Javier: Introducing your official, Harry Undersach!
Crowd: (tune of 'we built this city') We all love Harry! We love him till he leaves or dies!
Paisner: I love this crowd.
As Harry climbs out of the ring, Napalm goes through the ropes and onto the apron, leaving Noah to start with Default Red. Noah just stands there as Red runs back to his corner to tag in Green, who tags in Red again. With both members of CAS in the ring, they turn to face Noah and charge!
Woodbridge: This won't end well.
Both men jump to attack Noah, but their combined attack just bounces off his chest! As both men fall to the ground, immediately getting up, Noah brushes invisible dust off of his chest, then like an exploding bull, absolutely rams through both men with his arms!
Paisner: That didn't end up well for them indeed.
Woodbridge: That's a big understatement. Hey, where did Napalm go?
Both men look for Napalm, but suddenly a section of the crowd cheers. Napalm is seen in the middle of the crowd running up and down stairs, sliding on railings, taking selfies with various guests, holding his head and screaming:
Napalm: Amazing! AMAZING! Let's go, man!
Napalm makes a few more rounds in the stands, then walks to the commentary booth.
Woodbridge: How are you, Napalm?
Paisner: Napalm?!
As the crowd is watching, Napalm slides into a chair next to Woodbridge and puts on a headset, as Noah starts bench pressing Default Green!
Paisner: How are you, Napalm?
Napalm: Doing good. Yourself?
Paisner: I'm fine, although this doesn't seem to be a very smart decision.
Napalm: Ha ha! No, it's how we've been doing most of our tag team matches in the indies. We take turns.
As Noah slams both men's heads together, he tosses them into the corner, and performs a splash into the mass of bodies. Noah then picks up both bodies, cradling one of them in each hand, and performs a double fallaway slam on CAS!
Paisner: Noah with the big splash in the corner, follows it up with the throw- wait, what exactly do you mean by 'taking turns'?
Napalm: You'll see in a few seconds.
Suddenly, a muted buzzer goes off in Napalm's pocket. Napalm picks it out, and shows it to Woodbridge. It reads 0:00.
Napalm: My turn. Thanks for hanging out with you guys, and be sure to invest!
Napalm takes off his headset and jumps onto the apron, jumping up and down to alert Noah, who is busy hammering Default Red into the mat using Default Green as a weapon. Noah stands up both men, arranging them in such a way as to support each other, so they can get a breather. He flexes, then tags in Napalm!
Paisner: And a tag to Napalm! Let's see what experience he can bring!
Woodbridge: He didn't get to fight a lot in the ladder match, as he was jumped by the former tag champs, D&B, early in the match. However, he seems to have a clear path of destruction already laid out for him!
Napalm eyes up both men, and suddenly decides to superkick Default Green! Default Green crashes to the mat, followed by Default Red, felled by a corkscrew roundhouse!
Paisner: And while Noah is incredibly strong, Napalm is incredibly fast!
Woodbridge: The speed! The quickness! Holy shit!
Napalm picks up Default Red, and drags him to the ropes, wrapping his arms and shoulders in them, and then starts running the ropes!
Paisner: Napalm building momentum!
Napalm runs the opposite ropes and makes a beeline right for the face of Default Red, connecting with a sickening bicycle knee strike! Default Red is knocked out of his predicament and falls to the outside like a sack of potatoes!
Woodbridge: He calls that the teeth scrambler! What an appropriate name for this situation!
As Napalm notices Noah cheering in the corner for him, he picks up Default Green and stands him up like he did to Red, but suddenly Green breaks the grip and starts laying into the face of Napalm Segador!
Paisner: Green exploding with various head punches! This is why you don't play with your food, Napalm!
Default Green takes a step back, winding up for a power strike, and swings, but Napalm expertly ducks! Green turns around, only to be met with a falling stunner!
Paisner: His Kiss The Mat! Kiss The Mat! Brilliant!
Woodbridge: Used yet in another appropriate situation!
Green bounces up about a foot, giving Napalm a perfect stance to grab his arms and lock them behind them, pulling Green towards himself!
Paisner: Napalm's got an underhook hold that would make Nelson freaking Butterfly proud!
Woodbridge: uh oh, Uh oh, UH OH, I think I know what he is setting up for, Paisner!
Napalm, while still holding the underhook, jumps up at an amazing height, flipping over, bending the back of Green, who is forced to flip along with Napalm due to the underhook. Napalm drives Green's head into the mat with an underhook canadian destroyer!
Paisner: HOLY SHIT!
Woodbridge: A Turnover by Napalm! Brutal!
As Noah starts to applaud Napalm for the move, Napalm stands up and places his index finger on the lifeless corpse of Default Green! Undersach counts!
Javier: Ladies and gentlemen, your winner at a time of five minutes and two seconds, Napalm, Noah, The VOID!
As their theme plays, Noah slides into the ring, grabbing Napalm, and putting him on his shoulders. He climbs over the top rope, down to the floor, and they celebrate all the way back to the stage.
Noah: We're back, baby!
We see Russell Sharp on the phone speaking to someone seemingly important.
Russell Sharp: Listen. We booked that show months in advance. You can’t cancel like that, last second...That’s not my problem...I paid that deposit…Yeah, but...So...Fine. If that’s what you wanna do, I’ll see your ass in court.
Russell Sharp hangs up the phone, and tosses it aside. He sighs very heavily. He looks to his right.
Russell Sharp: Look...now’s not a good time.
We pan and we see Klutch, crowd responding positively, proudly displaying his tag team title. He shines it with his hand, and looks at Russell with a look of concern.
Klutch: Something wrong, Russ?
Russell, not wanting to deal with Klutch’s shit, answers begrudgingly.
Sharp: Well, if you must know...next week’s show is...cancelled.
Crowd boos as Klutch speaks
Klutch: Cancelled? How?
Sharp: The venue...they just called and said they double booked with a Jewish wedding. They asked for more money, and after the pay per view, we’re tight on money, and WE CAN’T COMPETE WITH JEWISH MONEY.
Klutch, taken aback, responds.
Klutch: I mean, no one can really. I don’t blame you. So show’s cancelled?
Sharp: It’s cancelled.
Klutch: So...no show?
Sharp: No show.
Klutch: ...Sooo
Crowd boos. Klutch scratches his chin with his free hand. Then he extends his index finger with an idea shortly following.
Klutch: No it’s not!
Sharp: It is.
Klutch: It’s not.
Sharp: It is.
Klutch: It is.
Sharp: It’s not.
Klutch: Great! Glad we agree.
Russell hits his head as Klutch giggles like a school girl.
Sharp: Then where praytell is House Party going to be at then? Huh? Tell me.
Klutch thinks for a second. Then again, the lightbulb goes off.
Klutch: At my trailer park!
Crowd cheers as Russell speaks.
Sharp: No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Not happening.
Crowd boos. Klutch continues.
Klutch: No, it’s perfect, Russ! My neighbor’s trailer burned down, and he had a double wide. Plenty of room for a ring. And everyone can bring they’re own lawn chairs. And to make it sweeter, I’ll supply the liquor! It’s gonna be great, I promise! Let me take care of this. Pleaaaaaase?
Russell Sharp ponders it.
Sharp: I don’t know, Klutch…
Klutch: I’ll even have Nova supervise! It’ll be fiiiine! Trust me. What other options do you have?
Russell, realizing Klutch is technically right, responds.
Sharp: Ok…
Klutch responds excitedly.
Klutch: Okay?
Sharp: Okay.
Klutch: Okay whaaat?...
Klutch shakes Sharp’s hand as the crowd cheers
Klutch runs out as Russell Sharp sighs.
Sharp: What did I get myself into…
We fade out, then cut back into the ring, as we hear Allen Paisner begin to speak, and see Javier inside the ring.
Paisner: Our next match is about to get underway folks and I can promise you this one is going to be a barnburner, two of WIR’s freshest young talents going at it.
Javier: The following contest is scheduled for one fall.
Crowd: ONE FALL!
The crowd awaits the first entrant. The cheers come as usual when the plumes of green flames shoot up from the stage though the music accompanying it is noticeably different
Javier: Introducing first, from Kilkenny, Ireland, weighing in at 135lbs, ALEXIS BREAAAAAATHNACH!
Alexis emerges from the flames on stage, throwing up the devil horns for her fans and headbanging to her new music before proceeding down the ramp, fist bumping fans and hugging a young girl wearing one of her merch shirts before she slides into the ring, taking off her own False Icons shirt and hanging it from her turnbuckle.
Paisner: New music and I’m sure Alexis hopes new fortune for herself and Yasmin Hyland after they came up short at SSDY in their pursuit of the tag team championships.
Woodbridge: Yeah but for now Alexis needs to be focused, you can’t be looking past someone like Anthony Daniel Xavier, he’s been here even less time than Alexis has and he’s already earned himself a world championship shot in that time.
Paisner: Very true, meanwhile Alexis has faced three former world champions in her tenure here and held her own against all of them. This match could very well be showing us a future world champion in action Woody!
Alexis paces back and forth in her corner, winking and waving to select fans in the audience as The Pretender begins to play, prompting even more cheers from the crowd.
Javier: And her opponent, from Birmingham Alabama, weighing in at 185lbs, ANTHONY, DANIEL, XAAAAAVIER!
Xavier emerges onto the entrance ramp, beaming at the crowd chanting “ADX! ADX! ADX!” to him as he walks down to the ring, high fiving fans on his way into the ring.
Paisner: WIR’s resident Submission Magician tonight faces possibly his most resilient opponent to date Woody.
Woodbridge: Yeah Alexis might not know when to quit but that doesn’t mean someone as skilled as Xavier can’t find a way to beat her in other ways.
Paisner: If nothing else it must surely be unusual for Xavier to actually have the size advantage for a change.
Woodbridge: Yeah, you gotta figure he’ll have to watch out for that, he’s in there with one of the fastest competitors on the roster.
Xavier hands his jacket the referee then balls up his beanie hat and throws it toward the crowd. However, Alexis darts out her hand and catches the hat, unfolding it and putting it on herself with a cocky grin.
Paisner: That competitive spirit we know Alexis Breathnach for on full display here.
Alexis and Xavier share a chuckle at her antics before she balls the hat up and gives it back to Xavier, who this time pitches it successfully to the crowd. Both wrestlers share a handshake in the center of the ring before backing up several steps.
Paisner: Good show of respect here between two relative newcomers still in WIR.
Woodbridge: Sure neither of them’s clocked a year here yet but no questioning Breathnach is the veteran here relatively speaking, since she came here she’s been in the ring with two former WIR world champions, beat one of em and gave the other a hell of a fight.
In the ring Xavier quickly gains the upper hand in the lockup, hip-tossing Alexis to the mat and maintaining a headlock which Alexis manages to fight her way out of with some well placed knees to the ribs.
Paisner: Little bit tentative at the beginning here, feeling each other out.
Alexis and Xavier begin to circle each other in the ring, Xavier makes the first move with a roundhouse kick only for Alexis to forward roll under it and sweep Xavier’s leg, tripping him up before backing up to the turnbuckle and leaning against it casually, throwing up a lazy devil horns for her fans.
Xavier chuckles at Alexis from the floor and quickly kips up from the ground, holding his arms out before taking a bow.
Crowd: ADX! ADX! ADX!
Paisner: Bit of showmanship from both of these two, both among our newer members of the roster and already having won the hearts of the WIR viewers.
Xavier charges toward Alexis in the corner, aiming a big boot which Alexis once again rolls towards Xavier to avoid. With such alarming speed several gasps can be heard from the audience, Xavier stops mid-charge and spins around to where Alexis is straightening up, leaping into the air and connecting both feet to Alexis’ chin with a graceful dropkick.
Paisner: BOOM! Alexis goes down, and a cover from Xavier!
Alexis kicks out just before the referee’s hand counts two and attempts to roll out of the ring; instead Xavier grabs Alexis by the ankle and pulls her back into the ring towards him.
Woodbridge: See here Paisner, ya can’t let an opponent like Alexis get loose, you let her linger near those ropes and you just might find her in the air before you know what happened.
Alexis scrambles back upright, hopping on one foot as Xavier still holds one leg. Xavier attempts a takedown but the irish brawler instead jumps, hitting Xavier in the head with an enziguri with her free leg and making him release his grip.
Paisner: Enziguri by Alexis for the quick escape, toward the ropes now!
Alexis charges back to the ropes but instead of rolling up jumps towards them, springboarding back towards Xavier and nailing a devastating Inverted DDT to Xavier!
Woodbridge: Xavier can make you tap out with any hold but that only does you so much good when you’re facing an opponent who won’t sit still long enough to slap on a hold!
Alexis does not go for a pinfall from the Inverted DDT, seeming to know it wouldn’t work and instead backs up from Xavier, signaling to the fans with a finger point and a wink before cartwheeling back towards Xavier and executing a Handspring Moonsault!
Paisner: Handspring Moonsault from Alexis, cover!
Amazingly Xavier is able to throw Alexis off just before the referee’s hand counts for two.
Woodbridge: Xavier’s not gonna go down that easy but you have to wonder if he really has an answer for someone who can move like that.
Paisner: Well I can think of a few people who can believe it.
Crowd: Let’s go Alexis! ADX! Let’s go Alexis! ADX!
Xavier kips up once again, nursing the back of his head slightly before locking eyes with Alexis again. Xavier advances and Alexis instantly slides out of the ring.
Alexis lingers on the outside as Xavier keeps with her inside the ring.
Realising Alexis isn’t going to get back in the ring on her own, Xavier backs up.
Paisner: Is Xavier thinking what I think he is?
Xavier takes several steps back, the crowd audibly getting excited as he springs towards the ropes.
At the last moment Alexis jumps from the ground back to the apron and meets Xavier half way over the ropes with a vicious elbow to the face, sending Xavier crashing to the mat inside the ring.
Paisner: Irish Kiss with some extra love on it there for Xavier!
Alexis grins and looks around to the crowd as Xavier gets onto one knee in the ring, looking rather dazed from the blow he just took as Alexis bounces on the apron.
Woodbridge: Looks to me like Alexis is thinking it’s about time to be a Buzzkill…
Xavier staggers upwards as Alexis takes to the air, flying towards Xavier and looking for the Springboard Blockbuster
Paisner: Buzz- OH MY GOD!
In one smooth motion which again produces gasps and cheers from the crowd, Xavier repositions himself, catching Alexis into a fireman’s carry and, in one smooth motion, using her own momentum to propel her into a devastating counter
Woodbridge: How quick is this guy?!
Paisner: The timing and precision of Anthony Daniel Xavier is incredible, and the WIR fans can’t get enough of it!
Crowd: Holy Shit! Holy Shit! Holy Shit!
Xavier however doesn’t waste much time, quickly kipping up again while Alexis arches her back in pain on the floor; Xavier quickly grabs both of Alexis’ legs and rolls her over onto her front.
Paisner: I think I know what we’re in for here Woody!
Alexis screams in pain as Xavier bends her legs forwards towards her head, the Reverse Boston Crab fully locked in
Woodbridge: CCX applied!
Alexis’ fist punches the mat several times, swearing loudly and shaking her head as the official checks if she wants to tap out. The irish brawler tries to reach toward the bottom rope, her finger tips mere inches away from it.
Paisner: Alexis needs to find a way out of this hold or else this match is over!
Alexis grits her teeth and, with an almighty effort, manages to lunge forward, her left hand just barely closing around the bottom rope to the cheers of the crowd.
Xavier immediately drops Alexis’ legs and releases the hold as the referee begins to count but stays looming over Alexis.
Paisner: Xavier here, keeping Alexis within range, not allowing her to dictate the pace again.
Alexis stands up, teeth gritted at the pain in her back. Almost as soon as she is up Xavier spins her around, looking for a German Suplex which Alexis flips out of, landing on her feet behind Xavier.
Woodbridge: Great agility on display there, she ain’t out of this yet
Alexis sprints up behind Xavier and nails him in the back of the head with a lariat, sending Xavier bouncing off the ropes. Alexis quickly drags him to the center and applies a headlock.
Paisner: Alexis looking for the Headlock Driver I think Woody-
Before Alexis can drive Xavier’s head down into the mat, the submission magician instead sweeps Alexis’ leg to bring her down to the floor before scrambling to apply a kneebar!
Woodbridge: How many counters does this guy have?!
Paisner: Alexis once again in a precarious spot, Xavier now trying to take out the legs of the Voice of Rebellion!
Alexis once again swears up a storm as her limb is tortured by the hold, giving the referee a two fingered salute as she is again asked whether she submits, instead using her hands to claw her way to the bottom rope.
Alexis manages to crawl her way to the bottom rope despite the agony in her leg, producing cheers from the crowd once more as she refuses to quit.
As before, Xavier takes no advantage and immediately releases the hold but refuses to back away any further than needed, keeping Alexis within arms reach.
Paisner: Xavier has firmly taken control of this match Woody!
As Alexis goes to stand up Xavier delivers a spin kick to the back of her left leg, causing it to buckle and making Alexis grab the ropes for support.
Xavier, seeing the danger in this, grabs Alexis and applies a wristlock, trying to pull Alexis away from the ropes. However, Alexis immediately meets the attempt by flinging herself into the pull of Xavier, allowing the submission magician to aid her speed as she delivers a hard headbutt that staggers both competitors.
Paisner: Oof! I think even the people in the cheap seats felt that one!
Alexis holds herself up on the ropes while Xavier stands very groggily after the headbutt. Alexis, gritting her teeth against the pain in her leg, quickly moves in and goes for a Schoolboy.
Paisner: Schoolboy!
Alexis however does not complete the roll up, instead allowing Xavier to roll completely over onto his knees before connecting a superkick to the kneeling grappler.
Paisner: I stand corrected, Schoolboy Superkick!
Alexis, however, nearly buckles from putting her weight on her damaged left leg for the kick, forced to crawl over to Xavier to make the cover.
Xavier powers out at the count of two, causing Alexis to stomp her uninjured foot in frustration. Quickly bending down to drag him to his feet, Alexis is caught unawares as Xavier hooks her injured leg once more and brings Alexis crashing down, quickly grabbing one of her arms.
Paisner: Xavier’s looking for it.
Alexis tries to grab for the ropes but instead Xavier flips over her, locking in the Bridging Fujiwara Armbar onto Alexis, keeping himself near the ropes to block Alexis from reaching out for them.
Woodbridge: BP/90 locked in on the left arm of Breathnach!
Alexis seems to be biting down on the inside of her mouth to avoid screaming in pain; with an almighty, heaving effort Alexis manages to muscle Xavier out of the bridging position and, with her arm still caught in the armbar, rolls Xavier into a schoolboy roll-up
Xavier struggles, kicking out on the second attempt at powering out.
Paisner: Xavier dodging a bullet there Woody!
Woodbridge: Yeah you can be winning the match for an hour and lose it all in three seconds if you get caught like that.
Xavier and Alexis roll away from each other, Alexis with great difficulty; the irish brawler is now half-dragging herself around, holding her left arm too.
Paisner: After such a promising start Anthony Daniel Xavier has utterly dissected Alexis Breathnach here Woody, her back, left arm, left leg, all tortured and hyper-extended by Xavier.
Woodbridge: Yeah no two ways about it Paisner, Xavier might be a swell guy but in that ring if he can’t make you tap through pain alone he’ll pick you apart until you physically can’t go anymore.
Xavier, trying not to let Alexis recover, charges towards the green haired brawler, who sidesteps a clothesline attempt before twirling around and nailing Xavier in the side of the head with the Discus Elbow Smash.
Paisner: Irish Kiss! Down goes Xavier!
Xavier crumples to the mat, clutching his head where Alexis connected the elbow strike. Alexis, gritting her teeth once again, slips between the ropes and positions herself on the apron.
Woodbridge: Alexis looking for the Buzzkill again, this didn’t end well last time for her but Xavier looks like he might just be loopy from that last strike Paisner.
Alexis waits for Xavier to stand, leaps to the top rope and prepares to springboard toward Xavier…
As soon as Alexis leaps to the top rope Xavier, still visibly dazed, spins around and connects a roundhouse kick to Alexis with an awful noise like a snap, causing Alexis to fall awkwardly from the ropes into the ring, nearly landing on her head.
Crowd: Holy Shit! Holy Shit!
Xavier presses the advantage, dragging Alexis up and wrapping his arms around her from behind.
3- NO
Limply, desperately, Alexis kicks her legs upwards and breaks up the bridging pin just before the referee can count three.
Paisner: How did Alexis kick out of that?!
Woodbridge: That’s the combo that put away Kristi Slater at SSDY, guess lightning doesn’t strike twice with that one.
Xavier looks stunned that Alexis survived the rapid combination of moves, simply watching in amazement as Alexis crawls to the ropes to get to her feet.
Crowd: This Is Awesome! This Is Awesome! This Is Awesome!
Paisner: Xavier might be ahead on points Woody but we’ve seen it before in her almost year in WIR, it takes a LOT to put Alexis down for the count.
Xavier waits in the center of the ring this time, nursing the side of his face that has taken two of Alexis’ Irish Kiss elbows through the match while the brawler hobbles on a still damaged leg.
Paisner: Both competitors showing signs of fatigue here Woody, you have to think it would only take one more big move to end the match.
Xavier evidently feels the same, beginning to circle Alexis as the irish woman stomps away from the ropes, turning on the spot to keep him in her line of sight, neither competitor willing to make the first move.
Eventually Xavier chooses to take his chances. Xavier ducks under a third Irish Kiss attempt and reaches out to grab Alexis’ extended arm.
Paisner: Xavier’s looking to finish it!
Xavier hoists himself up by Alexis’ already damaged left arm, attempting to swing himself round for the Octopus Stretch.
Woodbridge: Xavier locks in that Blue Legend Special and Alexis hasn’t got any choice but to tap!
Xavier attempts to twist himself around Alexis’ body. However, with speed to rival Xavier’s own, Alexis manages to reposition Xavier for a Sidewalk Slam, forcing him to release her arm.
Paisner: Ooh a nice counter there, and I think now Alexis wants to end it!
Sure enough Alexis, snarling at the pain in her limbs, lifts the surprised Xavier up into a position for the Rolling Cutter, her eyes wide and almost manic as she looks to end the match.
Woodbridge: Time for the Last Round Paisner, time to go home!
As Alexis goes to hook Xavier’s arm for the move however, Xavier swings his leg up, kicking Alexis on the top of the head from the awkward position. With Alexis briefly stunned Xavier aims a leg sweep at her damaged leg, sprawling Alexis onto the ground.
Paisner: Xavier escapes again!
Not done however, Xavier hooks both of Alexis’ legs, putting special emphasis on the damaged left leg, and quickly transitions into a Ground Prawn Hold, hooking the damaged leg and laying his weight across Alexis’ damaged arm.
Paisner: Shoulders down, is this going to do it?!
Javier: Here is your winner at a time of 12:31, Anthony, Daniel, XAVIEEEER!
Crowd: ADX! ADX! ADX! ADX!
Paisner: An absolutely astonishing effort here from Anthony Daniel Xavier tonight, claiming yet another victory through his technical wizardry.
Woodbridge: Alexis brought everything she had tonight but in the end it just wasn’t enough.
In the ring Xavier takes one of Alexis’ arms over his shoulder and helps her to her feet, but Alexis brushes him off and firmly insists to stand unaided. Alexis grabs Xavier’s hand and raises his arm.
Crowd: ADX! ADX! ADX!
Xavier smiles at Alexis and once she lets go raises her arm in turn.
Paisner: You can say a lot about the technical ability, the tenacity, the drive, everything about these two Woody, but in the end it’s respect like that you really have to admire.
Woodbridge: Could you be more schmaltzy?
Xavier jumps over the rope to the apron and holds the ropes open for Alexis.
Paisner: Wait a minute here…
The crowd erupts into shouts and boos as Xavier is yanked from the apron by his feet, his head connecting with a horrible smack on the way down.
Woodbridge: That’s The Goonsquad! What are those two doing out here?!
Dylan Jones and Andrew Reily jump up onto the ring apron, Reily carrying a pair of hockey sticks. Alexis scowls and gestures for the two of them to “bring it” with her good arm.
Woodbridge: You’ve gotta be kidding me, she’s on one leg and she thinks trying to antagonise these guys is a good idea?
The Goons clearly have no issue, both entering the ring; Alexis quickly rushes as best as she can, both goons grabbing her by the shoulders and beginning to rain punches on her head and back.
Paisner: Oh come on, this over a few insults? This is pathetic!
Dylan and Reily soon throw Alexis down to the mat as the crowd continues to shower them with abuse. Reily picks up the dropped sticks and hands one to his partner, each standing either side of Alexis.
Paisner: No way, someone stop this, right now!
Alexis gets to her knees looking rather dazed; the irish brawler just has enough time to realise what’s going on before both Goons swing with their sticks, connecting a vicious double crosscheck directly to the throat of Alexis Breathnach!
Alexis immediately crumples to the mat, clutching her throat, her eyes watering and her breathing ragged from the sadistic attack to the throat. As the Goons smirk down at her and high five each other however, Xavier leaps into the ring from behind!
Paisner: Come on Xavier, take out the trash!
Xavier leaps, aiming a dropkick at both Goons, Reily going down by Dylan managing to block the kick with his stick. The smaller Goon aims a ferocious swing of the stick at Xavier, who leaps backwards to avoid it, unintentionally cornering himself as Reily recovers.
Before either Goon can try anything however, all three men are distracted as Roundtable Rival blasts from the speakers.
Yasmin Hyland charges down to the ring, still in her evening gown. Xavier takes advantage of the Goons’ distraction, aiming a Roundhouse Kick to Reily which splinters Reily’s wooden stick and nearly knocks out the larger Goon.
Dylan, seeing Xavier still ready to fight and Yasmin sliding into the ring, throws his stick at Yasmin to keep her at bay before sliding out of the ring, grabbing Reily and leading his partner to flee through the crowd.
In the ring Yasmin kneels down, cradling Alexis as doctors come to help escort her to the back. Xavier lingers with the remaining hockey stick in hand, keeping an eye out before accompanying Alexis and Yasmin back up the ramp and to the back.
Paisner: Vicious, vicious attack here by the Goonsquad. We’ll update you viewers when we know more about Alexis’ condition.
Woodbridge: She just took a pair of hockey sticks right in the neck, my guess is she probably ain’t exactly feeling rosy.
We fade into the locker room where Dalidus Nova is preparing for his match with Teddy Cornado. In walks Klutch, with a huge grin on his face.
Klutch: Nova, buddy!
Nova: Hey, Klutch! What did Sharp say?
Klutch: We’re in business baby.
Nova: ...you’re shitting me. He bought it.
Klutch: Yup. Hook, line, and sinker. Nice Jewish accent by the way.
Nova: Hey, you being the event owner was key in that whole bamboozle.
Klutch: Russell gets his money back. We get our own House Party. It’s a win win.
Nova: I’m about to do some more winning shortly.
Klutch gets serious.
Klutch: Just know my guy...I’m pullin’ for ya. I want you to do this. And I got your back tonight like you had mine.
They fist bump.
Nova: Thanks my dude. One day you’ll get your shot at single’s gold again.
Klutch brushes it off
Klutch: Nah, nah, nah. Tonight’s not about me. Tonight’s your night, my guy. Teddy’s gonna get his fuckin’ head kicked in.
Nova fist bumps Klutch again, and they head out.
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2017.10.27 09:04 MAlsauce House Party 10/23/17 - Part Two

We cut backstage, in Sharp’s office where the cold open left off, as we see the three around the laptop for a moment, before we see the video playing on the screen, as we see Sharp alone in his office, as he’s taking a phone call.
Sharp: Hello?........Wait I won that contest?......Oh man, Europe here I come! Thank you people for this opportunity!
Sharp then hangs up the phone, as he’s grinning from ear to ear.
Sharp: Man, not everyday you win an all expenses paid trip to Europe! And anywhere I want to go there too! November’s gonna be a good month for me!......But I still do have this job to take care of, how can I juggle that with the trip?....I GOT IT! A mini-europe tour! Last 2 weeks into the IPPV will be in Europe, that should be easy to determine, but what about the IPPV itself…..
Sharp looks around his room, before he sees something, a map of the world on the wall, as he gets an idea.
Sharp: Alright, I got a leftover pack of darts from Appelbaum’s title win celebration backstage, I can toss that at the map, wherever we land, we go!
Sharp stands up, reaching into his desk, grabbing a pack of darts, and ripping them open.
Sharp: But something feels missing….I need to make this truly random…
Sharp reaches into his desk again, as he pulls out a blindfold, as he walks in front the map, a dart in one hand, the rest of them in the other, as he ties the blindfold around his eyes, before tossing the dart!.....right into the atlantic ocean, as he lifts down the blindfold for a moment to see.
Sharp: Damn, can’t exactly have a show on a cruise, lets try again.
Sharp brings the blindfold back up, as he tosses another dart!.....right into the english channel, as he lifts the blindfold down again, just sighing at his miss this time, as he brings the blindfold back up again, as he tosses a third dart!......right into the mediterranean, as he brings down his blindfold once more.
Sharp: Dang! Third time’s supposed to be the charm! Alright, still got a few more…
Sharp re-blinds himself, as he tosses a fourth dart!....this time into the north sea. But before he brings down his blindfold, we see Mark Dutch stumble into the room!
Dutch: Oh hey Sharp, what are you doing here?
Sharp: Got a trip to Europe, figure i’d bring WiR along, trying to decide an IPPV location by tossing these darts at the map.
Dutch: Ah I see…..
Dutch then moves over to the map, as he takes the dart Sharpe just tossed, and places right on the spot marking Amsterdam in The Netherlands!
Dutch: Well hey! Looks like you hit right on the mark of my home country! Nice shot man!
Sharp: I did?!
Sharp brings down his blindfold, as he sees the dart Dutch placed on The Netherlands, as he thinks he hit it there!
Sharp: Well, I guess you in particular will probably enjoy our Europe trip!
Dutch: Yeah, what luck for you to hit right at Amsterdam as I walk in! But anyway, gotta go, me and Louis are training for our tag title match.
Sharp: Goodbye!
Dutch walks out, as Sharp looks at the mat, proud that he hit a dart right on the spot, as the video ends, and we cut back to The Warlords and Sharp at the desk, Sharp looking shocked.
Romero: So yeah, the whole thing with the IPPV location was Dutch shaming you, me and Rob had our suspicions. An IPPV in The Netherlands right after Dutch wins a title seemed to bit too convenient, so we inquired about, and thankfully an intern gave us access to some footage so we could find this, and hopefully be able to give Dutch something he deserves.
Sharp: And I will! I can’t believe this! I’ve been played a fool! Tell, you what, I figure you two had plans to confront D&B already right?
Warlock: Yes, we were indeed after what they did last week by attacking us when we were tired and vulnerable, we’re making sure they don’t get away with a damn thing they do to us.
Sharp: Alright, how about this: you two get D&B. Not only is it payback for both of us but I’ll sweeten the pot. I figure your third and final encounter will be special, so if you two get a piece of them tonight, you can challenge them to whatever kind of match you want and I’ll make it official.
Romero: Sounds fine, don’t see any problem there. Just an added bonus to what we were already gonna do. Thank you for the opportunity.
Sharp: No problem, their attitudes cause more than just you two some problems. Goodbye!
The Warlords the leave the room, as we zoom out the around the corner, where we see Dutch, Becca, and Blackwater around the corner, all up against the wall, listening, as Dutch begins to speak.
Dutch: Sharp is conspiring with The Warlords against all of us! This is ridiculous! Come on, we gotta get out of this place, we can’t let them get the upper hand.
Dutch then leads the other two away, as they all begin to walk away, and towards a door, which they open leading to the outside of the arena. Before suddenly, they got stopped in their path by a security guard!
Guard: HALT! I have just received a message from Mr. Sharp, that for this week, you three, but especially Dutch and Blackwater. Will not be allowed to exit the premises!
Dutch: What?! What for?
Guard: Says it’s about you interfering in his decision making process.
Dutch: Wow, you guys know shit fast.. but come on! That was just me! Even if you can’t let me out at least let Louis and Becca out.
Guard: Sorry sir, it’s orders, I don’t wanna lose my job here.
Blackwater attempts to run past and make a break for his car, before suddenly we see a swarm of security flock on him, restraining him, and pushing him back into the building, as he uselessly flails and shouts expletives at the guards, as we now see the more security guards around the area, prepared in case Dutch and Becca do something similar.
Dutch: sigh Fine, we’ll go back in, but i’ll leave a warning we won’t tolerate being conspired against! We may not find our way now, but we will soon.
Dutch and Becca then turn away, and walk back into the building. We go back to Paisner and Woodbridge at ringside.
Woodbridge: Now our general manager is conspiring against the Tag Team Champions?! What’s become of us?!
Paisner: This isn’t just business, Mark, this is personal. D&B have been running roughshod on The Warlords for far too long and now they’ve dragged Russell Sharp into it. They’re manipulators, they’re selfish, and most importantly they’re fucking assholes.
Woodbridge: But most most importantly they’re bringing us to Amsterdam.
Paisner: You’re just excited for the weed.
Woodbridge: I can’t stay mad cus I know in a few weeks I’m gonna be so happy. We cutaway from the scene of the commentators at ringside, to the shot of Maverick, just now entering the arena, from the parking lot entrance. He doesn’t look in the best of moods, and actually looks a bit angry!
Maverick: Alright, where’s Eric Matthews!? I need to introduce my foot to his ass!
Hearing Maverick’s voice, Chad Hammocks quickly approaches Maverick, and relays Matthews’ message for him.
Hammocks: Hey Mav! Good news, Matthews has decided to give Rosco back, peacefully!
Maverick: Wait…..what?
Hammocks: It’s true! He said he’s in the locker room, in a kennel waiting for you!
Maverick looks a tad bit relieved, but skeptical at the same time, knowing the kind of person that Matthews has been known to be.
Maverick: I need to go see this for myself….
Maverick speed-walks over to the locker room, and shoves the door open. He peers into the room, and sees a kennel with a blanket over it, with the oinks of a Pig coming from inside. A large smile forms across Maverick’s face.
Maverick: Well, I’ll be damned…..
Maverick kneels over to remove the blanket over the kennel, but Rosco isn’t inside!!!
Maverick: What in the goddamn….
Instead, Maverick finds a tape recorder, which is replaying the sounds of Pig Oinks. Also in the Kennel, is a cheeseburger… Mav’s expression turns from Happy to Pissed in about 2 seconds.
Maverick: God-damnit! Rosco isn’t here, but why the fuck is there a cheeseburger in here?
Maverick opens the kennel, and picks the burger up. Maverick looks at the burger carefully, and notices something brown between the bun and the burger meat.
Maverick: Wait a minute……
Maverick lifts the bun on the burger, and finds……..3 pieces of Bacon.
Maverick:.............no……….NO!!……… Maverick drops the burger, with a look of horror on his face, his body starts to shake, as emotions start to overwhelm his body and mind. Maverick’s eyes start to water as he looks at the bacon on the ground….
Maverick: no…...this…...this can’t…….this can’t be…….be real…..
Maverick starts trying to deny in his mind what he’s seeing, but knowing the kind of person that Matthews is, starts to slowly perceive what’s in front of him to be true. Tears start to roll freely down Maverick’s face, as his eyes turn red and his fingers tremble. Maverick looks up into the air, screaming in agony, looking at what his best friend has become.
Maverick starts to look a bit crazed, ripping out pieces of his own hair, and he continues to cry.
Maverick: My…..my best friend……...reduced to……...a SNACK!.......ON A FUCKING SANDWICH!....
Maverick buries his face in his hands, as he starts to look angry, and VENGEFUL!
Maverick: Rosco…….I’m not going to let your demise be in vain……...I promise……..Matthews is a DEAD MAN. A DEAD MAN!!!!
Matthews slams his fist on the ground as hard as he can, slamming it into a small puddle of his own tears.
Maverick: I promise…….my friend……
We see one last shot of the distressed, troubled Maverick looking down at the remains of Rosco as we fade away, fading back to the commentators table.
Paisner: I……..I don’t even…..know what to say.
Woodbridge: You know, Matthews has done some, terrible, awful things here, but…..this time…….this time he really crossed the line…..
Paisner: I….I think we all need a moment...after that….Oh my god.
Woodbridge: Fans, stay with us, there’s more action to come.
Paisner: Alright fans, we’re back. Let’s go to the ring.
We cut back into the ring, as the sickening music of TCTV begins to play, as Teddy Coronado, dressed in a fine suit, for him. He unbuttons the coat to reveal the Undisputed Independent Championship. He carries the title around his waist and a microphone in his hand. He’s smiling violently. The crowd rains down boos as he enters the ring, as upbeat as ever.
Paisner: It’s WiR’s own Undisputed Independent Champion. The, rather unique, Teddy Coronado.
Woodbridge: That’s announcer for weird as fuck.
Teddy interrupts our announce team’s discussion as he begins to speak. The crowd continues to jeer.
Teddy: HelloooOO, friendos! It’s me, Teddy!
Crowd: FUCK YOU, TEDDY! Clap, clap, clap-clap-clap.
The crowd continues booing and chanting as Teddy keeps up his shit-eating grin.
Teddy: Now, that’s no way to talk to your host, is it, folks? Calm it, calm it. We’ve got plenty to discuss. For example, last week. And some exposition for you at home. See, you might be wondering why I attacked KCJ, why I put her off the air for quite some time. I’m a man of ambition, you see. I am a determined man, and who wouldn’t want that for a protagonist? But I did not intend to end KCJ’s career. I did not set out to do so, friendos, no, no, no. There are casualties in wartime. There are casualties in extermination. That’s what I intend to do. Exterminate. Breed out the weakness. The only way to do that, quite fortunately for me, is violence. And I happen to be quite good at violence. I did not intend to breed out KCJ, though. No, no, no. She’s old hat. She couldn’t even beat Brodie Hansen. Twice! Or three times, who cares? It’s just K-C-J.
The crowd boos at the disregard for one of their favorites.
Teddy: Now, now, now, Brodie Hansen, that’s a diff’rent story. Brodie Hansen is something in-ter-est-ing.
Teddy sits down into a comfortable position, taking off his title and putting it on his shoulder in one swift motion.
Teddy: But unfortunately, pallies, Brodie Hansen is dead. Buried. There’s some stone in Arkansas that says “Brodie Hansen October 11th, 2015-July 31, 2016”. You know that date well, friends, for that is the day when the beast went ker-splat against the windshield. That windshield would go through another windshield ‘round a month later, but that’s a different story. If I could describe Hansen’s performance there, I would say “car crash”. But that’s only because Brodie Hansen wasn’t there. Brodie Hansen was the monster. The devil’s incarnation on this earthly plane, and then he lost. And he was Brodie Hansen no more.
Teddy pauses, looking out into the crowd giving him disapproval.
Teddy: See, the record books are wrong when they say Brodie Hansen won a tag team championship. Brodie Hansen didn’t. Jon Cody and Lucian Alexander did. Jon fucking Cody. That’s the name of the impostor you saw last week, the week before, and every single fucking week “Hansen” has been in since he came back. Brodie Hansen is dead, Jon, and you should stop putting on his fucking skin. Brodie Hansen’s corpse should be sent back to Carcosa and buried. Because Brodie Hansen died when Jon Cody lost that match. And I am going to bring him back and then I’m going to beat him. In the middle of the ring, in the middle of the arena, so the whole fucking world, streaming from TCTV, can see what I am. The god that I am. But first, we have to see Jon. Jon, come out here. Show the world what you are.
Silence reigns throughout the arena for a couple seconds. The crowd is confused, but Teddy’s face seems to know it all. He gets up and goes through the ropes.
Teddy: Like the coward he-
Root Of All Evil begins to play. The crowd goes fucking insane and Teddy smiles too. He goes back to the center of the ring, gazing as Brodie Hansen, in all his glory, walks down to the ring.
Brodie: You think you’re really clever, don’t you, Teddy?
Teddy: Yes. I do.
Brodie stops, shooting a disapproving stare at Teddy, which doesn’t seem to phase the Independent Champion in the slightest.
Brodie: Teddy, do you think I haven’t thought the same things you’re saying? Do you think I haven’t felt the difference? You’re right. Brodie Hansen did die that night last year. The monster that wrecked this company and my brain was slain by Andrew Garcia that night. But, unlike you, I realize that’s for the best. No person should be that cold, Teddy. No person should be that unremorseful. I hold onto his name to remind myself of that. I hold onto his name to remind myself to temper that darkness.
Brodie walks closer to the ring, pulling himself onto the apron.
Brodie: It’s the same darkness that’s in you, Teddy. It’s a powerful thing, and, no doubt, it could take you as high or higher than I went if you were to let it eat you up the way I did. But it. Is. Dangerous. You don’t succumb to something that powerful for free. You lose your friends, your family, you lose entire days because you’re swimming in that darkness. You have the potential for real greatness, Teddy. You have the potential without letting that darkness control you. Teddy, listen to me.
Brodie pauses.
Brodie: Don’t be Brodie Hansen.
Teddy: Oh, I won’t. I’ll be so much worse.
The lights go out. As they come back on, Teddy’s gone and the outside area is filled, every nook and cranny, by a Tedhead. There must be dozens and dozens. Brodie stands alone in the ring. He is surrounded.
Paisner: Oh my god, he’s surrounded!
Teddy: Yep.
Allen Paisner looks to his side to find Teddy Coronado, instead of his partner, Mark Woodbridge.
Paisner: Where… What have you done, Teddy?
Teddy: Irrelevant. Now, let’s go, boys! It’s time!
The Tedheads begin to move in. Brodie manages to knock one down, with its screen cracking on the ground, but the rest climb the ropes and enter the ring. Despite their numbers, Brodie towers over them. A few, despite their faces, or lack thereof, seem scared. One, braver than the rest, charges in and is promptly met with a bicycle kick, cracking the screen wide open!
Paisner: The power of Brodie’s big boot!
Teddy: Educated feet, Paisner.
Paisner: Oh, uh, yeah. He’s putting those to, um, good use.
Teddy: Perfect commentary. Fucking five stars. Tokyo Dome.
As Teddy re-educates Paisner in his vocabulary, Brodie is fighting off the horde. They’re beginning to surround him. The Tedheads charge in.
Teddy: Wake up, Jonny boy.
They grab and swarm over him, like ants at a picnic. One or two have their monitors smashed in, but the rest are climbing over Brodie.
Paisner: They’re consuming him!
Teddy: Pretty much.
The Tedheads completely cover Brodie. They lay over him, trying to smother him like bees to a wasp. For a few moments, they seem to be successful.
Paisner: Brodie is stuck under the cabal of Tedheads!
Teddy: The correct group designation is hoodlum. A hoodlum of Tedheads.
The hoodlum of Tedheads shudder.
Paisner: What is this?
It shakes again, harder, and more violently.
Teddy: This is an awakening.
The Tedheads go flying off, as Brodie Hansen stands again. He attacks like a man possessed. One after another, the Tedheads are smashed. One goes the way of a big boot, the other, a uranage. A few begin to crowd outside the ring, and Brodie has something for them too.
Teddy: Almost.
Brodie goes flying into the Tedheads, cracking most of their screens. He gets up immediately, and goes through each Tedhead on the ground, making sure their televisions are truly smashed. The hoodlum is scattered. A few remain on the ground, most are smashed. One hides in the crowd, pretending to read a newspaper, as if had eyes or a newspaper. One remains in the ring, lying against the ropes. Brodie gets back into the ring. He stares the thing down and it tries to crawl away, but Brodie grabs its legs and drags it back. The man picks up the television man and sets it up for a familiar move.
Paisner: He’s setting up for it! The Orange Crush!
Teddy gets up and screams into his headset. He’s maniacal.
Teddy: DO IT! DO IT!
Brodie looks at him. He puts the Tedhead down and walks away. Teddy is furious. He enters the ring as Brodie leaves it. As the Tedhead stirs, Teddy knees him! The knee shatters the glass screen to pieces.
Paisner: TV Knee!
Woodbridge: OH! The madness of Teddy Coronado!
Paisner: What? How long have you been here?
Woodbridge: What are you talking about, Pais?
Teddy Coronado stares off against Brodie Hansen, who stands in the entrance way. Teddy raises his championship and the lights go out. When they come up, he’s gone.
We cut back to the show, as we’re backstage again, seeing all of D&B once again walking backstage.
Dutch: Alright, so if we can’t get out by the doors, we’ll have to do something else, we can try and evade them while staying in here, turn their attack around on them, or find other means of escape. Louis, you got any ideas?
Blackwater: There’s always fuckin’ sledgehammers under the ring for some reason! We can walk to the ring, take ‘em from under there, then go back here to bust through the walls to FREEDOM!
Dutch: Are you insane? It’d be suspicious as hell if we walked to the ring, grabbed some sledgehammers, then walked right back.
Blackwater: Nah bitch. Listen. We lure some loser team like The Coffee Boyz or KPC out to the ring for some Tag Title open challenge. Bell rings, crowd’s like aw yay fighting champions how heroic and sexy and shit, we love D&B ahh, we go under the ring, then beat the dog shit outta em with the sledgehammers! It’ll look like we were out there just to make a statement, and not at all to get tools in order to escape!
Dutch: That’s risky. Too high of a chance of The Warlords just coming out, with them getting a reward for coming at us, they’re not missing their chance.
Blackwater: Oh yeah, we’re supposed to be hiding, right. We can wear masks…?
Dutch: [Shakes his head in dismissal] Becca, you got anything?
Becca: There’s some nice places to hide out in here, I hear management got a lounge room, we can hide in plain sight, since they’ll be expecting us to be where the rest of the talent usually is.
Dutch: Sounds good, we’re barge in there, kick any suits that may be in there. And relax until the end of the show.
Blackwater: Are you sure you don’t want to beat people up with sledgehammers? Just for fun?
Dutch: Maybe next week, but not now, and i’m fairly sure the lounge room is just ‘round the corner.
The three continue their walk, as Dutch’s assumption is correct, as they arrive at the door of the lounge room, as we see several suited men and women in there, all casually relaxing, as Blackwater then kicks the door open! As a look of surprise overtakes the suited people
The suited people all look completely frozen in shock and fear for a moment, before they all run out of the room screaming. As Blackwater stands there with pride.
Blackwater: Works every time! Between the three of us, I don’t even know what I just said.
The three then close the door, Becca closing the blinds on all windows that let anyone peek into the room, as we cut to a different area backstage, where we see Warlock and Romero in the talent lounge room, with various pieces of furniture, and screens showing the show all about.
Romero: Do you really think they’re here Rob?
Warlock: Of course they are! Becca and Dutch are probably fucking behind a couch as we speak, while Louis probably jacks off behind a chair! We turn this place over, and we’ll surely find something! Lets start with the couch here, I’ll lift it up!
Warlock then goes over to the couch, and begins to lift, but seems to struggle a bit with it, only getting it up a bit.
Warlock: Damn, I seem a bit rusty at lifting shit like this, you usually do that. In fact, get over here, i’m hopeless with this.
Romero obliges, as he walks over, and picks up the couch, and effortlessly turns it over!....to reveal nothing.
Romero: Ain’t nothing there, you really sure we should keep searching?
Warlock: Yes! Maybe Dutch and Becca wanted some alone time, so they had Louis leave, and he’s just behind a chair masturbating by himself. There’s a chair in every corner here, lets turn them over!
Romero then goes to the first chair, and turns it over!.....and again nothing, he then goes to the second chair and flips it!....again nothing. Getting a bit frustrated, he goes to the third chair, picks it up, and flings it across the room to get it out the way!....and again nothing. His frustration quickly building, he charges the fourth chair, and big boots it, flipping it over!....and again nothing. As Romero’s frustration mellows a bit into an annoyance, as he sighs.
Romero: Nothing here, where the hell else would they be?
Warlock: I’m sure someone’s seen them today, we’ll go and ask.
We come back to Paisner and Woodbridge.
Paisner: Warlock and Romero are still looking for the Tag Team Champions!
Woodbridge: They can’t be far; Sharpe has the building on lockdown!
Paisner: The Warlords want to teach D&B a lesson and pick the stipulation for the match at Copyright Strike. To do that they gotta keep playing this game of cat and mouse. But now we take a break from it, as we got more action in the ring! Lets go to Javier!
Javier: The following contest is a tag team match, and it is scheduled for one fall -
Crowd: ONE FALL!
Javier: With a 20 minute time limit. Introducing first, from Sudbury, Ontario, Canada, at a combined weight of 407 pounds, the team of Andrew Reilly and Dylan Jones - THE GOONSQUAD!
The Boys are Back starts to build in the background as Reilly and Jones step out from behind the curtain to a medium-sized booing. They stare at the crowd and begin their walk to the ring.
Paisner: To be completely honest we don’t know much about these two. They were trained by Joey McCarty, presumably. They’re young, and hungry to make a dent in WiR. Tonight, however, they seem to be on their own, and we’ll see how that goes for them.
Woodbridge: From what we can tell, they’re quick, and would benefit greatly from some technique, but they’re scrappy.
The duo roll into the ring and stand in the center, bouncing foot to foot as their music dies down.
Javier: And their opponents, at a combined weight of 445 pounds... they are two-thirds of the BBC... CHARLIE KRIEGER and BUSTER BRAVADO!
Domo23 hits the arena and Krieger and Buster charge out from backstage to resounding cheers. They jaw with the crowd up at the top, rolling their eyes with playful smiles, flipping off the fans in the front row before slapping high-fives.
Paisner: Scrappiness might not be enough to get them through this match tonight, however, because the BBC are one of the most unorthodox - but effective - groups in WiR history. Their tag reign is the stuff of legends, and they haven’t missed a step yet.
Woodbridge: Speaking of which, don’t they have a tag title rematch?
Paisner: I’m sure they’ll get to it eventually.
Buster and Krieger charge to the ring, and roll into the ring, immediately popping up and trading punches with the Goonsquad!
A flustered Mia calls for the bell!
Paisner: The BBC wasting no time, and this match has already broken down!
Woodbridge: Did you expect anything else from these two?
Krieger and Buster get the early advantage, using their strikes to push Reilly and Jones back into the ropes. The BBC, in unison, irish whip their opponents, and charge at them with unison crossbodies! Both Krieger and Buster hook the legs!
Mia: Um.. who is... legal man?
Krieger leaps to his feet, followed quickly by Buster!
Krieger: Whoa, what the fuck, Mia? Are you saying Buster isn’t a legal man?
Buster: I’m BLACK! Born in Georgia! That’s fucking racist!
Mia: I.. no.. Um.. I meant.. man in match.
The BBC step back!
KriegeBuster: Oh! Fuck, we’re sorry!
The two step back again, spewing apologies, only to get caught by Reilly and Jones, who hook them about the waist and toss them backwards with dual German suplexes! Buster and Krieger land on their backs, and roll to their feet, slowly getting up and holding their spines! The two teams face off yet again, and start trading fists back and forth! Right hand from Reilly to Krieger! Right hand from Buster to Reilly! Jones kicks Krieger in the gut, who staggers backward! Buster and Krieger lock hands and knock Jones over with a double clothesline! They spin, only to be caught with a double dropkick from Reilly, and both stagger into the ropes!
Paisner: This match is already a mess, and we’re barely into it!
Woodbridge: The BBC came out here ready to fight, and the Goonsquad are keeping up with them so far!
The BBC catch themselves, and Reilly charges forward, trying to take them both over with a clothesline - no! Krieger catches him with a boot and Reilly staggers backward! Jones pushes himself to his feet and charges at Krieger, as Reilly charges at Buster, but they’re both rebuffed with kicks! Krieger and Buster charge at the Goonsquad, only to be caught with tandem arm drags! Reilly and Jones pop up, high five each other, and start putting the boots to the BBC!
Paisner: Like it or not, the team of Reilly and Jones is showing an impressive amount of chemistry, especially for two guys so young!
Woodbridge: Buster and Krieger came out here and started a brawl, and that’s exactly where these two hockey goons shine.
Krieger grabs Reilly’s boot, and fights to his feet, before tossing Reilly down with a dragon screw! Jones turns his focus to Krieger, only to be hooked up for a vertical suplex! Jones slithers out and rolls Krieger up! Buster charges in and stops the roll-up immediately with a kick to the back! Reilly responds by slithering over, and catching Buster with a schoolboy! Krieger pops to his feet and dives over, breaking up that pin as well! All four men push themselves to their feet, Buster and Krieger in between the Goonsquad! Buster throws a stiff punch at Reilly, but Reilly blocks it and responds with a kick to the gut, staggering Buster backwards into Krieger, who is trading blows with Jones! Reilly and Jones make eye contact for a split second, and both charge forward with dual clotheslines, sandwiching Krieger and Buster into each other!
Crowd: OOH!
Reilly and Jones step away, and Krieger and Buster fall flat on their faces!
Paisner: Innovative offense from the Goonsquad, and the BBC are entirely on the back foot so far in this match!
Woodbridge: Like you said, Allen, these two seem to just click as a team!
Mia comes up to the Goonsquad and starts bawling them out for being in the ring together! The two argue back, but eventually Reilly acquiesces, and steps over Krieger - no! Krieger grabs Reilly by the leg, and rolls him into a kneebar! Reilly grimaces in pain as Krieger locks it in tight, but Jones charges across the ring, catching Krieger with a stiff kick to the kidney and shocking him into letting go! Reilly pulls himself to his feet, careful not to put much weight on his leg, and Krieger pulls himself up a moment after! Both Reilly and Jones turn to Krieger, and shove him into the corner, and start pummeling him with boots! Mia forces her way in, trying to break it up - Buster from out of nowhere! He leaps - reverse rana on Reilly!
Paisner: Mia trying desperately to get this match under control but every time she tries it, another brawl breaks out!
Woodbridge: Everyone in this match should be in the penalty box already!
Paisner: Wow, a hockey joke from Mark Woodbridge. The world is ending.
Buster pops up, and catches Jones under the jaw with a superkick! Jones hits the mat, and rolls out of the ring, clutching his jaw! Krieger staggers out of the corner, and steps between the ropes, going to his corner before flopping onto his face on the apron! Reilly grabs the ropes and staggers to his feet! Buster charges with a big boot, but Reilly ducks under it and goes for a roll-up!
Buster fights his way free from the flash pin and pops up to his feet! Reilly pushes himself up as well, and the two stand face to face, before locking up! Buster takes the advantage with a hammerlock, and starts kicking at Reilly’s injured leg, while Reilly grimaces in pain! Buster spins out, and transitions the hammerlock into an arm-wringer, before hooking Reilly’s legs and taking him to the mat with a drop toe hold! Buster then spins around, hooking his opponent by the injured leg and torquing it back with a half Boston Crab!
Crowd: THIS IS WRESTLING! clap clap clapclapclap
Paisner: After a huge brawl to start this match, it does seem like we’re starting to get into some actual wrestling here finally! Buster with a surprising technical display, and a submission - unusual from him!
Woodbridge: Buster knows that neither of these men have much experience in mat wrestling, so even though it’s not his strong suit, he’s hoping to catch them off guard.
Reilly grabs for the ropes quickly, and Buster torques the hold back one final time while Reilly digs his fingers into the rope, before letting it go! Reilly rolls onto his back, clutching his knee, and Buster takes a step back, measuring. Reilly pulls himself up to a sitting position using the ropes, and Buster charges forward!
Paisner: He’s going for the Bravado Buster!
Woodbridge: He’s trying to end this one while Jones is still on the outside recuperating!
Reilly ducks! He sweeps Buster’s other leg out from under him, and Buster goes throat-first into the ropes! Buster falls to the mat, clutching his now-crushed windpipe, and Reilly pulls himself to his feet!
Crowd: BOO!
Reilly ignores the crowds boos, and acting on his adrenaline surge, rushes to the corner! He steps through the ropes, and climbs up to the top turnbuckle, trying to put as little weight as possible on his bad leg! Buster starts to come to, staggering to his feet, as Reilly reaches the top. The adrenaline fades from his face and a look of terror sets in!
Paisner: Um.. does Reilly know how to do moves off the top?
Woodbridge: I.. I sure hope so, Allen.
Reilly leaps! ... and proceeds to collide into the dazed Buster with perhaps the most graceful move in all of history Both men fall to the mat in a heap, and Reilly clutches his knee in pain! Reilly drags himself to his corner, where Jones has just pulled himself up, and makes the tag, as Buster crawls over to his corner and does the same! Buster rolls to the outside, and hits the mat, while Krieger and Jones charge at each other! Krieger leaps with a crossbody, but Jones is more prepared this time, and catches the bigger man! Jones staggers backward, before dropping Krieger to the mat in a poor impersonation of the World’s Strongest Slam! Jones pops back up, as does Krieger, and the two proceed to trade haymakers that wouldn’t be out of place in a chess boxing competition!
Krieger lands with a solid punch, and Jones drops to one knee to collect himself!
Krieger takes a step backwards - Reilly tries to climb into the ring to stop him! Mia goes over to stop Reilly - LOW BLOW FROM JONES!
Crowd: BOO!
Jones hooks the leg, as Reilly goes back to his corner with a smile!
Krieger gets the shoulder up, and goes back to holding his crotch in agony! Jones gets up, heaves the whimpering Krieger to his feet, and hits the ropes! He comes back, leaps into the air for a superman punch - NO! Krieger ducks, and catches Jones in a fireman’s carry! He spins him out into a cutter!
Woodbridge: How did he even have the wherewithal to do that?
Krieger rolls over, holding his crotch still, and crawls over to Jones, pushing him over and hooking his leg!
3- NO!
Jones kicks out at the last second, and Krieger pushes himself to his feet!
Paisner: Dylan Jones showing some resilience there, but he’s in a bad way, and Charlie’s fucking pissed after that nutshot!
Woodbridge: Yeah, I don’t think this match is long for this world!
Krieger lifts the still barely-conscious Jones up to his feet, then into the air in a powerbomb position! He steels himself - ready for the toss!
Paisner: Krieger ready to take Jones to The Money Store!
Woodbridge: He has to be pissed, if this is what he’s going for!
Krieger staggers backward, dazed, before hitting the mat hard, as a white ball is seen rolling out of the ring! Jones falls on top of Krieger, still unconscious!
Paisner: Wait, WHAT?
Woodbridge: Krieger collapsed! He was hit with a baseball! Mia didn’t see it!
Buster charges into the ring, but Reilly is there to stop him with a clothesline!
Jones comes to as the bell rings, and looks around, confused!
Javier: And your winners, at a time of 9:35... THE GOONSQUAD!
Jones pops to his feet, still unsteady, as Reilly charges over to him, helping him stand and celebrating with him, as the crowd boos at them! The duo roll out of the ring, and are met at the top of the ramp by Joey McCarty, who is conspicuously holding a baseball bat! Joey raises both of their hands, and the crowd booes!
Paisner: Fucking Joey.
Woodbridge: It looks like Joey gave his proteges the assist from a distance there, giving the Goonsquad the win!
Paisner: Seriously though, how the hell do you even hit someone with a baseball from that far away?
Woodbridge: It’s all in the wrists, Allen.
The trio walk backstage, as Buster tends to his partner in the ring.
submitted by MAlsauce to wrestlingisreddit [link] [comments]

2017.08.19 05:14 browneyeofprovidence Transcript of George Webb Video Series Part 103: "Hillary's Leakers, Hackers, and Henchmen" [@Georgwebb / #HRCRatlne]

  • Day 294.4 Lumping Journos With Armed Robbery - YouTube
  • Ok here we are Central Park
  • I can't remember what I think this is version four
  • So we had some folks come forward and do the W's on Richard Carpenter
  • I there was a train going by and my hearings not that good when I heard 'Carter' and it turned out to be Carpenter versus the United States
  • The case it was filed yesterday and sometimes they file what they call a cover case, when they know when you Telegraph your moves that you're gonna come out with a journalistic case about sources and First Amendment, they'll cover that with another case that's an egregious case that uses the same principle
  • Now I'm not that I'm not saying that's what happened in the Carpenter case
  • But Timothy Carpenter doesn't appear to be such a nice guy
  • We don't know until he's tried everybody's innocent until proven guilty in the United States
  • But it does appear there's a series of crimes of armed robbery in around Michigan and Ohio near Cleveland near my hometown and yet one of the places is near gonna be near war in Ohio I met when I was in a zoo one of the people that came down was sue from Warren Ohio and she told about this Hells Angels kind of funny business place up there and I told her what sue I don't know when I'll be able to work this in but I'm not ever gonna forget you and I'm not going to ever forget the funny business going on at this place with all the windows and shades pulled up in Warren Indiana and the hotels angels thing who knew I'd have a chance to talk about it a day later
  • So sue a shout-out to you for your support of crowdsource the truth again this is what is
  • So great about what Jason did with the Lionel interview and got that out today and such beautifully shot beautifully edited the amount of effort he put into it was just amazing and it really is talking about civil rights and how we can tenda how the deep state you can tend a lump as soon as there is a case which is valid where journalist is trying to protect sources in order to do reporting the deep state can just come out with a case and just say oh you're this guy would get 116 years but
  • Now George put him out
  • Now it's George's fault George is gonna cause his release and get get him off basically well first of all they can collect up to a week I believe before the mosaic test for the Fourth Amendment is tripped right
  • So I'm looking at it and saying lo you guys got a week on the phone geolocation right you got a whole week then you got you got geolocation with the Nano sets the pinna all V & Company and David Petraeus and and Sarai Begum they got the Nano sets I got the Nano sets that's their corporation we got them going
  • Now you have geolocation on the phone the whole time for a week you have the cameras in the bank when the thing is robbed and you had sets opportunities six different times and you didn't get them right
  • So we don't know if he's guilty or not but we'll find out
  • So but anyway speaking of different corporations diAwan said that first address I went to 63 1463 14 Thomas the first to direct home first one of the homes that I believe Imran got a loan from the Congressional Credit Union from
  • So it's nice to have friends that are loan officers approving your Congressional credit union lungs turns out there's another company there that I missed another company Awan Tech yeah it's nice they don't make the names too complicated I bet it's gonna be the Awan brothers company selling it goes to that address - by the way it's not different one go Awan tech it's gonna be probably the company selling technology
  • Now I'm guessing maybe Awan tech when they found out about it but they had to move and leave the country they didn't want to leave the dope routers and the doped Blackberries in Congress because and that's evidence that's metadata evidence against them
  • So my guess is my guess is once the leak once the Seth Rich leak hit they had to get those damn routers out of there
  • Now I don't know if it's a seth rich leak or the Chopra's or whoever but once that leak happens
  • Now you're going to have all kinds of metadata and systems with people connecting to those those addresses those Blackberries and those laptops
  • So you're gonna have to get them out of there
  • So just by chance we have a big event on June the 8th where capital is closed down and we have Debbie Wasserman-Schultz I believe driving around like a spy hmm check it check it out WikiLeaks
  • So and then the Seth Rich murder happens along with Molly McCauley
  • So that kind of clears the board as far as all the people who would have to answer in a lawsuit Bob Fitrakis gets called on the 11th
  • Hey by the way your key witness is dead he told me that to my face in his office
  • And then on the 12th Alpha Jalloh this is the wheelman for the shooting mile away from just on the edge of the Capitol police's jurisdiction that shuts the Capitol down any kind of shooting in the capitol police jurisdiction shuts the Capitol down
  • So that would be maybe where you put the equipment back in
  • So you pull out all the equipment with all the lower layer Network addresses and handshakes to the old equipment that was doped you pull it out
  • Then Seth Rich thing happens got an excuse for who leaked
  • Now put it back in
  • Is that how it works?
  • Is that how it works Debbie? Is that what happened?
  • Because you might have different IP addresses or the same IP addresses but every piece of hardware has its own MAC address and it's the same it's true for the cellular right
  • So that's called a unique identifier that's unique evidence
  • So well look at that
  • So we don't know if the Carpenter lawsuit being filed this morning really was a cover lawsuit
  • But it did give me a chance to bring up more in Ohio and the little funny business stuff that's going on at that building
  • And the my favorite enforcer group--the Hells Angels--being brought in in the 50s actually to be the first enforcer group
  • National enforcer group in the United States the original sanctuaries weren't sanctuary cities there were the Indian reservations
  • So all the ratlines were rent run out of the Indian reservations and they would sanctuary in the Federal Indian reservations but that grew obviously
  • To now we have sanctuary cities
  • And to a certain extent this same case the same G rasa versus the state of New York is in a way protections for
  • Again I'm going to have a big group out here as innocent and may have a claim these Muslim folks in the in New York of having excessive surveillance
  • But I used them as Human shields and I hide my ratliners behind that
  • I hide my ratline enforcers behind that in the Bronx and in Brooklyn
  • Anyway I couldn't get to where I needed to go this morning in Brooklyn
  • I know it's a poor connection but we're coming up to one of my favorite walks here
  • Which is the writers walk
  • So if I'm pixelating I'm sorry
  • But part of this is just the flavor of being in New York
  • These are dollar coins [Music] oh it's not over yet I don't know anything about music and the movements and stuff
  • All I know that to be baldie maybe somebody tell me if that's a Baldy I hope I don't get a strike for copyright
  • By the way if anybody sees Anna Chapman
  • Would you tell me she's like walking up behind me
  • I haven't seen her in a while
  • What a great place to interact with people from other countries hint hint
  • Got that NSA?
  • So I'm gonna ask
  • Now the crowd move on to we don't really need to do a lot of background on Timothy Carpenter I don't really need to find out much more about him
  • But I am interested in the Jones case and I am interested in a way a strategy for cleaving between making the case that there's should be one rule for journalists who've never owned a gun or just trying to protect their sources to bring the truth to the American people
  • And then lumping us in with people who have 116 years of Federal crimes pending against them
  • Because there are two different things
  • So I'm an egg pizza Ok
  • I'm gonna look at comments for a little bit
  • L et's just walked down writers walk here where authors walk
  • I can't remember what it's called this if you keep going straight in New York no to give away all my money [Music] these are dollar coins
  • Now don't want anybody to think I'm cheap
  • And what's great is there's always something going on
  • Always documentaries being made and kind of fun
  • So I'm sorry about this this is really an extended thing and with no battery
  • So when this dies it dies
  • Writer's block haha yes I have writer's block often
  • So I'm gonna really look into those other two cases the Jones case
  • I knew one of them had to do with armed robbery I was scared from the beginning about not knowing the facts while I was getting on the train
  • But I had no ability with a dead phone I had no ability to lo it up before I got on the train
  • But anyways keep walking straight down this riders walk go straight to Bethesda Fountain and you can throw a coin in Bethesda Fountain and wish for civil rights
  • There should be two standards once we're back I think he was even charged
  • So that state had it before
  • So what I objected to is saying oh this all rests on more than a week
  • if we had at eight days we had got it
  • And we would have been able to keep this hundred and sixteen year worth of robberies off the street
  • But we only had seven because of George
  • So we lost the case that's that's what I object to yes I received oh there Awantech yeah
  • So the Awantech company los like maybe registered beginning in 2010 with a with Imran
  • But it looks like 2006 going back to England or the other way round
  • Which leads me to believe that again liaison operation right
  • If I have somebody from England come in and move in and take over the place let's say Suriya Begum, let's say MI6
  • Or somebody like that opens up the house originally the Thomas house and somebody works there for five years let's say it's Suriya with her daughter Hina and they're doing their thing for East Pakistan
  • And they're doing the satellite thing and they sell a company a drug company called BioPhan in that time to Mark Wiener lawyer here in New York
  • And then let's say all of a sudden this new kid on the block comes up and we really like it Bill Clinton really likes him
  • And that becomes
  • I'm sorry this is a nice rendition of America?
  • I can't really hear very well
  • But anyway this kid who's been configuring phones down at InterAmerican and he's coming up through Congress we're gonna bring him up bring him up in the in the status
  • So we're gonna get him a house and it said uh kind of like a promotion right
  • And then it changes
  • So it kind of changes over to a US registration
  • Oh amazing grace [Music] [Music] [Music]
  • That's tough to sing and dance live you'll never hear me do that
  • That's one way to get your subscribers down
  • Beautiful voice
  • I might cut the broadcast when I get to profess the fountain because this is was my favorite walk in New York about saying I dropped any hard drives with Anna Chapman here though
  • So he can't get me that
  • Statute of limitations on espionage No I would do unless I thought a law was really being violated unless I tried the U.S. media and the US law enforcement first and it would only be who never would be a secret but it would be maybe articles that were suppressed journalistic articles that were suppressed overseas
  • And then maybe there was people going to the European capitals [Music] or dollar coins [Music] [Applause]
  • It's a moveable feast it is in Paris Mr. Hemingway but it's a moveable feast [Applause] of course Bethesda Fountain
  • You're meeting Anna Chapman you always want to kiss by Bethesda Fountain though
  • I think I met a new ant a Chapman by the way not only Nord digitally she's talking to phrase rahu justice
  • Probably remember this from the movie Manhattan Woody Allen rolling Murial Hemingway around here at the boathouse
  • So that's my Walk that's my short version of Manhattan
  • Now you don't have to see the movie he'll actually rent the movie Woody Allen
  • Probably it's best and I'll leave it right there
  • So let's get some more information about the Jones case
  • And a little bit more information this is why it's more important than ever than the Webb case the Webb case thanks sir Woody Allen fan Webb case
  • Now is gonna be more important than ever because I hate the Carpenter case to be the filing for the fourth amendment
  • That would be the marker that is that what I'm gonna leave crowdsourced the truth is that we're gonna leave as the marker for the Fourth Amendment?
  • Guy was looking at 116 years of armed robbery?
  • Or do we want it to be a journalist who was trying to get to deep uranium deep loan for the loan scam that was happening in our Congress?
  • We want it to be the illegal uranium trade in depleted uranium in highly enriched uranium that the FBI Chiefs were doing the past directors?
  • What marker what marker do you want in US history in US legal history jurisprudence history?
  • Do you want the Carpenter case to be the Fourth Amendment case that everyone remembers?
  • Or do you want the Webb case to be the one that everyone remembers?
  • I think we have a lot better grounds a lot better moral high ground with protecting people who came forward about the illegal uranium trade DU and HEU
  • No offense to former directors that want to climb the airline steps on tarmacs and sell HEU in Georgia--former former chop-offs of the Soviet Union
  • We want to have that be the marker to that that'd be the watermark of mr. Petraeus's infiltration, with the ten different DoD units of the JTTF, when we finally find out 16 years later after the Patriot Act, after all the fusion centers have been put in place for using all this information, creating all these mosaics on every person, every person that is in this shot and every person that's looking at this all over the world?
  • I'd rather have that be the marker for the Fourth Amendment
  • Then mr. Carpenter as nice as Mr. Carpenter might be
  • So that's the challenge before us if we choose to accept it
  • Goodbye everyone for now from Bethesda fountain
  • Let's get more on the Jones case and if not it's up to us it's up to the web web versus web and the people of the United States versus JTTF
  • Day 294.6 Dial Nine For Pay To Play - YouTube
  • Ok we're live
  • So behind me you probably recognize this building now which is pay to play
  • Nine pay to play are we on nine pay to play this nine pay to play I'm trying to get to nine Oh big nine the big nine on nine pay to play big nine uh nine pay to play
  • Well actually this is 57th Street but that's that's pay to play building the pay to play building KKR
  • With Mr. Petraeus and the reason I'm having a little bit of cognitive dissonance today is I compared my case which I publicized to the whole world and we've went over all the legalities and published all the proceedings and all the motions and all the case files and all the officers testimony and that happened about a month or six weeks ago
  • So I'm trying to compare that one brush I've ever had with the law in my life we have first offense for me for anything
  • I've never been convicted of anything with with Imran
  • It's just impossible not to with because of what I'm reporting on and and I feel may be targeted for reporting on not to compare my legal situation with Imrans
  • I'm not saying I'm not agreeing with MSM scenario that oh it's just about Imran because it's about all the brothers and the wives and the satellite stuff and all that
  • But just just comparing him I just got a 62 page document
  • And three or four the pages was just aliases different birthdays different middle initials he likes s he likes a he likes W
  • I guess that's because our shot and then and then Molly and she likes Em's
  • So so that wheel we were talking about he certainly works that wheel pretty well
  • We go by a little steam here from the subway you gotta let off a little steam
  • Now every once a while
  • So I guess I'm letting off a little steam about Imran
  • But it does kind of steam you a little bit when you see all these moving violations without a registration without a license nothing nothing nothing happens to him
  • 17 different tickets without a registration and license
  • A lot of them were alcohol-related
  • A lot of them speeding up to 80 miles an hour
  • Did anybody ever ping Imran did anybody ever ping him anybody ever listen in on his phone conversations like he listened in on the our senators our Congressmen our people in the State Department our CENTCOM generals? no
  • Did my mugshot you put out in the even though I was completely exonerated you get it put out on the Internet? yeah!
  • Did Iman's?
  • Was my proceeding public was my hearing public? Yeah I think a whole bunch of people came to it thank you very much for all the people who came to it
  • Where was Imran's?
  • Was my brother just what was my brother the prosecutor?
  • I didn't see my brother there as the prosecutor
  • Steven Wasserman is the prosecutor -- one of the people who work worked for my brother would have been there as the prosecutor: no that didn't happen as a matter of fact she's a very good prosecutor she made the right decision but I never met her before in my life
  • So that's how its kind of supposed to work it's an arm's length situation
  • So I'm comparing that situation with all these aliases someone who has diplomatic immunity has big motorcade protective motorcade
  • Every everything shut down on the street for Imran Awan when it comes in to Punjab, when it comes in to Pakistan all kinds of police motorcades, but he doesn't have a diplomatic passport
  • Is that really what you're trying to say?
  • He can really get away with 17 different moving violations a lot of very high speed speeding a lot of them very high alcohol related and he gets away with all of them I get all my stuff pushed out I get pinged by the FBI I get set up by JTTF I have two reporters right there ready with a story from CNN over there and the Wall Street Journal over there to take me down
  • One hour one hour after I meet with a confidential source
  • Well actually while I'm meeting with a confidential source and trying to meet with a second source
  • So yeah I was a little steamed
  • We're going to be walking down by the Clinton Foundation here pretty quick
  • Because none of the data none of the data that came up from Washington DC to this street right down here
  • You can see 1271 down there a little bit we're walking toward it
  • No reports no reports of data going back and forth between the Clinton Foundation and up there the KKR and all of the little war spin-offs the David Petraeus has got going
  • Nothing
  • We seem to be able to bring the whole state mechanism down on me all the JTTF resources down on me
  • Where's JTTF's resources
  • Now that we've been spending all this money for where is it
  • Now where is it
  • Now Mr. Sessions you brought down JTTF on me ten different DoD agencies 26 different Federal agencies G4S private contractors all organized the Fusion center system of the Ohio State Police right
  • Now we've got cover law firms trying to obfuscate my ability to get discovery of what actually happened
  • Was it G4S was it a tower? Was it a stingray? How much communication was there between field agent Pettijohn?
  • How did he get there so quickly after I was set up?
  • Did they intercept my phone and get my contacts between me and the second agent?
  • Did they get the contacts between myself my second source?
  • Did they get my Parkersburg source with deep uranium?
  • Did they get the uranium 5?
  • It was real easy to pull every perfect coordination between all these different departments and agencies to come down on me for sleeping in my car, which is not illegal to wait for waiting for a source, which I hope the First Amendment's still free
  • But Imran look at all these Social Security numbers look at all these two different dates of birth look at all these tickets look at all these aliases they're all these different checks he's getting from all these different companies a new business today nowand tech I just I don't even want to look anymore because it steams
  • Steams me to see that it's hard not to if you live this personally and you do two nights in jail with false imprisonment with JTTF you do two nights in prison
  • So the FBI can interrogate for me taking the rap for his four diplomatic containers with his DU and Mr. McCabe's DU
  • I took the rap of that Imran and you're out there scot-free you didn't even spend one night in jail you had an ex president bring down his personal lawyer and bail you out you didn't spend one minute in jail
  • You never saw a mug shot
  • Never saw any due process the state has a right here in an espionage case to see what was once taken this this could be Imran
  • This could be Imran's escort right here only meet you make each one of these kids make each one of these kids a motorized vehicle with a machine gun all these kids could be a motorized vehicle machine gun when Imran goes to Punjab
  • So the tendency I see is all this money spent for military technology like the Nano SATs for for NGA for the stingrays to cut down journalists
  • And it's being moved from the military sector to the private sector with all these private equity plays up there on nine pay to play Avenue oh wait I'm in nine 57th
  • So anyway just to have a little an afternoon reflection I saw that steam coming out of subways I got Steamed
  • But anyway the if you haven't seen you haven't seen Jason Goodman's continent I mean constitutional law it's kind of half jokes but half serious with Lionel
  • And it's just a beautiful piece of work if you haven't seen that crowd source of the truth go see it
  • Now stop run in front of traffic get a get a organize a a posse like that only make sure it's military vehicles with depleted uranium rounds in it
  • But then stop traffic and then make sure that you go see that thing that he did with Lionel
  • But here it is 1271 we have any metadata right here we have any metadata about data transfer of emails and pay-to-play PDFs from it up to the Clinton Foundation right here
  • How about up there on pay-to-play Avenue
  • So this thing's been this is orange just there's orange around this building Clinton Foundation and I keep thinking clockwork orange pay to play in Clockwork Orange
  • Anyway I want to say thanks to everybody I'm gonna be live with Jason today at 6:00 he's got a great set of Trish's done
  • So much great work in Boston she's got some surprises for you on the Boston bomber case which is really gonna end up being the Waltham triple murder case which is really going to be the Whitey Bulger case
  • And if you don't know who those people are Trish is going to be able to talk about it maybe I'm saying more than she's prepared to talk about it's so I'll stop
  • I'll be able to talk about it but I think Trish has actually done quite a bit of work on the Whitey Bulger case already and she hasn't really had a chance to present
  • So tonight we're gonna hear from that
  • So lo forward to it we're gonna be down in front of Fox here pretty quick
  • So I saw oh I don't want to say boss box Joe Rago and Nigel Burgess
  • That story I haven't forgotten about that story this is nice you're gonna launder money through a bank, you want a fountain in the front that's cash flow it's cash flow
  • Now I should be nice to chase I should be nice Jamie Dimon you're a good job I love it
  • OK everybody
  • Just a last little walk and talk through New York City
  • Six o'clock crowdsource the truth don't miss it it's gonna be great
  • Last night on {{??}} beat Bill Warner but we're gonna try and look forward to seeing you all there
  • And check out the Lionel thing that Jason did beautiful work you
  • Day 294.7 Defamation By New York Times and CNN - YouTube
  • Hey everybody one more
  • So sorry I'm a little scruffy here on Saturday night heading back to the Bronx
  • But this one I this is not one I really want to make this is just one that I want to kind of think out loud with the crowd 1
  • This is the CNN thing and the New York Times thing
  • I'm not exactly sure if they accused me of a crime or not
  • If the New York Times and CNN accused me of a crime, when I just basically very calmly said you need to implement your procedures for these diplomatic containers then that is per se libel
  • Case closed move on to the damage round
  • So I can't remember both articles because I was indisposed by the state in falsely imprisoned by the state
  • So I don't know Christopher Mele the New York Times I don't remember exactly what he said
  • And then I do know that Donnie O'Sullivan did not print anything that I told him during our conversations
  • So this is just more thinking out loud
  • Normally in you probably all remember the Paul Newman movie Absence of Malice, if I'm a public figure which there's probably a question of fact there forty thousand YouTube subscribers I guess you could say well maybe he's a public figure but compared to New York Times I have one millionth of the power media power that the New York Times says and CNN has
  • They have a worldwide reach so does the New York Times, History, I'm barely very briefly
  • Here's a shot at the Empire State Building
  • So I think I can win on the finding of fact that I'm not a public figure
  • So I don't have to prove malice
  • As I said per se they accuse me of a crime like shutting out a port
  • If you could accuse somebody of shutting down a port which is a crime, where you a false threat false bomb threat, that's damages boom we're into the damages round
  • Now there's another internet personality that accused me of shutting you out of port multiple times
  • I really have no interest whatsoever in pursuing that
  • I like that personality very much and I consider that personality a friend
  • So I don't want to pursue that personality at all
  • He's very good person who's got a good heart he's hearts in the right place is just a little confused about the facts in this case but that's we're gonna move on
  • {{ 911bs; HA Goodman. Boom. Sorry had to be said }}
  • We're really the real damage was done by the New York Times and CNN
  • So we really have to talk about defamation and what constitutes defamation
  • Now the only case law that I'm familiar with is Sullivan versus New York Times
  • It's an older case I think it's I want to say 30-year old case
  • So need to kind of bone up on the case law for defamation
  • I know that Carol Burnett had one case against the National Enquirer I think, that she won and she donated the money to a journalism school
  • So I can't remember that I think it's a Carol Burnett versus National Enquirer
  • So I need to a gathering of angels around case law and I'll summarize the case law tomorrow
  • But what I really want to concentrate on is these clear
  • It's nice night here on Saturday night it's not too hot it's been hot before but it's not been hot
  • What I want to focus on is cases that there's just simple clear tests of law
  • So that the judge doesn't have to go through tons and tons of briefs and all kinds of complicated case law
  • I just want cases where there's clear constitutional logic a case can be clearly made and we can move forward
  • And again it's not really for damages it's really for remedy
  • What I'm looking for is remedy because if you don't unfortunately I've learned this being Mr. nice guy , then they say well we don't care
  • Yes you proved us wrong yes you won your Zanesville thing yes the FBI did chase you down with JTTF yes probably these G4S yes they probably sting raid you yes yes yes they got your all your contacts yes they blamed you yes they briefed us and we wrote a hit piece: we don't care what are you going to do about it?
  • And then I go to the underneath the building say hey Chris Mele come on down Donnie I'm gonna walk right by Donnie's office here just come out say say you're sorry
  • Let's print a retraction go you go
  • Sorry I always salute our firemen
  • They say "what are you gonna do about it?"
  • So I'm forced unfortunately I'm forced to start exploring the case and I think I have to file because otherwise there's no remedy
  • It's tiring but for an hour and then I kind of regain its steam and and say well maybe if I talk out loud on this it will be instructive for the world to go through the same process I do
  • So in a certain sense being a neophyte and some of this is a good thing
  • Because everyone will learn right along with me
  • So really we have to establish defamation
  • I don't think the absence of malice test makes sense because I'm not a public figure
  • At least not a commensurate power--commensurate media power the ability to defend myself equivalent with an equivalence to the New York Times or CNN
  • So that's just my thinking
  • I was doing that comments
  • So send your cards and letters about defamation cases your thoughts
  • If you want to read the New York Times article and read the CNN article knowing what you know now that you have a case testimony from the officers
  • And becomes when we get those tapes from Coast Guard and Border Patrol and DHS those tapes they'll become much more obvious that I was very cool and very collected
  • And I said we only want a very limited search against more containers diplomatic containers
  • And if they say Awan and they read high on radiation think we have an issue
  • So those that's on the tape I was there
  • So we can dream up all kinds of motives for me and dream up all kinds of things that I may or may have not a said or that I wanted to close down a port or iPhone in a bomb threat but none of that happened
  • And if you were actually trying to help situation where people were a spy ring from overseas was using their diplomatic passport to ship in illegal weapons in the United States that could be used against the population of the United States--these are people with known through their car dealership known Hezbollah ties---known Hezbollah ties
  • I didn't I'm not Al-Attar I didn't drug those girls I didn't defraud the government for 2.3 million dollars I didn't have my license suspended these are their partners these are their partners this is the Imran's partner those aren't my partners I didn't choose those partners
  • So when that individual wants ring in four containers which could contain knowing the modus operandi could contain weapons even terrorist weapons potentially
  • If I have a cool collected rational discussion with the people in the port saying hey just to use your standardized testing and then I made out through leaks to be a right-wing conspiracy theorist that's shut down to port
  • That seems like a mischaracterization a deliberate mischaracterization and if that's true there is defamation
  • So give me your thoughts on this
  • I'd like to keep away from doing any actions against internet personalities because I like those internet personalities
  • And I think the internet personalities are just a little bit confused about the facts for whatever reason
  • That's my last one for tonight back to the Bronx
  • Day 294.7 Saturday Night in the Bronx - YouTube
  • Uh hey everybody Saturday night and a lot of people tell me that I wasn't in the Bronx
  • So I think you can see the Marble Hill I think
  • I think I'm at Marble Hill if I'm not in Marble Hill tell me something that I'm not
  • Everybody saying oh you're not really in the Bronx here in Hastings on Hudson
  • I think the people here the Bronx know where they live
  • So I'm guessing maybe I really am in the Bronx
  • So anyway and I to care of that woman last night and I went to try to see her today and I couldn't see her today
  • I tried to follow up with her and I just was a HIPAA thing
  • But I wanted to make sure she had good social care
  • And anyway I think maybe I was able to help
  • Be that as it may I now find out I'm suing the New York Times along with Sarah Palin of all people well well well
  • I wanted to give the right impression before I went to bed tonight that I have no antipathy whatsoever for the New York Times or CNN
  • They guide I know they got a dope story they got a bad story from FBI
  • They got planted they got used they got abused
  • All I'm trying to say - Christopher Mele and all I'm trying to say - Donnie O'Sullivan--I know jason says a lot of stuff about Donnie Donnie Donnie
  • I think Donnie was actually trying to do the right thing even though he didn't use any of the stuff we gave him
  • All I really want to say is this: I just want a retraction
  • I don't want anything from the air times other than a chance to correct the record and I couldn't do that because I was being falsely imprisoned
  • And I just want a chance to say look here's the record here's what the evidence shows
  • Here it is in their own hand and their own writing this was JTTF persuin somebody and hunting somebody down
  • That's all I want the record to say because that's what the facts show
  • Whatever else about 70 and how I'm going after 7E as a false protection for state secrets of false protection for unethical and illegal policing techniques
  • You don't even have to cover that you don't have to cover the lawsuit
  • All I want is just the covering of the facts saying the <
submitted by browneyeofprovidence to TruthLeaks [link] [comments]

2017.04.30 00:32 TricksterPriestJace Respect Shard Aberwyck, Adult Dragon

Name: Shard Drake Aberwyke the White Dragon
Quote: “Come not between the dragon, and [her] wrath." - William Shakespeare,
Theme: Wizards in Winter - Trans-Siberian Orchestra


A large egg, seemingly carved out of ruby was left as a gift for Prince Harry from a secret admirer. The Prince, not being an idiot, got nowhere near the thing and had a bomb squad robot carry it off. While it was very hot when first encountered, when it was placed in storage it actually cooled and paled to a dull white. After a few months of it not showing any signs of danger, except a risk of frostbite if handled it was moved to the Jewel House in the Tower of London to be put on display with the other eccentric gifts the Royal family has been given over the centuries. There it was a hit with both the tourists, who found it fascinating, and the administrators, who never had to use the air conditioner that summer.
The show abruptly came to an end when the egg began to hatch. expecting some sort of monstrosity, the security guards were ready to shoot only to discover it was a little dragon girl. She was whisked away and transferred to the care of a metahuman orphanage that was set up shortly after the Godhead incident.
Due to the controversy surrounding her delivery to Prince Harry, there was some suspicion that she may be the daughter of the Prince. This was disproved with a DNA test. Conspiracy theorists of course just see the DNA test results as part of an official cover up. The story does return to the gossip tabloids occasionally on slow news days.
She has discovered that her father is Maslin the wizard. She has run away from the orphanage to live with Caesar, her father's familiar.
Her lair is a moon base that is a Nazi type XXI u-boat Gah'Tuk light space cruiser. She has repaired most of the battle damage, so it is airtight, has emergency power, and life support systems. It still lacks a main power system for the weapons and shields and she doesn't know how to fix the FTL drive.
Description: In human form she is an albino woman with white hair and pink eyes. 5'4" 52 kg (115 lbs)
In hybrid form she is covered in fine scales that look like skin from a distance and she grows out wings and a tail. (Same height as human, but heavier with a tail and wings, 60 kg)
In dragon form she is 50 m long and weighs 120 tonnes with a head and throat large enough to swallow a humpback whale.
She has a keen intellect and wit, but still lacks experience due to her young age. She is fairly worldly, thanks to growing up as an orphan. She has come out of her shell a lot, and is no longer timid, but still has an incredibly high pitched voice from the helium she constantly produces. Her experiences have made her jaded and cynical. She has been lied to and abandoned by some of the people she trusted most. Although she strives to be a good person, she tends toward brutality and viciousness in combat.
Hatch day: June 6, 2006.
Blood Type: B- (Because Vague thought this detail was needed.)
Intent: RP and stories.
Alignment: WWJD, A.K.A. What Would Jackson Do?
Tier: Foxtrot


Chill: Shard's cold attacks can put people into suspended animation, rather than killing them if they are frozen.
Fire Eater: Shard can create trails of thermal conductivity around her; allowing her to move up to 1.5 TJ of heat at up to mach 300. Maximum range 100 m. She can adjust the size of the trails to be as small as a square centimeter in cross section. (However if she is affecting something with a soul it either affects them entirely or not at all. No brain freeze only.) She can manipulate the shape of these trails on the fly and create different networks that are not connected if she chooses. If she leaves an area or falls unconscious the effect ends. She can simply make the entire area thermally conductive if she wishes. She can use the thermal trails to contain shock waves and explosions under 50 GJ. She can make up to thirty full strength trails in a second, or make more trails with lower energy loads. Regardless she cannot move more than 45 TJ of heat to or from a single target in a second with this ability. Can make one trail per reaction, but no more than 1.5 TJ worth of trails in 500 us. Can control up to thirty trails at a time with poor precision, up to ten with full accuracy. Trails can be maintained as long as she does not leave the area.
Frozen Heart: Shard is not harmed by cold. She does get sluggish (1 sec reaction time) under 0.1 K and freezes solid at 5.7 aK (atto Kelvin), into a state of suspended animation. When frozen she is completely helpless and unable to heat herself, she needs to be heated by an outside source to thaw. Her comfortable body temperature is cold as ice 0° Celsius, but she usually keeps a temperature closer to human for social reasons. She can negate or generate up to 40 TW of heat, However she will suffer heat stroke if her core temperature is raised above 5000° Celsius. Shard is immune to direct thermal manipulation in tier (i.e. a power that sets a flat temperature will not affect her) but not thermal energy.
Helium beam: Shard can shoot a line of liquid helium with incredible force out her mouth or nose at a maximum speed of Mach 600. This is, of course, incredibly cold (1 K), but it comes out with considerable force. Up to 3 GN (14.5 tonnes/s). This can be focused into a 45 TPa cutting beam (1 cm diameter), widened into a blunt force beam, or used for thrust in space. Shard can use her flight to anchor against the beam if she doesn't want to be pushed back. She can narrow the beam further, but at weaker strength, not exceeding 45 TPa, but making the beam as thin as a nm across. Beams of 1 cm diameter or larger cools the target area at 24 GW, weaker beams do proportionally less cold.
Icy Touch: Shard can drain 550 GJ of thermal energy on contact, however she takes the heat into her and repeated use can cause heatstroke if she doesn't take time to metabolize the heat. She can activate this power and allow an opponent to touch her. Effect is dispersed through the body of a creature with a soul. Non-living things reduced to 0 K by this effect become brittle and have their durability reduced by 90%. This attack is not conducted through her heat trails. 1 ms cooldown.
Thermal Metabolism: Shard does not need to eat or breathe, she only breathes in order to talk or smell. She gains nourishment from ambient heat, which she absorbs. (Although she does eat to gain mass during growth spurts.) As a side effect she has very high thermal conductivity. Heat dissipates through her body nearly instantly. At high temperatures she would suffer heat stroke before superficial burns.
Flight: Her flight is a meta ability; her wings are usually only used for maneuvering or for show, like when giving kids dragon rides.
Oversized attacks: In dragon form her claws, tail, and mouth are huge.
Shrink: The contents of her stomach shrink when she is in hybrid or human form. They return to normal if expelled. For instance if she swallows a character while in dragon form and switches form before he can fight his way out, the swallowed character will shrink with her to 1/8000th his normal size (Eating a 32 tonne whale would fill her belly like eating a 4 kg steak). If they later climb out her mouth or cuts their way out of her stomach they will return to normal as soon as they are clear of her body.
Swallow Whole: In dragon form she can swallow a humpback whale with some difficulty. In hybrid form her throat can stretch enough to swallow something the size of a chihuahua, but a rat or smaller animal she can slurp down like spaghetti. In human form she can swallow a cue ball. Has no gag reflex in any form, as she doesn't need to breathe. She can digest anything that can be burned.

Enhanced Physicals

  • Can see people on Earth from the moon.
  • Can hear a scream for help from 20 km away. Admittedly she hears it a minute later than it was made.
  • Can sense the thermal layout of the area within 750 m in real time.
  • Can smell scents as faint as ppt, and can smell and identify metals at ppq (parts per quadrillion).
  • Can pinpoint a noise within 400 m in hybrid and dragon form. (If she hears something within this range, she knows the exact direction and distance.) This ability is nm precise, but only gives the location of the source at the time the sound was made.
  • Does not suffer from physical exhaustion, but still needs to sleep for mental exhaustion. Can stay awake for three weeks, but would be delusional by that point. Is still feeling tired after 16-20 hours just like a normal person.
  • Reaction time: 55 microseconds, drops to 550 microseconds if her spell slots are depleted.
  • Reach: 10m for claw/punch, 20m for bite or tail slap in dragon form.
  • Strength: 375,000 tons. In dragon form she has 375,000 ton grip strength in her claws, allowing her to pick up awkward objects. Bite strength in dragon form is 11 GN and 100 TPa (But her mouth can be held shut by someone stronger than her 375,000 tons). Spikes on her head and tail can inflict 75 TPa with full strength. Claws can cut for 75 TPa Strength is reduced to 37, 500 tons if Ki is depleted.
Movement speed
Flight Speed Mach 125 Mach 250 Mach 375 Mach 500
Distance Leap/initial speed 200 m 3 km 6 km
Space Acceleration Mach 4000/s
Running speed is basically using flight while touching the ground. Otherwise Mach 50. 90° turn in 20 m, 180° turn or full stop in 30 m. 90° turn slows speed to Mach 250 if faster. 180° slows to Mach 125 if faster. Turning radius doubled if she cannot use wings. (Such as in human form or carrying a large load.) Speeds are reduced to 10% if all spell slots are expended.


Twitch body movements: Mach 125
Reactions: 55 μs (Drops to 550 μs if all spell slots are expended)


Durability Kinetic Force Skin/Inside of Mouth Muscle Bone Scales
No Sell 450 GJ 900 MN < 35 tPa < 50 tPa < 65 tPa <80 tPa
Tank 1 TJ 10 GN 35 tPa 50 tPa 65 tPa 80 tPa
Stagger 1.5 TJ 20 GN 55 tPa 95 tPa 130 tPa 140 tPa
Knock Out 1.7 TJ 25 GN 80 tPa 150 tPa 180 tPa 240 tPa
Temp change Resistance As per dragon mass x10, effectively 20,000x resistance.
Knock Out 5000° Celsius.
Has comparable durability to attack forms not listed.
Scales are roughly 4.5 cm thick, thinning to 0.5 cm over the wing membranes and thickening to huge meter thick horns on her head, tail, elbows, shoulder and leading edge of the wing (see picture). In hybrid form her scales are roughly 0.6 mm thick, except the horns.
Has an out of combat regeneration. Heals 1 kg/s at dragon size, 0.5 g/s in human/hybrid form. This allows her to regrow a lost limb in a few hours. (She is unaware of this, as she usually uses Vitagen or seeks magical healing form a friend if injured.)


  • High Magical attunement.
  • Good at appraising precious metals. (gold, silver, platinum, etc) She can smell them and appraise purity/quality, she doesn't necessarily know the market value of something from this ability.
  • Can track by scent.
  • Can identify people by scent, including identify someone else's smell on you or identify family members from similar smells.
  • Has studied metal refining and can separate metal ores.
  • Has learned how to make and receive phone calls and texts over cellular towers using radio flashes from her Harken the Stars spell. She is not hacking the system, simply mimicking the responses her phone would make. she still gets billed and tracked for usage as if she used her phone. Can decode common picture, audio, and video formats in her head to use her phone's data plan magically, but this takes a lot of concentration.


Attunement: High
Experience: Has been studying magic since Oct 2007.
Shard has been training with Helena on how to use and regenerate her mana more efficiently. She can now cast 10 spells in an hour. Unless otherwise specified two of these spells are tied up with a contingency teleport to her pocket dimension in case of serious injury.


These spell need Shard to say a word or phrase of power to activate. Since she generates her own air, she can cast them fine underwater or in a vacuum.
Fabricate: Crafts raw material into a finished product. Requires the raw materials. Can turn a dead tree into a dining room set, A broken pile of marble stone into a statue, shed dragon scales into a suit of armor, or similar. She cannot make something that requires intricate internal components without either having the parts or knowing exactly how to make them. For instance she can make, or repair a sword, but not a hard drive. She can make an object without the materials, but such conjured objects will count toward her spells cast until they are dissipated when the spell is cancelled or Shard falls unconscious (including normal sleep). Casting takes a second. Making magic items requires a ley well and takes an hour. (Magic items cannot be made out of materials conjured by this spell.)
Teleport: Can move herself and what she is carrying to a location she is familiar has visited or somewhere she can see or specify ( 18 mm southwest of that noise I heard, 5.128 light years toward that star, et cettera ). Teleporting interstellar distances is inaccurate, off +/- 0.1% per light week traveled. Does not pull unwilling people. Cannot teleport into a living creature, unless in an area accessible from outside the creature. (Like into her mother's mouth.) She can bring up to her carrying capacity in material and willing subjects. She can teleport to and from her cottage as if it were not a different dimension, due to her attunement and familiarity with the place. She can teleport out of (but not into) other pocket dimensions. Teleporting with more than 10% her carrying capacity leaves her feeling slightly nauseous and light headed for about a minute. Teleporting out of a pocket dimension without the owner's permission will sicken her and have her vomiting for about a minute.
Detect Magic: Detects magic users, items, spells, and ley wells/lines. Can see the aura of magical spells, spell effects, and items. Works as a spacial sense with a 3 km range. Can be kept up as long as she is conscious but counts against her spells cast while active.
Dispel Magic: Cancels an existing magical effect. Does not work on completed effects (cannot undo a heal spell or the damage from a fireball). Can work on magic items to temporarily suppress them, but the magic can be recharged normally. Does not work on more powerful magic than her own.
Contingency: Sets a trigger to automatically activate another spell. This spell lasts until triggered, or cancelled whichever happens first. The other spell is cast at the time the contingency. (So a contingent teleport counts as two spells cast). Can only have one contingency spell in effect at a time, recasting will cancel any existing contingency spell. Usually casts a contingent teleport to bring her (and only her) home if she is knocked unconscious. Casting time 1 sec plus the spell triggered, but the triggered effect is instant.
Relativity: Increases her speed and reactions by a factor of three for one millisecond. One second casting time. Cannot be used with contingency. Stacks with Ki. She inflicts and receives kinetic energy as if traveling her normal speed while this spell is active.


These spells do not require a verbal command.
Harken the Stars: Her right eye turns blue when this spell is active. Shard can see through the EM spectrum, including X-rays and radio waves. She can also flash pulses of light, radio, etc to communicate. Grants 360 degree all around vision, but at 10,000 times human visual acuity. Currently this spell to listen to and talk on unencrypted channels, more secure means of communication will need practice. (She can still detected an encrypted signal, it just looks like flashing jibberish.) Shard learned the signals to use this spell to make and receive cell phone calls or texts by playing with her phone and listening to the signals between it and the cell tower.
Ki: Shard has trained with Kota Kobai and is able to maintain a Ki focus that he put on her. She can maintain this Ki with her own magic. Without Ki her speed and strength drops by a factor of 10. She can channel this power indefinitely (so it is included in her stats), as long as she has at least one spell slot available.
Telekinesis: Shard can telekinetically grab, lift, crush, throw or deflect something within 100 m. She needs to make a hand motion to cast or direct this spell. Has only one point of contact, with the control similar to her hand motion, although she does not get tactile feedback. Has up to 5000 tons of force. Effect moves at Mach 100 relative to Shard.
Lightning Bolt: Can cast a single stroke of lightning for up to 40 GJ or a continuous arc for up to 100 GW. Range is 500 m, bolt or beam travels at Mach 100 Relative to Shard. Lightning would damage as thermal.


These spells require so little mana they can be cast at will.
Prestidigitation: Minor tricks to help the novice spellcaster practice. Cleans, soils, heats, cools, colors, flavors or scents objects. Can slowly lift an object weighing up to one pound. Can create very flimsy and fake objects or illusions. (Objects are obviously fake/artificial. Characters familiar with magic can tell they are temporary.) Cannot deal damage. Cannot break another mage's concentration. Any changes beyond moving, cleaning or soiling an object last for an hour.
Mage Hand: Summons a hand with 100 N of strength. Hand cannot move more that 20 m from her. Hand can move as fast as her hand (but has no weight, impacts with the hand can not cause damage beyond the 100 N of force). Hand is as dexterous and fast as her real hands.


  • Enchanted weapons that are sharper and more durable than their materials normally allow.
  • Armor that is self sealing/repairing.
  • Clothing/gear to adapt to other humanoid forms on a shape shifter or meld into the body when shifting to drastically different forms.
  • Purses, bags, pockets, etc that open to extra dimensional spaces.
  • Can replace the key to access her cottage if lost/destroyed.


Magical dress of scales: Type 1 artifact, and will change to fit the wearer if they change to other humanoid forms and meld with the wearer if they change forms more drastically. Has two pockets that are extradimensional spaces, able to hold up to ten tons and objects up to three meters long. Anything she puts in a dress pocket is not accessible in dragon form.
Magic boots of scales: Made from a brass colored dragon, these have the same properties as her dress.
Handy Handbag: It looks like a small woman's purse made from dragon leather. The mouth can stretch up to 2 meters across and it can hold 10 m3 of stuff.
Rapier: A silver fencing sword she made and enchanted herself. Can cut/stab for 80 TPa with her strength. As durable as her scales.
The Staff of Maslin: A durable enchanted wooden staff with a gem on top that served as Maslin's focus. It is a type 3 magic item which can act as a compass and various measuring tools (barometer, astrolabe, star chart, etc.). She generally leaves this at home.
The Skeleton Key: This bronze key is actually a type IV magic item that Maslin accidentally stole from another mage who is now long dead. Once placed in a door and turned, the door becomes a temporary portal into a pocket dimension. The dimension appears as a small grassy island floating in space. On the island is a cottage complete with garden, running water, and all the amenities of home. Once door closes, the portal is closed as well. Exiting the dimension leaves you back at the door you came through to get there. She has made herself a spare key. Shard is attuned to this plane and treats it as her personal property for magical effects. She can bar access but not banish, she has to manually get someone to leave after they arrive.
Caesar: Shard freed Caesar from being trapped in the Maslin's pocket dimension, and has kept him close by ever since. Caesar appears as a small, Siamese kitten with two tails, but is actually a type IV magical construct. He is intelligent and serves Shard, although she treats him more as a guardian and source of wisdom. The cat has an exceptional memory, and mainly serves to teach Shard of things Maslin's done, though he also serves another important purpose. Caesar the cat is able to see if someone is a wizard, as well as their approximate power level. Shard does not take Caesar into danger intentionally.
Gah'Tuk Fleet Admiral's uniform: This outfit seems to have built in command codes to allow access to Gah'Tuk ships. She has replaced
Gah'Tuk Magical Dagger: Daggers are very durable and have incredibly high thermal capacity, able to block and absorb thermal attacks (However enough thermal attacks will still heat/cool the blades).
Gah'Tuk light space cruiser, some assembly required.
Has a Health Potion, a Sleeping Potion, and a Polypurpose Panacea available at home. Has a bean bag chair that looks a lot like her curled in a ball, because it was made out of her shed skin. It is filled with fake coins.
Several vials of Vitagen. Shard does not know Dr. Ward. She buys them from the black market.
Type XXI U boat, purchased from Hitler. She keeps it on the moon as a second home, but needs to bring it to earth every few months to run the diesel engines and recharge the batteries.
Summer home on a planet orbitting Alpha Centauri, a birthday gift from Emily.
Two dragon corpses she recovered after an encounter with Reed and keeps stored on the moon. (She had three, but has since used one for crafting)
Has a trust fund worth tens of millions that her income from selling iron ore to steel plants goes into. Her lawyer and accountant handle it until she is 18. Thanks to her account claiming her charity work as charitable contributions the contents of her fund are tax free.
Her dragon hoard is in theory worth tens of billions. In practice attempting to sell it would crash the gold market, cause financial instability and possibly trigger a recession. Regardless actually selling it is inconceivable to her. She has a hard time selling gold that she just mined out of an asteroid, but she sometimes crafts personal gifts out of gold.


  • Made by magic. She radiates magic as a magical creature, even in human form. her body parts make useful spell and magic item crafting components, which makes her a target for wizards. Her scales are particularly valuable.
  • Easily distracted by shiny objects. Has the avarice and penchant for collecting treasure to sit on common in dragons, but has far more willpower than her mother. However, her own hoard is a different matter. She has a hard time resisting the urge to use lethal force against thieves.
  • Short temper.
  • Recovering cocaine addict. May relapse easily.
  • Slow for Foxtrot.
  • Can be manhandled by larger opponents.
  • Considers Jackson a role model.


  • Ate a humpback whale. Shard can eat a third her body weight, 40 tons, in one meal.
  • Made an enchanted dress out of her scales that is as resistant to piercing as she is.
  • Made an enchanted sword so tough she can't break it and so sharp a normal human can cut steel with it. (Cannot cut higher than 80 TPa, as the blade will dull if pushed for more force.)
  • Ran a thermal trail through a missile, igniting the warhead with the heat of its own engine.
  • Froze a swarm of pine beetles to death at once without harming the tree they were on or a single squirrel.
  • Made a bean bag chair out of a sack from her shed scales and filled with copper coins.
  • Froze an Olympic sized swimming pool (2.5 ML) solid from 20°C in 26 ms.
  • Was struck by a 35 kg Echo brick with cap thermal durability. He was frozen solid on contact by Icy Touch.
  • Swam to the bottom of the Mariana Trench.
  • Slammed her tail into the ground, causing an earthquake that registered a 5 on the Richter scale.
  • Put out a forest fire by dispersing the heat and absorbing it.
  • Her saliva can remove stains. Licked a chocolate stain out of a shirt.
  • Dodged Charlie's attacks.
  • Teleported to Boston from the moon.
  • Was frozen and helpless in dragon form at 0 K. Thawed from neutrino radiation alone in 5 minutes.
  • Destroyed an alien fleet trying to stop the engines on one ship. Oops. Managed to steal a heavily damaged cruiser, though.
  • Slept with Bluejay

Key Developments

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